Hola, amigos, or should I say “aloha” in recognition of the fact that most of the houseguests have a luau themed party in tonight’s episode. But first, lots of wacky stuff happens. For some reason, tonight’s episode has been jam packed with wackiness.

It’s always interesting to see how much of the episode is “canned” entertainment from the challenges and other planned activities for the houseguests, versus how much time is dedicated to (hopefully) unscripted contestant squabbles, hook-up, and shifting alliances. The fact that we have so much “canned” stuff is sometimes an indication that the houseguests are really just getting along and being boring. And with the only female left in the house engaged to someone outside the house, the hookups have dropped off dramatically this season.

When we last left our beloved houseguests, HOH Britney, had nominated Enzo and Brendon. The Brigade (less Matt) were upset as they wanted Matt on the block instead of Enzo. Brendon is mad, feeling Britney owes him for staying off the block last week. Enzo and Brendon both vent their anger and vow revenge against Britney in the confessional interviews.

Then Brendon dons his stylist sleeping mask (which bears an uncanny resemblance to a panty liner – seriously, yuck) and starts talking (out loud) to Rachel. This makes no sense because Rachel is pretty much the only person in the world (besides Kathy) who couldn’t log in to the live feeds and hear him.

Enzo shows up and joins Brendon’s pity party. It’s short lived and Enzo heads up to the HOH room to give her a “no hard feelings” hug, as he plays a better social game than either Brendon or his socially retarded girlfriend. Hayden talks Lane into trying to talk Britney into backdooring Matt. Britney explains that her target is Brendon, and nothing else should matter than making sure Brendon doesn’t win the Veto.

Veto Competition Time – it’s a Jungle Out There (in the Backyard).

The veto competition players are:

HOH Britney
Nominees Brendon and Enzo
Britney’s Choice – she picks Matt
And Hayden

Ragan is the default host as the only one not competing. He explains the rather devious contest in which all of the contestants can bid on either prizes (which lower their score) or punishments (which raise their score). The contestant with the highest score at the end wins the Veto.

Everyone gets to keep whatever prizes or punishments they pick up along the way. Hayden vows to grab all the loot he can, and Brendon vows to endure all of the punishment humanly possible to win himself the Veto. The contestants are all locked in separate cages cannot see who wins each bid, and even Ragan is sent inside so he doesn’t know who is taking prizes versus punishments.

1. Who is willing to take a chum bath every hour for 24 hours? Smelly punishment. Brendon won it.
2. Handcuff themselves to a houseguest of your choice for 24 hours? Hopefully not handcuffed to someone taking a chum bath, as that would be a double punishment. Brendon won, and claims Britney as his handcuff partner. Britney is not thrilled with his selection.
3. Receive a phone call from a loved one? This is intended as a reward, but could be a punishment, depending on how you get along with your family (just kidding, Mr. LG and Lil LGs). Not entirely clear who won it – looks like Lane. He cops to it later.
4. Willing to be a Have Not for 3 weeks? Definitely punishment. Brendon won, and was hoping for long-term benefits over short term pain. He is going all out to win this veto – the love warrior in on the warpath.
5. Guy – willing to shave your head. Girl – dye your hair pink for the rest of the summer. Punishment that is easier for some than others. Hayden is very attached to his Beiber hair and won’t part with it. Brendon won, and when the results were announced he immediately went over to Ragan, who was waiting with clippers and shaved his head, military style. It doesn’t actually look bad.
6. Wear a penguin suit for one week. Hilarious punishment. Enzo will be wearing the costume, and it looks awesome.
7. Win a Hawaiian vacation for one week. Reward, but hopefully you don’t take along someone who punishes you the whole trip. It isn’t clear who took it, but it was certainly implied that it was Hayden.
8. Have Not pass for the rest of the summer. Reward for sure. No-one claimed this. Surprising, as Hayden and Lane were both already out of the running and might as well have grabbed it.
9. Win $5,000 (which Hayden proclaims as “more money than I’ve made in the last 2 years – wow, that’s so not impressive. Hayden’s mom should be so proud.) Most valuable reward in this challenge. Someone claims it. Looks like it was Hayden.
10. Give away all of the clothes you brought to the house to charity. Intended as a punishment, but should be viewed as a wardrobe-enhancement opportunity for some of them. Enzo won it, and soon, somewhere a homeless dude in California will be sporting some t-shirt that says “Jersey.”

Brendon edged out Enzo, who is ticked about losing all his clothes and wearing a penguin outfit, not getting any prizes, and still losing. Enzo, Lane, Hayden and Brendon gather in the Have Not room to commiserate. Hayden does not chip in and volunteer that he is hauling prizes out of the competition, but Lane comes clean that he won the phone call. Probably a wise choice, as they often need to take their call from home in the living room in front of the other houseguests. They dispatch Lane upstairs to plead for Britney to nominate Matt as the replacement, arguing that he must have taken prizes because he feels so safe that everyone in the house is pulling for him. It seems to have some appeal with Britney, but she’s still ticked that no-one was even really trying to win the veto contest besides Enzo, and she knows that she’ll be stuck with Brendon for another week.

Pandora’s Box - The Return of Mr. Pectacular.

Next up on the wacky parade, Britney is presented with her Pandora’s Box challenge. It’s boring in there, so I don’t blame them all of accepting the challenge just to have something to talk about.

Britney’s temptation is to get one hour of advice from a former houseguest, and her punishment is that the former houseguest is Jessie the pinheaded weight lifter who has once again managed to eek another couple of minutes of fame out of the Big Brother franchise. And no, he’s not there to help her talk strategy (not that he would be of any assistance at all on that front, missing link that he is) – he’s there to give her advice on weightlifting, and they spend the hour trading insults.

Meanwhile, the rest of the houseguests are treated to a luau party in the backyard, where even the Have Nots can enjoy fun food and drinks. Britney endures Jessie’s lame attempts at insult humor, and misses the party. The rest of the houseguests thank her for opening Pandora’s Box. The producers thank her also, as they wouldn’t want all of their efforts to go unused. Who knows how long they’d need to leave Jessie in that box of tissue paper if she hadn’t opened it.

Spend 24 Hours Chained To Your Best Chum.

Next up, Brendon and Britney get handcuffed together, and swear that spending 24 hours chained together will make them Best Friends Forever. Britney does seem very good natured about it even though she wasn’t wild about this.

Oh, and at the same time, Brendon is also doing his hourly “chum baths” where he needs to dunk himself in a vat of green goo (that doesn’t really resemble the chum my dad uses while fishing – as that is composed of actual rotten fish parts), but looks unpleasant. Brendon gets called every hour all night long to dunk in the chum, then he showers off, and then and Britney try to catch a little sleep on the lawn chairs. It’s a little like bringing a newborn home, where you are woken up all night long and deal with strange, smelly substances of unusual colors.

Matt is the Only Person Who Thinks He is Still In the Brigade.

Now, for less wackiness and more back-stabbiness, Matt approaches Britney and asks that she nominate Ragan (instead of Matt). Then he asks his former Brigade mates to make the same plea to vote out Ragan this week, thinking that will prove his loyalty to the Brigade. I think that ship has sailed, Matt. He pitched the idea to Britney without trying to reason how on earth would that be a good option for Britney? Matt doesn’t even try to care or see it from her point of view. He thinks he is so charming that she wouldn’t notice he’s throwing Ragan under the bus even though Ragan has been nothing but loyal to Matt the whole time. Lane and others all share with Britney that Matt is pushing for Ragan, and this is very telling as to what lows Matt would stoop in this game.

Wife with a fake disease or not, Matt has been smoked out as a snake who will step on anyone to get to the end. Britney sees this, and names him as the replacement nominee. Britney tried to explain to Ragan in advance that she was still cool with him, and that Matt wasn’t looking out for Ragan. Not sure if she was successful, but hopefully Ragan will see it as better than Matt’s option (which was to put up Ragan).

But first, she solidifies her new BFF status with Brendon by complementing how much he deserved to win the veto by shaving his head, bathing in chum, and being her chain gang buddy for a full 24 hours. I think Britney may have successfully recalibrated Brendon’s target away from her – she does have a good social game.

Tune in tomorrow for Ashley’s recap to see if Matt gets the boot, or if he manages to turn it around and get Enzo evicted first. Yes, I said first, because tomorrow’s episode will be jam-packed with action, as there will be a short duration HOH contest, the new HOH will need to nominate two people, and someone else will be evicted DURING tomorrow’s episode. And then they’ll likely kick off a long-duration HOH challenge that won’t finish until sometime after the show is over. Yes, it’s a full week of Big Brother action in just one hour during tomorrow’s episode.

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