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The Singing Office
I feel I must be completely honest with anyone reading this review and state right from the jump that I have no idea who won this premiere episode. I don’t know if a winner was even declared . My PVR did not record the end of the show. Logically, I know this is because the show overran by a couple of minutes , but I’ve chosen to interpret it as a supreme act of self-preservation on behalf of the Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300 HD.
I have stated before that I’m the person for whom “we’ll tell you after the break” teasers were invented.
I’ll suit glued to the commercials, waiting for any ridiculous show to return because not knowing who ate the most pancakes in the space of a minute will completely ruin my day, yet I felt no urge to find out which team won this show. But, in the spirit of professionalism, I did visit the official TLC site to check out their recap, which I will now present to you in full.

Mel B searches the halls of Horace Mann Elementary School for performers, while Joey visits the St.Regis Hotel to build their teams.
Episode Recaps : The Singing Office : TLC

So, there you go then.

Apparently the producers of this show are so convinced there’s an untapped well of singing talent among the desk jockey’s and cubicle-dwellers of the United States they dispatch Spice Girl Mel B and former NSync-er to find the sub-set willing to cast their data entry aside and take up a mic.

There are no pictures of the teams from this past week, anywhere. Perhaps it was a figment of my imagination. Enjoy this sneak peak of airport workers in an upcoming episode.

What follows is basically an office Christmas party without the alcohol and inappropriate groping. Without the “party”.

Unfortuntely pickin’s is slim at both locations and enthusiasm in short supply at the school, but both captains do manage to find five performers for their teams and we move on to discover that not only can are they poor singers, they can’t dance worth a lick either. To compound the problem both teams are given songs to which even accomplished singers might struggle to do justice.
Joey’s hoteliers must tackle RESPECT. Aretha Franklin. ARETHA FRANKLIN! They never stood a chance. Mel B’s teachers are charged with getting their singing chops around ABC. Say what you will about Michael Jackson, surely we can all agree that there was a time when he had a truly impressive voice. On Mel B’s team only Christian boasts a voice that could arguably be deemed average, but it doesn’t have the power to defeat the overwhelming awkwardness of his move bustin’. Yet he’s still by far the best on his team.
Although the talent level on Joey's team seemed slightly higher, they we weighted down by the awkwardness of Sharon, was that her name? who couldn't master basic two-stepping.
Their trump card appeared to be a young lady with gymnastic experience willing to bust out a flip during the routine, but unwilling to road test it during rehearsals because she hadn't warmed up. She still wouldn't do it the following day because she hadn't consulted with her trainer. OK, Nadia, can you do the damn flip or not? She could. It was underwhelming, but by now I'm at the point where nothing could impress me.

Despite the poor performance skills the very worst display of the hour goes to the stylist for Mel B’s team. They meet in some swanky boutique where he advances the theory that “jeans and t-shirts” are the way to go for possibly their one and only tv performance. Mel B doesn’t even bother to shake this notion from his head and as a result her team performs in jeans, white t-shirts with long, coloured sleeves and a big black star on the chest. They also wore ball caps in the same colour as their t-shirt sleeves. I assume that little detail is where the styling came in.
Why either team captain met their stylist in a store when it's painfully obvious both sets of costumes were custom made I do not know.

Who on earth will this show appeal to? Office workers who’ve always wanted to sing? Number crunchers with calculators and a crazy dream? Even the half dozen or so people who still find the crappy auditions on American Idol amusing will surely consider this show a step too far.
I was expecting this show to be fun or at the very least to unearth some passable talent. I think it failed on both counts. That’s not to say there aren’t talented people currently doing “ordinary” jobs that might one day be stars. Sting used to be a teacher. I’m sure at one point some singing star or other worked in a hotel. Cher perhaps. Yeah, I’ll say Cher.

”Your room is at the end of this corridor.”

None of these people seemed to have any real potential and the majority of them didn’t appear to even enjoy the experience. For a show that, according to Mel B, is just about having fun, the contestants didn’t seem to be having a whole lot of it.
For me, it was a long hour. One that I won’t repeat, despite the tease that next week we’ll be visiting 1-800-DENTIST.

TLC Sundays @ 9pm.