Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor: Standing In The Shadows: A Collaboration - Episode 12
For 33 days in the Amazon, I did everything I could to be a good role model, both to the young people in the tribe and to the youngsters back home. I drilled into them the importance of machete safety. I taught them to believe in themselves. I showed them in graphic detail the dangers of consuming too much alcohol. How on Earth could I have forgotten the immortal words of Smoky The Bear? Lordy.
I couldn't believe my eyes when the girls and I got back from the reward challenge to find the smoldering ruins of our camp. The first thing that came to my mind was "God, could this have been my fault?" The second thing was "If the others think this is my fault, not even The Chain will be able to save me." I quickly pointed out that there are a number of factors that cause fires to spread besides 18 cords of wood stacked next to an open flame. I tried to tell them that I always thought Jenna's Zeta crown was an incendiary disaster just waiting to happen! I think they bought it, as nobody seemed to blame me for all of us but Heidi losing our belongings.
I know Jenna was distraught about losing her precious Zeta items, but when she told us they'd been passed down from generation to generation "for like 5 years", I was beside myself. I mean, my precious motivational banner had been given my grandfather by Tony Robbins' grandfather - and two thirds of it was completely melted! THAT is what I call a loss, young lady.
Mathew smoked us in the Immunity Challenge. Dang it - there I go again with a fire reference. I must distance myself from the camp conflagration and not let my conscience get to me. Stuff like that can eat a man alive from the inside. I always knew that being a wood-crazy nut would come back to haunt me one day.
Only a few more days to go. The Alliance is strong. The Chain is strong. I still Beli... oh, what the heck did that banner say?
Iíve been seen as a physical threat throughout this game. There has been an overabundance of political posturing and back-stabbing though, and since Iíve thrown a few challenges along the way, people seem to forget about me when it comes time to plan their votes. When Jeff announced that we would be playing for our final rewardÖa new Saturn IonÖwell, letís just say I had no intention of throwing that challenge! I toyed with everyone for a minute or two, letting them think they had a chance against me. I let Butch exit his cage first, and let Rob finish his puzzle first, then I kicked in the afterburners and let them eat my dust. Jeff told me I could let someone stay to join my tailgate party. The choice was obvious, really. You donít think there is any way I would let Rob have solo time with two other players at this late stage in the game, do you? Not a chance. After Rob analyzed the size of the Ionís back seat and got all of his pathetic ďchick magnetĒ comments out of the way, I took control of the hibachi. Well, I had to. It was either that or eat a bunch of raw meat. How could this kid be so good at Survivor and yet be unable to light charcoal? It staggers the mind.
When Rob and I got back to camp nearly everything had been burned to the ground. Any good survivalist knows shelter and warmth are quite critical if you want to stay alive in the jungle, so it was a little disconcerting knowing that my warm clothes were gone. Jenna and Heidi kept babbling on about some kind of heirlooms or something. If I had a warm jacket, I would probably have taken the time to laugh at their sorry asses.
Then it came time to kick my end-game strategy into effect. It was an important immunity challenge, so I couldnít afford to give anyone false hope, I went straight to afterburners and smoked them all. At tribal council Jeff asked me if I wanted to give immunity to anybody. I showed him my new game face, and he knew that necklace wasnít going anywhere. Oh, and I learned something at tribal council that I didnít know before. Apparently Heidi has been one of the masterminds behind the whole game. Thatís nice. I donít feel so bad re-uniting her with the other masterminds, Deena, Alex, Dave and Christy now.
Fate has shaped this game up quite nicely for me. Now Iím in the final four with a guy that has back-stabbed everyone here, a guy that burned down the camp, and a stuck-up wanna-be diva. Rob has vowed to stand with me in the final two, and Butch has vowed to stand with me in the final two. Meanwhile Jenna hates Rob for his back-stabbing, and hates Butch for burning her 5 year old sorority crap. How could she bare to stand in the final two with either of them? Heeheehee. One million smackaroos. Just think of how much fried chicken that will buy!
I knew Heidi and Jenna wouldnít hold a grudge. They werenít even mad when I told them that Heidi was next on my list to go. I canít believe how incredibly stupid these two girls are.
I honestly donít know what the heck is up with Butch. How much firewood does this guy think we need? We have six more daysÖ or more precisely I have 6 more days, I'm not sure yet who will be with me. The rest of them think they have that long.
I love watching Butch dance. He makes me realize that I can dance and do have rhythm. Even though I laugh at him, I realize he really is a nice guy. I bet the kids at school love him. Itís just too bad for him that nice isnít going to win this game.
Reward Challenge was something else. I was third through the door but 1st to figure out the puzzle. I was sure I was going to win, but somehow Matt snuck through. No matter, he invited me along for his cookout and agreed to let me borrow his new car to cruise for chicks. Is a Saturn Ion a chick magnet? Iím not sure.
The cookout with Matt was so freakin good. I love hotdogs and the Flintstones Burgers were delicious. The best part was learning that Matt still trusts me.
Getting back to camp to learn that Jennaís Zeta crown had been destroyed was devastating. I really wasnít worried at all about MY stuff. I honestly couldnít believe how much she cared about her lame belongings. Heidi feeling bad that her stuff wasnít destroyed almost made me lose my lunch. I felt like trying to make her feel better by using her stuff as kindling.
Rebuilding wasnít fun. I actually regretted voting Christie off. At least she would have helped us.
Matt won immunity. I didnít think it would turn out any other way when I learned what the challenge was. Itís like heís some kind of magical Swahili mystic guy or something. The way he blasted through the challenge blew me away.
Heidi completely blew it at Tribal Council. Donít get me wrong. I knew she was going. That was my plan after all, but lordy, could she have come up with worse things to say before the vote? I stand by my words: Two girls, one brain, divide by two, one half-wit left
I am actually feeling bad about having to stab Matt in the back later. It will have to be Jenna and me in the final two. I am not so stupid as to take someone along who I think could possibly win against me.
I was totally devastated when I saw that our shelter had burned to the ground. If that crazy wood-hogging Butch had not stacked so much wood, this wouldnít have happened. My Zeta crown, my Zeta jacket, and my letters are all gone. My items were irreplaceable. Who cares if the guys don't have any clothes to wear? I didnít care about anybody elseís junk. Focus on the important things, people! My items were the most valuable thing in this forsaken jungle.
The guys started to rebuild the shelter the next day, but Heidi and I refused to help. Rob told us that we were going to be voted out, so why even bother? Anyway, I havenít lifted a finger since I got here, so why change that now?
At TC, Jeff asked me what my basis is to take someone to the final 2. Loyalty without a doubt was my answer. That is what my Zeta sisters taught me. Loyalty to beautiful people. I would rather go up against someone that I cared instead of someone that I knew I could beat. Heidi is the only person befitting of that charasteristic. But thatís not going to happen because Heidi was just voted out. Those bastards!
Iím sick. Iím tired. Iím cold and miserable. My best friend is no longer by my side. Nothing is going my way! Waaaaa!
Rob has regained some of his status in my mind. He was pond scum, but now he is wimp boy. Hee Hee. Thatís what I call the fat and weak little boys in gym class. I sure do look forward to getting home and returning to my rewarding job of building the self-esteem of young children. Anyway, if Rob stays loyal to the team, then Jenna and I have decided that he might return to ďhopeless geeky guy who you use to do random choresĒ status. Every thin hot chick needs one of those you know. Rob isnít helping his status by saying he is voting for me next. Thatís okay though, as my master plan has taken this into account, and I am a fighter.
The reward challenge was a little depressing. First of all the car was red, and it was cute. I would have just given away the tailgate food, as I am pretty happy with my weight right now (finally got below triple digits, Yay!) Giving the food away would be part of my master plan. We got to jump into the car and stink it up while the air conditioning is running; that part wasnít in my master plan, but I am all about adapting to the situation. The car had great features, and I would have looked good driving itÖ well, what I am I saying, I would good driving anything. Easy girl, still have a few more parts of the master plan to put into effect, no time now for overconfidence. Losing the car was depressing. Oh, and the camp burned down too, but my stuff was fine so, whatever.
The guys were working hard to rebuild the shelter after the fire, but Jenna and I decided to sit this one out. It is all part of the master plan. The guys will feel guilty about working so hard on the shelter, and not paying attention to us, that they will vote Rob out instead. Sometimes I amaze myself with my brilliance. Besides, it is Jenna and I to the end. She is my bestest friend. I am all about loyalty.
When Jenna got sick and started crying, I knew I had my chance, and started telling Rob we should boot her. I have no use for someone who is deviating from the master plan.
At tribal council I felt pretty safe. According to my master plan, Rob was next in line to go. He had worked hard on rehabilitating himself, but letís face it; both Butch and Matt are a lot hotter than he is. That crazy Jeff, always asking questions, like did I deserve to make the final four! I had to laugh out loud. Obviously I deserve it. I have had a hand in all the alliances and secret moves that have occurred so far in this game. I am like a thinner, hotter, cuter version of Rich Hatch. I AM the mastermind. What a silly question.
When the final vote came down, I was a little shocked. Obviously this is a blow to my master planÖ
With thanks to everyone who contributed to this report and throughout the season.
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