Fear Factor 04-07-03

It may not be a special edition, but people are still willing to do odd things for a shot at 50 grand. So, let’s meet them:

George Pappas – Accounting Executive from San Diego, California. He’s already considering himself an underdog, so much for positive thinking.

Alexis Merrill – Welding Company Owner from Tampa, Florida. Hmm, I’m sure there’s a joke about “hot rods” there somewhere.

Pete Shilaimon – Fitness Trainer from Anaheim, California. He’s going to use his head instead of his muscles, he didn’t say which head though.

Alyshia Ochse – Communications Student from Covington, Kentucky. Cute little thing wearing a “Get lucky in Kentucky” shirt. It looks like I have another trip to plan.

James Borrico – Police Cadet from Stratford, Connecticut. It sounds like he wandered away from the Soprano’s set. He hasn’t done “nuthin”.

Linda Valdez – Paralegal from Manhattan Beach, California. “There’s no way these people are getting the money. There are a few stupid people that are going to be so afraid, so distracted..…” Talking smack during the intros is never a good sign.

The group makes their way across a racetrack and meets up with host Joe Rogan. Joe greets them, goes over the rules, and shows them their first stunt:

Go-cart Chicken
A straight track is suspended 100 feet in the air. About 5 feet from the end of the track is a yellow line. Contestants must drive the cart down the track, have the front wheels cross the line, and come to a complete stop. If they fail to reach the line or drive over the edge they are eliminated. Oh, and it’s starting to rain.

Alexis is up first. She gets the countdown and begins her run. The group shouts wildly as she speeds down the track and comes to a stop with what looks like 3 inches to spare. Wow, damn near perfect.

George is next, and he looks worried. He takes off, and is counting the seconds in his head. He passes the line and comes to a stop about a foot from the edge. I guess the counting worked.

Pete is next and says he’s going to try the counting thing too. He’s talking to himself on the way up. Apparently he can’t count past 4 and hits the brakes too soon, stopping about 5 feet from the line. Sorry Pete, get to steppin’.

Alyshia’s up, and Linda says she’s lame and wouldn’t mind seeing her sent home. Alyshia takes off and starts to panic about halfway. She hits the brakes early too and stops at about the same spot Pete did. Buh-bye Alyshia, hey, let me console you.

It’s time for Linda to put up. “I’ve got to show these chumps” she says as the track is raised. With a determined look on her face she takes off. Well, she certainly does show those chumps…she shows them how to fly right over the edge. Ha ha. She tries to cover her ass by saying that it was more fun to go flying over the edge than it would’ve been to advance. Whatever, have fun on the walk of shame. For those people not paying attention (or those that haven’t read my previous recaps) let me say it again: Talk sh*t AFTER you win.

Jimmy “The Cadet” is up next. He plans to “live large” if he wins. I’m not sure how much large living you can do with 30 Gs (after taxes), but I guess it would be a fun couple of weeks. And it seems Jimmy won’t know either as he sails right off the end too. Fuggedaboutit

And then there were 2. Alexis and George arrive in a dark warehouse to find Joe standing beside a table and a basketball hoop. He introduces their next stunt:

Contestants will get 4 shots from different spots on the floor. Every time they miss, they must drink a blended cocktail of nightcrawlers, super worms, red worms, and everyone’s favorite – Madagascar hissing cockroaches.

George loses the coin toss and must go first. His first shot clanks off the rim. Alexis also misses her shot, so they’ll both be drinking this round. Joe dumps the critters into the blender and hits the switch. It sort of looks like a chocolate shake, but I’m glad I don’t have to drink it. George grabs his glass, and in a few mouthfuls is able to finish off his 8 ounces. Alexis takes her glass and chugs about half of it. After a breath she polishes off the rest.

On to the second shot, which is a little further away. They both miss so it’s time for a second glass. George has a little more trouble with this glass but is able to finish. Once again, Alexis has little difficulty drinking this wonderful beverage.

Third shot, third miss for the 2 of them. George grabs his 3rd glass and starts to gag, Joe introduces the “Official Fear Factor Chuck Bucket” just in case. It’s not needed though as George slowly puts it down. Alexis struggles with this glass as she tosses her head back after each sip. But, the little trooper finishes.

Last shot, and George is somehow able to sink it, nothin’ but net. Alexis misses. George starts to talk a little trash as she gulps slowly but surely. She puts it down and keeps it down, so it’s on to the final stunt.

The 2 of them walk down a path to find Joe standing beside a pool. He congratulates them on making it this far and shows them their last stunt:

Contestants will be chained to a platform by their ankles, waist, and 1 wrist. As the platform spins them in and out of the water, they must unlock themselves with their free hand. Then they must swim to the sign at the edge of the pool. The person with the fastest time will win.

George loses the toss again and must go first. He’s locked down, and the clock starts. He grabs the key and starts in on his other wrist. He spends about 35 seconds with that lock before opening it and moving to his ankles. He gets the key stuck in the lock and it snaps off of the tether. He stays with it, frees himself, and makes it to the sign in 1:44.

All eyes are on Alexis, and she’s wearing a lovely orange/red 2 piece. She gets the countdown and opens the wrist lock in about 15 seconds. She quickly moves through both ankle locks and finally the waist lock. She releases herself and makes it to the edge in 45.3 seconds. (Gratuitous shots of her soaking wet, standing by the pool) Have I mentioned how much I love this show? May I offer a congratulatory hug?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Alexis is your Fear Factor champion!

In 3 Weeks: The Fear Factor Championship, where past winners will compete for the grand prize.

To contact the author, send mail to jr@fansofrealitytv.com