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If you are anything like me, you've been anxiously awaiting the live eviction episode of BB ever since, well, the night before's Veto episode. Brendon, falling on his proverbial sissy sword, took Rachel off the block instead of saving himself. What an idiot. Anyway, he is now up against America's (and the house's) Sweetheart. Me thinks he is going home. I'm super excited because I would love to see Brenchel split. I know I'm a fan of the veterans (really just Jeff and Jordan), but Brendon and Rachel just rub me the wrong way with all of their whining and kissy face garbage. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

The always lovely Julie Chen appears on screen wearing what appears to be a polyester flight attendant outfit with the super large windblown hair to match. Julie! Come on girl! She is gorgeous but always wears ridiculous stuff.

Jordan thinks she has the votes to stay, but if everyone is going to vote her out, she wants them to tell her because she has a special “eviction dress” she wants to wear and she is going to be mad if she doesn't get to wear it. Awwww, Jordo. Always thinking of the least important things possible.

Rachel cries and cries about having to play without Brendon. She says they are the most dynamic duo ever. She wishes she was going home, blah blah. He says he isn't 100% going home anyway. They think they are so clever and wonderful for “dropping the bomb” on Dani that the veto would be used on Rachel and not Brendon. Rachel wonders who she will jump on when she wins HoH. Jeff doesn't know how he is going to deal with Rachel's obnoxiousness if Brendon leaves.

Daniele isn't scared of Rachel in the game, but she is scared of Brendon. She knows she has Kalia, Lawon, and Jeff's votes for Jordan to stay but she needs to make sure she has the rest. Brendon goes trolling for votes and they tell Porsche they were never coming after her, blah blah. Rachel tells Adam if he keeps Brendon, they won't target Adam for the rest of the summer. Shelly acts like she could possibly vote for Brendon, but she knows she needs to choose a side to figure out what will get her further. Danielle talks to Adam about his vote, but he still isn't sure.

Pity Party For One

Queen Daniele and her minion Kalia are holding court up in the HoH room. After they are done stuffing their faces, giggling, and playing mean girls, they summon for Porsche. Kalia leaves and Daniele tries to grill Porsche. Rachel comes in and interrupts the party. Awkward silence ensues. Rachel leaves and Rachel is worried now that Porsche is going to flip.

Later, Porsche tells Rachel she needs to stop the sadness thing because it's making people uncomfortable. Brendon tells Rachel not to listen to Porsche, then Rachel gets all upset and walks away to be alone in the hammock. She says she is just going to self-eliminate, blah blah. My ears and eyes would thank you for that gracious act. Brendon joins Rachel in the hammock and she is whining about how Porsche probably isn't going to vote for Brendon now and how everyone only cares about themselves, blah blah. This is a game with a cash prize at the end so I can't imagine why people are looking out for themselves. Brendon asks Rachel why she is acting crazy and alienating people. She says he made a mistake taking her off the block and he made a mistake asking her to marry him. Get your violins out folks, because someone is looking for a pity party. She says she ruins everything and people are going to hate her more when she leaves. She says she will never get a job and she isn't even that smart. This girl has self esteem issues out the ass. I mean really. She hates herself.

Heavy Metal Elf

Julie goes live into the living room and directs her first question at Adam. She asks if he is going to get a lot of crap from his Jersey buddies about wearing the elf costume. He laughs and does a little elf dance then yells. He's a wacko but I enjoy him. Next, Julie asks Rachel what Brendon's gesture means to her. They hold hands and she says they have a once in a lifetime love. It means so much, it's priceless, etc. The only other time the veto was used by someone on the block on the other nominee was Dick/Daniele in Season 8. Interesting. Julie reminds Jeff that he left before Jordan during their season and now she is in danger of leaving before him. He says he can't imagine the house without Jordan.

The Game According To Dick

Dick appears in a video message to critique the way Dani has been playing the game. He said if he was still in the house, she wouldn't be playing as bad of a game as she has been. He reminds us that they were one of the best duos in BB history. I don't really care for them, but I would agree with that. He says that she is trying to play out of his shadow from BB8 and she is playing too hard, too fast. He says she is having a redo of Season 8 but instead of Nick it is Dominic. Dick believes Dani was in the best position in the house and she should have waited a few more weeks to start breaking up the couples. He says she still has a shot of winning, but it will be very hard for her to do.

Julie talks privately with Daniele in the HoH room. Julie asks if Daniele regrets moving from under the radar to out in the spotlight by all of her talk of backdooring Jeff. She says she doesn't regret it but she probably did it about 2 weeks too soon. She is really sad because she cost Dominic his game. Julie asks Daniele what her father would think of her game. She says she thinks about that a lot and knows her dad is probably watching the feeds thinking she is insane. She thinks he will back her up in everything she is doing. Julie asks Daniele if Brendon gets voted out, could Daniele and Rachel mend fences and work together. Daniele thinks absolutely not because Rachel thinks Daniele is breaking up a marriage rather than a power couple in the game. Daniele believes Rachel will be gunning for her during the rest of the game and Rachel might try to kill her after the show too. Ah, Dani made a funny.

Bye Bye Brendon

Brendon gets to say his last little speech before the votes, and he cries during it. He says hi to his family and her family and tells them all he loves them. He tells Rachel to fight hard and always believe in herself. They cry. Jordan tells everyone she wants to be there and she wants to spend the summer with Jeff. She tells everyone to vote for whoever will get them further in the game.

It's time for the vote!

Jeff- Brendon
Rachel- Jordan
Kalia- Brendon
Adam- Brendon
Porsche- Jordan
Lawon- Brendon
Shelly- Brendon

With 5 votes, Brendon is evicted. He quickly says goodbye to everyone then hugs Rachel for a long time. He picks her up and swings her around and tells her to win HoH for him.

Brendon goes out to talk with Julie and she asks why Brendon saved Rachel. He says it was love. He thinks Dani made a huge mistake turning against him and the other veterans. Brendon, actually insightfully, says Dani is living in her dad's shadow. He thinks Rachel is going to take her out. He watches his goodbye messages, which includes an arrogant pig show from Kalia, a funny message from Jordan, and a sobfest from Rachel. Julie asks if Brendon is going to be okay to be away from Rachel for so long. He says he will make it. DON'T SHOW ANYONE YOUR JUNK ON SKYPE, BRENDON! DON'T DO IT!!

Julie has a special surprise announcement for the houseguests. The houseguest evicted next week will have the chance to get back into the game. That person will battle against either Keith, Cassi, Dominic, or Brendon. America gets to choose one of the evicted houseguests to battle with next week's evictee for a spot back in the house. Hmmm... interesting.

Check Mate

It's time for the HoH competition. This week's game is called “Check Mate”. It's the same old “knock out” style game we see every season. Two houseguests will be asked a question and the answer will be the name of an evicted houseguest (Keith, Cassi, Dominic). The first player to buzz in will get to answer. Get it correct and you stay in the game, get it wrong and you are eliminated. If nobody buzzes in, both people will be eliminated.

Question 1 (Jordan/Kalia): During an eviction ceremony, who referred to the other houseguests as.... (Kalia buzzed in before the question was over)
Kalia: Dominic Correct Answer: Dominic

Question 2 (Lawon/Rachel): Who did not play in the March of the Ants Have/Have Not competition
Rachel: Keith Correct Answer: Keith

Question 3 (Kalia/Adam): Who was nominated for eviction twice?
Kalia: Dominic Correct Answer: Dominic

Question 4 (Rachel/Porsche): In the HoH competition Big Brother Open, who putted their ball... (Rachel buzzes in)
Rachel: Dominic Correct Answer: Cassi

Question 5 (Jeff/Shelly): During an eviction ceremony, which houseguest said, “There are some friendships I will carry outside..” (Shelly buzzed in)
Shelly: Cassi Correct Answer: Cassi

Question 6 (Kalia/Porsche): 14 houseguests played in the first HoH. Who was the 3rd houseguest to fall off of the banana?
Kalia: Keith Correct Answer: Keith

Question 7 (Kalia/Shelly): Who spelled the word STANDINGS in the Hot Legs competition?
Kalia: Dominic Correct Answer: Dominic

Kalia has won HoH. *crickets chirp* Is anyone excited about this? This week will basically be Daniele's second week as HoH because I don't believe Kalia has a mind of her own.

If you don't feel like watching a week's worth of Rachel's crying and moping, be sure to check out the recappage right here on FORT. We will have all of your nomination and veto scoop!