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This week’s show was full of drama. Well…according to Tom Bergeron. it was. Then again, we all know what he’s full of. For the first time, Kristi and Mark are nudged from the top of the leaderboard by Jason’s smoking hot muscles. Oh yeah, and his partner Edyta had a little something to do with that. An injury hindered Cristian’s performance leaving his fans wondering if he’ll be allowed to continue or if his trip to the ER will knock him out of the competition. Of course, the biggest mystery of the night is what’s up with Samantha’s poofy new ‘do. Yikes! Put on your dancing shoes and prepare yourself. We’ve even got some Def Leppard coming up for your listening pleasure. What? You’re wondering how Def Leppard landed a gig on a ballroom dancing show? Yeah, me too.
The Six Million Dollar Bum Comes With Fake Boobies
Last night, stars had not one but two chances to prove they have what it takes to stay in the competition. You can catch all of the highlights in MsFroggy’s outstanding fat-free recap. Marissa and Tony kicked off the night with a hot Tango that yielded three 9’s. Marissa hails Tony the best teacher ever and he tells her she’s the best student ever. Awww! Cristian and Cheryl came out with the Waltz first and weren’t met with such rave reviews. Backstage, Cristian points out the sweat on his brow to Carrie Ann who thought he needed more energy. Sweat = Energy, Carrie Ann! Get with the program, honey! Kristi and Mark hoped to dazzle with the Waltz but Carrie Ann criticized her turns. She thought they were off but Kristi takes the comments in stride and is happy because they enjoyed the dance. Mario and Karina struggle as well with the Foxtrot. He didn’t enjoy the dance at all and it showed. Shannon and Derek danced a passionate Tango and got rave reviews. They’re all about brown-nosing and butt-kissing backstage since they were so cocky and ungrateful last week. Funny what a good review and decent scores do for the attitude, eh? Jason and Edyta were the highlight of the night with their Quickstep. The judges were drooling, the crowd was on it’s feet, and Edyta called Jason her superhero. Does this mean we get to see him in tights and a cape? Because I’m all about muscular superheroes being in costume. It’s only fair.
In the Latin round, Marissa and Tony danced a romantic Rumba. She says her sexuality was on the line and it was unnerving. It’s unnerving to me too. Cristian came out shaking his bon bon in the Samba but he hurt his arm. Cheryl heard something crack and everyone is hoping he’ll be okay. Kristi and Mark’s Cha Cha was a bit too funky for stuffy old Len. Again, Kristi says she had fun and that’s what counts. Mario and Karina stepped it up a notch with their Mambo and got great scores. Shannon and Derek danced the Mambo as well and the judges were pleased with her hip action this week and Len even said she had a bionic bum. Backstage, Shannon shares that she not only has a fake bum, but also fake boobie pads, fake things in her shoes, and fake hair. I’m thinking the boobies themselves are fake too. And her eyelashes. And her personality. Jason and Edyta score a touchdown with the Paso Doble to the Monday Night Football theme. He’s not wearing tights but he does start out in a cape and his tank top shows off the finely sculpted chest and shoulders. Good enough!
Judges want to see Jason and Edyta’s Quickstep again. No surprise that they get the encore performance. It’s just as lively and entertaining as the first time. They really should have scored 10’s across the board.
After the judges’ scores last night, Cristian and Cheryl are in 6th place with 46 point out of 60. He was in too much pain to continue his routine as rehearsed. Tied for 4th place with 51 points are Mario and Karina and Shannon and Derek. With 52 points, Marissa and Tony are in 3rd place. She never thought she’d get three nines without her big hair. I like Marissa more and more each week. In 2nd place are Kristi and Mark with 54 points. It’s the first time they haven’t led the pack. Jason and Edyta have the 1st place spot this week with 55 points.
Len tells the dancers that the judges have noticed them pushing the boundaries where lifts are concerned. Rather then fight them and reprimand them on every lift, the judges will now allow them to do one lift next week. However, it can only be done in one dance and must be appropriate for the dance they are doing. The elimination part of the show finally begins. Kristi and Mark are the first couple given their pass to the next round.
DanceCenter is back with Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and Len Goodman. Kenny seems to have spent quite a bit of time in makeup again and has rubbed off on Jerry who’s wearing glitter. They start with Mario who is 21 years old. Len has underwear older than Mario. His nickname is Poopy. Alrighty then. Len thinks Mario needs to work on finesse and technique. Next up is Shannon who is tall and according to Kenny, cries at the drop of the hat. Derek has been in the hospital twice this season due to a neck injury and a clip is shown of Shannon hitting Derek in his “man area.” Her cardio endurance seems to be a problem as she is frequently seen breathing heavily and slumping over on Tom Bergeron. Len says she should hug him since he’s a judge. Kenny suggests Bruno but Len says no. She shouldn’t hug Bruno because he wears too much make-up. Did Len just mention Bruno’s sexuality? Heartthrob Cristian flies the only airplane in the Chilean Air Force. Len likes how well rounded he is in both the ballroom dances and the Latin. With him hospitalized, they wonder again if he’ll be able to continue with the competition.
Musical guests…Def Leppard? It’s a real WTF moment alright. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. This British group rocked the 80’s and here they are, two decades later, performing for ballroom dance fans. The pros come out dressed in black pleather(plastic leather) and do an aggressive routine as the band
lip syncsperforms it’s hit “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” My mind wanders back to Small Town, USA where as many of us as would fit in one car cruised the main drag with this blaring from the cassette deck. Ah, those were the good ole carefree days! Okay, back to reality where the pros and the band finish in a cloud of theatrical smoke and lights.
Backstage, Samantha and her poofy hair question Kristi and Mark about slipping from the top spot. Kristi is all sunshine and rainbows as usual and butterflies flutter from her lips as she compliments Jason and Edyta’s NFL number. No need to pour sugar on her. She’s as sweet as pie already. Jason jokes that they were just biding their time, waiting until the right moment to swoop in and take the lead. Gotta love this guy!
Kenny and Co. are back with their analysis of the final three competitors. Kristi is their first
victimdancer to discuss. Nicknamed “The Yam,” she has an advantage from her experience on the ice. They think she had to loosen up a bit but did so in the Rumba as Mark undressed her while her husband watched. Jerry calls her Kristi Yama-hoochie and gets the evil eye from Len. One thing they all agree on is that she’s favored to win the whole thing. Next up is Marrisa who Kenny deems the loudest competitor ever. Len likes her bubbly personality and character. She’s improving week to week. Her dancing is almost as quick as the speed of her voice. Jason is next and they all gush over his dance skills and charms. Jerry likes his chances and thinks he can go all the way. Len would like to see him stretch his choreography. Kenny points out his problem with flatulence and shows us a practice clip with Jason passing gas. Why is this always funny to men and children? They joke that his problem has carried over to the dance floor and Len jokes that he thought it was Carrie Ann. Now that is funny!
Finally, we’re on to the announcement of another couple who is safe this week. I’m sorely disappointed that it is Mario and Sourpuss.
Def Leppard is back to perform their new hit single “Nine Lives” from their brand new album Songs From The Sparkle Lounge. Who knew they had a new album? Certainly not me. Performing with them are World and US National American Rhythm Champions. Samantha gives them a screaming introduction and I can picture her front row at a concert, dressed in a vintage black concert T-shirt, faded jeans, and waving a cigarette lighter. She’s already got the poofy hair.
What A Man, What A Man, What A Mighty Good Man
We’re treated to a glimpse of the dancers’ rehearsal time. It’s stressful and grueling work to learn a new dance in just five days. But they’ve learned a lot and pull it off week after week. Tom calls Cristian and Cheryl down to discuss his injury. Wearing a brace on his arm, he explains that during their Samba, he actually ruptured a tendon in his bicep. After an MRI, it was determined that he does need surgery. However, it can be delayed and if he is safe this week, he will continue with the competition. Now there’s a real man. Tom is concerned about the risk involved but Cristian says if a deaf woman(Marlee) took the risk and did it, he can certainly do it. Toms ends them back to learn their fate. They don’t have to wait long because Tom quickly gives them the good news of their safety. Marissa and Tony go to the bottom two and Jason and Edyta are safe. That leaves Shannon and Derek in the bottom as well. After a dramatic pause, Shannon and Derek are given their walking papers. The two are emotional and sad to go but have become BFFs so all is well. They dance their final dance as the band croons “I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself. Cameron Diaz did a much better job with it in the karaoke scene of My Best Friend’s Wedding, but I digress.
Lest you forget, next Tuesday night is the 100th episode and judges will count down the top 10 greatest dances of the first five seasons. Among other special guest stars, Rascal Flatts will perform. Be there or be square.
Searching for a new ‘do for Samantha that’s not so poofy. PM your suggestions to me.