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After receiving an early Christmas present last week in the form of NaOnka packing up her toys and leaving the playground - Kelly Who? was also a quitter, but she was practically a nonentity - I expected some fireworks on this week’s show. Sadly, I was disappointed. It’s pathetic when the highlight of the show for me is a chicken homicide.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can
Jiffy starts us off this week with a Sash montage: the “Sash Train” was in perfect position to go all the way to the end until recent developments, Jeff advises us. The Sash Train? I don’t know about all that, but I really, really could do without seeing The Nipples. Seriously, put a shirt on, dude. But, we’re supposed to feel sorry for Sash, seeing as how his allies have all quit or been booted. Don’t cry too much for him: he still has that immunity idol in his pocket.

Back at camp after tribal, Holly is on a rant. It’s not right that we all had to go to tribal and get soaked by rain only to have whatsherface and Nay quit! she cries. Holly finds it unbelievable that people could get this once in a lifetime chance and just toss it aside with 11 days to go. Considering that they keep casting non-fans, I don’t find it so hard to believe. And in an ominous bit of foreshadowing, the chicken that has been dubbed “Kelly-Nay” has failed to produce an egg this day after the hungry tribe checks. Those chickens have been hanging around Dan too much, they’re getting as useless as he is...

Sash, fretting about being left out in the cold, gathers the boys (Fabio, Benry, and Chase - Dan doesn’t count, he’s probably sleeping somewhere) and tells them he wants to play the idol tonight to get it out of the way and show that he’s not a threat to anyone. The guys all nod and grunt. Chase has a private chat with Sash afterwards, sharing that he thinks they would do better by hanging with the girls. That’s fine, says Sash, but Jane would probably beat them all in the end. Chase looks thoughtful. Or constipated, I can’t tell. Either way, he agrees with Sash and agrees to take Sash over Jane if it comes down to them in the final four. Chase also promises to take Sash on a reward if the opportunity arises (after taking the selfless Saint Holly, of course), and the two shake hands on it.

Chase doesn’t keep his word.

Been There, Done That
It’s reward challenge time! This one is basically a mash-up of previous challenges: the rope/mud pit, hay piles, bouncing balls into a barrel, keys on a stick, sandbags on a barrel, and buried rope rings. It’s divided into three sections: Chase tears through the first part like a man possessed, with Jane, Benry, and Holly joining him. I won’t even comment on Dan. Chase also nails the second section, much to Jeff’s amusement. Benry joins him for the final round, leaving the girls in the dust struggling with the keys on a stick. After a congratulatory whack on Chase’s butt by Benry, Chase easily wins the final part of the challenge.

What does he win? A nice shower and a meal at a local resort. Unfortunately, this is one of those win-lose things: he gets to pick two people to go with him, pissing off those who didn’t get chosen. Chase picks Saint Holly first, of course, and then...Jane. Sash is not a happy camper, seeing as how Chase just promised five seconds ago to take him on the next reward. Hey, at least he’s not missing something as awesome as a Jack Black movie preview! *snort*

Smooth Move, Ex-Lax!
Back to camp go the mud-covered losers, and Fabio gets thoughtful: “Hey, at least he picked the two least strategic players!” Sashy is still miffed, saying that Chase made a dumb move by leaving him all alone with the opposing alliance, knowing that Fabio, Benry, and Useless Dan will be finagling for his vote. And finagle they do, with Sash awkwardly offering up his swing vote to the highest bidder. Useless Dan is torn: he doesn’t trust Sash after how he turned on Brenda and Marty, but if they let Sash go to Chase and the girls, they’re toast.

At the resort, Chase, Holly and Jane chow down on fresh watermelon and other goodies. Jane - loudly - squeals in delight over the tiki hut, soap and outdoor shower. They all recoil in horror at the gaunt images in the mirror, then take turns washing off the funk in the shower. Holly wastes no time in stripping her top off as Jane cheers her on (?) - alas, no shots of Chase getting naked. Holly does take Chase to task for picking Jane, and Chase agrees that it was a mistake. “I’m so stupid for not picking Sash!” says Chase. Too late now.

While Chase and the girls enjoy an outdoor massage, bad things are happening at camp: Kelly-Nay is beheaded! “Won’t Jane be upset that we killed her chicken?” laughs Fabio. “Her chicken?!” retorts Benry as he plucks feathers and Sash sharpens knives. Dan lies around like the useless lump that he is.

A Memorial for Kelly-Nay
Back from commercial, we’re treated to the sounds of buzzing flies, a heart made of shells and a makeshift cross stuck in the dirt. And Jane crying her eyes out. “They didn’t have to eat her. I loved my chicken,” Jane sniffles. Oh, brother. I like Jane and all, but come on. Chase has that confused/constipated look he gets when he doesn’t know what to do. Jane has a good cry down by the beach and gets over it. Or, she's secretly masterminding her revenge. You decide!

Ever the plotter, Holly tells Chase and Jane that she just doesn’t trust that Sash character. Like they have a choice? Chase shushes her by insisting that they have to make believe that they trust Sash, and must get Sash to believe that Chase and Holly will take him to final three, jettisoning Jane along the way. Jane doesn’t say anything to this.

Benry is nervous, and goes to Chase for reassurance, asking if he’s indebted to the girls for some reason. No, Chase insists that he has no problem voting Jane out, but tosses Fabio’s name as a possible boot choice. Benry is fine with that. Benry is pretty much fine with anyone’s name but his, and says so. But! Chase doesn’t trust Benry one bit, and goes back to plan one, which is to make Sash comfortable with his group. Chase apologizes for not taking him on the reward, and Sash attempts to extract another promise from Chase to take him to finals by swearing on his mom and his departed dad. This doesn’t go over very well, as Chase refuses to swear on his dad. Sash stutters his way out of the blunder, but gets his final two promise from Chase.

Holly joins the guys and adds her two cents to the Sash Campaign, and then Benry walks up. Chase lies immediately and well (I’m so proud of him) that they were talking about getting Fabio gone. Benry is still suspicious, but falls for it.

The Power of the Nipples
Immunity challenge time, and it’s another rope mess. Each player is tied to a tangled up rope on a beam - they must untangle enough rope to reach a bag of gold coin puzzle pieces. Benry, Fabio and Sash make it to the final round. I think I saw Dan taking a nap. The three guys fight with the puzzle as Jane annoyingly cheers each one on. Fabio mutters “Shut up” under his breath, and almost gets the puzzle together...but Sash beats him. Benry was totally stumped. So Mr. Swing Vote is safe, happily toting his immunity necklace back to camp. Two vultures are shown in the trees, waiting to pounce on Dan if he doesn’t show signs of life soon.

It’s Fabio’s time to get nervous, and he pleads to Sash to let him know if his name comes up. He won’t. Sash’s big ego has returned, and he claims that he’s only been giving 70-80% at challenges while Benry and Fabio have been giving it their all. I don’t like cocky Sash. I especially don’t like shirtless cocky Sash. Ack.

Chase and Sash manage to snow Benry and crew into believing that they’re all going to write Fabio’s name down. Useless Dan suggests that they tell Fabio that they’re voting out Jane, but Benry doesn’t think Fabs will buy that, suggesting Holly instead. Benry privately claims that he’s not thrilled with lying, but he’ll do whatever it takes to stay in the game. Fabio falls for the Holly ruse. Cut to a shot of a squirrel - a dirt squirrel? - as Benry scrambles for his life. I love you, editors.

Voting time, and Jeff minces no words as he introduces “Alina...Marty...Brenda....and our two quitters, NaOnka and Purple Kelly.” Hee! NaOnka grins like an idiot anyway, taking a seat next to Marty. After some uninteresting queries from Jeff about being a physical threat, votes are cast:

Jane, Chase, Holly and Sash vote for Benry
Dan and Benry vote for Fabio
Fabio votes for Holly, poor clueless thing

So a shocked Mr. Dirt Squirrel takes the cemetery stroll, flashing a peace sign to the others and wishing them well. The jury looks taken aback. And Jeff talks about next week’s reward challenge losers being “executed” next week. We couldn’t be that lucky.