The Bachlorette 6/9 Recap: Someone Has Their Panties in a Twist!
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Welcome everyone. The wonderful Lucy is still recovering from last weekís most dramatic rose ceremony ever and will be unable to join us this week. We wish her a swift recovery after what went down last week. What did go down last week? Some men went home, one man got his mullet trimmed up, and one man tried to pretend like he wasnít rejected. All in all, it was a solid week of hearts being crushed, but not nearly enough scenes with Graham with his shirt off. Hopefully that will all change this week. Letís all settle back on our couches, grab our favorite cocktail (my drink of choice tonight is a French martini and maybe some purple shots if things get bad) and get ready to watch some hot men wrestle in mud for the heart of one recapperÖor maybe just compete for the love of a girl who seems pretty cold to most people.
My Ears are Bleeding
To start the show off, Chris Harrison greets the gents and explains what is going to be happening over the next couple of days. Robert, Jason and Fred are all told to get their belongings because they are moving up to the big house, they must feel just like the JeffersonsÖexcept they arenít moving up to the East side. The men are then told there is going to be a group date, a one on one, and a two on one date, and only one comes back. The men all seem upset at this piece of news. Their looks of despair are nothing compared to my sobbing because Chris seems to have forgotten to tell the men to keep their shirts off for the whole episode. Chris then explains that the way to get the one on one date is to write and perform an original song for DeAnna. This sounds like an awesome idea.
The men get to writing and Jesse is concerned with his writing ability. Iím sure he could ask for an assistant and they could write for him. Some of the men are doing better than others. DeAnna shows up for the performance and I promptly pull out my earplugs (I also watch Idol) and get ready for the show. Fred is up first and asks for some clapping to get the beat going. I normally follow a rule that any song with clapping is good; this would be the exception to the rule. His song is horrible just like all the ones that follow it. I do have to give Jeremy props for his slow, white-man, rap, it was horrifying and not right on so many levels. Jesse makes the power move and gets on his knee and holds her hand. This seems to win her over and Jesse is the winner of a one on one date.
Some of the men return to the big house and Jesse gets ready for his hot date. Jesse is planning to wear jeans and some crazy shoes. His plan comes to a screeching halt when there is a knock at the door and there is a suit hanging outside. I love this move by the producers; it should have included a card that said, ďStop dressing like a slob.Ē Nice subtle hint by the producers. DeAnna arrives at the Outhouse and she is shocked to see that he cleans up well. She is sporting a nice dress that I may have worn to my prom back in the early 90s.
They arrive at the theatre and the sign has a special message for Jesse printed on it. He is shocked that DeAnna has done all this for him. Iím shocked that he actually thinks that she did this. They head inside and there is a tiny table for them to have dinner at. They sit down to eat and DeAnna tells Jesse he should get up on the stage and perform his song again. He clearly seems uncomfortable with it, yet she makes him do it. I think we all know who would wear the pants in that relationship. Sadly, I didnít get my ear plugs in time, but I did manage two shots and a downing of my first martini. Iím good to go!
They sit down for dinner and have a good little conversation going. DeAnna tells Jesse that she is not typically attracted to someone like him. Nice. She tries to dig her way out and he doesnít seem too offended. Iím sure it was her idea to make sure that he got a new suit for the date. DeAnna gives him the rose and he is thrilled. Iím looking at the clock and canít believe I still have an hour and half of this crap to go. DeAnna then tells Jesse she has a surprise for him and brings out Natasha Bedingfield to perform for them. They dance in a very awkward fashion and I make myself another drink and wonder why Prince was not hired for this gig.
Giggty, Giggty, Letís Go Racing!
Itís time for the group date, Jason, Sean, Jeremy, Graham, Brian, and Twilley all gather on the bus with DeAnna. She surprises them and tells the men they are going to the race track and going to drive stock cars. Nothing like a white trash date to find the man you love. Sean is probably regretting that he cut his mullet. DeAnna shows up in a jumpsuit, a style that no one should ever sport. The men are going to compete and winner gets something special. Hmm, what could that be, alone time?
Brian is up first and he canít even get the car started. He seems too big crammed into that car, heís like a clown tucked into a tiny car. Graham is a bit nervous because he doesnít own a car. I would be more than happy to move to his town and chauffeur him everywhere. Jeremy goes and has a little fit because he doesnít win. Sean is up last and you can just see the drool pouring down his face from the excitement of driving a race car. He is in his element and missing his mullet. Sean takes the whole competition and gets some alone time with Sean. He almost starts to cry over winning.
Sean and DeAnna head off for their alone time. Heís concerned that he doesnít get any alone time with her. Sean tells her they have a good blue-grass connection. He also tells her that they are both a little red, meaning they are both rednecks. I think every girl dreams of the day she meets a man and he calls her a redneck. Sean is such a romantic. If he rolls up his sleeves and shows off a farmerís tan Iím going to wet my pants from laughter.
DeAnna takes her turn at racing and they claim that she was the fastest driver. Sean gets chocked up again and claims any woman that burns rubber is his wife. I expect him to pull out a club, knock her over the head, and pull her off to a trailer park somewhere so they can live happily ever after.
Jeremy pulls DeAnna aside for a little alone time. He gets all creepy possessive with her. Graham interrupts and pulls DeAnna aside. Graham is so hot that I canít blame her for dropping anyone to go with him. They walk and then get into a little fight. Graham doesnít like that she is with other men and he wants her all to himself. All the men think that Graham and DeAnna are falling for each other. DeAnna asks Graham for a kiss and he refuses telling her he doesnít want sloppy seconds. Oh no he didnít! I canít really blame him though.
There is a rose on the group date and then men get all concerned all of a sudden. DeAnna gives the rose to Sean and he is genuinely happy. Iím actually kind of excited for him. I think deep down we all know he doesnít have a chance but this is good for him. Some of the men go into panic mode that they didnít get the rose.
Toga! Toga! Toga!
The men at the Outhouse decide to have a little party for DeAnna and the men up at the big house. They clean up a bit and send a special note to DeAnna. She shows up ready to party and the Outhouse men greet the mansion men with some special treats. Robert is having no part of being made fun of. He kind of flips out and itís probably not a great idea when he has a date later where someone goes home.
The men claim to have corn hole out back and DeAnna is ready to get her some corn hole. I have no idea what that all means. Iím just loving all the men standing around with their shirts off, does it get any better than this? Graham has a little fit and avoids DeAnna making her uncomfortable. Robert storms off as well and doesnít want to be around anyone. DeAnna seeks him out and yells at him that she is standing around by herself. She probably also whines when she has to go to the bathroom by herself. Robert gives her some lines about him not having a chance. Actually, those would probably be very true but he brought it on himself. Heís acting like a little brat.
They head outside and DeAnna gets all upset and starts crying. She yells at the men because they donít seem to want to hang out with her. She then gives them the lines about knowing what they are going through. She tells them if she canít handle it, then they should go home. She goes on and on and on and doesnít say a whole lot. She storms off and goes home. If she had toys, she probably would have taken those as well.
The men feel bad that they got yelled at. Me, I laughed so hard that I cried. That is the kind of speech that producers salivate over. So poorly thought out and delivered with such cold emotions, I guess typical DeAnna. It was such an odd little party and would have been much better if the mud wrestling I spoke of earlier was incorporated.
DeAnna changed her diapers and wiped away her tears and put on her big girl pants to get ready for her two on one date with Fred and Robert. She headed to Hollywood Hills to meet up with the guys for dinner. One of them is going home tonight and my money is all on Robert. The guys show up and she doesnít seem too thrilled to be there.
They start having table talk and it has got to be a bit awkward to be on a date with two men. Robert starts telling some story that goes on forever and DeAnna and Fred seem bored. Fred tells his little romantic story and DeAnna seems to eat it up. Robert and DeAnna go for a little private time together. Robert tries to kiss her and she denies him and makes him kiss her on the cheek. He seems to feel some connection where I can read the cold shoulder that she seems to be giving him.
Fred and DeAnna head off their time together. Every time he starts talking I expect him to talk about ďDa BearsĒ or offer her some bratwurst. He opens up a little to her but you can just tell that she is not completely into him like some of the other guys. He also seems to feel a connection and I think someone needs to give these men a little lesson on body language.
Itís finally sending home time, the three are gathered and DeAnna has the rose sitting on the table. DeAnna gives a little speech about what a great date that itís been, she is obviously lying. It seems like a huge ball of tension has been on the date. DeAnna tells Robert that she canít give him the rose, he seems shocked, I breathe a sigh of relief that she is letting psycho boy go. She walks him to the door and Fred seems so relieved at what has just happened. Robert gives his final interview in the limo, followed up with a few tears. Grown men crying on TV makes me laugh, so I carry on with it.
Fred greets DeAnna when she comes back in the door. They head back out to the balcony to finish up their date. She starts telling him what an amazing person he is, and then comes the but. She doesnít see them being together forever and she breaks down in tears. Poor Fred, he thought he was in the clear when he was just strung along. He tells her he wants her to be happy and then makes his way off into the sunset. Back at the mansion, the men are shocked that both men have been eliminated. There is probably going to be a big party at the Outhouse tonight.
Time For Someone to Get Cut!
We are finally nearing the ending, there is only about 20 more minutes left to go and then we can get back to our regularly scheduled lives and I can get in bed and pass out. DeAnna arrives home from her date and Jason greets her at the door to make sure that she is ok. He seems like a good guy but there is also something off with him. They have a little talk about what went down and she is truly upset that she had to let Fred go. They cuddle on the couch and Jason takes advantage of the whole situationÖor the show would be a lot more interesting if he did.
Itís rose ceremony time and one man is going home tonight. The guys get ready to head up to the house; Sean obviously forgot to visit the stylist before leaving. He is wearing some hideous, shiny brown suit. Heís lucky that he already has a rose. Jason and DeAnna make their entrance and you can just see the jealousy in the guyís eyes.
The guys take their turns pulling her aside and having their time with her. I donít understand why Brian never takes her aside and tries to get alone time with her. I feel like he is just giving up at this point. Itís not looking so good for him which is a shame because he is mad hot. Twilley and Jesse quiz Jason on what went down the night before and Jason admits to having feelings for DeAnna. Brian finally pulls DeAnna aside and they have some time together. The guys spot Brian holding her hand and they are all mad jealous.
After she talks with all the men they decide to jump in the pool, for a little fun, before someoneís dreams are crushed. Once they are all chilling in the hot tub, Chris Harrison makes his appearance and tells everyone to get cleaned up for the upcoming public dumping.
DeAnna gathers with the men and her pile of roses. She gives some speech to make everyone feel better; she should really be giving a speech on how unsightly her dress is. I digress though, back to the task at hand. Jason is called first, followed by Jeremy, Twilley, and Graham. Poor Brian is sent packing, he never had a chance to have much alone time with her.
Make sure to tune in next Monday for a very special DeAnna Tells All followed by a special 15 hour episode of the BachloretteÖit never ends and it never reveals anything. Iím looking forward to it already.
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