The Big Brother cameras are watching the Hamsters 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but even the most dedicated feed watcher can't keep up with that schedule. What did you miss while you weren't watching?
Click here for our in-depth coverage of Noon 7/10 to Noon 7/12 and find out!
WARNING - non-feed watchers may be spoiled
*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Tuesday, BB time*
So after all of the game talk, conniving, begging, lying, and general BS of the weekend, the POV ceremony was held and the nominations...remained the same. Keith and Porsche. Playboy Keith is sulking outside over his impending doom, but Shelly tells him to buck up and not to give up hope yet. Adam, on the other hand, expounds on how happy he is to be in the house another week, as he was afraid that the veto would be used and he’d go up. Mr. Sensitive.
Inside, in the bathroom, Brendon is gently tossing his beloved fiancee under the bus, telling Daniele and Jeff that Rachel isn’t thinking clearly and that she believes everything she’s told. Dear Brendon isn’t happy with Rachel’s fondness for the booze, either. Wouldn’t want to besmirch his sterling rep on the internets, now, would we?
Psst, Brendon. That ship sailed last fall, when you decided to Skype your unattractive manparts to various people. And that pathetic, 7 minute weepy “apology” you posted? Just icing on the cake, buddy. Never watched it? Well, here ya go: YouTube - Brendon's Pathetic Apology
Anyhoo. After some bathroom talk (did I really need to know that Jeff has issues peeing in front of other dudes? No!), Jeff calls Adam over to the group and asks him for alliance name suggestions. You know, to let him think he’s a part of the cool kids club. But he’s not. Adam suggests Adam’s Angels; Jeff comes up with Jeff’s Jerkoffs. This is going nowhere so Jordan lets a Silent But Deadly one slip, leading Daniele to wonder in awe how something so foul could come out of someone so cute.
Rachel goes for the uniboob look.
The afternoon is spent with most of them baking in the sun, chatting about celeb crushes, hobbies, boob jobs, and sports. Daniele squawks about Brenchel and their public making out, which is enough to turn anyone’s stomach. Meanwhile, Lawon is crying on Shelly’s shoulder, still pouting about all the Keith drama of days gone by. He's never going to let it go. Never.
News flash: Kalia’s about to die on slop, and she threatens to pull an “Enzo”. Also, that skimpy mattress in the have-not room is killing her hips.
The sun goes down, and sure enough, the booze comes out. A drinking game ensues, involving doing silly booty dances, yelling out nonsense, and proposing to Jeff while kissing his hand. Big Brother royalty, indeed!
Close to midnight, Daniele got a warning from BB for ranting about how they were screwed by not being on an All Star season, and that she was at a disadvantage by not talking to her dad before going in the house like the other couples got to do. And it apparently took forever for them to enter the house, which pissed her off, which explains that sour look on her face from the televised show when they walked in the door. “You are not allowed to talk about production!” the voice warns her. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel corrals Shelly in the HoH room, stressing out over Cassi and her supposed rallying of the newbies to get the reruns out. Shelly promises she has no part in any of Cassi’s plotting, and pledges fealty to the veterans. Elsewhere, Jeff and Jordan reiterate that Dominic is the target next week, giving Adam an automatic pass to the jury house. Mild strategy talk continues into the night - these people don’t go to bed until 4-ish am. Are they spiking the water with Red Bull or something? Sheesh. These people don't start snoring til about the time I have to get up for work.
Hot........................... ...annnnnnnnd................. ............NOT.
Monday morning’s wake up call is around 8:45, but Shelly is already up, seeing as how the craptastic mattresses in the have-not room are killing her back. She and Brendon dish about how immature and stupid the younger players are, and how fast the gossip flies. Well, yeah. What else is there to do?
Well, you can fight, as Brenchel are wont to do. Something about Rachel’s $500 speeding ticket, Brendon says it was stupid, Rachel pouts and tries to leave, they get all kissy-faced and make-up. This record is just about worn out...
But hey, Kalia has come up with a (in her mind) brilliant plan. She’s going to pretend that she’s had enough of the house, campaign to get herself nominated - and by default, Lawon too - and then everyone is going to vote Lawon out instead. She starts out by telling Dominic that she’s homesick, and would like to restart her acting career. And being in the BB house will make it hard for people to take her seriously. She's got that right, at least.
Newsflash number 2: Franklin the turtle has gone missing, and Brendon is demanding his immediate return. Because Franklin is the only thing in the house that can tolerate him without talking back or disagreeing with Mr. Genius. I think Franklin is hiding in Adam's beard. Who would look there?
Alright, it's Captain Caveman!
Daniele suggests to his highness Brendon that perhaps Dominic isn’t the best choice to boot next week, and maybe they should look at getting that tricky Cassi out. Which figures, because I like Cassi. Brendon still wants Dom out, but will take Daniele’s ideas into consideration. This leads Brendon into a rant about how dumb and totally beneath him last year’s players were. Yeah, those same dumbasses who voted him out. Those people.
4:30 Monday afternoon, and all four feeds are on a mesmerizing chess match between Cassi and Lawon. And by mesmerizing, I mean eyes-glazing-over boring. It quickly becomes apparent that neither of them know how to play the game. And that Skippy needs to learn how to focus on other areas of the house.
Later, Jeff comments on Brendon’s freakish toes, as grossed out by them as the rest of humanity is. Jordan asks if Rachel has ever sucked Brendon’s nasty toes, to which Brendon replies “True love means to me someone putting my toes in their mouth.”
Sorry, guys. I’ll let you settle your stomachs now. All better? I keep a bottle of Pepto by the computer, it comes in handy for those priceless Brenchel moments. Just a suggestion.
Jordan shares with Brendon that she thinks she’s too immature to get married and settle down just yet, while Brendon tells her about a previous girlfriend he cheated on. Gee, I’m shocked, weenie boy. When Jordan asks him why he cheated, he claimed the “young and immature” defense. Pff. He'll still be using that golden oldie when he's 70.
Franklin is still MIA. If he knew what was good for him, he ran away and will never come back. And: Adam lets us know that he has attended a bacon cooking class. Yes, folks, they have bacon cooking classes. Because bacon is so hard to get right, like Beef Wellington or some such.
Jeff, could you please show Brendon how a real man is supposed to act? Pleeease?
Rachel squeals that Showtime is about to start - snore - so the drinking games for the night are discussed. Losers get to kiss a picture on the memory wall, and of course, Rachel “loses” first. Jeff ends up fake proposing to Jordan, much to everyone’s delight.
A quick conversation between Daniele and Rachel in the storeroom: Rachel says that she needs a banana every day (stop that giggling), and Daniele confides that she’s hidden some bananas because the other slobs are wasting too much food. Hamster hoarding!
The booze having been downed, the games break up and a backyard band forms, using household items. It’s actually pretty fun (Flashback to about 10:30 house time Monday night for a peek). Everyone has a blast, some dancing. Shelly eventually leaves the scene, afraid that something would get broken and they’d get in trouble. So much for Shelly not being “house mom”.
Annnnd here comes Brenchel fight number 79, about 1 am. Only masochists or the truly bored need bother with flashback. Brendon admits that he doesn’t like drunk Rachel, she’s obnoxious and embarrassing. He wants to move on, be a professional, and can’t be associated with all these silly games. Rachel insists she didn’t do anything wrong and was just having fun. Brendon the Professional wonders if he made a mistake in coming back on the show. Yes, yes you did. Now go away.
This goes on a good while, with Brendon trashing Porsche’s “ridiculously obnoxious” behavior, and comparing Rachel to her. "I give a lot to you and I expect a lot in return. I want you to watch your behavior!” he demands. He won’t put up with this after they’re married, he threatens. Run, Rachel, run! Instead of telling him to shove it where the Skype doesn’t shine, Rachel sits and pouts and whines “What did I do?” The berating eventually peters out, and Brendon goes to bed while Rachel stays on the couch. Outside, a meeting of the I Hate Porsche Club has convened. These people don’t hit the sack until after 5 am. Oy.
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis....err, Lawon?!
Cassi and Porsche do run into each other in the wee hours, and have a talk about their mutual uneasiness with each other, but nothing is really resolved. I don't think they'll be sending each other Christmas cards.
Morning dawns once again, and Brendon is spilling the details of his fight with twoo luv Rachel to house mom Shelly. He wants to settle down, be taken seriously, and the mother of his future children (oh, the horror! Can you imagine? His toes, her laugh. *shudder*) is just plain embarrassing him. Adam joins the conversation as Brendon talks about Rachel’s spending habits and gives us another quotable: "If money really made you happy there would be no dead Heath Ledgers." You heard it here, guys. I can't wait for more bits of wisdom from Brendon the Magnificent.
11 am, and Brenchel are fighting once again (seriously now, this is getting tired). Same as last night. Rachel wants to act like a sorority girl and Brendon wants a puppet to obey his every command. It ain’t gonna work.
It’s going to be a weird week...
*Thanks to JustJuls and Mari79 for their great screencaps!