Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor : Standing in the Shadows: A collaboration - Week 8
Here I am, the star of the show. I knew this was going to be a good few days for me. How can it be bad when we start the day by throwing Rodgers undies up in a tree? I think they used to be white. Uhg.
Dave is getting on my last nerve. Heís Mr. adventure, Mr. personality, Mr. all the girls like me better than you Rob. Man how I want to be him. I mean HATE him, man how I hate him.
Matt is driving me crazy with the sharpening of the machete. I donít think Iíll sleep well until heís gone. I know Survivor must screen the participantsÖ right? Oh, how that man frightens me.
I couldnít believe my luck at the Reward Challenge, how the heck am I supposed to win a night with a babe (yes, I know that the winner will get to pick someone to share it with, itís ALWAYS that way. In fact, that will be chapter 3 in my book: How To Win Survivor With Your Big Head. Itís just a working title, but I like it) Oh, so how am I supposed to win with Butch and Christy as teammates. No surprise that weíre out of it in round one. Thatís not the worst part though. The worst part is that Dave won. Man I want to beÖ I mean I hate him!
The highlight of the past few days was getting to watch Heidi and Jenna clean themselves without having to put a quarter in to raise the screen. Life is good. We have taken to calling the Sticks and Twigs because of their skinny legs. Iíll tell you though, if I saw those Twigs and Sticks rubbing together Iíd catch on fire. Damn Iím funny. The girls think they are leading me around by the nose. They are in fact leading me by myÖ oh wait, no theyíre not, I forgot that I convinced myself that Iím playing with my BIG head.
My short rise from watching them is quickly gone when I see Heidi cuddling with Dave, I donít know if Iíve mentioned it but, MAN do I wish I wasÖ darn it! MAN I HATE HIM!
The immunity challenge was fun, Julie told us we would get to paint gnomes of ourselves then smash other peoples. Marcelles wants hisÖ wait, theyíre masks, and this is SurvivorÖ my bad. Anyway We all painted our masks and waited to see whoís masks would get smashed in which order. The pawns SO took each other out for me. It was fun. Jenna won. Thatís cool.
Matt starts in on me about how much he trusts me. I am laughing so hard, inside, where it counts. He honestly thinks Iím on board with him. Kept thinking that Machete Boy, Mwuhahahahaha.
Tribal Council was fun for me. I got to laugh at Matt some more and tell him that heís come a long way since the beginning. Heís buying it and thatís all that counts.
Everyone voted for Dave. Of course, I wouldnít have had it any other way!
Another week as head of the tribe, life is good. Dave was a good sport and brought me along for his reward of a banana split and cool bath. That was nice of him, considering that I had already decided that his number was up. Oh sure, I didn't want to rub it in so I told him that I'd see what I could do to keep him around, but we both know darn well that I don't see him in my plan for the future of Jacare. I've got the whole rest of the show mapped out in my mind. I know exactly what is going to happen right up through the finale. I've got my dress picked out to wear to the reunion show, where I'll be sitting in the front row right next to Jeff, the winner's position. Why would I care what Dave thinks of me, as he's only the first member of the jury who will be deciding the winner of this game, after all. Insignificant gnat. Attorneys are much more strategic than rocket scientists. Especially women attorneys, because women have girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl power!
I hated to see Dave go, though because he is a cutie. Too bad there were so many camera's around, or I may have enjoyed a little "hide the loofa" with Dave. Not a good idea, though, because unlike Heidi and Jenna, I'm at least somewhat aware that folks back home will be watching this someday, and that I'm going to have to answer for what I do. With that in mind, I think I'll go tape a confessional about the superiority of women. You can't ever have too many of those.
I was kind of sad to see Dave go. He was little chubby, but still quite cuddly. I think that if he was a little smarter and worked out a bit to drop some pounds, we could get together after this is all over.
No matter now, as I have to continue focusing on the game. That is hard though because that fat cow Deena had ice cream, and really I miss having my nightly indulgence of a shot glass, filled to the brim, with non-fat ice cream. I am such a bad girl.
At tribal council I just couldnít hold back anymore. I had to show Deena I am just as smart as she is, and that I know the master plan. So I told Jeff, who could stand to lose that beer gut himself, that we knew the guys are completely tossing the game by fighting amongst themselves. Meanwhile, Jenna and I cruise along for no apparent reason. Deena glared at me for saying that out loud, but I think she was just jealous. I mean it isnít like the guys heard it or anythingÖ
OK, any minute now I'm going to make my move. First, Roger left. Then Dave. I'm starting to think I might be next to go. I did send a vote Dave's way to confuse everyone else into thinking he and I weren't close. That always seems to work. Let's see. What else did I do?
Oh, yeah. I helped Dave build the big fancy boat dock. That's really very important. There are so many perils out here in the Amazon: piranha, anacondas, caimans, machetes. The last thing we need is a horrible case of trench foot to contend with. And that's exactly what can happen if you dip your feet in the river too much. The water will kill you. Anyway, Dave needed a reliable and safe machete-wielder to help him build the dock. I was the obvious choice.
After that, we had the Reward Challenge. I knew we were toast as soon as the teams were chosen. I mean, sometimes it's healthy to realize that there's a limit to believing in yourself. When Rob's name came up, I sure didn't believe in my team. The kid looks like he has an allergy to weightlifting. We would have had a chance if the contest was all about thrashing and drowning, but sadly, we came in third.
The Immunity Challenge was pretty fun. I hope the kids back home paid close attention to how I sheathed my machete after each stroke. I know they'll have perked up for the mask-smashing scene. I bet they'll watch that on continuous loop for a long time to come. That's OK. At least I had all my clothes on.
I did learn something useful from that experience, though. If I ever see a giant log swooping down at my face, I'll remember to remove my glasses.
Can't say I was sorry to see Dave go. I am the only alpha male here and if Dave were smarter, he would have fallen behind Matt, Butch and Rob. Those three are all supportive of me winning this game. Especially Rob, he is SO clueless, it's like he isn't even playing the game.
I missed out on Reward by a number. I figured it was Dave, so obviously he would pick number one. It's okay though, I didn't really want to go off with him on a little date.. rolling around in the mud was punishment enough for one day.
I was third out in IC after Dave and Matt, but unlike Dave and Matt, I am completely safe.
Damn! I hope Dave doesn't try to move in on my girl in Loser Lodge. Maybe I should have put more effort into this.
I can't believe I got on all 4's for nothing. It has always worked before!? I so wanted to win that reward because Heidi and I have been talking about ice cream for several days. Oh, well. Who needs the fat, anyway? I wished somebody had told THAT to Deena, the fat cow. Can you believe that she wanted to eat some manioc and fish after having eaten all that ice cream? Control your hunger, woman! And let's not forget Dave. He already ate several days ago plus the ice cream today, so why should he get to eat again? I'm just ticked that he picked Deena over me. Whatever!!!
I showed them all when I was the last woman standing at the IC. I guessed on most of my answers, but who cares. I still won. My sorority sisters will be proud. Ewww...the immunity necklace is nasty-looking, but once it was around my neck, I made it look good.
*Sliding machete down sharpening stone* 84,692Ö84,693Ö84,694ÖIf there is one thing Iíve learned about the game of Survivor, itís that sometimes youíre going to need a sharp machete. I learned that on day nine when we lost the Escape-From-The-Cage Immunity Challenge. Any blade from my butter knife collection at home would have done a better job of cutting through that rope. Oh yeahÖsharp machetes can come in handy when you need to make yourself a pair of sandals too. I donít know a lot about Survivor, but I do know that. My friend Rob has been teaching me some other things about the game that might be useful. Heís kind of a goofy kid, but fortunately he has really taken a liking to me. He told me that Iím going to be in the top three with him and Alex, so thatís pretty exciting. Now that Iím going to be in the top three, I can relax a bit and start enjoying the company of my new Survivor friends. I did a little flirting with Christy today, and I think she is really starting to like me too. We played a game of Run-From-The-Man-With-The-Machete and she was screaming with delight.
The Immunity Challenge this week was really fun. It was a game about swinging machetes. Iím not quite sure why I didnít win, seeing as how I had been practicing my swing for several days. No matter, it was still a good time. Dave cut my rope first, but Iím sure he didnít mean anything by it. Deena went next and she cut my rope too. That was pretty smooth, now Dave will never suspect that we are all against him. When Heidi went to cut my rope for the final time, I pleaded with her not to, but she did it anyway. Rob taught me that itís important to keep your alliances a secret, so thatís probably what she was thinking.
Jenna won immunity, but itís not like immunity mattered since everyone knew that Dave would be receiving all the votes tonight. At Tribal Council, I told everyone how happy I am to be friends with them. Rob was so proud of my gameplay that he could hardly contain himself while I was talking. When Jeff asked him about it, he told everyone what a great guy I am. ShhhhhhhhhhÖRob! I thought you told me we were going to keep our alliance a secret!
When Jeff was reading the votes I was a little surprised to see my name come up. Dave must have voted for me. Iím not going to take it personally, he probably had some kind of scientific equation that told him to do it. Heís gone now though, so I wonít have to worry about him voting for me again. Final 3 here I come!
This game is getting good! You just never know which way it will go next ! I think for Matt it is going the way of the insane, that guy just gives me the creeps! And it appears the women are back on top again don't ask me how we have managed to do that one. I am wondering what the skinny skanks are whispering to the horny boys!
I see Heidi snuggling up to Dave and Rob is sooo jelous, I guess their hormones must be messing with their minds. Maybe that is Matts problem too, if you can't sleep with it then you need to kill it or catch it.. geeze MEN!
It was total strategy on Daves part to include Deena in on the reward.. but I know it won't work. No way, Deena is tough and she won't waiver!
I wasn't too worried about immunity in fact, I am beginning to think that a few people have sort of forgotten to figure out where I am in this game. I am so loving it now and I really feel if it goes the way it seems that I will be in the top four possibly top two.
I really will hate to see Butch go, he is an amazing man and I really appreciate how he has treated me and all the women. I do think it will be great to have him on the jury if I go as far as I plan to go with all this. I know Deena is on a roll and I am rolling right behind her, I think she is the strongest of the tribe right now and once the guys are gone those wimpy, bimby girls will be history.
hmmm hmmmm la lalala.. I am LOVING this game...
Well here I am, on my way to Loser Lodge. I canít believe it. I mean, I knew I was in trouble, but I thought that Iíd done what I needed to do in order to stay at least three more days. Letís look at the list of things I did:
- I got my nice buddy Butch to help me build a nice dock so peopleís feet would stay nice and dry.
- When I won the reward challenge I did the nice thing and randomly selected one of the two nice people that helped me win the first stage of the challenge. That Deena, what a nice lady.
- I nicely told everyone that there wasnít really that much ice cream, and that it was melted. No sense rubbing it, I mean, that just isnít nice.
- I let Heidi get all up on me while we were sleeping. But I didnít want to upset Rob, so I was nice and quiet about it, even though her bones are painfully sharp.
I thought I might have trouble winning immunity when I saw it was one of those ďIf-youíre-the-biggest-threat-and-donít-have-the-numbers-you-are-totally-screwed-no-matter-how-nice-you-areĒ challenges. When I saw that Matthew was eliminated before me, I figured my only hope would be to get people to vote him off instead of me. How tough could that be? I mean, Iím nice and clean and heís nice and creepy.
I guess Iím just a nice guy whoís number came up. I wonder if maybe thereís a Habitat for Humanity project or something I can work on while Iím waiting to vote one of these nice people a million dollars. Besides, keeping busy will keep me from realizing that if Iíd bothered to play the game instead of being so damned nice, Iíd still be in the game!!!
With thanks to everyone who contributed.
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