+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 1 of 1

Thread: Surreal Life Fame Games Premiere Recap: At the Hotel Fame Whore

  1. #1
    Bitten Critical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Fangtasia - The Bar With Bite
    Age
    45
    Posts
    16,148

    Surreal Life Fame Games Premiere Recap: At the Hotel Fame Whore

    (Registered members may comment here)

    Welcome to the season premiere of The Surreal Life: Fame Games! Every season, this show stretches the definition of “celebrity” almost to its breaking point. There’s always at least one cast member whose name has me asking "Who?" This time, the show will be a little different. VH1 has chosen a group of former cast members, “All-Stars,” if you will, to compete to find out which one of them is the biggest celebrity. Essentially, they’ve taken the question “Don’t you know who I am?” and turned it into a 10 episode reality show. I want to go on record and say that it’s just not an all-star version of the show without some self-pitying crap from Corey Feldman, but that’s just me.

    This season will be set at the requisite sweet pad, this time in Las Vegas. The limos begin rolling up to the house and there to meet them are Verne “Mini Me” Troyer dressed as Tattoo to Robin Leach’s Mr. Roarke. Let’s see who we’ll be cringing over this season, shall we?

    Ron Jeremy
    How you know him: Season 2 of The Surreal Life and countless adult films featuring his gargantuan *ahem* Not-So-Little Ron…....or so I’ve heard.
    Ron claims he was chosen for this show because he is a good competitor. Also returning to the show from season 2 is Cherry the Tortoise, Ron’s pet. She seems suitably impressed with the A-List digs….as much as a turtle can be.

    Sandy “Pepa” Denton
    How you know her: Season 5 of The Surreal Life and from Salt-N-Pepa
    You may remember her, um, unique method of eating an entire banana in one bite from her time on The Surreal Life. Pepa says that she’s very competitive and plans on winning this whole thing. Pepa and Ron (with Cherry in tow) tour the house together. Pepa says that she was afraid of Ron at first, but now she might actually want to room with him.

    Jordan Knight
    How you know him: Season 2 of The Surreal Life, mega-huge boy band New Kids on the Block and his record 10,000 covers of Tiger Beat (<---rough estimate)
    Jordan vows to be more involved in this go ’round of the show, instead of barricading himself into a bedroom and being Mr. Anti-Social like he did last time. At this point, everyone pretty much wants to lay claim to the Big Ass Bedroom, including Jordan. He then whines when it’s revealed that the B.A.B. doesn’t have a private bath. Way to turn over a new leaf there.

    Traci Bingham
    How you know her: Season 2 of The Surreal Life and the master acting class that was Baywatch
    Cue the footage of Traci from season 2 with her breasts blurred out as they flop out of her top. She’s happy to see Ron. This makes sense, since they share a predilection for flashing their ”assets”. Traci also bonds with Jordan over her former status as a NKOTB fan.

    Emmanuel Lewis
    How you know him: The first season of The Surreal Life and TV’s Webster
    Emmanuel is psyched to meet Verne. This is likely because he’s much taller than Verne, which probably isn’t a very common occurrence in Manny’s life. Manny thinks that the length of time he’s been in the public eye will benefit him in the competition.

    Joanie “Chyna Doll” Laurer
    How you know her: Season 4 of The Surreal Life where she spent lots of time jumping around in a bikini, crying hysterically and climbing out windows.
    Ron isn’t the only one who brought along a pet. Chyna Doll has brought her two little dogs, whose names are (I think) Bambi Roo and Honeysuckle Honeybunny. Oh, good Lord. They must get the crap beaten out of them by other dogs.

    C.C. Deville
    How you know him: Season 6 of The Surreal Life and hair band Poison
    Robin Leach thoughtfully welcomes C.C. with water instead of champagne. C.C. tells us that he hates competition: he’s only doing this show because he’s a fame whore. This is probably why everyone is doing the show, but C.C. gets points for honesty.

    Brigitte Nielsen
    How you know her: Season 3 of The Surreal Life and Strange Love, both of which featured her alarming and bizarro relationship with Lilliputian Lothario Flavor Flav. She also did some bad action movies and married Sylvester Stallone, but the image of her making out with Flavor Flav has burned all of that out of my brain.
    As soon as Brigitte emerges from the limo, Verne is stricken with terror. Also afraid is Jordan: Brigitte tried to kiss him when they were on the show together before. Who isn’t afraid of Gitte? Chyna Doll, who is practically humping her leg. Apparently, the feeling is mutual and Brigitte tells us she’d turn lesbian for Chyna Doll. I smell another spin-off show.

    Rob “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle
    How you know him: Season 2 of The Surreal Life and music store bargain bins everywhere.
    Rob seems to think that he’s gotten more respect since he was on The Surreal Life. That just shows how little respect he got as a result of his music career if this show is a step up. Brigitte greets Rob, but he barely acknowledges her. She tells us that they went out about 20 years ago, but he clearly doesn’t remember. Rob admits he was in a bit of a haze back then.

    Andrea Lowell
    How you know her: Season 6 of The Surreal Life and Playboy TV, which may be why her face isn’t familiar to you.
    Andrea admits she is the least famous of the bunch. I guess that would depend on which demographic you asked. It seems we’ve got more girl love going on. Andrea is mesmerized by Traci’s breasts.

    Letting Our Hair Down
    Traci and Andrea jiggle off to survey the house and stake out bedrooms. The others follow suit. Rob says he doesn’t care where he sleeps and just lets everyone go ahead and choose their beds. The rooms seem to be chosen without too much argument and everyone adjourns to the bar to start getting sloshed get to know each other.

    In come Robin Leach and Verne. Robin cautions them that there might be ten of them right now, but only one will be left standing at the end of the competition. Along the way, their celebrity skills will be tested. What would those skills be? Signing autographs? Getting Bo-tox? For now, Robin tells them to relax and live the lifestyle of the wealthy and well-known….which is probably a big switch from their normal lives.

    Verne hops up on the pool table and takes off the horrid Tattoo wig. He tells us how happy he is to NOT be any more involved with this show than he is. After all, the last time he was a cast member, he ended up riding his scooter around the house naked and peeing on the carpet. I don’t think any of us want to see a repeat of that.

    Hello, I Must be Going
    It’s time for dinner and everyone gathers around the table for some civilized conversation. The first topic up for discussion is whether or not Chyna Doll has gotten an anal bleaching. The answer: no. Chyna Doll is offended by the question and says that it’s inappropriate dinner conversation. I’d say that’s understating it a bit, wouldn’t you? Traci and Andrea don’t agree with her, but Brigitte defends her girlfriend-to-be. Ron notes that cliques are already emerging. I’ll note that I just want to move on from the topic of anything dealing with bizarre cosmetic procedures.

    Jordan is quickly becoming a clique of one. He’s staying away from the group and not involving himself in the discussion. Jordan reveals that a member of his family had been sick, so his thoughts have been elsewhere. He calls home to speak with his wife and she breaks the bad news: his grandmother died. Jordan rejoins the group to tell them that he needs to leave. Everyone is supportive and sympathetic. Brigitte tells Jordan he’s doing the right thing.

    Just like that, we’re down to nine celebs. Andrea sits in the hot tub and ponders the suddenly improved odds.

    The Morning After the Night Before
    Lord only knows what happened after dinner, but it resulted in Chyna Doll and Brigitte in bed together under the Vegas sign…..fully-clothed, thank God. They cuddle and coo over each other and still, it’s miles better than when Brigitte had the same kinds of encounters with Flav.

    Quicker than you can say “Thelma and Louise,” the fun is over. The celebs get a message from Robin breaking the bad news: the competition is about to begin. Their ride will be coming very soon and they need to look sharp. Off they all go in a luxury coach, all speculating about what the competition will be.

    The group disembarks to a huge crowd at the Fremont Street Experience. Really, the crowd was probably there already. The casinos there are really liberal with the drinks….at least that’s what I’ve heard.

    The celebs sit down as Robin explains to the crowd that Jordan had to leave unexpectedly. Never fear, they found someone to step in and replace him. Verne rides in to take Jordan’s place, still eating his words from a bit earlier. So, I guess he’ll be peeing in public again. Verne says he’s excited at the opportunity to get to know Emmanuel better. Really, aside from their shorter stature, I can’t think of much else these two have in common.


    Playing Favorites
    Robin Leach announces the $100,000 prize that the winner of the show will receive and then reveals that, for this competition, 30 people in the crowd were randomly selected. Each person will choose which celebrity they would like to have their picture taken with. The two celebs with the fewest number of votes will be moving into the B-List room of the mansion.

    The first fan chooses Pepa, while the second chooses Vanilla Ice because he’s, like, awesome. In no time, there are only 4 people left and Vanilla Ice is in the lead. C.C. has zero, while Manny and Verne only have two each. Chyna Doll and Andrea only have one each. C.C. starts to freak out and decides to pander to the crowd for votes. He promises to split the contest money with anyone who chooses him. This method seems to work: he gets three votes. Andrea gets another vote, tying her with Verne and Manny. Chyna, who is now in last place, loses it and starts to cry. Because only two can join her in the competition back at the mansion, they will need to have another fan break the tie between Andrea, Manny and Verne. Manny gets another vote and he is safe. Vanilla Ice wins this competition with 6 votes and gets three nights at the new Planet Hollywood resort.

    Chyna, Verne and Andrea will face another challenge back at the mansion to determine which of them will be moving into the B-List room in the mansion. On the bus, Chyna Doll is crying over being called a bottom feeder by Robin. Ron tries to cheer her up, rather ineptly I must say. Still, he manages to get her laughing a bit, even as she says she wishes she had gotten more votes. C.C. confirms every suspicion I’ve had about celebrities, telling us that in his head, he’s a really big star.

    Bottom Feeders Go Back to Reality
    Back at the house, Robin calls everyone to the living room where they find a game show set with three podiums. Robins informs them that, starting tonight, two of them will be losing some privileges and will become part of the B-List team. Chyna Doll, Verne and Andrea take their places at the podiums.

    The game tonight is “Back to Reality” and our hostess is Inga, who introduces Robin (who we just saw, like, 2 seconds ago), calling him “our favorite Englishman.” Um, no. That would be Clive Owen. The celebs will be playing something called “Schwag Bag Showdown,” which involves the celebs pulling items out of a big bag. The first two to grab a piece of junk will be headed for the B-List. Andrea goes first and gets a DVD/CD/MP3 player combo. She’s still safe. Chyna Doll gets some sort of skin care system that keeps her safe. Verne, who could fit in the bag with his twin brother and have room to spare, asks Inga to grab a gift for him. She pulls out a silk tie that is longer than he is tall. He’s still safe.

    For the next round, Andrea picks some super-neat-o universal remote and is safe. Chyna Doll then gets a not-so-super-neat-o portable cassette player that she will be able to play NKOTB tapes on in the B-List room. Verne then gets a tube of soap bubbles, which will accompany him to the B-List room. Andrea rejoins the A-List and Robin tells the A-Listers that they will each be getting a schwag bag worth over $5,000. That’s one hell of a remote control.

    The Oddest Couple
    Everyone takes a field trip to the b-list area of the house where Chyna Doll and Verne will be co-habitating. Brigitte is clearly anguished over the loss of her new bed buddy. Verne gives Gitte a ride over to the B-List area and, surprisingly, his scooter doesn’t tip over. Chyna Doll flips out over the horror movie-esque quality of the room. It looks like a motor inn from every bad 1970’s slasher movie ever made.

    This season on The Surreal Life….. Oh Hell, you know what it will be: lots of blurred out body parts, hissy fits and crying and about two hundred gallons of alcohol. Sound like your kind of party? Me too!
    Last edited by Critical; 01-11-2007 at 12:31 AM.
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.