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Thread: Big Brother 10 - 8/5 Recap: Crappy Birthday to You!

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    Big Brother 10 - 8/5 Recap: Crappy Birthday to You!

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    Wake the kids, phone the neighbors, it’s another exciting edition of Big Brother 10! And this time, we really almost kind of mean it!

    Yardgnome may be sorry she missed the chance to write this recap, but then, who knows what the fallout will be from this episode when she returns to her Tuesday slot? Could it be that the season is finally getting interesting? I don’t want to jinx it, so let’s just dig in:

    Peroxide-Proud HoH April has nominated Jessie and Memphis for eviction. Jessie is up for being not just an imposing physical threat, but a mental one as well. (Excuse me for a minute – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – okay, that’s out) And Memphis is up, well, because he had the audacity to be the winner of a classic car in Week 1. Why, the nerve!

    DR = Denial Room?

    In the DR, Memphis reacts with the kind of mock shock that has endeared me to him. He’s been more of an Angie-style couch commando kind of BB player, but it has proven to be very effective in playing to the paranoia of the OCD set. He thinks it sucks that he is nominated with Jessie, obviously because they are in an alliance. Jessie has a different take on things, as this is his third nomination in four weeks: he thinks it’s an honor, since he is obviously not the target, right? Cut to Michelle in the DR, who suddenly seems like the only person in the house who has watched the show, as she reminds us that, hello, the house finds a way of evicting the “pawn” nominee all too often. Cut to April in the DR, who tells us she is targeting Memphis, and even though others in her alliance are gunning for Jessie, she wants to keep the promise she made to Michelle in the HoH competition that she would keep her and Jessie in the house this week.

    Jessie takes April aside and tells her it’s alright that she put him up, and she reassures him that he is safe. Ollie joins them and they let Jessie know that the entire mob understands the play this week, and are on board. Is this a lie, or just bleach-induced denial? Or has she learned that the best way to cut a conversation short with Jessie is to tell him what he wants to hear? Or is she just thick? Well, that’s a separate issue, really…

    DR = Deceit Room?

    Dan heads to the Diary Room to get his next America’s Freelance Player assignment: he has to hug someone in the house for at least 10 seconds. And the winner is…to Dan’s horror (and maybe secret delight, not to mention my delight), Jessie! He lets us know “If you want Dan and Jessie to hug, you’re gonna get Dan and Jessie to hug, for an awkward 10 seconds!” He’s on board! He plans on scaling Mount Muscles with a personal sob story, complete with sobs, and will try to grab a little sympathetic action from him.

    Dan wastes no time, and heads straight from the DR to Jessie in the sauna room. He asks if he can talk to Jessie about some “personal stuff” and Jessie instantly dons his cape, closes the doors and says “hit me with it!” Dan, who apparently learned well from pioneer AP Eric, turns on the waterworks as he opens up about his fears about his girlfriend still being there for him when he gets out of the house. “If she’s not gonna be there, man, what’s the point in winning?” This gets Jessie’s right arm around his shoulder, as he tries to sincerely comfort Dan and pump him up with confidence and positive thinking. Could this be the next Tony Little in training, right before our eyes? C’mon, Dan, you can doooiiiiiiit! Dan remarks in the DR that Jessie was so moved by his problem, he kind of felt bad for pulling one over on him (but not that bad). Dan makes his move as they stand up, and wraps his arms tight around an understanding Jessie, and a clock appears in the corner of the screen, counting off the seconds. So confident is Dan that, at the 12 second mark, he interrupts his crocodile tears to flash the camera a big Cheshire cat grin, and then resumes blubbering as the hug goes to an impressive 17 seconds! Mission accomplished, and Dan asks Jessie for some alone time, mainly so that after Jessie leaves, Dan can pump his fist, smile at the camera and do the AP victory dance!

    DR = Doubt Room?

    From the sublime to the meticulous (that’s an OCD pun, get it?), April emerges from the DR announcing it’s time to pick players for the veto competition. All the hamsters assemble in the living room, and April reads the instructions. HoH and nominees play, and 3 other players are selected randomly: Michelle, Libra and Jerry will join April, Jessie in Michelle in battle, and April chooses our favorite Louisiana party girl Renny to be the host. She wishes everyone luck, and then we see her in the DR, telling us that she’s all alone in this POV, since Jerry and Libra never seem to bring it in competitions. Libra especially seems to have an excuse for every competition that the self-proclaimed “Queen of #2” has lost.

    April, Ollie, Dan and Keesha are hanging out in the HoH in the hours before the competition, and April whines that the two people she didn’t want playing on her side are indeed playing. “I’m so on edge right now, that I don’t even know what I’m doing!” Try washing some dishes, dear. Meanwhile, Libra has been scaling the circular stairs, and rings the doorbell and enters to find her supposed alliance mates less than enthusiastic about their prospects for defending the veto. Renny enters also, and it turns into a full-fledged meeting. Libra contributes that maybe the game will be something that Jerry is spectacular at. April howls, and says, “are you kidding me? Maybe if it’s a picking-your-nose competition that he’ll do fantastic!” The herd laughs on cue. April complains how “it sucks,” which takes Libra aback, and she reminds April that she is playing too, and that she feels that mentally, she’s all together, and she’ll try her best. The mob’s lack of rah-rah to this statement makes her angry, and she tells them all to stop counting her out of this competition, and that their lack of faith in her is making her upset. She gets up and leaves in a huff, and the crowd disperses afterward. April rants at Ollie about what a bitch Libra is, and an excuse-maker, which is why she doesn’t count on her.

    Keesha has followed a now bed-ridden Libra to the Hippie Room, where Libra defends how she was speaking her mind after feeling like she is being discounted from the competition entirely. Keesha says she totally understands, as Libra continues ranting about feeling like people act like she’s not there, and we suddenly cut to Jessie, who was enjoying one of his strategic “naps” in the next room, that is until “a screaming Libra” woke him into action. He listens intently for a few minutes as Keesha joins in the April-bashing, complaining that she’s tired of being told she can’t hang out with Memphis just because he’s not in the frightened mob alliance. Jessie immediately springs into action, and sprints up to the HoH to let April know what’s being said, sorry, screamed about her downstairs. Stirring the pot is said to help build upper arm strength, you know. (Note: In the DR, Jessie pantomimed listening at the door…it was priceless. It’s the next big avatar, I’m telling you…)

    DR = Oh screw that, Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

    After Jessie innocently recounts (using only two “point being’s”) to April and Ollie how the screaming witches disturbed his beauty rest, he leaves and April seethes. We see a jubilant Jessie in the DR, punching the air with such might that it shakes the camera, ecstatic that one of his patented Recon Naps™ has finally paid off!

    Back to the seething April, where Ollie whispers counsel in her ear even though everyone has gone, remarking about how people’s “true colors” come out eventually. Ride that meal ticket, Ollie! April decides she is going to confront Libra and Keesha face to face. “It’ll get ugly…out comes the temper now!” BB couldn’t have asked for a better lead-out to commercial if they had written it themselves…

    Ollie tells April to “get her mind right” before they descend the stairs to confront her fellow Mean Girls. Before April can get two feet in the room, Libra starts in with how her feelings are hurt. April starts in with how she heard that Libra was yelling bad things about her. Libra denies yelling anything, and Keesha denies saying anything about Memphis or Steven (covering two weeks’ worth of shady consorting in one denial). April can only handle one confrontation at a time, and wants to talk to Keesha about her faults later.

    Keesha storms out into the kitchen and asks an oblivious Michelle if she told April anything about what was being said in the Hippie Room before. Michelle has no idea what she’s talking about, she’s been talking to Renny in the kitchen. Keesha then bizarrely unleashes everything she felt like saying to April a few minutes prior, but didn’t have the guts: “Bitch, who do you think you’re talking to?” Michelle wonders why Keesha is yelling at an empty chair and the kitchen counter.

    Ach du lieber, back to Libra, who keeps on about her hurt feelings at not being viewed as a competitor. April complains about all the pressure she feels being HoH, and how it stops being fun about five minutes after you get the key. Back to Keesha, still ranting at the top of her lungs about that disrespecting high-and-mighty April, whose guts Keesha can’t stand. Renny and Michelle try to get Keesha to calm down and remind her that it’s her birthday. Instead, Keesha storms back toward the Hippie Room for Round 2.

    Libra and April’s meeting of the non-minds are interrupted by Hurricane Hooter Girl, who bursts in and expresses her anger for being treated so rudely after being so supportive. April tries to explain that she can only deal with so many screaming witches at a time, can she please take a number and sit down. Libra interjects that she and Keesha were having a private conversation, and the talk turns to how did April get all this info? Libra says that this kind of fighting is just what “they” want to happen. (That’s right girl, the terrorists are winning!) They finally get around to asking April who told her all this, and she eventually, quietly says “Jessie.” Libra’s eyes pop out of her head, and Keesha sprouts so many deep anger lines on her forehead that you could plant this year’s crops in them.

    Why I Love Memphis and Dan

    Cut to Memphis and Dan lounging in the living room, with Memphis strutting for the cameras: “This is why, America! This is why you put all 30-year-old women in the house. ‘Cause they go CRAZY!”

    Okay, Back to the Fight!

    Tattletale Cindy Brady Jerry enters to let the witches know how Memphis is out there making fun of them. Libra cuts him off, telling him that’s not their biggest concern right now, and Jerry, who doesn’t like to take a number any more than Keesha, snaps “will you shut up and listen for a minute?” And we have a whole new fight on our hands, just as meaningless as the first and maybe even more entertaining! Libra flips at Jerry about being told to shut up, and then Renny flips at Jerry for sticking his finger in people’s faces and leaves the room, muttering to Memphis and Dan about “the Colonel” on her way to the kitchen to get Keesha’s birthday celebration ready. Memphis instantly storms into the room …to innocently announce to the boiling group that there’s a birthday cake out there for Keesha. Ha! Meanwhile Libra re-asserts that it’s Jessie’s time to go this week.

    People slowly, angrily, tearfully wander into the kitchen. “No tears!” orders Renny to Keesha. “C’mon kids, this is happy birthday time!” cheers Memphis. They present Keesha with her birthday cake…which isn’t a cake, but a large cookie decorated as if it were a cake. (Sparing no expense this year, eh Allison?)

    Jessie goes to get Libra, Ollie and April to join the party, and Libra jumps down his throat, and they go back and forth for a few minutes, while the partygoers in the kitchen listen wearily. Libra storms out into the kitchen, and Keesha timidly says she could use a birthday song right about now. Libra storms back into the Hippie Room to shout a few more choice words to Jessie and gather them all into the kitchen.

    What follows is the most pathetic, robotic chorus of “Happy Birthday” I have ever heard by people who weren’t brain-eating zombies. The cameras capture the sheer absurdity of the scene in everyone’s faces. They sing, and then silence. You literally hear a fork drop, and then the silence is finally broken by Libra, taking charge and asking who wants some cake (cookie, actually). She then mock-apologizes to the group for yelling when being confronted by people being two-faced. Jessie jumps in with his own mock-apology for being honest. They go at it again. Michelle (amazingly the voice of reason in all this) asks if any of them even know what the fight is about, since all she’s hearing is “he said, she said” from them. Keesha then breaks several glasses with her high-pitched squeal as she claims to know exactly what the fight is about, that Jessie went up and tattled on them! (okay, my words, not hers) The screaming denials about screaming continue, and Keesha flips Jessie the bird, calling him a troublemaker who needs to leave the house, and Jessie innocently claims to merely have been woken up (don’t Jessie, that’s how you got in trouble with Renny, remember?). Libra and Keesha head back to the bedroom, and Libra tells Memphis, “every day is a new day, huh?” Apparently this isn’t going to be a unanimous vote for the first time all season. Hallelujah!

    Wasn’t There Supposed to Be a POV Competition Tonight?

    Yes there was, so enough theatrics and on to (what was supposed to be) the main event! After commercial, Renny screeches that the POV competition is about to begin! We get various DR declarations of victory, and then the battle-scarred hamsters gather in the backyard. Renny looks cute in her referee uniform! Tonight they are going to compete in the Slapshot Competition, involving some field hockey sticks, a ball, and a goal split into numbered target alleys. Goal is the center alley, and the numbers rise from 1 to 8 in either direction, noting how many alleys the player is away from goal. Each round, the person furthest from the goal is eliminated and handed a trophy, which contains a prize inside. The prize can be anything, including the veto medal itself. After each round, each prizewinner can keep their prize, or exchange it for any other prize already awarded. And away we go!

    Round 1:
    Memphis misses the net completely and is eliminated, and inside his trophy is…the Power of Veto! Everyone else cheers, knowing that they can now exchange for it as they go out. A second later, Memphis realizes what this means as well.

    Round 2:
    Michelle also misses the net, and is eliminated, and inside her trophy is a trip to Hawaii! She is ecstatic. Michelle chooses to keep the trip, hoping that Jessie can come through and take the veto later in the game.

    Round 3:
    Jessie is eliminated (as are the hopes for his alliance). Jessie remarks in the DR that he didn’t know what he was doing in that game. Apparently those muscles are only good for posing. Inside his trophy is…a Slop Surprise Card. They will find out after the game if it’s a good or bad thing. Jessie exchanges his prize for the POV held by Memphis.

    Round 4:
    April is eliminated. In her trophy is…$10,000 in BB Gold Bars! She can keep the money or distribute it in the house as she sees fit, perhaps to barter for votes or favors. The money is redeemable upon eviction. April keeps the money rather than take the POV from Jessie, stating in the DR that she felt she did her part in the competition, and kept the money for “selfish” reasons. You still can’t get over losing that car to Memphis, can you Bleachy?

    Round 5:
    Jerry is eliminated, making Libra the winner. In Jerry’s trophy is…a Letter From Home! Jerry does some quick strong-arming with April, bargaining that she split the 10-large 3 ways among herself, Jerry and Libra, and then he will take the POV away from Jessie. Jessie tells Libra she just gave away money for nothing. Jerry defends himself in the DR, saying it was right that he suggest they split the money, and then “do the right thing” with the POV. Can’t you just hear Spike Lee losing his dinner right about now?

    Libra has the final choice of prizes. In her trophy is…The Legendary Used Red Unitard! We know she won’t keep that, but which prize will she exchange for? Will she take the POV, ensuring that her choice goes home this week? Will she take the letter from home, so she can finally get word on how her new babies are doing and how the family is struggling without her and how proud they are of her? No, Libra exchanges the unitard for…Michelle’s trip to Hawaii. Michelle is devastated. She has an angry outburst in the DR.

    Renny explains the Slop Surprise to Memphis: it’s a slop pass, but he also has to put someone else on slop for the week. He chooses his arch-nemesis, POV winner Jerry. He figures since Jerry is never going to take him off the block, why not rub some salt in some old wounds? Next in the DR is Jessie, who is proud of how he stood up “for the little people” and how he can hold his head high because he “did the right thing.” Man, I really want these people to sit down and watch that movie again…

    The Lady in Red III: Portuguese Princess

    After the game, Michelle declares that she is “done with this place” and is leaving. Jessie starts trying to calm her down. She goes into the DR and rants about how she got her trip taken away by a “whore slut skank” who would rather go to Hawaii than hear from her children. Heh, good one girl! My, that was harsh! She turns her back to the camera, letting BB know that's what they can expect to see of her from now on.

    Jessie continues to try to make her see the big picture, and she grudgingly goes into the shower stall to change into the famous frock. Jessie informs her that her ass looks amazing in it, and that he’ll buy her a trip to Hawaii with the $500,000. But she is inconsolable. He continues to comfort her and promises to help her win HoH, and that she will win prizes and see her family, he’ll make sure of it. Wow…Jessie turned into an okay guy for a night! Whoda thunk it?

    Um, Veto Ceremony? Anytime Soon?

    Hey, if Dan can hug Jessie for 17 seconds, then I can write the longest show recap in history, alright? Anyway, everyone is assembled on the patio, and Jerry announces that the veto meeting has arrived. He lets Jessie speak first, and Jessie babbles something about knowing why he is up (wink wink) and respect respect respect how are my arms looking. Then Memphis rises and, like Angie before him, speaks with poise and sincerity. He doesn’t expect Jerry to take him off, and he appreciates the power that he holds (nice pandering dude!) and reminds Jerry to think about his game when deciding what to do, and not just react personally.

    But as Angie found out last week, rational thought doesn’t get you very far in this game, and Jerry decides not to use the power of veto, leaving Jessie and Memphis on the block. Who will be evicted this Thursday? Don’t forget that America has a vote this week, as Dan has to vote whichever way we tell him, by text message or via the CBS website. Tune in Thursday, it may prove be the first interesting and unpredictable vote of the season!

    Do I look fat in this skintight red suit? PM me and tell me lies.
    Last edited by MFWalkoff; 08-06-2008 at 06:17 AM.

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