Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor - Standing In The Shadows: A Collaboration - Week 10.
Boy, this Chain stuff really works! Ever since I signed on with Matthew, nothing but good things have happened to me. Just a few days ago, I thought I was a goner for sure. Everybody voted out Dave, even though he and I put that beautiful and safe pontoon bridge together. I figured the rest of the tribe was sending a message that they didn't put safety first. Crazy fools! It's no wonder I was voted the person you'd trust with your life. I know quite well how dangerous the world can be. Don't forget that I was bitten by a dead piranha not too long ago. That should show you all you need to know about the frightening world we live in.
Anyway, next thing I know, Deena's gone. Gotta be The Chain. It works in mysterious ways. As soon as Deena was gone, though, the youngsters (and Alex, who's old enough to know better) start laying around doing nothing. Doesn't seem to matter that I'm gathering heaping armloads of firewood or that Matthew and I continue to throw piles of fish at the kids' feet. Seems obvious they still want us gone.
Couldn't help but feel my eggs and pancakes at the Food Auction was the final supper for the condemned man. Naturally, I figured Matthew would dominate the Immunity Challenge and leave me exposed to the vote.
Enter The Chain.
Through its awesome power, Alex was sent home, even though Matthew lost Immunity and was vulnerable. Just absolutely stunning. I didn't have to raise a finger. Heck, I'm not even sure I know what's going on even now. All I know is I'm still here, The Chain is watching over me, and I believe I can make it to the end. Pass the eggs.
This is starting to get exausting. I can't believe the way those other four are acting. I am sure I was sure I would be voted out this week but I decided to do some extra work anyway. I am a really hard worker by nature but since the other girls can't manage to skip their tanning session I will do their share.
I couldn't believe the IC, all the food looked great but I knew there had to be something better coming down the pike. Sure enough letters from home. I knew I was physically hungry but when I saw that letter I realized I was starving for someone I love to talk to a whole lot more. Jenna was acting like a complete baby, I just wanted that letter and I hadn't had any food so I used my money to make sure I got MY letter. Then she cried and cried, I had the opportunity to keep it from her but I had my letter and I would never want to be anything like her so what do I care if she got it.. Let them all have it!
The letter was amazing a great life long friend. It would be great to hear from my family, but I know the love me, and since real friends out here is a joke it was really really great to hear true words from a friend. I am so happy she wrote to me. It really boosted my spirits.
I think the letter was the best thing so far, but a close second has to be Rob coming to us and wanting to align and vote off Alex. I couldn't believe it. I was sure I was next but oh just to see those girls get theirs even for just a second was worth it all!
I don't know how much further I will go in this game but right now I feel sure I will go at least a little further then the ditzy duo. I would be happy knowing I at least outlasted them!
The next count down has started and I am sure it will be a final wild ride and I am planning on staying strong.
This game is shaping up well for me. Fortuitously, Rob set me on the task of linking Butch to our chain quite some time ago and that has turned into a fairly strong bond. Butch is really out of options, and because of that I have no cause to doubt his loyalty to me. I also have no doubt that Christy will remain loyal to me, (at least while those inconsiderately slothful-sleep-until-noon-donít-lift-a-finger-to-help-with-anything-sun-tanning-slackers are still here. I bet if you looked up indolence in the dictionary it would have a picture of the arrogant four-headed monster named Alexheidijennarob, but I digress). Butch, Christy and I are all hard workers that appreciate the effort each of us has expended for the benefit of the tribe. That counts for something. If one of us manages to make it to the final 2 we have a damn good chance of winning.
Rob is a smart Survivor player, so he must surely see that he is far too geeky to make it past the final four if we donít start chopping pretty heads from the four-headed monster. Butch and I are going to work on him for the next few days, and Iím pretty sure heíll see the error of his ways. On another bright side, I won myself a juicy cheeseburger with all the fixinís and a tasty protein shake at the reward challenge. I could have just as easily eaten some more grubs and grasshoppers, but this worked out a little better on the social acceptability scale. Speaking of social acceptability, I managed to keep from smacking Jenna when she put up a fuss about the letters from home. That was quite an achievement, considering the level of my disgust.
At the immunity challenge, Rob and I were at the front of the pack. I was fairly confident that Rob would detach from the four-headed monster come tribal council time, but just to solidify the deal I offered him a gesture of my good will and faith in him by throwing the challenge at the end. If he was going to vote with Alex to boot me, so be it, this was his chance. If he would vote with me to boot Alex, he would be in my pocket for the rest of the game. Yes!!!! Rob made the right choice! ďHowís the view from in there, little buddy?Ē
Iíve been being careful to keep a low profile the last few days. Just let things play themselves out and see where I fit in the best in the Deenaless tribe. It turns out to be a great few days for me. I get to hang with the beautiful people while we have the grunts doing all the work, yet somehow string Matt along and have him still trusting me. I am utterly amazing. For once I actually want to be me.
The food auction was pretty lame. The best part had to be seeing Alex get Manioc over lasagna.
I really wasnít exactly sure where I was going to put my loyalties (for the next few days), until that cocky son of a gun Alex actually tells me Iím the first of the four to go, once we get rid of Matt, Butch and Christie.
I swear I am the only freakiní person playing this game. Complete Survivor-idiots surround me. I, of course am a Survivor-savant.
I admitted everything to Matt. All the lies, back stabbing, alliances. The greatest part about this, is that now Matt trusts me even more than before. Itís amazing really.
So in order to keep Matt on my side for a little longer, Iím going to have to shock the heck out of Alex.
I LOVE that I alone am determining the fate of the players week after week.
I have no idea what the Hot Chicks are going to think of me now. If theyíre smart theyíll start kissing my ass so Iíll work my magic and keep them around for a while longer. No matter though, I am the King of Survivor.
Heidi, Alex, and Rob have become my best friends, and I know that we will be friends forever, even outside of the Amazon. Nothing can break our circle of friendship.
At the RC, I got a great deal when I bid $320 for peanut butter and chocolate. See! Who said I wasn't smart? When Jeff put Letters from Home up for bid, I expected to be the only bidder. I AM the only one entitled to hear from home since everyone knows that my mom is sick, even though I've never made an effort to speak to those other people at our camp. Anyway, I couldn't believe it when that girl, Christy, started bidding. How dare she try to take what is mine? Whose going to write to her anyway? I don't think that fishes can't write, but don't quote me on that.
Heidi and I were outbidden by that Christy. She made me so mad that I started crying. I was truly sad, but my sobs had the effect that I had hoped for. I made Jeff feel like a jerk. He finally broke down and decided to put another letter up for bid, if it was okay with whatís her face. When I ran out of money, I made sure that I said it outload so the rest of them would feel bad and let me have what I am entitled to. I ALWAYS get what I want! It was good to hear that mom was doing so much better, and I shared my happiness with my best friends.
At the IC, I was surprisingly named as the person who uses sex appeal as a weapon. Give me a break. I only use by accident. And I donít have a clue as to why I was voted as the person less likely to survive on their own. Why would they think that? I can boil buffs, bathe in the river, take off my clothes for food, sun bathe, and live off peanut butter and chocolate. Iím practically the poster child for Survivor. At least, Rob ended up winning the IC. I knew everything was falling into place.
But something when terribly wrong at TC. Jeff announced that Alex was the one voted out. What?! Not my beautiful Alex! How could this happen? There are 4 of us and 3 of them. Oh...my...gawd! One of us broke the circle of friendship, but who was it?
Another exciting week here in the Amazon. Alex, Jenna, Rob, and I had the majority in the tribe, and we knew it. By the way, I double checked my math this time. I didnít want to get fooled again like the time when Dave baffled me with rocket science, and tricked me into voting off Jeanne. I am no dummy. Just ask Jeff, he is always commenting on my intelligence at tribal council. Now that Alex is gone, I am certain that I am in control of the game, just need to find out from Jenna what our next brilliant move will be.
I feel like each and everyday out here I learn something new about myself. This week was no exception. Who knew cake was so darn tasty? I was hungry, so I decided to gorge myself with an entire piece of pie. It had been years since I have had splurged like that. It was so good, I had another! Yeah, I said it! I had another! I swear, I think I am turning into a wild woman. Next thing you know, I might go a whole night without my retainerÖ no, thatís just crazy talk, I need to stay focused.
I am a little suspicious though, as Jeff brought out the peanut butter and chocolate again. I have shown enough documentary films during assembly at school to see what was going on there. Oh sure Jeff, the first one is free right? Then you get us hooked and it is all downhill from there. Not for this girl. Just say no!
This week was an emotional time as well. Jenna really needed to get word from home regarding her Momís condition. When that insensitive Christy won her letter, I thought that was so unfair. Fortunately, Jeff allowed another letter to be auctioned off. Everyone wanted Jenna to win, because they saw how upset she was acting. I decided to help by bidding up against her. That way the letter would mean so much more when she got it. I am considerate like that.
Life in the kingdom of Alex sure is sweet.
Removal of wicked witch? Check
Peasants milling around doing all the hard work? Check
Fair maidens getting skinnier and cuter by the minute? Check
Court jester amusing me of tales of his sex life? Check
One million in my pocket? Check
Okay, not yet, but it's just a technicality. I have what, 12 days left? It's as good as mine. I CAN'T go wrong.
I did get a little worried that maybe my luck was taking a turn for the worse when I bid on manioc and not lasagna; but later Heidi made me see that it was just because Jeff was jealous of all the cool kids. He couldn't resist my awesomeness and I ended up with a steak. That was pretty sweet. I couldn't believe Christy challenged Jenna for the letter. I mean, she's deaf, she can't hear, so how can she possibly hear from home? It's much more important to our kingdom if Jenna gets news from home.
Matt really screwed himself in the Immunity Challenge. What an idiot! He needed to stay alive. I barely paid attention, but I was more than a little surprised that I didn't win the crush question. Of COURSE it's me. Heidi, Jenna and Christy are all a given. Rob is totally hot for me. Butch and Matt too, probably. So off to Tribal Council we go.
Two votes Matt. (Yup)
Two votes Alex (I knew it, I'm such a threat)
Three votes Matt (Of course.. one to go!)
Three votes Alex (Uh huh.. just as I expected)
The 10th person voted out is (goodbye, freak boy!)
I demand a recount.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article.
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