The Big Brother cameras are watching the Hamsters 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but even the most dedicated feed watcher can't keep up with that schedule. What did you miss while you weren't watching?

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WARNING - non-feed watchers may be spoiled

**This recap covers noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday, BB time**

Welcome to today's edition of Hamsters R Us. What kind of arguments or porn tryouts can our houseguests get into today? We begin our shift on outdoor lockdown. Dan hilariously teaches swim club to Ollie & Renny. But the rules of swim club prevent me from discussing swim club. So we move on. Michelle has so gracefully spread her legs wide open with her red unitard all tangled up in that mess. We're moving on again.

I just need a fix

So Jessie asks Renny if she will cut his hair. She does a great job and I'm actually wishing she'd cut Libra's hair and accidentally cut her head off. Ooops, did I say that out loud? Anyway, Libra does my most hated thing EVER and plays with her toes. People. You walk around that skanky house that you "clean" once a week and you sit and play with your toes? Nas-ty. We're reminded for about the 42nd time that it's Libra's birthday on Wednesday. Great. Like I need to see more Libra screen time. Memphis tells Renny he really wants his 'do cut too but she really doesn't want to do more than 1 haircut per day. She must have a pretty low mortgage to run on 1 cut a day. However, she gives in and makes Memphis even hotter than I thought possible. She even shaves his sideburns. Ahhhh, must be love. Everyone (including everyone!) thinks Dan needs a trim as well, but he's not convinced he does, so no go. Of course, in the world of BB conspiracies, Libra thinks Dan can't get his hair cut because he's America's Player.

OUCH April - I don't use my exit as an entrance

We have some general chit chat with Jerry telling Ollie that Dan will definitely vote however Jerry tells him. Jerry's delusional. Dan then tells Jerry he's going in the hot tub to soothe his shoulder but Jerry tells him ben gay would be a much better choice. I think you can tell who belongs to AARP from that conversation.

Later on Dan goes into the HoH with April and Ollie. April is in full out paranoia mode and Dan tries to convince her and Ollie over and over that he will absolutely vote out Memphis. April then complains that Memphis already won a $60,000 car. Okay. I have never had a brand new car that appreciates when you get it and not depreciates. It started (in April's mind) as a $40,000 car and she's up to $60,000. I'm guessing if Memphis makes final 2 with April, she'll say she deserves it because he already won a $100,000 car. Dan said April has to stop being so paranoid and trust him. He suggests they hold a team Christ meeting later on sans Jessie, Michelle and Memphis to discuss what everyone's been thinking. Michelle briefly comes in to feed the fish and tries to talk game, but A&O shut her down telling her people will talk if they see her up there talking. Yeah, like the 45 minutes Dan was just upstairs doesn't cause a ruckus.

We move along to dinner where I swear to God, not a word was spoken. I have never seen people sit and eat dinner without exchanging pleasantries at least.

Simon says put your hands behind your head

After dinner Angie flavor of the day Keesha and Memphis sit outside and discuss how very much they hate April. Keesha's tired of her thinking she's all that. They both want her gone next week. Renny joins in and says she's tired of April. Basically at this point, the plan is Keesha/Renny/Dan/Libra will all be voting for Jessie to go home but they are telling everyone else that they are voting like April wants and voting Memphis out. A little blindside never hurt anyone. Well, maybe it does, but since it's April, I don't care.

The cereal is right on

So the Band of 7 convene in the HoH room and April sounds just like one of those full-of-crap HR directors trying to make everyone think she really cares about them and their well being. She blah-blah-blahs about how she's sorry that she didn't invite everyone up sooner and that she wants to see if everyone is on the same page. Keesha sells it. Jerry wants Memphis out anyway and says how Memphis is all over him so he wants him gone. Of course, stupid Libra jumps all over Jerry saying that Jessie is all over Libra so maybe he should go. Hey idiot - aren't you supposed to be up there selling the fact you're voting out Memphis? Anyway, April goes on about how Memphis could win the whole thing and he's the bigger threat. Jerry says Jessie will self-destruct at any given time, so it's time for Memphis to go. April then says "let's do this again tomorrow" to which Libra chimes in that her vote ain't gonna change, so she's fine with Meeting #1 only. The talk becomes so circular that I'm dizzy.

Is there any more collagen in the storage room?

So it's now officially Libra's birthday and she looks right at me and says she loves me. Oh wait, that's for her husband. Thank God, because I was starting to convulse. There's lots of general chit chat. Dan finds a brief moment to tell us live feed watchers that we should vote out Jessie. He also tells Steven he'll get "her" out. I'm guessing he means April, but ya never know with these bozos. There's a rash of throwing under the bus talk and Libra did this and April did that, but it's no different than any other night. Ollie admits he doesn't want to be fake with Libra and wish her a happy birthday because he doesn't like her. Ollie & April discuss Libra and her non-emotions saying she really has none. There's a slight cacklefest with Keesha and Renny and it's quite irritating to hear Keesha giggle like a schoolgirl. But I suppose it's better than hearing April pant like a pornstar. I don't see any of that tonight, but maybe because I pretend those 2 don't exist.

BB lets the hammies sleep in a bit. Libra awakens missing her kids and wondering if they are crawling. We see her use a compact on her skin for about 15 minutes. Talk about interesting.

As my shift comes to a close, Libra, April and Keesha discuss being kids and coming home when the streetlights came on. April mentions her dad had to call around to all the basketball team members, because that's where she always was. No comment.

Did your car gain value before you even got it? PM me!