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Well helloooooo, Bachelorette fans! While most of you are still rehashing the just-ended Bachelor, ABC has decided to keep you tied to your TVs by throwing another Bachelorette out there.

Some of you regular Bachelor readers may have noticed that I am not, in fact, the lovely and clever regular Bachelor recapper, Roseskid. She had some things to do back in real life, where with some time and possibly professional intervention, we hope she can stop asking strangers in the street if they'll accept this rose.

So I’m stepping in to provide some snark. Now, I have a confession to make. I haven’t watched the Bachelor for a few seasons now, and the last time I saw a Bachelorette, Trista was turning me off pink forever. But it is SCARY how it is all coming back to me. I remembered Chris Harrison’s name with no prompting. I involuntarily twitched when he stepped out to announce the obvious, “This is the final rose.” So I’m figuring the Bachelor franchise is like muscle memory,


Just Because I Got My Heart Broken on National TV Doesn’t Mean It’ll Happen Again

Our Bachelorette this time is DeAnna Pappas, a 26-year-old real estate agent from Georgia who’s no stranger to the Bachelor franchise; she was one of the last two ladies standing during the Brad Womack Bachelor season. Womack didn’t end up choosing either woman, which is probably one of the more honest endings in these shows, so that left DeAnna free to continue searching for love on national television. She’s convinced her future husband stands among the 25 bachelors selected for this season.

She was pretty heartbroken at the time, though. She thought she was falling in love with Brad, and the day he dumped her was the “worst day of my life,” she says. He broke her heart, he broke her family’s heart and, in fact, she says he “broke America’s heart.” Well, now, that’s a stretch. I didn’t even know about it, so MY heart wasn’t broken.

But DeAnna got through it, apparently, because she turned up on the Ellen Degeneres show (I heart Ellen) where she learned she was going to be the next Bachelorette. “This time the tables are turned,” DeAnna says.

She says she’s just 26, but has been through a lot, and is ready to find the person to share her life with. She says she learned a lot from dating Brad and won’t make the same mistake twice. Except the part where she twice seeks love on a television dating show? Oh, no, apparently she doesn’t consider that a mistake. “I believe in the show and I know that it can work,” DeAnna says. She’s expecting this to have a fairy-tale ending.


Unicorn Metaphors: Are they Ever Wise? Discuss.

So tonight, she’ll meet 25 bachelors, with the ever-present “help” of Chris Harrison. When he asks why she’s nervous, she explains it’s “because my husband’s fixin’ to pull up.”

The show, damn them flicks through a series of quick clips of the guys. The first ones I can’t even keep up with, it’s mostly just cute men saying they’re nervous. We’ll do a more formal introduction later, but I’m including these tidbits anyway, even though I really wish ABC would edit in a more linear way.

Richard, a science teacher, says he just wants to get to her from the limo without tripping. A noble goal, sir.

The hairdresser, Ron, says he’s divorced, while the oyster farmer is leery of a “bunch of supermodel guys.”

Jon, of the bleach-blonde spiky hair says he knows how to make himself look good for a woman. His hair can take up to 10 minutes. He says it’s all about presentation, then he does some quirky dance. And I don’t mean “cute quirky.”

Jeremy says he’s going specifically to meet DeAnna. He thinks she’s a combo of personality and looks that’s rare to find. “DeAnna is my unicorn,” he says. Um, ok.

Ryan reveals himself to be the virgin. He’s very Christian, and wonders how DeAnna will deal with that. I can tell him already: she’ll deal with it by praising his strength of will, then dumping his virginal ass.

Jason thinks he’s perfect because he’s a single dad and has a passion for family that matches hers. Aww, his kid is cute. We see them making mac and cheese. He says his kid is his life, but he doesn’t have that true family sense because there’s no woman. He says he’ll tell DeAnna about this son in their first real conversation. He’ll be surprised if it bothers her, since she’s so family-oriented. He knows it’s not ideal, but he thinks if she met Ty, it would change everything. He’s a bit nervous to be away from the kid for six weeks.

Funny how the first ones we ran through so quickly, and then we got a longer look at some of them, isn’t it?

Sean says Brad is an idiot, because he wouldn’t have let DeAnna be on the market. Jeremy says Brad’s loss is his gain. Some tall dude in the limo says she’s the kind of girl you marry. Hair boy says he’s nervous and might throw up.


Are You SURE You Don’t Want To Cry Over Brad?

Chris says DeAnna will have her hands full. First, though, he trots out DeAnna. She’s in a slinky gold gown cut down to her navel. He asks if she can believe she’s back here in the same house. She says she’s ready to make some good memories. Then Chris drags her inside, probably to taunt her some more. “Can you believe that you’re here in this house about to be our bachelorette?” he asks again. She says she feels great, lucky, etc. But Chris isn’t done dredging through the past, now asking her about her heartache. She says she believes in the show. It works, because she fell in love with Brad. Chris says she’s “unbelievably sincere” in her reasons. She says oh yes, it’s all very real, everything happens for a reason. Etc., etc., cheese.

Unable to wring out a tear, Chris brings up DeAnna’s family, saying surely they weren’t thrilled about the results of her last go-round on the Bachelor ride. She says they’re just so supportive and excited and they just want her to be happy. “They saw their baby brokenhearted,” Chris prods, asking if they were reluctant for her to try again. But he comes up with nothing but enthusiasm and perkiness from DeAnna. Giving up, he tells her a lot of the men have come on the show specifically to meet her – they’d seen her on the other season – so what does she expect to find? She says first impressions are everything, and she wants to feel the butterflies. She doesn’t get nervous easily. And she’s looking for someone caring, into family, respects her, can make her laugh. “I’m looking for a guy who won’t get lost in the crowd” she says, and who knows what he wants. “I expect to find my husband at the end of this.”

Chris tells her they’re an “eclectic group” she’s going to meet. Oh, how true that is, as we shall see soon. He says the magic words, “let the journey begin,” waves his magic wand, and men begin popping out of limos.


25 Lawyers, Sales Reps or Athletes from Chicago or the South (Plus One Oyster Farmer)

First up is gray-haired Brian from Texas. A 31-year-old high school football coach, he tells her it wasn’t until this moment that he knew why he was doing the show, but now it’s clear to him. Presumably from seeing her. A purple shirt/tie with a tan suit, really?

Paul is next. He’s 23 (! A baby!), a sales manager in Edmonton, Canada. He grabs her hand and twirls her around, telling her he wanted to have their first dance. How little does he know that twirling thing is going to be quite popular this evening. He’s short.

Graham is 29, a professional basketball player in Raleigh, N.C. I didn’t know there WAS professional basketball in Raleigh. He gives her a big grin, and I’m trying to figure out why he has a carefully-manicured five o’clock shadow.

Sean is 33, a martial arts instructor from Kentucky. Well, they’ll have some background in common too. He’s taller than I thought, and tells her he waited a long time to meet her, and then runs off inside.

Richard, who didn’t trip, is 27, a science teacher in Binghamton, NY. He tells DeAnna she’s a vision and that, in fact, he didn’t trip. He wants to share some sort of stories with her, but I didn’t catch exactly what.

Jason, he of the son, (who is 31, an account executive from Ohio, now living in Washington state), tells her he’s traveled to Greece, and she says they’ll have something to talk about.

Spero tells her she’s beautiful. Really. Beautiful. He’s also 38 (a bit old for her?) and an actor (urgh) in Santa Monica.

Jesse is wearing omg what? Day-glo shoes and some wild paintsplattered looking coat, with his hair hanging in his eyes. She tells him he got really dressed up, and yes, that’s sarcasm. He’s the 26-year-old professional snowboarder from Colorado, so perhaps that explains things. No, I’m joking. Nothing explains that coat.

Jon gets told he looks great. He’s the one who was all about his appearance. He’s 35, a resort manager in Surfside Beach, South Carolina. Kinda old for her, isn’t he? Yet he looks about 19. Also, like it’s 1992.

Chris 29, from Dallas, Texas, is in medical sales. He tells her they give hugs in Texas. And then he hugs her goodbye, too.

Inside, the men talk about how gorgeous she is and how nervous they were. “Dude, my heart rate was, like, I had to hold my heart down,” Spero says. Omg, like, are you really 38? Dude?

Brian from Indiana, a 29-year-old computer network consultant, who pauses by the limo and tells her he’s nervous. He also twirls her. “Wow. I do. Show’s over,” he says. She hugs him.

Jeffrey doesn’t get a lot of conversation. He’s 27, a math teacher in Orlando, and the token black guy who’ll never make it.

Donato, a 26-year-old sales rep from Charleston, South Carolina, has chosen an unbuttoned pink shirt with a tan suit. She twirls him. He tries to walk off, and she asks where he’s going, dragging him back for a hug.

Ryan, 28, a professional football player in Minnesota, is also wearing pink and tan. He’s a hugger too. He tells her that two things can differentiate him: she won’t catch him without a smile, and he’s strong in his faith. Oh yes, he’s the virgin.

Blaine introduces himself as Twilley. He says he’s extremely nervous, and that she’s very sparkly. He also says she’s a good hugger. He is 33, a debt manager in Dallas. It appears that “Twilley” is actually his last name. My sister once dated a boy whose last name was Twilley. Our grandfather couldn’t get it right, and called him “Tweedy.” It stuck. He didn’t.

At this point Harrison comes out to tell DeAnna that was the first 15 guys, in case she couldn’t count. She says she has a few good first impressions, and overall is very happy with the crop of studs he’s sent her. And with that, it’s back to the limos.

Ron, 36, is the divorced barber shop owner in Kansas City, Missouri, and is pretty cute. He also is dressed like he came from a wedding reception at which he shucked his coat so he could dance more exuberantly. He says he left it in the car. Little does he know the disadvantage he’ll be at later, when the other men are rushing to put their own coats on poor cold DeAnna.

Patrick C., 26 and all shaggy-haired, tells her he’s from Chicago so this isn’t cold. She is cold, and says math (his job) isn’t her forte.

Luke gets some interesting intro music. He’s the oyster boy. She asks him to tell him something funny, and he says “How about, you look great?” She looks confused. She’s not the only one. Poor Luke, he’s got “nice boy but will never win the girl” written all over him.

Eric, who is from Greece, comes in, and he does speak Greek to her, I think. Also, his tie is blinding. He’s 31, a “senior analyst” (what does he analyze?) who lives in Boston but is originally from Greece, and since DeAnna has some Greek in her, this will give them something to bond over.

Robert, 28, is a chef in San Francisco, and is a lot taller than he looked on the Internet. Again with the spinning. He tells her he does salsa, and at her request sashays around with her a bit. I don’t know if that’s the technical term. She seems to enjoy it. I’m thinking, a tall man who can cook and dance ….well, let’s just say if I were DeAnna he’d have an edge at this point.

Chandler (not Bing), comes up looking off to the side, and she tries to follow his gaze. She asks about his Southern accent, and he calls her ma’am and praises her accent in return. Actually what he says is, “I’m diggin’ on that accent.” Chandler is a 25-year-old insurance rep from Spotsylvania, Virginia. Ha. I have lived near Spotsy, so I’m keeping my eye on him.

Greg, 28, is a personal trainer in New York. He greets her by telling her she looks like she’s been working out. GRRRR. Why do people who are obsessed with working out think that’s any sort of real compliment? It implies “you didn’t look like that before.” Anyway, DeAnna says no, she looks this good all the time.

Fred is a 30-year-old baby-faced lawyer in Chicago. Make that Chicaaaaaago, with his accent. He tells her she’s absolutely beautiful. He says he went over a million things to say or do, but his Greek is bad, so he’s going to give her a big Chicaaaago bear hug. If she feels overwhelmed later in the evening, he says she can wink at him and he’ll come hug her. And he can’t remember if he told her his name.

Patrick D. is 27, and does internet marketing, Chicago. A lot of Chicago guys this time. Patrick, if “internet marketing” means you’re responsible for pop-up ads, I hate you with a passion. He stretches himself out of the car, and tells her he’s a southern gentleman. And that drinks are on him. Oh, haha, what a jokey jokester! Not.

Jeremy is 30, a real estate attorney in Dallas. He notes that he’s not from Austin (is that where Bad Brad was from?) so she shouldn’t hold it against him. He’s cute but quiet, and tries to go inside, but she says he can stay. He says good. He then tells her something in Spanish, which he says he’ll explain inside. Uh, ok.

And that’s it, 25 men for DeAnna to choose from. She seems to approve of the crop, although Chris again brings up Brad. “Who?” she jokes. He warns her that inside, she’s got three first-impression roses to give away. And then he sends her off to the lion’s den.


Early And Sober, Everyone’s Nice But Spero

Inside, they’re still talking about how gorgeous she is. “I’m diggin’ on that, man,” says Chandler. Is that his term for everything? They all say she’s glowing, she’s vibrant, she’s lovely and they’re angling for her attention.

DeAnna goes over to the three roses, saying to us that one guy caught her eye immediately and she wants him to be able to relax. She gives it to Jeremy, as someone calls out “jerk!”. Jeremy doesn’t know what she saw in him, but hopes it was half of what he felt. I’m gonna guess she saw “cute lawyer.”

Greg seems to think Jeremy doesn’t deserve this distinction. He says that since Jeremy’s a lawyer, you’ve got to worry about “that line of bullshit.” And someone else says Jeremy was just last out of the limo.

Jason’s after one-on-one time, and goes to steal her away from a group. Paul says he’s insulted, as he was talking to DeAnna at the time. Privately, Jason and she talk about traveling, and his backpacking in Europe. She talks about traveling with her family. This is a good opening for him to talk about family, aka his kid. She tells him her mom died when she was 12, and that family are the people who don’t judge you. Hahahaha. Yeah right. He doesn’t talk about his son, though, because he says he wants this first conversation to be about them.

Ryan takes her outside and they sit under a blanket due to the cold, while the guys inside critique his moves. They note that she has no coat and yet Ryan is taking most of the blanket. Spero decides to go out give her his coat. Poor Ryan is embarrassed. Someone else says Spero threw Ryan under the bus. Ryan thinks he won’t get a first impression rose. The guys tell him he crashed and burned, because that’s the supportive group they are.

Ron, the no-coat barber guy, tells DeAnna he’s still nervous. She asks what took him to Kansas, and he says it was his ex-wife – he’s divorced. She seems a bit taken aback, and asks how long it’s been since the divorce. He says 2 years, and that you’ve got to be emotionally mature and not bring stuff to a relationship.

Fred hopes he’s cream of the crop and wants one of those two roses. DeAnna asks Fred if he has ever cheated in a relationship, and he says no. But Chris is also with them, and he admits he did once, and he felt like dirt and would never do it again. He tells us that topic has never come up so fast, but at least he was honest.


Oysters, Crabs, And a Deluded Drunk Donato

Robert the chef declares that he’s going to need to cook, which he hopes will get DeAnna’s attention and him some one-on-one time. He goes to a kitchen area that seems to have been all set up for him to cook, and begins chopping up some crab thing, according to the oyster farmer, Luke.

Poor oyster boy feels intimidated by all the lawyers in the room. He says he’s just a country boy and he really seems to feel out of his element. Luke has brought DeAnna a little pearl on a necklace, which he presents to her. She asks what being an oyster farmer means. He says it’s something to do for the winter till he teaches in the fall, history. He also says he surfs a lot. She says she didn’t know they surfed in South Carolina. Well, why wouldn’t they? There are waves there, after all. Anyway, Luke says he wants her to see the real him, not the nervous him. So far it looks to me like only Nervous Luke has shown up.

Robert, done with his chopping, takes DeAnna his dungeness crab cocktail. He explains the recipe to her, and she says it tastes really good.

Back out in the common area, a drunken Donato compares the two gifts rather unfavorably. “You gave DeAnna a pearl necklace, and you gave her crabs,” he yells. Inexplicably, Don thinks there’s no doubt he’s getting a rose tonight. He seems to be under the impression that he is more appealing in some mysterious way than the other men. Watching someone else rip a few more buttons open to reveal his hairless chest, I gotta say, I don’t know about all that.

Someone teaches her to waltz, while Paul says he’s frustrated that other guys get to talk to her more than once. He thinks Jason is trying too hard, but I think if Paul wants time with DeAnna, he’s going to have to go and get it. This is a room of 25 increasingly drunk, competitive men, it’s not kindergarten. There are no sharing rules.


Welcome To the Written Quiz Portion of Our Evening

DeAnna says it’s hard to get to know 25 guys in such a short period of time. Then Chris arrives. He says it’s not time for the cut yet. But he’s evening the odds a bit for DeAnna, by bringing in her friend Jenny. They do the squealhug. Oh, Jenny was the other girl Womack left standing? They formed a bond over that, and apparently have both gotten over it fine, since Jenny seems to be wearing a pretty big engagement ring.

So Jenny goes off with each man, with a book of questions and some note-taking. The questions are things like have you been married, engaged, want kids, how many, are you nervous, what will you do to stand out? In return, she gets breakdancing from one of the shaggy-haired boys – Patrick, I think.

Inside, DeAnna talks to the science teacher, Richard, about cold weather. He’s from the Mohawk Valley. It’s known for a kind of crystal, which he brought for her. “Maybe I could trade that in for a real diamond,” he says. She tells us she really likes Richard. He’s a little dorky, but he impressed her.

Outside, Jenny’s quiz goes on. Have they been in love? What kind of boyfriend have they been? When she asks Donato if he’s ever cheated, he invites her to sit on his lap. “So I can hold you,” he says. Wow, just the epitome of class and dignity, isn’t he? “Next!” says Jenny.

Eric tells us he wants to marry Greek, and she could be the Greek goddess he’s waiting for. DeAnna asks if he’s close to his mother, and he says “oh my god” in the way that means “yes, so much so that you should be scared.” He says his parents are old-school and want a Greek wife for him, and that if they knew he was there they’d plan a wedding and grandchildren already. Yikes, down, boy!

From Jenny: if they had to wrestle a bear, would they win? One says he has a three-point attack. Another just says “oh my god I would die.” I wish I knew better which guy was which.

Jenny also asks crazy-jacket guy, Jesse, about the jacket, and he says he wore it to stand out and hope she takes the time to get to know him.


Humph, No Man Ever Kicked A Lemon Off a Dude’s Head for ME

Inside, DeAnna tells another man marriage is a one-time thing for her. Then Jesse climbs in between them. She tells him the jacket states his style. He says he has a confession: He didn’t want to read up on her on the Internet, because “some reporter from New Jersey could have wrote some blog about you that’s totally bs.” Instead, he wanted to get to know her in person. He bumps fists with her, and then Sean comes in. He makes Jesse stand with a cup on his head and a lemon on it, and he’s going to kick it off. “Just don’t be nervous,” Sean says. “If you kick me in the head, man, when I wake up I’m going to kick you in the nuts five times,” Jesse answers.

They bicker back and forth for a bit, but Sean is a professional martial arts instructor. So despite some drinks, he kicks off the lemon perfectly. DeAnna’s a little stunned. She says it’s weird, but it got her attention. Outside Jesse tells the others he was so nervous “I almost pooed my pants, man.”

DeAnna and Jenny sit down to compare notes. Jenny likes Graham, and thinks Jesse is awesome. And she likes Jason. DeAnna agrees. And then Jenny leaves. Presumably somewhere in there she shared the results of all those other notes, especially the bit about Donato being a crass boor.

So back inside, DeAnna picks up another of the three roses, and gives it to Jesse. She tells us she did it because he has a great personality. Sean thinks he deserves half of it for getting Jesse more attention with the lemon-kicking. Twilley complains that at least he came in a suit.

Jon says going home is not an option, he has to get the rose. But with one early rose left, the men are starting to think they’ve got to stand out more. Some discuss it with football references, of course. Twilley offers a rumble that looks like it came from West Side story.


Are They Wooing a Woman Or Auditioning for the Circus?

Greg says some of these guys are acting like idiots. But, he says, “Greg doesn’t need to do that.” Oh, really? I guess all Greg has to do is flex his biceps and talk in the third person to impress women? No, apparently he thinks he has to suffer some massive physical ordeal as well. “I will go through the fire,” he proclaims. “I can take the suffering.” Easy there, bucko, you don’t have to fight a dragon, you just have to be friendly at a party. “I will get that rose in the end,” he adds. Uh, have they forgotten completely about getting the GIRL? God, men and their competitiveness!

At some point, Greg tells DeAnna he has a lot of different levels: compassionate, poetic, to name two. Are they, like, hidden levels? Deep, deep down? She asks about his tattoos, and he says something that gets bleeped.

Chandler then tries to lure her over with a duck call. Yes, he brought a duck call with him. Invited to give it a try, DeAnna declines. Then he takes her hand, and tells her he’s born and raised in the South, and he’s a “hometown kind of guy.” I do not think “hometown” means what he thinks it means. Also, he’s originally from Virginia Beach, which is not a small town and where they don’t really have his accent. I’m going to go out on a judgy limb here, because I’m from Virginia and there are a LOT of Chandlers running around here. I’m not saying he’s not a unique and special snowflake inside, but he does seem like a type. I have not looked up anything at all about him, but I’m going to bet you right now he went to Hampden-Sydney College, or maybe Ferrum. And that he owns at least one bow-tie and a seersucker suit, plus a closetful of khakis and button-down pastel shirts that he wears to college football games. If anyone out there can confirm my psychic powers, I’d appreciate it.

Brian, by the way, is sitting there in between them as Chandler tries to work some southern charm. Brian decides he needs to stand out too (perhaps he was intimidated by the duck call) and does so by lifting his shirt, showing her his “abs of steel” and making her touch them. Chandler jumps back in being serious, and Brian blows the bird call. Irritated, Chandler calls it a kazoo, and says that even though he brought it, at least he’s man enough to set it down and act like a grownup.

Then Paul comes over to pull her away. He tells her he’s from a farm, from small town Canada. He thinks the small town mentality is important. (I think that’s where Chandler was trying to go with his “hometown kinda guy” thing). Paul asks if he’d get that last first-impression rose if he jumped in the pool. DeAnna, who clearly has no intention of being pushed like that, tells him not to do it, that he’ll catch pneumonia. He jumps in anyway, fully dressed. He asks if he gets the rose, and she calls for a towel. But that’s not all Paul has planned to win her attention. He starts stripping off his wet suit, saying that he wore his swim trunks: a speedo with her name on the butt. Oh MY.

DeAnna is taken way, way aback. “Good lord, my name is on the back of this boy’s booty!” she says. The other men are a bit shocked as well. “It’s not what I would do, but it’s definitely ballsy,” says Jeremy. Yes, literally.

Paul is now just wearing a jacket and the speedo. Someone get him some pants, please? “You’re family’s going to be proud,” Jason tells him sarcastically.

Graham gets her alone. She says he’s easy to look at and is her type. He’s from North Carolina but lives in New York, he’s an investor in bars, and is trying to start a charity for children. She admires that. He says it’s nice to be able to be proud of what you do. She bartended for nine years, and says she could probably show him up slinging drinks. He says he’s even more intimidated by her now.

He is wearing rubber bands on his wrists, and says the bands were inspired by a book he once read; the bands are to remind him not to lose sight of what he wants. She tells us she feels like the luckiest woman because the guys are so handsome and well educated. There’s one more first impression rose, and one guy who stood out.

She takes it, though, and walks off with it into another room. Paul starts to fear he was too over the top. The men in the room she goes to include Richard. Although he’s shy, she says, he was sweet and genuine. Richard tells us the rose was a shock, and he has very low self-esteem from high school, so it’s a “huge thumb in the nose.” You know, on the one hand, at 28 you should be over high school. On the other hand, this situation is like being thrust back into a room of the high school jocks, so I can kinda see why Richard might be having flashbacks. It certainly can’t help that the other guys are all surprised he got the rose, too.


Culling the Herd

Chris arrives to stop the fun, calling DeAnna off to go think about her remaining 12 choices before the rose ceremony. DeAnna thanks them all, saying she knows what this night is like and it’s going to be a hard decision. In the deliberation room, Chris asks what it was like. She says it was so exciting, new, different. It’s odd being there, though, knowing she has to choose. Chris asks her about some guys in particular; she says Ryan didn’t realize he was hogging the blanket. She thought it was easy to talk to Jason, they had a lot in common. And he showed interest in family.
Eric’s Greek, which she could relate to, but she hopes there’s something in common past that. Luke is sweet, she says. He put a lot of thought into the gift.
Ron is very serious, she says, telling her about the ex-wife. She respects that he came right out with that. She’s never dated someone divorced, but everyone deserves a second chance.

She says there was a lot of competition. They were trying so hard to impress her.
With Chandler and Brian and their Duck Call/Ab Show, she didn’t know what to do. The ab thing was not a turn on, she says. But Sean’s kick got her attention. And Paul got her attention. She agrees some things were a little extreme, and she says the men don’t have to try that hard to impress her. She says she knows what her gut feelings are and she’s a good judge of character.

Chris finally leaves her alone. She says eliminating 10 will be hard, but worth it to find the love of her life. I can think of at least two who could be eliminated without qualm, so that only leaves 8, really.

So here’s who’s in:

The first rose goes to Ron. Oh good, he’s so cute.
Graham. Again, yay!
Eric. The Greek.
Robert the chef. Yay for tall men.
Sean the lemon-kicker.
Ryan, the blanket-hog.
Chris. Who?
Paul, who has put his clothes back on.
Fred, with his Chicaaago accent.
Twilley, which seems to surprise Jason.
Jason gets the next one, though.
Chris of course has to point out it’s the final rose.
Brian from Texas gets it. Brian from Indiana is disappointed. So is poor Chandler with his wasted duck call. I guess he’s not diggin’ on this anymore.

Chris tells them to say their goodbyes, and most of them turn to each other. Luke says the chemistry wasn’t there for her, and she’s awesome, and they’re all great guys, he’s just a country boy who isn’t used to all this, so he’ll go home. Aww, poor little Luke. I hope he gets a little more self-confidence.

Chandler says he’s disappointed because she didn’t see him for who he really was. He flew across the country to meet the girl, and he thinks he blew an opportunity of a lifetime. And he semi-cries, in that guy-like “I am breathing in really hard so I don’t bawl” way.

Greg tells her he hopes the guys treat her with ultimate respect. He says to us he thinks she’s a queen, but he’s not willing to compromise himself. Maybe she found him too rebellious, but he’s special and a prince amongst men, and he will rise from the ashes. Uh, ok. Also, he says, he hates his shirt, and he’d like to rip it off. So he does. “This is what she’s missing out on,” he declares, and howls at the moon like a coyote. Wow, yeah. She’s really … missing out.

Coming up this season, there will be a lot of sport-related dates. The men will live in the guest house, in bunk beds, with an outdoor shower that has no curtain. Each week, three will move in with her in the mansion, and she says they have to earn it. There is jealousy and animosity among the guys. Someone questions her intentions, someone questions other men’s intentions. DeAnna cries and says she won’t lead anyone on. She’s not willing to break her heart again. Someone says some guys are hiding things from her. And at some point, she freaks out and marches down to their guesthouse and yells at them about how something isn’t fair. Sounds like good times! I’m sure we’ll all be able to make a connection. See you next week!