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Ashley’s Highlights of the Season (and I don’t mean her hair)

She sits with the Bachfather at the Mansion and begins with night one memories and then they take on the rest of the show.

A part of her felt bad for Tim and a part didn’t want someone who was just there to party. Chris brings up that the Mask was quite useful around the house, but Ashley wonders if he did the dishes. She thinks her first solo date at the wedding chapel was a hoot and William was a good sport. When she began to separate the boys from the men, she thought Ryan was one of the men. However, she never really saw in depth of emotions from him. Ashley puts Bentley in perspective by telling us that she never saw that side of him. She saw a great guy, but he really played her. Chris wraps up their session by saying he hopes she comes out of this with a smile on her face.

Oh, they’re back. I thought Chris waved her off with good wishes – guess not as the producers put together another segment called her memorable moments; those left on the cutting room floor. Number one on her hit list is the first date with JP at the house (the Jammie date). They had decided to watch a movie, he broke the entertainment center, couldn’t get the DVD player to work and she fell asleep on top of him. Number two is Ames’ individual audition at the Jaberwockeeze performance. He grabbed one of the troupe members and waltzed with him. Number three is the date with Mickey in Vegas where he was harnessed to be winched up the wine racks. The harnesses are made for the “Goddesses” and Mickey found it to be a tight fit. Number four is the dog pee scene from Constantine’s lantern date. This didn’t hit the floor, but it was shown as a credit outtake at the end of the episode. Number five was a plate of local cuisine (larva and crickets) placed before her and Ames on their solo date in Thailand. Number six is trying to eat rice out of bamboo stalks with Ben in Taiwan. Number seven is when she got a toe cramp doing Tai Chi with Ryan on their one and only date. Number eight is viewer catches during the show. When Chris went into her room in Hong Kong to tell her Bentley was there, a banana was suggestively positioned in a fruit bowl on the table. Viewers also caught a jar of Vaseline on the nightstand when Ashley crawled into bed crying her eyes out over Bentley. She says it was there because she loves to coat her face with Vaseline before bed. Sure, Ashley. This time Chris says goodbye and thanks her for stopping by, hoping it all works out for the best. Finally…on with the show!

Are there going to be any men on this self-titled show the MEN tell all? Not at the moment as they finish out the first half hour with a peek at Bachelor Pad2. It looks like there will be the requisite tears, even from the guys, backstabbing betrayals, bikinis on the girls, at least one helicopter date and a bravura statement from one who speaks of himself in the third person, “Jake the Bachelor is back and the season has changed.” Oh, brother. You can catch the madness of the season premiere next Monday.

The Men She Sent Packing

Nick, Mickey, West, Chris D., Lucas, Tim, Jeff (The Mask and he brought it with him, of course) Stephen, Ryan M, Matt, Blake, William, Ames (receives the loudest cheers) Constantine, Ben C and Ryan P. (No Bent One AKA slimy toad.)

Chris asks Ryan P to start them off with first night out of the limo impressions. He goes with everyone behind the cameras and Ashley glowing. Ames admits to having a crush on Ashley before he even went on the show and he froze, in a good way, when he first saw her. Tim admits to not remembering much and it’s like meeting the guys for the first time. They play scenes we didn’t get to see on the shows and some we did – stressing the intensity, including their takes on Ryan P. They then go to the William/Ben C breakup on the 2-1 date and Chris tries to set them off. William told her everything about all the men in the house, not just Ben C. His defensiveness gets shot down by the group. Ryan owns up to being over the top saying he got nervous. Lucas tells him they all thought he was putting on a show; that he was like a camp counselor.

Jeff, the Mask, thought it would be hilarious standing up at the first rose ceremony wearing his face covering. He gets mixed reviews and sort of an apology from Tim for verbally attacking him even though the mask did creep him out…something about a Halloween childhood trauma.

On The Hot Seat

– After re-playing his moments on the show, he is called front and center. Five seconds of silence before Chris asks him about his reaction to seeing the scenes. He claims he only watched the first episode and hasn’t seen anything else. He feels embarrassed and can’t watch himself. He says it was a rough time and he did make an ass out of himself, but he can’t change what happened and can only change himself going forward. Pity Party of One…where’s my violin. Nick tries to take him on about bringing up Emily and Chantal at the roast by asking, “Why are we all here?” William comes back with, “Because we’re all single and can’t find a girl to date.” For that fairly good come back, he receives a low five hand slap from Chris and laughs from the audience. He wants Ashley to know that she is a great girl and there was no malice intended during the roast.

Ryan P – Chris tells him that it seemed Ashley was taken with him, right up until the time she said goodbye. They roll his scenes. He laughs at himself when they show him talking about water heaters on his one on one date. They end with the scene where he talks about wanting to find a great wife and mother and how he wants to be a great dad. Uh, editors’ choice of scene makes it look like they are positioning him for the next gig. Chris comments that that was one of the most emotional, devastating exits we’ve seen. Drive the Ryan P for Bach stake a little deeper, Chris. Blake brings up that Jake, I mean to say Ryan, always said he needed love…asking when it would happen for him; not that he needed Ashley. Ryan discloses that he read relationship books before going on the show in order to feel prepared. He also discloses that he keeps a journal. He believes that when you are ready, the law of attraction will take hold and somehow, someway (cough, cough) it’s going to happen.

Ames – The crowd erupts with cheers and clapping. Chris turns to them and says, “WOW!” The girls love them some Ames. Ames is surprised, but won’t complain. When asked why he is receiving this reaction, he says he doesn’t know, but Ashley said he was unique and different, though he thought that was her way of saying it wasn’t going to work. They play his scenes focusing on the boxing concussion and the pulled in kiss in the elevator, which makes the girls scream once more. They also play his cry worthy parting speech in the limo of tears after which he tells Chris that he didn’t see it coming and his leaving was a total shock. He didn’t pay attention to the other relationships and didn’t see that he and Ashley were behind. He did fall in love with her and now wants her to be happy. Chris presents a gift box containing the pink boxing gloves with the caveat that they are not to be used, only to be kept of a memento of what Ames gave up for love. OR, he could put them on and take one free shot at Ryan P. Chris announces for those who love Ames that he is a cast member of Bachelor Pad2.

The Bentley Take Down

Chris: Let’s talk about Bentley. (Boos fill the studio.)

They play his “controversial” journey on the show and place all his PIs that infuriated the audience in his package, including his parting shot of, “I had the opportunity and I played everyone. That’s never been done before.” Chris tells us that they did invite Bentley to the MTA as he should be able to explain himself but he declined. Asked for responses, they guys all give negative responses to what they’ve seen – a narcissist, a liar and a coward. Lucas says that after watching the show he knows that Ashley had an open heart and, unfortunately, the wrong guy grabbed it first.

Chris calls Michelle Money down from the audience to talk about the text messages and her warning about Bentley before the show started. She says that she felt she had valid information from the ex-wife about what he was doing and what he had for a track record and made the decision to contact Ashley. Because he stayed longer than the planned week, she thinks it was more of a game for him, that it didn’t have anything to do with promoting his business like the ex-wife told her. Michelle wonders if she hadn’t given Ashley the information, would she have been so drawn to him. Michelle, “In her defense, he is a charmer; he is good at what he does. He owes Ashley and a lot of people an apology.” A final callout from Chris D, “Go **** yourself;” which was received with applause from the audience.

Ashley Takes the Stage to Tell All (or Nothing at All)

Chris, laughingly, tells her she is rubbing it in appearing in a cut-out short black dress. She’s happy and relieved that the show is coming to a close. The lowest part for her during the audience viewing of the show has been the reactions to the Bentley situation. She felt like a fool watching his PIs along with everyone else.
Ashley: The hardest part is seeing how much time I wasted…If I could go back, I would change that. That is my biggest regret.

What, she has regrets in this season of No Regrets? Sorry, couldn’t help it.

She asks the men for forgiveness and Chris goes to Blake first. He says it wasn’t so much about Bentley, but that he felt foolish when she told them she had fallen for someone in so short an amount of time. She wants to clarify that she chose the wrong word with “falling” but that she felt early on he could be someone she could have a relationship with. “If I had seen everything Bentley was saying, it would have been done.”

Ryan P takes another stab at Bachelor status by saying he feels fortunate for the time his did spend with her and thanks her. Will this ever end?

Chris introduces Ashley to Tim and her high spirits are restored. He gives her a heartfelt apology for being a staggering drunk the first night. This New Yorker says he’s rooting for a guy from New York, but that is just him. General laughter and cheers from the audience at that statement.

Deanna, Jason and Ali Pop Up

Ali: This season was hard for me to watch because I couldn’t help but relate to everything Ashley was going through; especially the fear going in wondering if these “guys are going to like me.” I hope you found that one guy like I did. (Oops, Chris points out that two from her season, Rated R – Justin – and Kasey are sitting in the audience representing BP2.)

Deanna: People don’t realize that it is hard to send someone home that you genuinely care about.

Jason: You’ve got to forget about the critical audience. The rollercoaster is awful.

Ashley: The criticism I received got me to where I’m at right now that is the best thing in my life and I would do it all over again.

Jason speaks to the process and Ali backs him up by telling Ashley that as soon as she found out that Bentley was not who she thought he was, she told him to get out of there. Deanna says that when Ashley finally gave Bentley the boot, she jumped up and down and cheered because, as a viewer, she could see he was not worthy of her. Chris likes these family reunions, but it is time to move on and so we do…to the


We learn that Mickey needed to use a blow dryer on the front of his pants after he thought he had an accident. Lucas and JP wear flowers in their hair or lack of while in their wedding suits, William belches in the Wedding Chapel, there are slips and falls and JP giving a shout out to the camera, “Hi, babe,” while pulling on a sweater. Lots of goofy faces are followed by Ashley misspeaking her PI lines. For some reason flying bugs like to interrupt her and we get reaction shots. Masked Jeff is shown in his stealth approach which includes scaring JP and vacuuming. A robotic Ames comes in for his share of ribbing. In a bit of irony, Ryan P says that Ames is always programmed to be nice. We learn that Chris did his “final rose tonight” speech during one rose ceremony with his fly unzipped. And, that folks is the way to end a blooper clip presentation.

Ashley leaves the stage saying she is very, very happy and hopes everyone can hold out a little longer to share in that.

The show closes with a review of Ben's and JP’s journeys to the final two. JP is the total package for her. JP says they balance each other out perfectly. Ashley loves everything about Ben; he brings out her goofy side. Ben gets butterflies. This is a replay of the clips we saw last week.

Previews: JP declares his love. Ben declares his love. A sister tries to bring Ashley down to earth – wanting to protect her from herself. Ashley wonders if her hopes will come true – insecurity to the very end…that’s out Ashley.

Credit Roll brings an auction of Jeff’s Mask. The top and winning bid is $2,000 from an audience member who outbid Ames’ $1,500. That’s one way to collect a memory.

Get ready for three solid hours Monday night, 8-11PM. See you then.