Yoffy lifts a finger...
Survivor 6 - "My Left Toe"- Episode 4 recap.
Shockingly enough, “Survivor interrupted by Bush” did not mean we were going to view part two of the Booby Alliance’s wash time.
At just under an hour late, (thanks George) episode 4 hit the air.
Over the years, we ardent viewers have become more than familiar with the plain fact there is not equitable division of labour in Survivor tribes.
Despite having collected the firewood yesterday, Jeanne offers to go and do it again today. She’ll probably have to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next day too.
She is obviously a purist and thinks victories in the reward and immunity challenges will have left her teammates “enthusiastic” for the day’s tasks ahead.
Of course she would think that, the fat sow. She is totally unsympathetic to the fact the cute girls just don’t have hulking great rolls of excess meat like the rest of them, so how can they be expected to do as much work?
Shawna – Every morning I’m woken up by two girls shooting me dirty looks.
Those are some powerful looks if they can actually cause you to wake up.
Heidi – You don’t get ahead in this game by actually working. You have to work out how to play the game. Ha-ha, I said workout, these lard-asses have never done a workout in their lives. I’ll take a break whenever I need one.
Uh, take a break from what? Lying down?
The other women will have to set up a rota to turn her every couple of hours so she doesn’t develop sores.
Her strategy is apparently simple, thank goodness or she’d never have gotten Shawna on board.
“Cute girls rule”. That’s pretty much it.
Dave – Rinky, dink minnows can’t keep seven strong guys alive.
Uh Dave, there’s actually six of you.
Quick someone hand him a protractor before he loses his math skills altogether.
Sitting in the boat with Butch and Matthew, Dave decides to make up a poem about their little trip, lamenting their bad luck and mentioning how they’re “sitting on their ass”.
He of course wanted to say “Pythagor-ass” but humour of that caliber is wasted on the likes of Butch. He makes a mental note to save it for the next edition of “Rocket Science Rocks” and they head back to shore empty-handed.
A group decision is made that they would probably catch more fish, or indeed some fish, if they used bait.
What the heck were they using before? Their powers of persuasion?
The big worm-wrangling expedition is on.
They decide to head out to the far corners of their camp, leaving Matthew to search for worms beside the shelter.
Matthew – I’m the odd man out.
Of course you are dude, you can speak freakin’ Chinese. How often do any of us find ourselves in a room with even one person who isn’t Chinese who can speak Chinese, let alone two?
Exactly. You should be used to it by now Matthew.
Cut to the rest of his team having much success on their worm hunt.
Dave – We went looking for worms and we struck Au.
The cute girls barely lift their heads to see Joanna throw another fish in the cooking pot.
Heidi – The work ethic is starting to cause problems in the camp.
According to my game plan we should wait until there are men here then offer to let them create the friction, if you know what I mean?
The trouble is the fat chicks don’t understand that it’s their very love handles that propel them on to work harder. The added energy stored in their double chins alone means they can chop wood faster than us cute ones and the static created by their thighs rubbing together when they walk could cook all the fish they can catch.
Joanna finally sits down for a breather only to have Jenna tell her how the Booby Alliance finds the Amazon so different to their “comfort zone”.
Joanna replies thusly…
Joanna – Anything worth having is worth working hard for. Beauty fades.
Anyone planning a trip to Brazil, please schedule in a couple of days to visit the Jaburu campsite to see if you can track down Joanna’s reply. Last seen flying right over Heidi and Jenna’s heads.
Heidi - I don’t even get what she meant. Actually I didn’t understand her because she’s so fat her cheeks wobble too much when she talks.
Jenna – Jeez, I’m hot you’re not, deal with it.
Heidi and me wanted to be on a team with men because the women will just vote us off because we’re so much hotter than they are.
The Booby three finally decide to do some work, or more accurately to make it look like their doing some work by going off to try and catch some fish.
Sitting together in the boat, Shawna does at least have the decency to feel a little guilty that the other women are working harder. She dismisses those feelings as soon as she can muster the energy required to shrug though.
Heidi – It’s all about cute versus huge. If you can’t play the game you don’t deserve to win. If you’d spend the entire million celebrating at Krispy Kreme you don’t deserve to win either.
The other two nod in agreement.
The cute three contemplate for a while and with the help of a raised index finger from each of them realize they are a group of three. Heidi raises and additional thumb to symbolize that there are in fact four people not in their alliance, meaning they have to try and get the vote of one of the “big girls”.
Shawna thinks the best plan would be to approach Deena.
Miraculously the plan works and Deena is fully amenable, due to the combined factors of her fear of the mighty Joanna and her feeling she can influence the younger women.
Yes Deena, Heidi in particular has a lot of respect for the older females in the tribe.
Shawna – Our alliance is totally solid. We like each other, but even if we didn’t we’d still vote together because that’s what alliances do right? They stick together and vote the way the group wants.
More of that later…
As a bird swoops down from the trees and plucks a fish out of the water, we head over to Tambaqui knowing they will either catch a fish like the bird or MB is trying to show how easy it is to catch them and therefore what losers the men are.
Matthew (who will henceforth be known as Mateo in a desperate bid to make him sound interesting and exotic) informs us that fishing is his forte. He’s on a fishing/bridge building expedition with Dave and Alex and it’s “potatoes” all round as Matthew bags a healthy sized specimen. He blows any cool he won in catching the fish by going on to point out that he knows exactly what type of fish it is(a peacock bass), what waters it normally feeds in, how many scales it has etc.
He does realize that his “teaming up with the two biggest losers in the tribe” strategy was a wrong ‘un, so he’s desperately trying to “reach out” to certain individuals in the tribe.
With the fish hidden behind his back, he heads back to camp for a game of “guess what daddy bought home” with the rest of his tribe mates.
Mateo – Hey Roger, you’ve got the vinegar, now I’ve got the fish.
They should have bought those “potatoes” back from the boat.
His unveiling of the fish is just enough to temporarily jog Roger from his rhythmic ass picking, Rob doesn’t seem overly impressed, but Butch approaches Mateo to “hug it out” and directs Rob and Rogers attention to his banner by pointing at it with his machete over Mateo’s shoulder.
Alex then goes on to confess about carrying this momentum to the Reward Challenge.
We are becoming accustomed to only seeing one piece of tree mail per show, so the mere mention of the RC is enough to conjure it up.
Once again, free from their promise of “all-new” challenges, a tried and tested, light a fire, burn a rope, wait for something to drop down affair awaits the teams. The only difference is this time they have to light four fires and the burned through ropes will reveal a section each of their banner.
Jiff explains the banners bear the tribes names and thus averts a conniption from Butch who thought “Believe In Yourself” had been cut into pieces.
Jiff – Do we all understand the value of fire?
Jiff lists their supplies for the fire building challenge, which includes a flint, steel and all the combustible material they’ll need, barely an arms length away.
Why not just give them matches Jiff? Hell, go the whole hog and just give them a dragon.
As usual, yes Jiff, they do want to know what they’re playing for.
Jiff motions to a wooden box from the “As Is” section of Ikea, which amazingly houses a “fully functioning refrigerator”. If it wasn’t fully functioning it would pretty much just be a box really Jiff.
He opens up the fridge to reveal can upon can of Coke, in every variety currently available, plus New Manioc Coke, a Survivor Amazon tie-in.
Having noted that the cans are red instead of white, Jenna decides to sit this challenge out.
She wants no part of winning anything that isn’t sugar–free.
The challenge begins and the women race off into a two-rope lead. Joanna is the main force behind the fire lighting, the others are simply following her directions.
There is some confusion when she asked for “the fuzzy stuff” and the others try to pull out Christy’s armpit hair, but other than that it’s pretty smooth sailing.
The men are struggling.
Roger aborts his fruitless attempt to use the magnifying glass while Dave gets the first fire underway with the help of the flint.
The men squat in front of the fire, legs apart, to try and block the wind bringing a second correlation to “hair removal and Nads”.
Somehow, the singed ranks of Tambaqui manage to catch then overtake the females and burn through rope three first.
With much huddling, knee rubbing and leg touching the men, led by Dave whoop the fourth fire on as it burns through the rope.
They celebrate their victory by each cracking open a can of coke.
Back at Jaburu camp, Shawna’s pity party is in full swing and Deena makes some very stupid statements.
Deena confessional: - The group has probably never been at it’s lowest.
Huh? That makes no sense. If you’ve never been at your lowest it will get worse than this right?
Shawna – My body is sucking energy from my left toe.
Errr, you only have one toe on your left foot? Alert Ripley’s.
Shawna – it took everything in my brain to stop my body from just sitting down on the sand.
Hmm, she must have gotten a hell of a lot smarter since the “Rob, do you have conditioner” fiasco during last weeks reward challenge or she’d still be sitting on the sand now.
Perhaps in shaking her hand Dan rubbed a little bit of stupid on her.
Heidi’s rubbing Shawna’s knees. Could be out of mock concern or a bid to try and pass cute vibes through to her.
Deena tries to tell her she’s just dehydrated, but reason cannot penetrate her delirium.
Shawna apparently feels like a “blubbering idiot”, how fitting.
Heidi confessional: I can’t be that sympathetic to Shawna because we need her in the game. Everyone knows cute girl strength is at it’s maximum when you’re working as a threesome. Look at Charlie’s Angels, there are three of them, Deena is our Bosley. The Spice Girl’s after Geri left. There were three cute ones and “Baby” was always a bit too fat, Deena’s our “Baby”. What about the Bangles? Three cute ones and the butch guitarist, there’s your ‘Deena’ right there.
Shawna moans that she doesn’t feel she can last 30 more days out here.
Deena confessional: - Just shut up and drink your water like you were supposed to be…
Huh? Like you were supposed to be?
Deena continues… Quit acting as if is the worst day of your life, quit whining, don’t be a quitter.
Uh, so you want her to quit being a quitter then?
Over with the Tambaqui’s, the fridge awaits them on their return to camp.
They head over to open “that bad boy” up. MB is obviously hoping for a Clarence style thieving incident and has had a camera placed inside the fridge to capture the perpetrator/s of “Colagate”.
They count the cokes, 23, plus the six they drank at the RC equals 29.
Hmmm, 29, whichever team had won the cokes would not have been able to distribute them evenly if they drank them all before the next TC.
You cruel, brilliant bastard MB.
Alex walks over with the fish after being advised to bring that “bad boy” over.
What the hell is with calling everything a “bad boy”?
No good ever comes of eating the parts of animals that others will not touch.
Skup ate all kinds of fish parts and fell head first into a fire. Shii- Ann downed everything apart from the feathers of one of the chickens before being a casualty of the vote having been splendidly duped by the “merge that wasn’t”.
Now, I’m not saying these events occurred simply because of their eating the “parts”, but they did eat parts and they did not win. You can’t argue with the facts.
Dave decides that today will be forever in his mind as “the perfect day”.
Note Heidi and Jenna, his perfect day includes fishing with the lads, having his ball hair singed off and drinking coke, all of it without you.
Rob has been fixated on the women, or lack thereof, since this series started.
We now see why.
Who among us thought Rob spent his weekends in the company of legions of “hot chicks”? Exactly. We now have confirmation that he spends his time alone, singing karaoke in his basement.
He wishes the women were here so he could direct his rendition of “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” directly to them.
Hmmm, that would require some swift lyrical modification, but it would be interesting to hear his serenade Heidi with “You’ve lost most of your hair, oohhhh, your dignity’s not there, you’d rip off your underwear, to avoid the vote whoa whoa whoa”.
It’s 4.30 in the morning at Jaburu camp and tree mail has arrived in the form of the poem and a dried piranha.
Heidi proceeds to read, “rise and shine before the sun, it’ll be 4.30 am for everyone”.
Now obviously it the sun were out it would be later than that for the fat girls as they cast a bigger shadow across a sundial. It would appear 4.30 is a great leveler.
Ever the optimist, Jeanne decides they will kick butt in a fishing competition.
Deena makes a chomping sound, which I guess she feels is something like a sound a piranha would make. It sounds stupid, but is still the most coherent thing she’s said all day.
The teams arrive in their boats.
Jiff – Nice and tight, right in here.
Rob was so wishing to hear those exact words from Heidi.
Jiff goes on to explain this challenge will test their fishing ability.
As with the reward challenge, all the supplies they’ll need, short of a commercial trawler have been laid on. They’ll be stationed 50 yards apart and have an hour to catch as many fish as possible. Clearly this would not be much of a challenge if the aim was to catch as least fish as possible would it Jiff?
Whoever has the most fish, by weight wins immunity and the fish.
Jiff dispatches them to their stations and the fishing starts.
Mateo quickly hauls in his first catch.
Mateo- It’s small but it counts.
Uh, no. That’s just something women say Matt.
Jiff asks Heidi to explain her strategy.
Heidi – Well, we’re using the smaller fish as bait so Joanna can catch larger fish.
Uh Heidi, they gave you bait, why waste any of your catch?
Bemused by their idiocy, Jiff leaves the women to go and inform the men they have 30 minutes left.
He’s sidetracked by Dave, who wants to tell him about the “dynamic combination of himself and Roger”, in terms of Rocket Science.
This involves Roger catching a fish, Dave treading on it, handing a freshly baited fishing pole to Roger then removing the caught fish from the hook and placing it in the bucket.
Uh, is that all there is to Rocket Science? I imagine new career plans are being made all over the country and await news of “Robb Zbacnik – Space Dude”.
Robb – It’s wayyyy tubular, so few rules.
The hour is over and it’s time for the weight in. With Heidi and Jenna on their team the women should have known this challenge would be lost. The two of them don’t comprehend the concept that being heavier makes you a winner.
Victory to Tambaqui.
Back at Jaburu camp, it’s decision day for the ladies.
Shawna is now such a physical wreck she can’t walk a few paces without the weight of her ‘fro toppling her over.
Jeanne feels that Shawna should go. The team needs strength and Shawna needs to get back to health.
Shawna’s not stupid. Ha-ha, I know, but she’s actually not as she can see the alliance has bumped her. She tells us that she might just decide to make her own voting choice tonight.
Cut to the alliance discussing strategy.
Deena – I do feel a lot of compassion for Shawna, but stop being a criney, whiney baby.
Jenna – Yeah, there’s a possibility of screwing us.
Jenna, that’s the truest thing you’ve said since this series started.
They decide to draft in Christy, but neither Jenna nor Heidi actually speaks to her as she approaches the group. When she shows some hesitancy about keeping Shawna in the game, Heidi finally addresses her directly by saying that if she votes with the alliance, she’ll be securing her position in the game.
Heidi does however fail to mention that position is round about 10th or 11th. Wouldn’t want to risk her making the jury would you Heidi?
Jenna turns up in a “Rush Zeta” sweatshirt. Why was she allowed to wear this.
Perhaps, as a Brit, MB wanted to send out a subliminal message to Academy voters to cast their ballot in favour of Mrs. Michael Douglas.
Perhaps he wants to portray her as an almighty loser who needs to just get over the fact she is not in a sorority anymore.
The TC is uneventful. Heidi tells Jiff they were surprised to lose both challenges, Jeanne lies and says the work is being divided up evenly and Deena is up to her old trick of making no sense again.
Deena – Christy works really hard, Shawna’s struggling and we need strength to beat the boys.
She then goes completely against this comment by voting against the strongest member of the team, explaining she is a strong woman “both physically, spiritually and mentally”.
Uh, that’s three things not two Deena.
Jiff slips off the shuffle the votes before revealing them to show Joanna has been booted. He doesn't reveal that Shawna votes agaisnt her allaince, something she said she wouldn't do, but we do get to see it while Joanna delivers her goodbye message at the end of the show.
Shawna looks disappointed, Heidi has the smug visage of someone too stupid to know how stupid they are and Jeanne gives them the patented Gina “why did you boot Hunter you moron’s” stare as Joanna exits the stage.
Next week on Survivor:
Shawna gets even crinier and whinier.
Dave screws the cheerleader at half time.
Last edited by Paulie; 03-10-2003 at 01:39 PM.
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