Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor - Standing in the Shadows: Week 7 - A collaboration.
I'm back in the game. I'm lean, mean and a heart-broken machine.
I'm gonna miss the headrubs from Shawna, but not enough to risk getting booted, so I knew I had to act quick. I teamed up with the rest of Jabaru and we decided when the merge comes, to boot Dave. (My idea, of course)
We DID merge and it was great to see everyone again. Well, it was great to see Butch anyway. Roger was back to normal, barking orders and assigning the women and Rob appropriate women's tasks. That ticked the girls off and they soon wanted to kill him, but I managed to convince them to wait and they settled for booting him next instead of Dave. Roger had no clue of course and I let him assume that I was voting along with him. I'm his little "Yes Man", so he was none the wiser.
The immunity challenge was great. Heidi and Jenna for some reason thought that stripping for peanut butter, instead of just getting off the perch for peanut butter, was a brilliant idea. I'm just glad "Wifey" wasn't there to put it all out on display. But their move was more brilliant than Roger, who jumped off without even a stick of gum promised to him. So we headed on down to IC for the Going Away Roger party... where Rob admitted he enjoyed being subsurvient. (I could have told you that) But poor Roger, he had no clue! I did slip a note in his backpack for him to pass to Shawna though at Loser's Lodge, so alls well that ends well.
The long awaited merge has finally happened and just as we expected, there was absolutely nothing in that stupid box we've been looking at for weeks. When I get done with this I'm personally going to kick Burnett's ass for that one. And how on earth do Oreos count as "chocolate"? If they would have had real chocolate I might have joined Heidi and Jenna, just for the eating, not with the stripping as that was completely dumb. I am a little worried to be aligned with such dim-wits. They stripped for no reason. I think Rob and I will be able to outwit them if he can control his hormones long enough to cast a vote. The only threesome Rob might find himself in here is with me and Mateo, or his right hand and his Magic 8 Ball.
I think post-swap Jabaru is pretty much on board with clearing out most of the other tribe before we turn on ourselves. Rob is with me and everyone wants to keep Mateo around for the fish. Christy surprised me when she agreed to let me have immunity after losing rock, paper, scissors so we could both have food. She got three votes from her "buddies" on the other tribe, so Christy's firmly in my pocket now. Those guys have obviously underestimated the women of this tribe. Alex is moping around because of Shawna, and he's an immunity threat, so I don't see keeping him around after we've taken out Dave and Butch. Once we all got together Heidi let Jenna and me know that Roger won't ever vote for a woman to win, so we took him out "pre-jury" rather than Dave even though Dave is more of an immunity threat. Maybe that was a mistake because Roger is despised by so many it would have been easy to get him out later. The looks on Dave and Butch's face at Tribal Council tonight was priceless, though, and we don't have to put up with any more of Roger's damn machete cleaning at dawn, so the tribe will sleep better tonight. I think I'll brag and strut around and ape Roger in front of the others to show my superiority as a woman. That's a good plan. I am woman, hear me roar. RRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR! Ooops, I scared a monkey right out of a tree.
Good thing Jan isn't here to bury it, as I think we'll be eating monkey and fish stew tonight.
It is all starting to come together. I am going to win and no one is going to expect it. I must admit I had consulted the 8-ball, so I knew we would merge this week. I had been working on my pre-merge speech for a while. I have to keep my minions where I need them. I can’t have the guys just sliding back to the “guy Alliance”.
Tree mail. The merge is announced. No kidding. Wait a second… we have to pack? I better check something. Will we be able to pick a camp to move to? “Looks Doubtful”. Dammit! Will we have to build a new shelter? “Definitely”. Crap!
Ah, the poles endurance test. As long as I put on a good show, I don’t have to win.
Jenna and Heidi will do what? For Peanutbutter?
“Get these girls some Jiff, Jeff!”
The girls didn’t have to strip at all. Ahhh, the power of Rob’s suggestive thought waves. I am the King.
Stupid Roger thinks he’s safe. He jumps off without even getting food. I’m waiting for something good.
Pizza. That’s it, I’m done. It was a damn good pizza. Deena wins. I knew she would, I am so safe.
Oooohhhh, beer at the merge party. Drink up ladies, I’m actually more charming and handsome if a drink a little. Or a lot.
After the losers spend time building shelter instead of alliances everyone talks about their sexual experiences. I tell them sex for me usually consists of me alone…. Oh WAIT… Alone but WITH a fat girl. (whew, nearly blew it).
Almost time for Tribal Council. I have to make this good. Hmmm, perhaps Arnold saying “You won’t be back”…over done. Maybe Rhett with “Frankly my dear…” NO, I’ve got it. Casey Casem. Everyone knows him. Now for the perfect song… Perfect Stranger by Supertramp? No, not right… Goodbye Yellow Brick Road? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, he’s not yellow or a road… Ahhhhh
“Dear Casey, there’s an old guy who’s been buggin me, but now he’s leaving……”
“OK, here’s your request…. Nah na, na na na na, Hey Hey Hey… Goodbye”
I’m too damn clever.
I believe this Survivor thing might just be getting to the fun part. We woke up to find that we are going to merge with the other tribe, or our original tribe or whatever.
Well, we got off to a good start with some much needed food. Then the battle started between Deena and Roger, and male vs female and Rob vs his hormones. The campfire talk was pretty fun, who knew what I was missing, I divulged a little of my wild past and I think I threw old Rob for a loop, actually I think the sight of Heidi and Jenna throw him for a loop daily.
I am really glad we have merged and I feel a small victory for myself at having made it this far!
I have made it this far and I saw how strong I was during the immunity challenge. I think I have forged an even stronger bond with Deena because of that. I'm going for it all now and playing my own game. With Roger gone I think the game has taken a new twist and I am anxious to see what is next.
Okay. We merged two days ago, and I thought everything would be fine; we guys would stick together and vote out the women, starting with Christie because she was next on the block in old Jabaru. I can't believe how badly I miscalulated! Roger was voted out. Butch and I are, what's the scientific term for it? Oh, yeah, we're royally screwed.
Clearly, the women were able to convince Alex, Mateo, and Rob to go with them. Granted, Roger was being even more annoying than usual, but we had an agreement! Man, what ever happened to all those words about dignity, honor, and honesty? Oh wait, those were my words.
Butch and I are next on the chopping block. I'd expect them to pick me off next because I'm a physical threat, but Butch didn't allow himself to get distracted by Heidi and Jenna, so they might actually consider him a bigger threat than me. Rob sold us out in a big way. It's now obvious to me that he's hoping to make a final three of himself, Jenna, and Heidi. Rob, I may be the next one to go, but I have news for you; there isn't enough peanut butter and beer in all of New York City to get Jenna and Heidi to actually have a threesome with you.
Hey, uh, wait a minute. What just happened? I could swear I saw Roger walking out of here without his torch. Weren't there six guys at Tribal Council? And only four women? Wow, I am so confused. And so dead.
Let me think back. We opened The Box. We left camp, and you better believe I had the "Believe" banner neatly rolled up in my backpack. Couldn't wait to show off its intoxicating message to the three ladies who hadn't seen it yet. Next thing I remember we're at the new camp having a big old feast. I've got a hot dog hanging out of my mouth, and I'm throwing wienies at everyone in sight. Beer's flowing, we're having a great time. And then Roger decides it's time to get to work. Hm, maybe that's when all the trouble started. I remember we tried to use the Believe banner as a beer cooler, but it just didn't work out. Roger snapped something at me about warm beer, but I wasn't listening.
I behaved myself at the Immunity Challenge, at least as far as the kids know. Good thing the big riverboat had a perfectly-angled rear view mirror, though. Oh, and that pizza sure was good when I dove in at the one-hour mark. Funny. Guess it's true what they say about giving a hearty dinner to the condemned man. The countdown is on. Believe it.
I’m so bummed that Shawna is gone now. We were just starting to develop something special. Of course now that I have a little more free time, I’m getting lots of fishing done. They practically jump right into the boat for me. I have always had the magic touch with fish. Man, if I was competing against fish instead of this group of humanoids, I’d have this whole game in the bucket. Ahhhhh…just me and my little fish minions, we would rule the jungle. Huh? Oh, I started to doze off there for a second. OK, I guess it’s time for the immunity challenge.
Wow, we really know how to run a con. That old windbag, Roger, took a dive after only 35 minutes, and he didn’t even get any food out of the deal. No food, no immunity. Hahaha! Sucker! I’m so happy I was here to see the day of his downfall. He started barking orders on the first day, and he hasn’t stopped since. I hung on for a couple of hours through the wind and rain. I think that ought to be enough to avoid looking cocky, while still maintaining my manliness. Those chicken wings were great, and my relative safety allowed me to savor every bite. Baaaaaaa-Bye Roger!
I'm so glad we finally merged and I can be back together with Jenna. She's so pretty. I missed being with the cute girls. In fact, I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Me and Jenna and another guy... or maybe just me and Jenna. During the tribe's sex talk I threw that out there for her to think on. She seemed like she'd go for it!
I didn't have to do much work once we merged, but then again, I didn't really do much work before we merged either. Cute girls don't have to work. I was talking to Deena and Jenna about who we should vote off. Deena wanted to vote off Dave because he's the strongest, but I convinced her that we needed to vote of Roger because we can't have him on the jury. She totally caved. Oh to have beauty and brains...
I wasn't worried at all during the immunity challenge. Knowing that Roger was going to go, I could just relax and stand on my perch. Then I hear Jenna say she'd get naked for some peanut butter and chocolate. Seeing the opportunity of fulfilling not only my desires to be invited to pose in Playboy, but also my constant cravings to get naked with Jenna, I chimed in that I wanted to strip for a Reese's, too! Jeff offered up some peanut butter and oreos and our clothes were off! God, we're goodlooking!!! And that was the best peanut butter I've ever had. Bye Roger!
I was so ecstatic when I found out the tribes would be merging. It's so refreshing having Heidi around again. Our first night as one tribe reminded me of my old Sorority. We all sat around the camp fire, talked about our sex escapades, and drank all night.
I didn't drink any alcohol because I didn't want to accidentally make out with Rob.
At the IC, I so wanted peanut butter and chocolate that I offered to take it all off. I didn't really have to encourage Heidi that much, she took all her clothes off faster than a speeding train. I wasn't worried about getting voted out. None of the guys would vote for us after having laid eyes on our godess-like bodies. I just hope that Playboy doesn't decide to pay me with peanut butter and cookies, too!
I am sitting so pretty right now. My plan is really starting to come together. The men are up 6-4 going into the merge, so I’m guaranteed to be here for the next 4 tribal councils. I want to get as much work out of these people as I can before they get voted off. By the time I’m in the final 4 we should have finished our own little Survivor castle with a moat and everything. They are so lucky to have me as their leader. I always tell everyone what a great leader I am so they know to do what I tell them. Afterall, that’s what makes a good leader…someone who has the balls to tell people what to do and how to do it. Deena tried to lead for a little while, but I crushed her ideas. That’s another sign of a great leader…someone who crushes other peoples ideas in favor of their own. I am so good, this is almost too easy.
At the immunity challenge we had to stand on some pedestals out in the water. What a joke. I don’t even know why they had the men go out there. Everyone knows that it will be one of the women that gets voted out tonight. This challenge was custom made for the women. They are good at standing around doing nothing. In fact, they’ll probably be so desperate to win immunity that they’ll stand out here all damn night. I’m the leader, I don’t need to waste my time out here. I could be on shore designing our Survivor castle, or sharpening a machete or something.
Deena won immunity, but it’s not really going to matter. All 4 of the women will be leaving soon enough, so she only delayed the inevitable. Since we can’t vote for Deena, we’re going to ditch Christy tonight. I like her, she tries hard, (for a woman), but really, who cares? She’s still a woman, and the men are in full command of this game. When we got back to camp I started handing out assignments for the night. Everyone was being really nice to me. I think they really admire and respect me.
It’s time to go vote off Christy now. Before we vote, Jeff asks me if I would have stayed on my post longer if I thought I had been in danger of being voted off. Is that some kind of trick question or something?!?! If the women were up 6-4, maybe, but get a clue Jeff. Your question isn’t even relevant.
I’m having a hard time keeping this huge smile off my face as Jeff starts reading the votes. Christy, yes, Christy, OH YEAH, Roger, Roger…wait a minute. Hold the phone. Oh sh*t.
Well, they didn’t outwit me, they are halfwits. They didn’t outplay me – they were playing checkers while I was playing chess. They did outlast me though. Oh Hell - At least I never ever ever never ever have to see them again as long as I live.
With thanks to Zhora,Cali, Paulie,lurkinggirl, Wolf,Ilikai, Bravofan, Jodaar, Firegirl, Bill , Sher, Kylie, Miss F, Wayner and John.
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