3/3 Jersey Shore Recap: A Royal Flush
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Welcome back, fans of all thing guido and guidette! If you are anything like me, you've been anxiously awaiting this episode all week. Will they or won't they? And no, I'm not talking about whether or not Sammi and Ron will get back together. I'm talking about unclogging the toilet finally! Okay, all joking aside. Who can live in a house where a toilet has been clogged for that long? I'm sure it smells wonderful, but they probably don't notice over the smell of all the cologne and meat in the house.
Sammi arrives back at the house and as soon as Ron gets over the initial shock of her arrival, he bolts outside. Sammi makes her rounds in the house and the girls scream with delight. Ronnie comes back inside and Sammi tells him that he looks pale. He says of course he does, he feels like he just saw a ghost.
The boys and girls quickly form into their camps. The girls fill Sammi in on how bad Ronnie has been feeling. The guys make fun of Ronnie about how controlling Sammi was. Everyone gets ready to go out, and Snooki cuddles up to Vinny. She says she wants to be with him.
They arrive at the club and Ronnie is immediately feeling awkward. He thinks Sam looks really hot in her new dress. He tells her she looks beautiful and she thinks he is sucking up to her. He follows Sam around all over the club even though she's trying to hang with the girls. He tells her he is happy she came back, but she tells him to go out and have fun. He decides to just go home.
Snooki tells Sammi that she is really starting to get feelings for Vinny. Sammi says that she will talk to Vinny and find out if he's feeling the same, but Snooki says no. Snooki is worried that Vinny is going to bring a girl home and then she will want to kill herself. Vinny and Pauly find 2 girls that are DTF, so they leave to head home. Snooki whines to Sammi that she wants to go home and touch Vinny.
Sammi and Snooki go home and Snooki busts into Vinny's room. Vinny has his girl in bed. Awww, poor little meatball Snooki. Juicehead Ronnie runs to his boy's rescue and picks up Snooki and carries her out of the room. He grabs Sammi and pulls her out of the room too. Sammi is super mad at Ronnie and tells him that his actions weren't okay. Ronnie tells Snooki that Vinny brought a girl home and he was just trying to help. Sammi tells Snooki she is hot and can have any guy she wants. Hmm... I'm not sure what kind of beer goggles Sammi has on, but I certainly wouldn't put Snooki in the “hot” category. Ronnie tells Snooki that she was just smushing with another guy two nights ago.
Jwoww and Deena leave Karma and head toward the house. Jwoww has to pee and Deena is screaming about how she has a napkin with a number on it. Jwoww squats down to pee between two cars and ends up peeing a little bit on Deena's foot. Deena squawks and yells. Just as the girls are arriving home, Vinny and Pauly are already sending their whores home. Snooki is in her room crying while the girls are trying to comfort her. Jwoww goes to get Vinny and tells him to talk to Snooki. She says she wants to be with him, and he says he will talk to her when she isn't drunk. I kind of feel bad for Snooks. She is the poster child for desperation right now. I wouldn't want to touch any of the guys in the house with a 10 foot pole. I feel like I need a shower just looking at them sometimes.
The next day, the gang decides to go out to eat and go bowling. Snooki decides she is too tired and hungover to go, so she stays home in bed. Deena volunteers to drive and announces she is a good driver. Pauly D says he was scared for his life the whole time. I'm surprised she can see over the steering wheel.
Back at the house, Jwoww asks Snooki if she meant all the things she said last night about Vinny. Snooki says she is embarrassed but she thinks she must like Vinny if she said the things she said. The girls all feel bad for her. Vinny goes to talk to Snooki and asks if he can stay in her room for a bit and talk. She makes him leave and tells him she wants to be alone.
The potty talk begins again, literally. Pauly D bitches that he just cleaned the bathroom two days ago and yet it's disgusting again. Sammi accuses Ronnie of clogging the toilet in the bathroom. Ronnie shoves tissues up his nose to block the smell, puts zip top sandwich bags on his hands, and heads into the war zone. He immediately begins coughing from the stench. Pauly, Vinny, and Mike walk in and start gagging and screaming and yelling. Apparently the toilet water is green and it stinks very badly. Ronnie accuses someone of taking an extra poop in the toilet after it was already clogged with poop. Jwoww calls their landlord and he says since it's Sunday night, he can't get anyone out there. He says he will take care of it on Monday.
Monday comes and the plumbers arrive at the house. Snooki is already eyeing up “the fat one” and asks one of the plumbers if his buttcrack hangs out while he's working. He laughs and confirmed that it does. She leaves the room and tells him good luck. He asks how long the toilet has been clogged and she says about two weeks. The plumber is surprised they don't have maggots. The plumber pulls a t-shirt out of the toilet. It is apparently some kind of *bleeped word* tee. I have no idea what the bleeped word is, but someone had a shirt in the toilet. Who the hell puts a shirt in the toilet? Snooki decides that since she hasn't cleaned a lot in the house, she would clean the bathroom. She uses the floor mop to scrub the toilet seat and then screams when the cap of the cleaner bottle pops into the toilet. Wow.
Snooki, Sammi, and Ron decide they want to actually have some sober fun for once. They want to go out for virgin margaritas, which is the only time the word virgin will be used in the same sentence as anyone's name from this show, and then just hang out. Everyone else heads out to Aztec. Roger is home from his trip, so he meets up with Jenni. Vinny meets a girl who tells him she is gay, so he asks if she is fully gay and she says no. Cue Vinny's wet dreams.
Back at the house, Snooki, Ron, and Sam have arrived home. They decide to pull a prank on prankmaster Mike. They put all kinds of cheese under Mike's covers and on his mattress. Cream cheese, grated cheese, and a little red pepper. Gross. I bet that will smell delicious.
Pauly D finds his second chick this episode that he is going to bring home and smush. Mike arrives home with a girl also. It's like a revolving door in this house. Sammi tells Snooki that the guys have terrible beer goggles. They laugh. Mike takes his girl upstairs and Sammi and Snooki realize they cheesed Mike's bed and now he's taking a girl to it. They laugh again. Team Sober! A day or two later, Mike is telling the girls how the girl he brought over stunk like cheese. He said she smelled just like grated cheese. He told her to keep his clothes and go home. Snooki laughs and runs to gloat to Sammi. Mike says he had to spray his bed with Axe because it stunk so bad. Of course, he still let the grenade give him a little oral situation. Jwoww can't believe he did that and tells him to can get STDs from that. He laughs and says you can't. Wow, he's an idiot. Jwoww says she is going to call the doctor since Mike is such an idiot. Jwoww calls the doctor and the doctor confirms that you can transfer herpes through oral sex. They also ask about the girl's cheesy smell and the doctor said it would be a yeast infection. See kids, not only is this show entertaining, it's also informational!!
Snooki and Vinny talk and Snooki apologizes for saying stupid things to Vinny. He tells her he doesn't want her to cry about him or about anything else. She is very embarrassed and says it's okay if Vinny continues to smash girls, but she says she just doesn't want to see it.
Next week, the gang is driving and apparently they see Roger with a girl in his car as he drives past. Also, Sammi has been texting a guy and asks the guy to meet up with her. Mike has to run and tell his boy Ron. Ah, the Sam/Ron drama continues another week. Yay! See you all again next week!
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