Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor :Standing In The Shadows: A Collaboration - The Finale
I just experienced an adventure of a lifetime. I will never forget these 37 days. I feel I played the game hard and I played it well. I believe that I will leave tonight with my pride and integrity as I plan my future. This is something I will never forget.
Well, I suppose my pride might have taken a small hit. I mean, I did sort of get a little tipsy one night last week. But other than that, I feel like my pride is perfectly intact.
Okay, sure, maybe I'm not the smoothest dancer on the planet either - but the kids back home sure think it's funny when I do "The Egyptian." Okay, two hits to the old ego; the getting seriously sloshed and the slightly embarrassing dance thing. Besides that, I'm holding my head up high.
Oh yeah, and I might have accidentally contributed to the fire at camp. So three little dings to my pride; passing out drunk, dancing like a complete idiot, and accidentally contributing to burning down the camp. But I'm still feeling good about myself.
Oops, I almost forgot. I participated in eleven separate individual challenges without winning a single one. So four shots to the ol' pride. To recap; soiling myself while passed out drunk, performing a dance so hideous that half the kids in my school are going to require therapy to get over the trauma I caused them, becoming the first person in Survivor history to burn down their camp, and setting a record for challenge futility that may never be equaled. But other than that, I'm standing tall.
Oh who am I kidding! I don't believe in myself at all. I don't believe in anything. I even gave up believing in The Chain - and as soon as I did that I got voted off thanks to that backstabbing little SOB Rob. I stunk at this game. The fact that I managed to make the final four can only be attributed to dumb luck! I may possibly be the worst Survivor contestant ev...
Snap out of it Butch ol' buddy. Believe in yourself. Be a role model the kids back home will be proud of. Go out on a positive note. Think man - think! I've got it!
I never buried a dead bat. So at least I've got that going for me.
Here we are at the final 4. This is huge and if all goes according to my plan, which of course it has up Ďtill now, I will be the Sole Survivor. Getting rid of Heidi was the only thing to do. She had to go and I really didnít have to work to hard to get the others to see that.
Immunity challenge was lame, it seems that both Matt and Butch had the opportunity to grope Jenna. I canít believe I wasted so much time trying to find her for my turn, that I let the immunity go. Of course I never would have done that if I had thought for a second that Matt wasnít going to win. He really let me down with that.
Jenna winning has screwed up all my plans. What was Matt thinking? I was counting on him. I guess it will have to be Butch going next.
I left it up to Matt to convince Jenna to vote for Butch along with us. I worry because it seems to have been easy to convince her. As long as she loses the next immunity Iíll be fine.
Having the final immunity at the tribal council was disconcerting. I would have rather not had to look at everyone. What the heck was I thinking when I adorned myself with all this crap. I knew the final Immunity would be endurance. It always is. Itís all about who wants it the most, and here I am with all this drying, itchy paint all over my face. Stupid, stupid. I know this game inside out, and I screwed up. Seeing Matt fall off so easily worries me too. I know he could have held out longer.
Why the hell wonít Jenna deal with me? That is how you play the game. Iíll take you if you let me win, or Iíll let you win if you promise to take me. You have to deal. Itís how the game works!
Dammit. Falling off is bad. I have a feeling she will take Matt.
Knew it. Bitch. Oh well, I still hold a great deal of power. Now I just need to figure out what to do.
I could vote for Matt. I taught him everything he knows about the game of Survivor. I brought him to the finals, and the student surpassed the teacher. I should feel good about that.
I could vote for Jenna. Matt screwed me by losing the last two challenges. He broke the deal we had. Giving Jenna my vote would teach him a lesson. Jenna did play the game somewhat. She won the last to challenges and in this game that means something.
I guess I could go by how they answer my Jury question.
I could ask why they deserve the money. I could ask Matt if he would have brought me, and Jenna why she didnít. I could ask them for a freakiní number between 1-10. OrÖ I could make them squirm with the old faithful ďwhy doesnít the other person deserve itĒ question.
Iím going for Jenna. Screw Matt. At least she admits that he got there on my merit. She sees the good in me. Finally.
Now, since I am the real master of the game, I will somehow make sure the other jury members vote the way I think they should. I may even let Butch throw a pity vote Mattís way.
It always works out the way I want it to in the end.
Well, I made it to the final four. I just needed to survive another few days so I could collect that big check.
Jeff blindfolded us for our second to last immunity challenge and had us feel our way around a maze for 4 necklaces. Jenna and I were neck and neck right up until the end. It was a huge upset when she pulled off the win, but I donít know why her victory took our 3-man alliance by surprise. It should have been obvious that she would do her best work in the dark.
Jennaís immunity really threw a monkey wrench in the grand plan. I hadnít thought I would need to decide between Rob and Butch before the final 3 stage. Butch is a really likable guy and a hard worker, and those are two things that could sway a jury vote in his direction. BUTÖHe really doesnít deserve to be standing at the end. He fumbled and stumbled his way here out of sheer luck. That, plus the fact that he is totally nuts, (and if I think heís nuts, he must really be out of his frickiní mind). Iíve been siding with Rob for quite some time now and it seems to be working for me, so I tossed my vote in Butchís direction and Jeff snuffed his torch.
The next challenge took place in front of the jury. Rob had been telling me all these weeks that it would be the two of us standing together at the end. I also had a lot of confidence in the deal I had made earlier in the day with Little Miss Morality. I figured I would end up in the final two either way. The safest thing to do would be to intentionally throw the last immunity challenge. That way I wouldnít have to choose between them and send a freshly burned player to the jury. I decided to let one of them play the bad guy and stepped off my perch first.
The minutes ticked by as Jenna and Rob stood atop their perches. I flinched a little when Rob offered Jenna a deal, (I didnít know that was allowed), and I was actually surprised when she turned him down. Iím pretty sure that Rob was surprised too. It wasnít much longer and Rob lost his balance leaving the final 2 decision to Jenna. I donít know if she picked me because she had a deal with me or because she was still bitter about Robís betrayal. Either way, Iím in and heís out. He may have outwitted me, he certainly outplayed me, but I outlasted him and thatís what really counts when the checks get signed.
Rob taught me everything I know about the game of Survivor, but he didnít tell me about the jury having a chance to ask questions. I guess keeping me in the dark about that was part of his end-game strategy. I tried to answer sincerely, but Iím not sure how well my answers were received. I was waffling all over the place and crumbling right in front of their eyes. ďI played with honesty and integrity, oh, but I was deceitful and I lied. Iím so good at the game that I had a multi-faceted and adaptable strategy, oh, except that I didnít know anything about the game until Rob told me what to do.Ē
A lot of time has passed as we waited for the big vote reveal in New York. Fortunately Jenna and I put some weight back on during that time. We were all over each other as we waited for Jeff to read the votes, and it could have really been painful if our bones had been banging together.
Jeff told us that Jenna won by a total of 6 votes to 1. Damn, I was sure that I would get at least 2. I guess my speech at the final tribal council was even worse than I thought, even Christy voted against me.
Overall, it was an interesting learning experience. It wasnít as fun as learning Swedish, but I got a car and decent paycheck for my trouble.
Oh..my...Gawd...I am in the Final Four. Iím young, beautiful, and the last woman standing. I can handle anything that is thrown my way, just don't tell the guys. I know that my head is on the chopping block, but I wonít go out without a fight. Blindfolded and all, I made it out of the maze with all 4 necklaces in hand. Thatís despite Matt and Butch working together to try to beat me. They also both groped me during the challenge, but thatís okay. I let them have their little cheap thrills. I won Immunity and thatís all that mattered.
Well, there goes the guys' plan to get rid of me. I was now in the drivers seat, and each of them came to me to plead their case. Robís betrayal was still very fresh on my mind, so I decided to forge a secret alliance with Matt because he promised to take me to the Final 2. I felt that Butch didnít play the game at all, so he's the next one to go! See you later Butch, you dirty old man. Remember! Donít play with matches.
The last IC was held in front of the jury. Once again I came out victorious when I outlasted both Matt and Rob. It didn't surprise me that Rob tried to cut a deal with me, but I told him to step off. I wasnít about to make a deal with the devil. I told the jury members that I didnít want to take an easy pick, that being Rob, to the finals with me. In reality, I voted Rob out because I felt I might not able to beat him in the final showdown. Iím just so clever, that I even surprise myself!
I pretty much charmed my way through the jury membersí questions, and I even managed to satisfy Christyís unsettling question. I didnít really have to put much effort on my part, because Matt was self-destructing with his lame answers. Most of his answers contained the word ďhonesty and integrityĒ, and I knew the jury wouldnít buy that crap.
We had to wait a while to find out the results. We're now in New York, and Jeff has just stumbled his way onto the set. Well, helloooooo, Matt! Long time no see. What a hunk you turned out to be, and I love what you did with your hair! Shhhhhh....Jeff is about to announce the winner. The winner, by a land-slide, is.....ME!
I just want to say that I know that I acted like an annoying spoiled brat, but Iím only 21 years old. Iím still learning. I learned a lot about myself and other people. This has been a wonderful experience, and I have made some friends for life.
Oh..who am I kidding!! I, and only I, alone deserve to be the Sole Survivor. All the hard work I did around the camp payed off. Did I not boil our buffs to make sure they were sanitary? Thank You!!!! I do want to say to all those losers who I stepped on to get to where Iím at: I won and you didnít!
Ha! Ha! Now, hand over my million dollars!
Italy here I come!
With thanks to everyone who contributed to this report and throughout the season.
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