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Welcome to another edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Survivor: Cook Islands! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .

So I hear that mud is supposed to do wonders for your complexion. Well it also does wonders for your hair. After rolling in the mud and collecting more than anyone else I also saved a little in my hair. I let it sit and harden and when I had the chance to shower it out it turned my hair into something glorious. It was so vibrant and fluffy. The sun was just gleaming off it and almost blinding everyone around. I never knew that mud would do that. I think Parvati seemed to notice because she was all over me. She was flirting and I could tell she just wanted to put her fingers in my golden brown mane. I was sad to see her go but she was a slight threat to me in the challenges. Of course, she could never beat me, even if my arms and legs were both broken. I’m positive I am the greatest player to ever grace the game of Survivor. Let’s not kid ourselves, I also have the best hair of any survivor…ever!

That reward challenge was Sweet! It was fantastic getting truly clean with all that warm soapy water, and then the massage. Aaah. My, how my masseuse must have enjoyed rubbing those oils along my bulging abs and pecs, and I can only imagine the camera close-up shots running slowly along the length of my lean yet muscular body when the show airs. My fans will be getting an early Christmas present from me, and will definitely be getting into the Yul Tide season now, ho ho ho! But wait, I can’t afford to get too giddy, because the game’s not over yet. The others are still scheming, like when Parvati and Ozzy slurped some champagne in the hot tub, and began shamelessly flirting with each other. With all of us skinny (and I do mean skinny after 39 days without much food) dipping in the jacuzzi, I’m pretty sure I saw something come up between them ifyouknowwhatimean, heheh, so I’ve got to keep concentrating on the money, baby.

Wha...what happened? How did I, the best-looking girl on the island, get voted off? Was it the peeing in my pants comment? Because I was like, just kidding about that - I didn't really pee in the tub. You can't prove it, anyway. I thought I had this thing in the bag when I showed the guys all my goodies in the hot tub, especially that Ozzy. That boy's got some moves, and I don't mean the ones you see during the challenges. I'd let him run my obstacle course any day. *giggle* But I'll never tell what happened that night. Unless, like, somebody wants to pay me for my story. Hee! It's a good thing Daddy didn't get to go along with me on this reward like last week, or I'd be in trouble for sure. No more credit cards for me! Oh well, at least I still have Nate back at the jury house to keep me busy for the next few days...


Oog. Adam walk on sticks, win big, win everything! Sticks no like Adam, sticks say NO! DON’T WALK ON ME! Adam fall off, no win. *sniff* BAD sticks! Adam go to island again. Count one, two, three times on island all alone. Adam lay down and flies lay on Adam. Flies bite. No good island. Adam hungry, where talk-talk man to feed Adam? Adam want many coconut, many food. Adam catch food in shell, eat raw. Aarg! Food no taste good. * whines* Oog-ahh. Adam come back to others, talk Pobartee and shiny-hair man. Ooh, pretty! Adam like shiny-hair man. Pobartee go home? O-kay. Shiny-hair man feed Adam. Bye-bye Po-bartee!

Whew! What a relief to be back to my boring, non-talking and not doing anything interesting at all self! This is the way I’m going to win a million dollars, I am sure of it! I’m a little bummed that I didn’t win Reward, because a shower with actual soap and shampoo would have been really nice, but Ozzy probably needed it more with the way that boy obsesses about his hair. I really don’t understand his strategy at all- why constantly play hard and win challenges when it just makes you a target? He should do what I do and keep it low key and mediocre. Middle of the road- that’s me. I enjoyed the time with Becky, but she’s a little too much like me, and I think she’s trying to become the one no one knows anything about and doesn’t even remember is in the competition. Hmmm… I’ll have to do something about that. Or maybe I’ll just do nothing as usual.

Yeah, I threw Yul under the bus when I pointed out at tribal council that he was playing the jury for votes. So what? Frankly, I'm a little pissed at him. Thirty-seven days on the island - thirty-seven days of longing, adoration and sweet puppy dog glances, and I'm beginning to think he is just here for the money. The kicker is the whole hot-tub-with-Parvati thing. Argh! It just makes me so mad that he was naked. My precious Yul, naked with that skeeze in a hot tub. Who cares if he saw her kibbles and bits, it's just that my parents are going to see that on TV and they will NEVER believe that Yul is good enough to be my husband. And they have a point - that is no way to honor your future wife and her family. The only way to fix this situation is to convince Mark Burnett and company to edit out that part. They don't really need some boring footage of three naked people in a hot tub, do they? It's so irritating!

We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Dinahann, mrdobolina, Brandy, Mariner, Yardgnome, AJane, waywyrd, Lucy, SueEllenMishke, speedbump, suncat7, roseskid and totoro.