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After a Brendon-vs-Dani-Cagematch-filled recap, Julie greets us in a denim prison jumper and plastic bling. I guess all of CBS’ money went to Ashton Kutcher this month. Inmate Julie sets the scene for us: Brendon is on the block for being Brendon, and Shelly is on the block for being exposed as a double-dealer. (I missed the part where she was “exposed,” I thought her hyperactive glad-handing was obvious to everyone else in the house from Day 2, but they decided to put up with it since she cleans.)

Grrrl! What is up with that lipstick? America didn’t vote for Pickles & Popsicles!

But first, here comes the clip package that’s (shocker) all about the Vets: Dani tells us in the DR that she had to get rid of Brendon again to clean up the mess that was Kalia’s HoH (word). Rachel attributes Dani’s actions to the same thing she attributes anything that happens anywhere in the world: Jealousy. This leads into tonight’s Rachel Meltdown, which stared moments after the Veto meeting and continued for a while in the Have Not room afterward. Brendon offers his usual Tony Robbins impression as he strokes her hair extensions. Rachel can’t get over the “evil” grin Shelly had on her face after Brendon sat next to her:

Actually yeah, that’s kind of evil…

They reaffirm that they have to make sure Jeff & Jordan don’t flip -- with their votes, Brendon only needs to turn Adam or Porsche and he will stay. Keep fighting those windmills, NeanderTall.

Cut to Shelly working Dani in the backyard, where Shelly is laughing while remembering Rachel’s death stare at the meeting:

Actually yeah, that’s kind of a death stare…maybe the black & white effect helps it along...

After complimenting Dani’s speech and pledging her hourly undying loyalty, Shelly tells us in the DR that she figures she won’t have to fight hard to stay, instead just being her effervescent self and keeping the right people entertained.

Later, Brenchel begin putting Operation Flip A Newbie into action. Brendon tries to work Adam’s vote on the patio while Rachel sits there with her death stare frozen in place. Brendon asks Adam what would keep him from voting him to stay, and Adam honestly answers that he is a tough competitor who is a potential roadblock to his own game. Brendon interjects that sooooo many guys are already gone. They realize that women have won all the HoHs, and men have won all the POVs. Adam says the show should be called Big Sister. Rachel unfreezes to offer a weak laugh at this quip; this is the whole of her social game. Brendon keeps pushing the ‘guy’ thing to a noncommittal Adam, and then wonders in the DR if it will work. Adam tells them that his head hurts now, and gets up to escape them. I’ve really grown to love this guy.

Rachel corners Porsche in the Have Not room to “fight for her man” and quizzes Porsche on her vote. Porsche gives the usual “it’s hard” non-answer. Rachel tells her (true or not) that Shelly has said she’d put her up if she won HoH. She also tells her that she isn’t a Brenchel target, and that they would need Competi-Tron Brendon in their corner for any upcoming physical comps. Porsche remarks that when she voted to keep him last time, it didn’t benefit her game one bit, as she was frozen out of the Vet Club anyway. Rachel scrunches her face at this like a moldy Muppet, but it’s not enough to get Porsche to commit to anything. Porsche requests a fake smile from Rachel, and gets one.

Later on the patio, Jeff jokingly asks Shelly if she’s ready to go home. Mrs. Mortimer Snerd (Google it) gets all excited and asks if she’s being evicted, and Big Jeff reassures her that she’s fine. Shelly then sticks out her overbite and exclaims, “That’s mah baby boy!!” so loudly that I imagine it was heard inside airplanes passing overhead.

Where Shelly gets her wascally gameplay…

Jeff tells us in the DR that he’s always going to look back at this week and wonder if he made the right decision with his vote, since he’s basically choosing between alliance members. Shelly pledges her hourly undying loyalty to Jeff, and then goes too far by trashing Rachel. Jordan reminds her that they will need Rachel on their side, and she temporarily walks it back.

On that same patio at a different time, Dani, Jeff and Jordan are having their talk. Dani feels unsure about where they stand. She eats crow like it was a food comp, admitting that they were her biggest target a few weeks ago, but that it was a bad game move and she was wrong to do it, and is there any way that they can mend fences and yada yada yada. (Her DR commentary: “If Jeff hates toast, I hate toast!”) She plays on their distaste for floaters (Jordan says they coast, so maybe the better term would be coasters), and Dani begs them as a fellow gamer if there’s a way they can work together, to make sure a floater-coaster doesn’t end up winning the season while they are busy going after each other. Jeff tells us that the thought of a new deal with Dani is making him lean toward evicting Brendon, but he’s still not sure what to do.

The patio is really getting a workout this summer, as morning comes and Brenchel are now working on Jordan by herself while she eats. It’s time for America’s Couple to get some editing love, as mean ol’ Rachel & Brandon become annoyed with poor defenseless Jordan. This is because they are shocked to learn that they actually have to campaign for pity votes from their own alliance after Jordan informs them that she & Jeff will vote with the house if they can’t flip Adam. Jordan goes inside and tattles to Jeff, and Jeff goes all White (Knuckle) Knight and lumbers out to the patio, and baits Rachel into making her Muppet face at him. Then he proceeds to go off on her, getting aggressively defensive about their decision to vote with the house, since Adam is the swing vote, not them. Jeff snaps at Rachel until she is silent, much like Brendon does to her in private. This poor girl really is a douche-magnet.

Okay, enough highlights, let’s have some live action! Julie starts her Q&A with Shelly, who extols on the bliss she got from talking to her family on the phone this week. Jordan takes a compliment from Julie for giving Shelly the phone call. From here things get all acid-melty, as Brendon is asked why he thinks America voted him back into the game. He believes it’s because America wants to see a real competitor win this game, and not some sniveling rat who might win the game on brains alone. Julie turns to Rachel to see how she’s been holding up, and I actually smile as she starts her reply to Julie with, “Grrrl!” She tows the “I’m here to compete, fight, destroy all enemies” line. Julie then informs the house that yes, finally, whoever is evicted tonight will be the first person to go to the jury house. Enjoy your stipends!

This week’s profile goes to Shelly’s family, and the star of this show is daughter Josie. This precocious little 8-year-old, who has to sit and write out “I will always tell the truth” hundreds of time if she is caught in a fib, is calling her mom out for being such a snake in the house. Josie is not thrilled with her mom’s constant double-dealing; even a child can see that Moms is overdoing it. She looks at her mom on TV and mimics what she must face on a daily basis: “Be careful, missy – I got my eyes on you!” Here is a future reality TV star in the making. Watching as Rachel gets the final key in Dani’s nomination ceremony and thanks Dani for saving her, Josie blithely remarks, “Shut up, Rachel.”

Get this toddler a tiara, quick!

Next, Julie interviews outgoing HoH/popsicle addict Daniele, who has some snappy, pithy answers prepared for all the questions. I’m starting to wonder if BB brings in the same people who coach professional athletes in dealing with the media to work with the houseguests. Their DR sessions and public interviews are too polished for my liking…

Speech time! Shelly goes first, and uses the time to express her appreciation to the house for being so generous to her this week, with Jordan giving her the phone call, and several of them camping outside the Have Not room during her confinement. From this moment, we are again treated to an acid flashback, and Brendon stands and announces that he is going to cure cancer at UCLA. I kid you not. Then he cautions the house that if he leaves, he will be the first juror, and his vote will go to a tough-as-nails competitor, not some floater, or anyone who can outwit him without having to lift a finger. He does manage to save this cringe-worthy moment by looking at Dani and, in a familiar gravelly voice, tells her what Jerry told Dan in BB10: “You will always be Judas (in my house)!” Not everyone got it (I don’t think Julie got it), but I did, and I chuckled. Score one for the insufferable ape.

Vote time! In order, the votes go as follows:

Rachel: Shelly (“unlike the cowards in this house” **coughJeffJordancough**)
Kalia: Brendon (she adds “for good” at the end for good measure)
Porsche: Brendon
Adam: Brendon (bye bye!)
Jeff: Brendon (with a resigned shrug)
Jordan: Brendon

Julie gives Brendon the news, and he hugs and kisses Rachel at the door, grabs his bag, and leaves as the house applauds him. The audience applauds him too, and he enthusiastically grabs hands before sitting down with Julie. She asks him what Rachel will do from here. Brendon proclaims that she will win HoH as if it’s a done deal, which prompts laughter all around. In the goodbye messages, Dani tells him that if he comes back a third time, she may have to evict herself. Kalia is snotty to him (again), Jeff gives him much respect but warns him that Rachel gets on his last nerve so it will be tough to look out for her. Cue Rachel, who is a chipper little soldier and vows to fight on without him and bring home the win. Some in the audience whoop and applaud at this – I’m still amazed that these two have actual fans. I just don’t get it.

HoH competition time! And guess what – it’s a rerun! The “carry liquid in a cup across a slippery lane and fill a huge bowl until the ping pong ball floats to the top” challenge is back. Jeff and Jordan are familiar with this challenge from their season, especially Jordan, who took many hard spills while competing before Kevin ultimately won. The BB11 version involved hot chocolate, but this time it involves liquid soap, and instead of chocolate rain, the competitors will be impeded by rolling suds and soap showers. This challenge will take hours to complete, so we’ll find out Sunday who won. As Julie says goodnight, she lets us know that next Thursday will be the Double Eviction episode, where an additional week of BB will be played in one hour. Could things be getting exciting? Let’s hope…