3/10 Jersey Shore Recap: The Dogs, The Dip, The Drama
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I'm not sure why there are still more new episodes of Jersey Shore airing. After they fixed the toilet, I was ready to peace out and call it a season. I mean what else is there now besides the suspense of the nasty clogged toilet? Oh yeah, those two drama queens Sammi and Ronnie. I suppose we need to find out what happens to them.
The show begins as Vinny and Pauly D head to Staten Island to go visit Vinny's family. The girls and Ronnie head out for a little GTL plus nails. Mike is left home alone, so he decides to let the dogs out of their pen. He rigs the gate to look like they broke it down. He gives the dogs pizza, peanut butter, and marshmallow fluff. That's certainly healthy. Not. The dogs begin to pee and poop all over the house. Mike laughs and says the master plan is coming together. What kind of master plan involves dogs crapping all over?
Vinny and Pauly D arrive at Vinny's and there are like 30 people there. Pauly D calls it a guido circus. They have a giant dinner. Badda bing, badda boom. They eat and then head back to the Shore.
Everyone arrives home to the dog crap extravaganza. Deena notices that the dogs smell like Mike's cologne, so he must have had something to do with it. He comes downstairs, pretending like he was sleeping and had no idea the dogs got out.
Vinny and Pauly D get home, so now it's time for everyone to get whored up and head out to Karma. Snooki wants to look hot because she wants to get it in. She dances with a hot guido juicehead, and she makes sure his last name has a vowel in it before she continues. Ronnie kisses Sammi and she tells him to kiss her when he isn't drunk. He say she will kiss her whenever. They stop on the street on the way home to make out. Snooki falls on the way home and her guido juicehead picks her up and carries her the rest of the way. He bandages up her knee when they get home, so she says for that he is allowed to get it in. Sammi is upset with herself for letting her guard down, and decides she doesn't want to get anything going with Ronnie.
Jwoww, Sammi, Ronnie, and Vinny head to the tanning salon. Vinny wants to get spray tanned because he is sick of being Casper the ghost. Hmm... yeah if Vinny is Casper the ghost, I must be Casper whiter cousin. He definitely isn't that white. After he gets sprayed, he feels like a fist pumping guido.
On the drive home from tanning, Jenni sees Roger's car on the road beside them. She beeps but he doesn't know it's her... or at least he pretends he doesn't. He zig zags to get away from her and the guys say he is doing “the dip”. The only reason you do “the dip” is because you have a girl in the car with you that you don't want the other girl to see. Jenni gets home and immediately calls Roger. She gets his voicemail and leaves a message telling him to call back if he wants to explain himself on why he did “the dip”.
The boys decide to get out their flying toys, while the girls decide it's a good time for a water balloon attack. Deena comes out and tries to throw a balloon but it explodes in her hand. She then slips and falls down. The guys fight back with some water balloons of their own. They are all throwing balloons at each other and screaming. Snooki gets pissed because the guys were attacking the girls like that. Ronnie throws a cup of water in Deena's face and then everyone just starts throwing water at each other. The guys throw the girls in the hot tub. Speaking of the hot tub, we haven't seen too much hot tub fun this season, have we?
Roger calls Jenni back, and is pretty pissed that she thinks he had a girl in with him. He said he only had 5 minutes to get to the bah-bah (barber) shop so where in the world would he find time to pick up a girl. He is mad that she is trying to create situations that aren't true and he says she needs to give him a little room to breathe. She says okay and things seem to be fine.
In the world of Ron/Sam, Ronnie tells Sammi he thinks they should work things about because they love each other. He says they've both changed. She says that she's happy and he's happy right now and that she loves Ron and he's her best friend, but she's scared. Ronnie is going to give her time to see that he isn't the same person. Sammi takes Snooki and Jwoww outside to fill them in about Ronnie. She still wants to live with the girls, but she wants to give Ronnie a chance to show he is a new guy. This girl is a sadist.
Snooki's face has broken out. Finally, her body is rebelling against her. Mike, the queen of clean, has all kinds of face washes and lotions to take care of her skin. He takes her up to his room and rubs all kinds of junk on her face. Get your mind out of the gutter! He puts some kind of mask on her and says she has to let it dry. She squeals that she looks pale like Vinny. The guys call her mime, The Crow, etc. Snooki pretends to be a mime, which is actually mildly entertaining.
The gang kills the environment a little more this episode by using about 30 cans of hairspray and other products, because they are going....... that's right. To Karma! I've commented on this before, but I can't believe the lifestyle they live. They basically get paid to tan, work out, drink, and smush. It's a rough life, but someone has to live it.
Mike runs into his friend Arvin. Interesting name. Mike comments that he looks like a jacked up guido MacGyver. Arvin asks Mike where Sammi is, and Mike is instantly intrigued. Apparently, Sammi texted Arvin and asked him to meet her at the club. Arvin shows Mike the texts. As soon as Sammi left the house to go home, she was contacting Arvin while Ronnie was at the house crying. Mike calls Jenni into the situation to get an unbiased opinion. Jenni looks at the texts and goes to tell the other roommates. Vinny and Pauly and Deena and Sammi are in disbelief. Snooki doesn't believe it, but Jwoww says she saw the texts. Snooki busts out the “guy code” and “girl code” stuff and says that she needs to talk to Sam. Sam gets really pissed and says that she didn't tell Arvin to come to the club. She confronts Mike and Arvin and tells Arvin they are just friends. Ronnie is in full roid rage gorilla mode and tells Sam that they are finished and done. He says he could have brought the hottest girl in the club home but he didn't because he was crying over Sammi. More yelling, swearing, and the usual Sammi/Ronnie drama ensues. I'm so over this garbage. Sammi yells at Mike for stirring stuff up, and he runs away like the little Snitch-uation he is.
The gorillas leave the club without any girls. Wow, that's impressive. The guys tell Mike he was just looking out for his bro, Ronnie. Vinny declares operation GTF. Gym, Tan, Find out who Sammi has been texting. The boys' imaginations are running wild that Sammi has had one up on Ron the whole time, and maybe Snooki and Deena knew, etc. Now it's operation GTI. Gym, Tan, I'm not buying it. When the girls arrive home, the guys take a seat on the couch to watch the fireworks. Sammi thinks Mike is the shadiest person in the house. Mike says Sammi is the shadiest person in the house. Ronnie jumps into the conversation throwing F bombs around and calling Sammi shady. Sammi says Arvin is her friend and there was nothing going on. Mike, Ronnie, and Sammi scream at each other, half of which is bleeped out.
Ronnie and Sammi take the argument into the other room. Ronnie is screaming and he grabs Sammi to turn her around. She yells at him not to touch her. She says she knew Mike before all of the Jersey Shore stuff because of Arvin being a mutual friend. They both yell and yell. Ugh. *mute button* Vinny comments from the other room that girls don't just have guys as friends. Hmm, maybe you should call up my 3 close guy friends and tell them that, Vinny.
Next week, Vinny and Snooki appear to have another one of their love tiffs. Also, Mike calls Arvin for the truth about Sammi. He reveals they've never had sex, but they have made out. Ronnie flies into a rage. Ronnie is mad? You don't say! If you are over the constant Ronnie/Sammi drama too, come on back and read all about it here. You don't have to put up with their annoying voices that way! See you next time!