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Like every country needs a great leader, every weight loss ranch needs a captain. Or two. Yes, for the past 10 seasons, what's apparently been missing are team captains. After the ouster of hapless Art, Ali announces the teams must choose captains. It's a relatively painless process, fortunately, as the Red Team quickly names Justin and the Ladies in Black choose senior member Marci.

Naturally, someone at NBC figured that no one could possibly want to watch a show about ordinary people struggling to overcome obesity, so they have to throw in some dopey gameplay crap. Marci is forced to choose a team chef, so she chooses Olivia, who will bring her volleyball skills to the kitchen, I guess. Also, only two team members may work out with the trainers, so Sarah & Hannah are dispatched to the gym to face a displeased Bob & Jillian. Hannah, who can be annoyingly argumentive, complains that Sarah "needs" her for motivation. This makes Bob & Jillian pissier than ever and they proceed to kick the girls' behinds all over the gym, while Sarah sniffles about her previous car accident to Bob and wraps it all up with puking in a bucket.

Heading over to the less-interesting Red Team, it turns out that Ken & Kaylee are the lucky - sort of - team members to work out with the trainers. Brett & Cara pretend that having the duo work out carrying the same amount of weight they've already lost is a new workout scheme that they thought up all by their lonesome. Ken spills his guts to Cara about his wife and love and crap, and Cara nods vacantly and pretends to care while preening for the camera in leggings and a spiffy little bomber jacket. (Shouldn't trainers wear training clothes while they train?)

Marci leads the Black Team in a jog outdoors, while Bob & Jillian continue to pummel the bodies and spirits of Sarah & Hannah. Olivia dithers in the kitchen, but since everyone's mostly eating salads, all she really needs to do is chop up veggies. She decides to spin in between dishing up crudite and hummus, which brings to mind some ugly-ass scenes from Hell's Kitchen when the guys would drip sweat into the food. Meanwhile, Justin puts the Red Team though the paces in the gym. As he's one of those bossy types, he does a fine job. For reasons unknown, Justin also puts Ken up to be team chef. Ken fusses over chili and salad, which actually looks quite lovely and appetizing. Maybe he can give Olivia some pointers.

It wouldn't be a two-hour TBL marathon without a challenge, and this week's is easy to perform but complicated to explain. Basically, the teams are in a giant mud puddle and have to use giant rubber step stools to travel the distance across the mud puddle which is dotted with obstacles. Oh, and they can't touch the actual mud. It's the kind of challenge that wouldn't be out of place on Survivor, after the castaways had been there a couple weeks and the muscle atrophy is just nicely setting in. This seems to be a task tailor-made for the stronger Red Team, but turns out the big guys are also clumsier. It's close but the ladies pull of the win, and split the $6K winnings amongst themselves.

After a couple of uneventful last-chance workouts, it's time for the weekly weigh-in. Ali puts the onus on the team captains, which is akin to blaming the trainers for the weight loss up to this point. So, it's just some bull**** to fill up the hour and 15 minutes that isn't about the challenge and the weigh-in. Anyway. Fearless Red Team leader Justin is the first on the scale this week.

Red Team

Justin, start weight 262, down to 254
Rulon, start weight 350, down to 342
Moses, start weight 317, down to 309
Kaylee, start weight 179, down to 174
Austin, start weight 289, down to 283
Ken, start weight 286, down to 277

Total pounds lost: 44, 2.61%

Black Team

Marci, start weight 167, down to 162
Courtney, start weight 246, down to 241
Irene, start weight 185, down to 180
Sarah, start weight 194, down to 190
Olivia, start weight 190, down to 188
Hannah, start weight 182, down to 180
Jen, start weight 197, down to 196

Total pounds lost: 24, 1.76%

The Black Team's loss guarantees a homecoming for the anxiety-ridden Sarah, who has the amazing capacity to stress me out just because of her fretful manner. Surprisingly, though, Captain Marci goes against the rest of the team and casts her vote for Olivia (who, frankly, is equally annoying with her constant yapping about how she can so totally relate to real-life moms because she had to chop vegetables for a week for someone other than herself). But this is Sarah's show finale, so let's hear it for the girl who started out at 261 lbs and is now rocking a brand-new 169-lb bod. Enjoy it before you let the husband knock you up, hon.