3/17 Jersey Shore Recap: Diamond Studded Douchebag
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Welcome back fans of what once used to be a funny and entertaining TV show! Lately the drama has overshadowed all things fun and this show just seems to be the same episode over and over again. Lucky for us, next week is the season finale!
The drama from the last episode is still going strong this episode. Did Sammi text Arvin? Did Ronnie take too many steroids? Can Mike's face get any less attractive? Not sure, but let's find out!
The show begins with Sammi and Ronnie screaming at each other. She “doesn't want to do this anymore”. Yeah, we've heard that before. Like 40 times. She says she is sorry and that if a girl showed up for Ronnie she would kill her. She says she isn't sure why she got in touch with Arvin, but thinks maybe it was to be spiteful. Ronnie isn't sure if he can be with a shady girl like Sam.
Meanwhile in the living room, Snooki and Deena are having fun with a cardboard box. Snooki punts the box and falls over. Deena puts herself inside the box and gets stuck. Wow.
The next morning, Deena, Jenni, and Snooki go to work at the Shore Store. It's Deena's last day and she doesn't really want to deal with people. Danny keeps giving her a bunch of stuff to do and thanks her for being the worst employee of the season. Who is Danny kidding? He wouldn't care if they did nothing as long as the Jersey Shore tools and toolettes are working at his store.
After work, Vinny takes Snooki out for a burger. He tells her he will buy. Vinny talks about a girl he hooked up with and Snooki says she was gross. Vinny says he sees the girls in the house everyday so it would be weird. He cares about Snooki and she is important. Vinny thinks he eventually could be serious about Snooki because he does have genuine feelings for her.
The guys go down to the Shore Store and Vinny decides he is going to get his ears pierced. Pauly D can't believe Vinny doesn't have his ears pierced yet. Vinny wants to be a sweet diamond studded toolbag like Pauly. He was whining around like “a bitch” (his words) before, but after he got them he said it wasn't that bad. Pauly D thinks Vinny is now walking with a gangsta lean. He thinks he is about 100 times cooler than he actually is.
Everyone except for Sam and Ron heads to the club. Pauly D bumps into his stalker, Danielle. She tries to get him to take her back to the house but he doesn't want to. Sammi and Ronnie have dinner at the house and she apologizes for being mean and says she misses him. He is too busy stuffing his face with meat to even grunt anything back. After they are done eating and all cleaned up, they decide to sleep together. Yep, back in the smushing trap yet again. Toxic.
Back at the club, the guys are getting bombarded left and right by grenades. A girl comes up to them and admits she is a grenade but she just wanted to let them know they are fine as hell. Older ladies are talking and hooting at the guys. A larger, older woman comes up and starts dancing with Vinny. Pauly D thinks the club should change its name to “leftovers” because that's all he is seeing. He screams at the bigger, older lady and calls her a warrior.
Pauly D and Vinny bring some girls back to the house, but Mike says there were too many grenades so he didn't bring anyone home. There's a knock at the door and in walks Vinny's girl's brother. He is concerned about how the two girls are going to be getting home. Pauly D says that the guy can take his girl home tonight, but Vinny wants his to go home in the morning. Pauly's girl gets pissed and says she would rather f*&# Mike anyway. After a little more discussion, Vinny tells the guy just to take both girls home. He was kind of rude about it, too. Vinny grabs Snooki and tells her to go to bed with him. She is pissed and says she is nobody's last resort, she wants to be someone's first priority. She calls him an ass and he says he is just joking. They hug and he tries to get her to go to bed with him. She says no. Vinny makes a comment to Deena about his shoes and cleaning them up. He gets in Sammi's face and starts a battle of rapping words. Everyone realizes he is being a douchebag, but they just let him keep going. Sammi gets pissed and says game over.
Mike, Pauly D, and Jenni have their last day of work at the Shore Store. Nobody can seem to find Mike after they get to work. Danny goes looking for him, but can't find him. Finally he sees Mike sleeping behind a bunch of boxes in one of the mirrored dressing room. Danny fires Mike on the spot.
Sammi wakes up and can't see a thing because she slept in her contacts. Snooki asks if Sammi and Ronnie had sex, and Sammi says it has been a long time and she wanted to. Snooki and Jenni are in semi disbelief. Ronnie tells Sammi he will drive her to the doctor to get her eyes looked at.
Right after they leave, Ronnie's mom, Connie, calls. Ronnie and Connie. Cute. Not. Connie sounds a little drunk and tells Deena that she loves her and that she's tan. She says she looks Indian. Deena doesn't know what to do and hands the phone to Jenni. Connie tells Jenni that Ronnie f*&#ed up in Miami. She is obviously drunk and rambling. Jenni hands the phone to Mike. Mike then tells Connie about how his friend was supposed to hang out with Sam but she denied it and then they got into a huge fight. Mike says he told Sam that he is going to stick up for Ron. He talks a little more then hangs up.
Sammi and Ronnie get home from the doctor and Ronnie's mom is calling again. Jenni tells Sammi that Mike told Ronnie's mom everything that happened with Ronnie/Sammi/Mike. Ronnie is on the phone with his mom telling her to stop and that she is embarrassing him and herself. He says he is going to rip the phone out of the wall. He keeps telling his mom to stop being embarrassing. Sammi whispers to him that Mike told Connie everything about what happened the other night with Arvin. Are you following all of this? Sheesh.
After Ronnie gets off the phone with his mom, he heads out on the deck with everyone to talk about the whole Sammi/Arvin thing. Mike says that he used to be with Arvin in the dude group and Sammi used to be in the girl group. He says Sammi definitely was “sweating” Arvin. He doesn't know if they hooked up but he thinks Sammi wanted to. Jenni asks if Ronnie can neutral the Arvin thing since Ronnie hit someone up in Miami. Ronnie says that that was already neutral and they were starting clean. Ronnie is starting to get mesmerized by The Situation and I can tell he is getting more mad and isn't going to let this thing go. Mike just keeps rambling on and on about how Ronnie was crying and sending roses while Sammi was texting someone else.
Jenni goes inside and tips off Sammi about the conversation happening outside. Sammi goes out and starts yelling at Mike. She says Arvin is just his friend and that Mike is being shady. She calls Mike a schemer and a scumbag. Mike says he doesn't like her, she says she doesn't like him. They stick their tongues out at each other and tell their moms. Now both of them are basically just swearing and yelling about nothing. Sammi is afraid that she and Ronnie aren't going to make it if Mike keeps getting in the way. Mike decides he is going to call Arvin and find out the truth.
Mike goes in the house and calls Arvin. He tells Arvin that Ronnie just wants to know what is going on. Arvin tells Mike that Sammi “hits him up” from time to time and they made out once. Ronnie starts pacing and then gets on the phone. He asks Arvin if he's ever hooked up with Sam and Arvin says “not like that” but that they've made out. Ronnie goes all guido juicehead ape and charges outside. Boom... end of episode.
Come on back next week for the Season Finale!! Will Sam and Ron finally call it quits (for the 45th time)? Will Ronnie throw things? Will Deena get stuck inside a cardboard box again? Come on back and find out!
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