Hello strange hair enthusiasts and other Trump-ophiles, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Donald Trump’s The Apprentice. I’m filling in for AJane this week and trying to get your recap up in a jiffy, so I’ll keep it short and sweet and to the point. Just like how The Donald launched right into tonight’s episode. We have a short recap and see Steuart get sent packing at the end of last week’s episode – the only non-holiday show airing on Thanksgiving. The Donald does not slow down, even on Turkey Day, as his hair is apparently immune to the sleep-inducing powers of tryptophan.

As promised last episode, there was a second firing forthcoming that same night. Only we had to wait a week for the second “Cobra” move (where Donald whips out his pointy finger and proclaims “you’re fired”). I’m still waiting to see a contestant come up with a worthy counter move to the Cobra, which I think would need to be named the Rikki Tikki Tavi move, named in honor of the famous Cobra fighting mongoose. Did you know that Kipling created that mongoose? Enough trivia, back to the trivial.

Rather than having the finalists interview with former winners or other folks that Trump admires (as in past seasons), Trump calls his final three into the Boardroom to simply ask them who is the weakest link. Donald should have checked, as Anne Robinson was likely available to deliver that line effectively. Clink and Brandy both pick Liza, and Liza picks Brandy. Two out of three apprentices can’t be wrong apparently, as they have even better picking powers than the Trident dentists, and so Liza is gone. Trump tells her that she is a winner and an outstanding person, but she needed to get along with people, so Liza is fired. I’m sure we’ll see her again soon enough, as they always bring back folks for the final challenge. Brandy and Clint retreat to the suite to toast their success in outlasting their respective teams,

Cue the next scene, where apparently the next day Trump is explaining to Brandy and Clint their final challenges. One is a celebrity fundraiser dinner with Liza Minnelli; the other a fundraiser golf event with Kathy Griffith. There are two teams of former contestants there to assist, and rather than the usual schoolyard pick team selection, the teams are pre-selected:

One team consists of Anand, Stephanie and Liza. Hey look, there is Liza again. No surprise to see her so soon, but now I need to recap with a contestant Liza and a celebrity Liza – oh joy. It’s like the first night of The Bachelorette with three guys named Chad – what a recapping nightmare. A little more surprising is Anand, who left on a weird note because he was busted texting his buddies to try to boost his sales in the pedicab challenge.

The other team is Steuart, Mahsa, and Poppy. Now I see why Trump pre-selected the teams, as Mahsa is an anchor that no-one would want on their team. What lucky finalist will get to work with Mahsa – Brandy, who fought with her for weeks, or Clint, who ultimately got Mahsa fired for confirming that she told him their team’s sales figures prior to the boardroom?

Trump offers Brandy the option to either have first pick her for her team or first pick for her choice of event. She picks the team and opts to work with Anand, Stephanie and Liza, leaving Clint with Steuart, Mahsa and Poppy. Clint then gets first choice of the event and picks the Liza Minnelli concert event. My jaw drops to the ground. What the heck?!?!? Country boy Clint voluntarily picks a Minnelli concert rather than a sporting event. Coupled with his extreme interest in purses last week, I’m beginning to think I misjudged Clint – not that there is anything wrong with that. Just like during the QVC challenge, Clint declares he won a huge strategic battle and got both the team and the event he wanted. Just like when you suckered them into letting you get the purse that you then overpriced, you strategic genius?

After that bombshell that Clint is a huge Liza fan, I hardly even noticed that contestant Liza is an ace golfer as she was formerly on the Kenyan national golf team. Brandy admits that she doesn’t play golf and has never been to a golf tournament, so she relies on Liza to work through the logistics of swag bags and traffic flow for the event.

Clint starts working with Liza Minnelli’s assistant on her rider for all of her nit-picky star requirements. She needs humidifiers of a specific brand and mugs of certain heights and colors. Stuff like that makes he hate stars even more. Oh no, I can’t possibly perform at this fundraising event without my special mug – if it’s that damn special, have someone bring it for you, don’t make people buy you new ones in every location like they were disposable Dixie cups, you pompous hag. Oh wait, was that out loud? It’s a good thing I don’t work with celebrities as I view them as people and not gods.

When Don Jr. shows up to try to solve the mystery of why Clint picked the Liza Minnelli event, Clint grows a rapid beard and claims that he’d rather be golfing, but picked that task to show The Donald his flexibility to work successfully in unexpected situations. Um, sure. It’s a good thing Clint is wearing a suit or we might be able to see his “I Luv Liza” tattoo on his chest.

Viewers of previous season are watching the teams plan, and just waiting for the “unexpected obstacle” to arise. For Clint, the caterer he has lined up for the food for the dinner calls after the end of the business day to say that they can’t deliver the order. Clint hangs up on the caterer and whines that his world is collapsing. If he’s watched prior seasons, he’d know that Trump throws in at least one “insurmountable” challenge at each team every season. It’s either some type of diva insanity by the “celebrity” talent at the event or losing their event space or something of this ilk. While Trump has never admitted that all of these calamities are not just a coincidence but instead his way of testing a finalist’s ability to deal with adversity, I’m thinking it is either that or just plain manufactured drama for tv. I’ll prefer to think it is a test of business savvy, as expecting the unexpected isn’t just for Big Brother you know.

Just for parity, the day of the golf event the photographer calls to announce he’s at the wrong location and about two hours away from the right golf course. Also, Trump states that he wants Liza the contestant to golf in his foursome, so Brandy won’t have her available to help run the event.

And to end with more drama, we find out that Clint’s team ordered signs and place-cards for their event and misspelled Liza Minnelli’s name. He should have consulted his tattoo, or at least his CDs. I would have referenced his iPod, but I don’t own one and have no clue whether they’d actually display the artist’s name or not.

I probably spelled half a dozen names incorrectly in this recap, but I’m not competing for a job, have no budget to get blown by needing re-prints, and don’t get paid for recapping, so the stakes are low. Here’s also a tip that we learned years ago at this site – if you spell a contestant’s name incorrectly in a recap, they just might contact the site to let you know. It’s how we got Teri of Teri and Ian from The Amazing Race to join the site years ago (nope, not my spelling faux pas, but I remember it well).

Enjoy finding my misspelled names (and words – I’m doing this on the fly), and join us next week where our regular recapper will be back to cover the rest of the season finale. Who will win – Clint or Brandy? Will any of these folks be working for Trump more than a year from now? Or will any of them end up with a reality show on the Style network by marrying a reporter from the E network. I think that Ryan Seacrest is available.

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