RHONJ 7/13 Recap…A Very Guido Christmas in Drag
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Sorry to be a little late with the recap, but a crazy thing called life has been getting in the way this week. I have some new clients I’ve been working with this week and I can honestly say that some of them are almost as crazy and annoying as Teresa’s whining this week. Needless to say, my life has been crazy, it’s almost like I’ve been immersed in a real housewife of New Jersey’s home…well, not really that crazy.
The episode kicks off with Jacqueline decorating her house for the holidays. Then we get an odd clip of one of her son’s using a cookie cutter to cut Christmas tree cookies from already baked cookies. I normally cut the cookies then bake them. I’m not crazy here, right? Jacqueline tells us that she is looking forward to this intimate cocktail party for friends but is inviting Teresa’s brother and sister-in-law. That won’t create any drama. Then, the craziest thing happens, Ashley tells her mom to stay out of the drama. Holy cow, are pigs flying? Why is this crazy girl making sense?
Next, we get a little bit on Caroline decorating her home for the holidays. The kids are there, Lauren is mad at her siblings, Caroline says some stuff, and Albert keeps away from the cameras. Oh, and a rat ate the face off Santa. For some reason, that is funny to me.
Off to Melissa’s house for her little recital with Joe and some music industry folk, including Soul Diggaz. That is not a typo. I don’t know what it is, but there is something so weird about Joe. He almost has very effeminate features. Joe and Teresa could seriously be twins...Joe would probably be the hotter of the two. We are now treated to Melissa’s singing, it’s not great. Melissa is told she needs to work 15 hours a day and Joe offers to build her a studio in the basement. I lose interest in the show at this point. Bravo, please stop casting people who want a music career or who want to hock their garbage to the masses.
The next part I’m not even going to write about because I’m making a stand against Bravo showing Teresa and Joe in intimate encounters on screen. We get it you have sex!
Meanwhile, Kathy and Rich are still thinking about opening up a restaurant. They do a little space shopping and it bores me to death. Kathy mentions something about wanting belly dancers and hookah in her restaurant. Classy! These two are crazy. Kathy, make your silly desserts and call it a day. Opening a restaurant is not going to be easy or profitable for a while.
Bored…Almost to Tears
Joe is charging ahead with the sound studio, and showing his serious control issues. He’s made Melissa the tiniest box to sing in and then proceeds to tell her that he is going to put in two-way mirrors so, he can watch her while she’s working and won’t know. Serious creeper!
Jacqueline and Lauren decide to make a little trip to visit the Manzo brothers. They bring dinner and serious attitude from Lauren. Lauren whines and complains about not being included. I’m over it. She needs to get a job and her own apartment and be an adult. Caroline, this is what happens when you baby your children. Somehow, we jump to the next day and now Caroline is at the brother’s apartment and is helping to decorate. Laurie whines and cries more about her relationship with the boys. Caroline doesn’t take her crap, and that makes me smile a bit.
For some unknown reason, Jacqueline decides to visit Kim G. Really Jacqueline, Kim G. has always been nice to you. Did you not watch last season? She is completely insane. Kim G. goes on to tell Jacqueline about having a brain tumor then shifts completely into trash talking Teresa. Jacqueline is made and starts swearing and telling her to shut up. Hey Jacqueline, I got an idea. How about you get up and leave and never speak to this old hag again. Whew, that felt good!
Finally, it’s party time! Everyone arrives at Jacqueline’s house for the intimate cocktail party. She is not kidding when she said intimate, it’s literally all the cast members minus Kathy and Rich. Teresa and Joe come from court, Teresa is decked out in serious fur and Joe goes on to call Teresa crazy for attacking one of the lawyers. That assessment seems about right. I love while Joe is talking to Chris. Chris seems so uninterested. Kind of like how I feel while watching this episode. Finally, Joe and Melissa arrive and now the table craziness can start.
Teresa latches onto brother Joe and fawns all over him. Husband Joe sits in the corner and drinks away his misery. Brother Joe brags about sex with Melissa and I want to bleach my brain. I can’t decide if brother Joe needs his eyebrows waxed or what, something is creepy about his eyes. For some reason, brother Joe is dared to put on Jacqueline’s weird sequence jump suit. He surprisingly jumps at the idea with no prodding. He slips into that thing like a glove and I just wonder where my life went wrong that I want to watch this life. I guess it could be worse, I could be married to brother or husband Joe. For some reason, everyone is amused by brother Joe’s antics. I guess age has made me immune to this type of behavior.
The show ends with Teresa and Melissa being passive aggressive towards each other. I hate them! Melissa invites everyone to her Christmas party at her house and everyone seems less then enthused about the party. Thank god this episode is ending. It’s been just horrible!
Next week, it is all about everyone getting along at the holidays…or not!
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