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Thread: Amazing Race 3: Episode 1 Recap by Cali

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    The Amazing Race 3 Episode 1 recap

    The Amazing Race Three
    Episode 1
    What If Our Parachute Doesn’t Open?
    The official FORT recap by Cali

    First I feel like I must apologize upfront. This recap is a tad long due to the number of teams. I wanted to get something in about each of them. I hope you enjoy it. Please understand that I will take jabs at the contestants. Honestly, I like them all, so know it is all in fun

    Lets get the boring things out of the way first:
    12 Teams
    1 Race
    1 Million Dollars

    I am doing this recap by team, therefore I will go ahead and list the universal boring things here:
    Take off from the Everglades
    Catch a flight to Mexico City
    Find The Angel Of Independence
    Find Pablo
    Book one of three busses to the Detour
    Decide whether you will skydive or be pulled by a Jack-Ass (those of us wishing for one more shot of Wil from TAR 2 are disappointed)
    Get to the Pit Stop

    I am going to skip the team introductions, as we have threads for each team here at the FORT.

    Now I must decide the order in which to recap the teams, so I don’T appeaR As I’M ELecting favorites I will randomly select the order.

    Tramel and Telicia

    Einstein once said that genius has no personality. Einstein never met Tramel. He starts entertaining us with his wonderful personality minutes into the race. He is already having a good time. He and Telicia are slow to get to the airport and wind up on the second flight out. They make quick work of finding the Angel, and head off to find Pablo.
    I think they should have had Pablo wearing a stocking cap, glasses and a red and white shirt, it STILL would have been hard to find him
    TNT (Tramel and Telicia) come up short and wind up on the 3rd bus to the detour. Luckily, or maybe not luckily, Tramel is a genius after all, the two decide to skydive. That decision took them .004 seconds to make. The skydiving went well; unfortunately the drive to the pit stop was a disaster. Telicia thought it would be a good idea to try and run over a flagman and drive on a freshly tarred (or dirted by the looks of it) road. Tramel had to flex his absolutely gorgeous biceps at one point and push the ancient van out of a tight spot. They finally arrive at the Pit stop and take their time on what Tramel calls “Our walk of shame”. I honestly liked these two.
    They came in………..

    Andrew and Dennis
    Having Andrew start the evening with a standing back tuck was pure fun. He is sparkly and fun to watch. Both he and his dad seem ready for this competition. These two have a special bond… well two actually; they have the forever-strong bond of father and son and the equally strong, yet sweet bond of father and cheerleader daughter. It brought a tear to my eye. These two make the first flight out of Florida and found the Angel and Pablo by yelling helpful terms like “RAP-EE-DOH” , “ON-DA-LAY” and “AIR-EE-BAH”. It hurt my ears. Dad and son made the second bus to the detour and quickly decide upon the borrow cart. I enjoyed these two guys, and they seem to be having fun. They came in…………

    Derek and Drew
    Wonder Twin Powers activate! Form of a mirror! Yikes, this is going to be hard. I have enough trouble telling same sex teams apart. The only good thing about being twins for these two is that each one can blame the other when they get back home. Wait… that might not work, as one of them would have had to have made good decisions. Oh well, it was a thought. They made the 2nd flight to Mexico. They then lost more ground while trying to find Waldo. Errr, Pablo. They didn’t have a hard time finding him necessarily ~ It was their cabbie. “But, Cali” you may ask “Do the teams have to keep the same cabbie?” To which my response would be “Only if they are moronic enough to leave all the possessions with him” . The cabbie finally came back, after being told by the pawn broker that there was no interest in the deodorant and clean underwear. The twins found themselves on the last bus to the detour, and decided to go for the fast forward. This entailed going to Santo Domingo Plaza, an area filled with street typists, and find the one who has a message for them. The Blundertwins KNOW that another team is going for it also, but decide it would be better to jog to a place they have never been, from a place they have never been as oppose to getting in a cab. These two are so bright it’s scary. Of course they get the FF and don’t have to worry… wait, NO THEY DON’T the team in the cab actually gets there FIRST. Imagine. They make it back to the bus in time to catch the last ride to the detour. Obviously they do not have much of a choice since they know they are in last place, so they skydive. After the jump, the two get lost. This means that after all that they come in………

    Andre and Damon
    These two are going to do a smashing good job. I can feel it. On the way to the airport (I assume the fireman is driving) they run a red light. Having a cop behind you saying “red light, red light, red light, red light” would be enough to have me at least slow down, but I guess he’s used to driving a fire engine, so he passes right through it. They arrive at the airport, but obviously thought they were on Combat Missions (A great show on USA that never got promoted enough, and wasn’t picked up for a second season) as they take the airport as though it was an obstacle course. Weaving. Running. Jumping. Finally diving under the queuing system and getting a seat on the first flight out. They found Pablo seated in front of a cathedral and made it to the bus sign up fast enough to get a seat on the 2nd bus out in the morning. Now it’s detour time. A cop. A firefighter. These two served in Desert Storm so of course they opted for the donkey ride. Their drive to the pit stop was uneventful, and these two hunky heroes came in…….

    John Vito and Jill
    My goodness this guy is big. At least I think he is. Maybe Jill is just tiny. Who knows, but this guy looks like he could pick her up and carry her like a little rag doll if she gets tired. Of course after watching last her in episode 1 I just don’t see that happening. She is a little spitfire. She took off like a bat outta hell from every starting point. Reminder to self… find out what exactly that phrase means. This couple made the first flight to Miami and arrived at the Angel to find Pablo in good time. John Vito yells (read this in the best Arnold Swartzenegger voice) “Where is Pablo?” Unfortunately in Mexico City this results in 285 men raising their hands. They finally find the Pablo and wind up with a seat on the first bus to the detour. There was no decision to be made for either of them, and they ran to the plane to prepare for their jump. They came in…………..

    Terri and Ian
    Awww, 22 years ago they flew from Miami to Mexico for their honeymoon. How do I know this? This is why:
    Ian: “It’s a not stop flight on the Mexican airline, remember we took it on our honeymoon”
    Terry: “Ian, that was 22 years ago, who can remember that?”
    Well, dear, your HUSBAND can.
    They take the second flight out and find Pablo in short order, but being on that last flight has put them behind and they find themselves on the 2nd bus out. Upon arriving at the detour the following discussion took place (or at least could have):
    Terri We could jump
    Ian HA! Remember that last jump?
    Terri No, we could take the donkey then
    Ian HA! Remember that last Jack Ass?
    Terri Ooh, Ooh, I do!! I married him!
    They decide upon the jackass cart, but somehow manage to lose their driver prompting Ian to have his wife of 22 years pull the cart. Poor thing, married to one jackass, pulling another. Luckily, she has already forgotten. This lovely vision of marital bliss comes in………

    Zach and Flo
    So far Zach is fun for me to watch, Flo is boring. They made it on the first flight and land in Mexico ahead of five other teams. Along with Ken and Gerard, Zach seems to have a good handle on the Spanish language. They find make quick work (or as Andrew would say: RAP-EE-DOH TRA-BAH-HO) of finding Pablo and secure themselves a seat on the first bus. They arrive at the detour and we hear:
    Zach We should sky dive, it’s faster
    Flo I know but it takes so long.
    They get on the cart for about 2 minutes. Long enough to find out it will be a 7 mile trek. They jump off and sky dive instead. This menas they come in……….

    Michael and Kathy
    I feel confidant that these two will not be eliminated first. I say this only because I hardly saw them this evening, and I don’t think it would be fair for them to be gone with out giving us a chance to know them. They make the first flight, and the first bus. Michael lets us know that he CAN’T skydive. Hmmm, old sky diving accident? Father die by jumping out of a plane? Fear of nylon? Nope, he’s a coward. Don’t get mad at me, he’s the one that said it, as they sat in there cart and watched the plane with their fellow racers fly over them into the distance.. It’s ok though, as he’s cute in his admission.
    They come in………..

    Aaron and Arianne
    These two are Gold and Silver. They let us know this by wearing AG and AU T-Shirts. They then inform us that they “Think outside the box”, that they “won’t conform” (except that Gold and Silver conform into all sorts of stuff).
    Okely Dokely, our rebel wannabees. Thinking outside the box led them to following the teams in front to get to the airport. This got them on the first plane out. They found Pablo, but he was sitting right BY a box. They got on the first bus, which was shaped like a box. At the detour they decide to think outside of the plane, and take the jump. Of course they did this by following another team out of the plane. This outside of the box team arrived on the box like pit stop mat, coming in……….

    Ken and Gerard
    This brother team made the second flight out of Miami. They could have made the first flight, but knew that the wonder twins would be on flight two, and that is all the incentive one of these guys needed. They are among the last ones to find Pablo, but because they have the advantage of sweat reflecting off their heads they were able to SOS a taxi in short order. Too bad for them, that this same advantage partially blinded their driver, so they wound up late to the sign up sheets, and got a seat on the third bus out. Realizing that they are in the loser group, they also opt for the Fast Forward. Knowing that a taxi would be faster than walking, and having a good grasp of the language put them 2 steps ahead of the other team going for the FF.
    They arrive at the plaza of typists and yell: ¿Usted tiene algo para nosotros? Twice before hearing “Si”. They get the FF and are off to the Pit Stop at La Hacienda San Gabrielle de las palmas. They come in……..

    Gina and Sylvia
    Watch out for the soccer moms! They are confidant, happy and have come from rearing children to being raring to go. These two take the “follow them” approach to get to the airport and catch the 2nd flight. In Mexico City they find Pablo pretty quickly and don’t have a problem getting a cab, but because they were on the second flight they get a seat on the third bus to the detour. Seeing that they have time and are hungry, hey decide to go get something to eat. At a grocery store (they are moms after all). One of the moms must smell like cookies as when she arrives at the grocery store a small child runs up and hugs her. The young girls mother comes running up and says to her daughter “Maria no abraza a extranjero, le toma el dinero” (Maria do not hug the stranger, take her money). Our soccer mom, of course is oblivious to this and tells the woman her daughter is so cute. When they arrive at the detour they do not hesitate in their choice to jump. I will always love them for that! They have all sorts of trouble with their care and come in……..

    Heather and Eve
    These two begin the evening by jumping into stereotypes. I am not happy. We are told that they are beautiful (by them). We are told that they have no problem playing the stupid blondes, if it will get them what they want. They have in the course of three minutes set back the woman’s liberation movement 45 years. Thanks a bunch chickies!
    I guess I can be thankful that they are still in the USA at this point, or I’d have to ream them for giving American Tourists a bad name. They decide it would be a good idea to beg for money. I have lost a little faith in the male population, as many eager young, dumb and full of cu_ men eagerly hand over what little amount of money they have. I have a feeling these two were flashing more than smiles.
    They arrive in Mexico, find Pablo and secure a seat on the second bus. At the detour they decide to take the burrow because Eve (I am totally guessing here, but I have to use names, so I picked Eve) is deathly afraid to fly. Good choice going on a show where you FLY around the world. Heather proves to us that flying doesn’t scare her in the least, as she flies out of the burrow cart. Apparently it is landing that worries her as witnessed by her smashing her face onto the road. She decides then and there that they will jump.
    Eve Have you ever had people die?
    Jump Expert No
    Eve NEVER?
    Jump Expert No
    Eve Do you have a back up parachute?
    Jump Expert Yes
    Eve What if they both won’t open?
    Jump Expert Then I will land on top of you therefore surviving the accident, and you will splatter all over the ground. We will then call in the CSI guys and they will spend 10 minutes cleaning up the mess. Everyone will forget about you 10 minutes later.
    Unfortunately this doesn’t happen and the girls come in………


    1. Ken and Gerard
    2. Flo and Zach
    3. Aaron and Arianne
    4. Michael and Kathy
    5. John Vito and Jill
    6. Heather and Eve
    7. Andre and Damon
    8. Dennis and Andrew
    9. Terri and Ian
    10. Tramel and Telicia
    11. Derek and Drew

    Meaning of course, that it is Bye-Bye to Gina and Sylvia our soccer moms!

    Post Show Notes:
    The best quotes have got to go to Ken and Gerard: “They even sweat, those GODS” and “They were shocked, like ‘Oh My God, the fat bald guys beat us’”
    The best athletic showing must go to Andrew for his standing back flip.
    The Best Victory dance ever award goes hands down to Tramel and Talicia.

    I can’t wait for next week!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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