Big Brother 9/15 Finale Recap: The King Of The Tools
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It's finally here! The Big Brother Season Finale is finally here! After endless weeks of watching the Toolgade run the house, it's finally time to crown the King of The Tools. Will it be the “Meow Meow” Enzo? Will it be Golden Boy Hayden? Or will it be “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” Lane? If I have to choose, I hope Lane wins just because I love Britney and he's her main man.
The show begins with a little introduction from Julie and a 5 minute season recap. Boring. Next, we see some footage of the Final 3's last days in the house. Lane isn't sure if Hayden or Enzo will be easier to beat. Enzo is worried that neither Lane nor Hayden is going to take him to the Final 2. He was the mastermind of the Brigade (he actually refers to himself as “The Godfather”), but yet now he feels like he put a hit on himself by not winning the Final HoH competitions. Hayden and Lane have had a Final 2 deal for awhile, but Hayden is worried Lane isn't going to stand by it. He wants Lane to think he's the best choice. Hayden tells Lane that if Lane takes him to the Final 2, Lane can throw him under the bus all he wants. I hope Hayden gets a haircut first because that mop is sure to get caught in the bus tires. Hayden reminds Lane that Britney said if Enzo makes the Final 2, he will win unanimously.
Enzo, whose ego is larger that his mouth, decides that he's going to “brainwash” someone into taking him to the finals and then he's going to “brainwash” the jury. He tells Hayden that if he goes to the finals, he's only going to get $50,000 because he has only won 1 POV. Hayden disagrees and tells Enzo he has a good shot of winning because he has the best social game ever in BB history. These people are so delusional. Best alliance ever? Best games ever? Blech. Give me the Renegades any day over these jokes. Enzo attempts to work his magic on Lane, saying Lane can't beat Hayden. Lane realizes that he's probably going to get 2nd no matter who he takes. His heart is saying take Hayden, but his
tiny brain is saying take Enzo.
Julie heads to the living room to talk with the Final 3. She asks Enzo if leaving his family for the show was worth it, and he says not if he doesn't get any money. He says he misses everyone. Hayden says he feels like he can do anything now that he's been on the show. She asks Lane what he'll miss the most from the house and he says a guy calling himself Meow Meow.
A Mean Girl Invades The Jury House
The current jury members are sitting around playing cards, giving their wish lists for who they want to enter the house. Ragan is working on forgiving Matt for his lie about his wife, and says things are a lot better in the jury house than they were when he first got there. Britney walks in shouting “gra-nade” and wearing a “Bra-gade Alternate” shirt. I hope they realize they didn't spell Brigade correctly on their shirts, but I'm assuming it's spelled how Enzo says it. She spills the beans on the Brigade alliance and Rachel's face looks like someone just tried to come between her and her man. Kathy gets all sassy and asks Matt if Ragan was really his friend or just someone he was going to use and Brit chimes in that both she and Ragan were disposable to Matt. Matt says he got kicked out of the Brigade because they thought he was too close to Ragan. He says he would have stayed loyal to the Brigade over Ragan because he had a Final 4 deal with them. Ragan's fragile little heart gets broken by Matty once again. Matt claims the Toolgade was his idea, but Britney says Enzo is taking all of the credit for it. Matt drops the Stacy bomb on Britney and she tells him that is horrible. She is disappointed because she was hoping to come to the jury house and find out Rachel was pregnant.
The jury gathers together to debate the merits of the Final 3. Britney says they were all casualties of the Brigade this season and Matt agrees. Rachel thinks they just got lucky and floated by because other people were too busy taking each other out. She wonders how she won 2 HoHs if they were so strategic. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. She can't see or discuss anything that doesn't involve her being the best. Ragan and Britney try to explain that the 4 person Brigade plus side alliances controlled the vote every week. Britney thinks Enzo played a great social game. Rachel agrees and then comments she had no social game. Bring it back to yourself again, Rachel. Gag. Ragan thinks Hayden is the strongest player left, and Matt agrees. Rachel thinks Hayden was manipulated. Rachel thinks Lane had the best game. Ragan says being a nice guy isn't a Big Brother move worthy of half a million dollars. Britney defends Lane, of course. They all kind of agree that nobody made any big bold moves and it was more a social game this year.
Dumb and Dumber Make The Final 2
It's time for the final HoH competition of the season. As in past seasons, it will be a question and answer competition based on responses given by the current jury members. Hayden and Lane can't see each other. Each correct response earns 1 point. The houseguest with the most points at the end of 6 questions will win.
Question 1: Rachel said, “My favorite moment in the house was...”
A. Falling in love with Brendon
B. Every time I won a competition
Correct Answer: A
Both Hayden and Lane got it correct
Question 2: Kathy said, “The most shocking moment in the house was...”
A. When Matt put me on the block with the DPOV
B. When Rachel returned for 24 hours
Correct Answer: B
Both Hayden and Lane got it correct
Question 3: Matt said, “The fatal error I made in the house was...”
A. Trusting the Brigade
B. Throwing my last HoH competition
Correct Answer: B
Both Hayden and Lane got it correct
Question 4: Brendon said, “The moment in the house I'm afraid to have my friends and family see is...”
A. When I went off on Ragan and Britney in the hammock
B. When I threw the bowling ball at Jeff and Jordan
Correct Answer: A
Both Hayden and Lane got it correct
Question 5: Ragan said, “The houseguest who I think needs a reality check the most is...”
A. Brendon, because he was willing to give his waitress a $500,00 tip
B. Rachel, because she's as phony as her nasty hair extensions
Correct Answer: A
Both Hayden and Lane missed this question. The score is still tied 4-4
Question 6: Britney said, “The funniest moment in the house this summer was...”
A. When Kathy got stuck in the caramel
B. Rachel and Ragan's fight
Correct Answer: B
Both Hayden and Lane missed this question. The score is still tied, so we will go to a tie breaker.
The answer will be a number and the person with the closest answer without going over wins.
Question: In Part 1 of the final HoH competition, how many times did Big Brother slam you into the walls during the competition?
Hayden's answer: 91
Lane's answer: 55
Correct Answer: 250
Hayden is the Final HoH and is guaranteed at least 2nd place.
Enzo and Lane get a final chance to plead their cases to Hayden on why he should choose them. Enzo says they are like his brothers and they were part of the greatest alliance ever. He says Hayden has to do what he has to do. Lane says Hayden is a great competitor and no hard feelings. Hayden chooses to take Lane to the Final 2. He tells Enzo he's probably guaranteed the America's prize.
Enzo heads out to talk with Julie and he acts like he's jazzed on about 12 Red Bulls. He goes on and on about how he isn't surprised to be evicted and he's had the best social game in Big Brother history and he made the greatest alliance ever in the game. He's waving his hands up and down like he's bouncing an imaginary ball. Enzo believes his presence would have swayed the jury if he would have been in the Final 2. Could his ego get any bigger? Enzo says it's going to be hard to decide who should win, and he's going to wait to hear what the guys say during jury questioning. Enzo listens to his goodbye messages and Lane claims if he would have won, he would have brought Enzo with him to the Final 2. Hayden says he had to do what was best for him. Julie asks Enzo for final thoughts and his arms start waving around and he thanks CBS and thanks everyone and says if anyone is at the party after the show, he's dirty dancing with every one of them. I can't tell you how stoked I am to get this Meow Meow off of my TV set.
Jury Questions and Evaded Answers
The jury members file into the studio one at a time for the jury questioning portion of the show. The last jury member (Enzo) hasn't come out yet. Julie asks Britney who she hopes to see sitting in the chair next to her and she says anyone but Lane. Matt thinks Enzo just got evicted, but he doesn't really care. Enzo comes out and takes his seat as Juror 7. The jury as a group had to come up with 6 questions to ask Hayden and Lane. They will each ask one of those questions to the guys. Enzo will get a chance to ask his own question after the first questions are asked.
Rachel: Lane, so we're a jury who has won a majority of the competitions this summer. How can we justify voting for you how you performed this summer in so many individual competitions?
Lane: *burp* *fart* *grunt* Basically, Lane answers that he didn't win competitions but he made friends. When it got near the end he won competitions.
Brendon: Hayden, if the two of you were not in the finals which two non Brigade members would you like to see as the Final 2 and why?
Hayden answers that Brendon and Rachel are the two best competitors in the house but he also loves Britney. Then he contradicts himself saying the two best competitors are Brendon and Britney and he'd like to see them in the Final 2.
Matt: Lane, had the situation occurred, would you have chosen Britney or a Brigade member to take to the Final 2 and why?
Lane's face turns a bit red and he knows his lies have caught up with him. He skirts the question and says that it depends on how he would turn out and what would benefit him. Julie tells him he didn't answer the question and asks for a name. He says a Brigade member because he's 100% loyal to the Brigade. Matt says not 100%. Everyone laughs.
Kathy: Hiiiaaay-deeean, do you think you played a better social game than the man seated next to you and why?
Hayden says their social games were similar and neither of them were a target. He says he may not have played a better one but he didn't play any worse. He says the competitions separated him.
Britney: Lane, what is your most significant individual contribution to the Brigade?
Lane says making them laugh and watching after them. Those two right there. Wow, he isn't the brightest bulb.
Ragan: Hayden, do you regret anything you may have said behind the backs of any particular jury members and if so, what?
Hayden skirts the question, saying everyone says things in the Diary Room behind people's backs. He says he thinks he was a pretty good guy throughout the whole game.
Enzo: Lane, were you really going to take me to the Final 2 if you won that last HoH?
Lane says he would think really hard about it, and he thinks he has a better debate to the jury if Enzo was sitting next to him, but he doesn't think he can win against either guy.
Julie asks Lane if he thinks he was a good guy this summer and Lane says he's a great guy.
The guys give their final pleas. Hayden thinks the winner of BB should be the person who played the game the best. He says that both he and Lane had great social games, but they are different in the number of competitions they won. Hayden boasts that he won 5 competitions and Lane only won 1. He says 4 of them were HoH competitions and he won 3 HoH competitions in a row. He remembers Rachel saying nobody has won 3 HoHs in a row, but that is no longer true. He won the veto that carried the Brigade into the Final 3. He says he was a genuine guy and treated people respectfully. Lane compliments the jury and says they are all wonderful. He says even though he didn't win every competitions, he played it socially and made friends or stayed in the background when he needed to. He clarifies that he won 2, not 1 competition. He says they are smart and they will make a good decision.
It's time for the jury to vote and each jury member will insert the key of the person they want to see win Big Brother. Each person will also get to make a comment about their vote without revealing who the vote is for. Rachel is first.
Rachel: I'm voting for the person with the best social game.
Kathy: You know where my heart is and I was missin' Socks while I was gone.
Matt: My vote is going to the person who I think was the biggest part of stabbing me in the back. It was a great power move, I love it.
I'm voting how Rachel told me to I'm voting for the player with the best social game.
Ragan: One of you is here to win half a million dollars and one of you is here to give it away.
*giggle* I'm voting for Lane *giggle* Good luck to you both and may the best man win
Enzo: My decision is between who needs a haircut and who needs a shave. That's what I'm going with.
Reunited And It Feels So... Boring
Normally I get super excited for the part of the finale when the first few evicted houseguests come back and spill what they've been seeing on TV. But this season, I feel like there isn't anything at all to spill. I mean the only secret really is the fact that Lane wanted to take Britney to the Final 2 and that Ragan was the saboteur. These people were way too boring to have secrets. Annie, Monet, Andrew, and Kristen come back to “dish the dirt”. I wish Annie would have stuck around a little longer, I think she could have been cool. Julie asks Monet if she meant all the nasty things she said behind Rachel's back. She blabs on about stuff and about how things are in the heat of the moment, but ultimately she doesn't regret calling Rachel a hooker and skanky. Kristen admits denying the showmance between her and Hayden when she was questioned about it before. Julie shows the clips as proof, and everyone looks shocked. Kristen reveals that she is broken up with her boyfriend and she's happily single. She's open to whatever possibility will happen with Hayden. Andrew says the most shocking thing he saw on the TV was that Enzo was the leader of the Brigade, but he also says Matt's lie about his wife was shocking. Andrew reveals that he is really a podiatrist and then gives the correct pronunciation of the disease Matt said his wife had. Hayden, Enzo, and Lane have no idea about Matt's lie, so they are just finding out. Enzo says this means Matt has to be the second saboteur. Hayden looks genuinely disappointed and he calls Matt an actor. Lane tells Matt to make up a lie about his dog, not about his wife. Matt doesn't regret making up the lie, but he is remorseful that people got hurt.
Julie asks Annie if the Brigade deserves the credit in the game, since Rachel and Brendon refuse to believe they were manipulated. Annie says Enzo is the one who should be sitting in the Final 2 and that the Brigade manipulated every single vote and that Enzo manipulated every single person in the house so well that they didn't even know it. Eh, I don't know if I agree with that. Annie says if the girls would have stuck together with Ragan, they would have had the numbers instead of the Brigade.
Julie turns to Britney and tells Britney she's going to find out the truth of whether or not Lane wanted to take her or one of the Brigade members to the finals. We see the clip of Lane in the DR admitting he wanted to take Britney with him to the finals. She is beaming ear to ear and says she knew all along Lane was a good guy. She should just break up with Nick now and go jump on her big beefcake Lane. They can go spotting deer and shooting things together. Enzo knew Lane was in deep.
It's finally “Brenchel”'s turn for the spotlight. Julie wants to know what the future holds for the showmance of the summer. Brendon says he will be at UCLA and he's trying to get her away from Vegas and to move to LA to pursue academics which he would love. If by “academics” he means “serving cocktails in skanky outfits”, then yes I'm sure Rachel will be interested. Rachel loves Vegas so much, but she loves Brendon more. *giggle* She says she will probably move to UCLA. Britney is rolling her eyes and making faces. She mouths “I'm so disgusted”. Britney says that all Rachel talked about was Vegas, Vegas, Vegas and she thinks it would be a big mistake for Rachel to move from Vegas. Ragan thinks Rachel will make a beautiful bride.
When Annie was saboteur, she told everyone that there was a pair of lifelong friends in the house. Who are the lifelong friends? There aren't any. I knew it. Lame. Julie is ready to reveal the identity of the second saboteur, but asks for guesses first. Britney thinks it's Matt. Enzo thinks it's either Kathy or Matt. Lane thinks it's Kathy, Matt, or Enzo. Matt says it has to be himself! Julie reveals that the 2nd sab was voted on by America and that person won $20,000 for their troubles (or lack thereof really). She asks the saboteur to stand up, and when Ragan stands up, they all look genuinely surprised. Britney seems the most shocked of all.
And The Winner Is...
It's time to reveal the votes! The winner will receive $500,00 and the runner up will receive $50,000.
Rachel's vote goes to Lane
Kathy's vote goes to Hayden
Matt's vote goes to Hayden
Brendon's vote goes to Lane
(at this point, Julie realizes she's putting the keys in the wrong boxes and she switches them)
Ragan's vote goes to Hayden
Britney's vote goes to Lane
It all comes down to Enzo's vote.
Enzo votes for Hayden
Hayden is the winner of Big Brother 12!
The final prize is America's Favorite Houseguest. The winner is... Britney! Yay! I knew my girl could do it! Rachel's face is absolutely priceless. Love it! TEQUILA!
Another not-so-fabulous season is here and gone. Let's hope we get a better crop of houseguests next summer. I could use another Dan and Memphis in my life. Thanks for coming to FORT for your weekly fill of all things BB related!
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