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Welcome, Survivor fans! I’ll be filling in for your regularly scheduled recapper Lucy this week, hopefully catching up those of you that were stuck in a tryptophan-induced coma after your Thanksgiving dinner and missed this week’s show. I know what you’re wondering: Why did the powers-that-be decide to have a regular show on a holiday, instead of the usual recrap episode? Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve stopped trying to figure out what the networks are thinking, anyway. If they’re thinking at all. So, go grab that last slice of pumpkin pie and let’s see what happened this week...

Raro-ing To Go. Or, Not.
After the requisite recap from last week (An Exile Island-bound Candice wonders why the people she betrayed all hate her, Jenny and Rebecca are booted out in a double elimination), we join the wonder that is the Raro tribe as they wake from their slumber. Well, one of them wakes, anyway. Jonathan is the only one to get up, ready to go fishing, as the others roll around like sloths. He admits that he’s not sure if the mutiny was such a great idea, but it seems to be working out in his favor so far: he feels like he’s in a position of power in the now smaller tribe, which is a good thing. Especially since his tribe is full of boneheads, and he’s the only member of Raro with an IQ over 40.

Returning from his successful fishing trip, Jonathan finds that his tribemates have finally gotten up. Yes, they’ve gotten up, but they haven’t done a damn thing. No fire, no water, no wood, nothing. Jonathan is disappointed, saying that he knows these are young people who like to sleep late, but they’ve got to start listening to him if they want to get anywhere. He tells the youngsters to get their asses in gear, but Nate doesn’t appreciate being told what to do: “He needs to slow his roll. We know what to do. We’re not knuckleheads out here.” I beg to differ, Nate. Jonathan is losing patience, comparing the camp to a dorm. “I’m not gonna lose because you kids can’t get your asses out of bed!”

Time To Merge! And Stuff Your Faces.
Enough from Camp Lazyass. Over at Aitu, Yul is feeling pretty crappy. He complains about his leg bothering him, and that they’ve had so many challenges and no down time to recover. I guess kicking Raro’s collective butts up one side of the island and down the other does take a toll on one’s health after a while. Sundra’s legs are beat up, too, and they all worry about being outnumbered by the other tribe.

Not to worry, though: Jeff gathers the two tribes together and after telling Aitu about the double elimination (which brings some surprised looks), he shows them all a basket containing paints, brushes, and a blank flag. That’s right, it’s merge time! Yee-haw. Adam is happy, saying that they wanted the merge to happen while Raro had the greater numbers. Not that they’ve ever been able to actually do anything with those greater numbers, mind you. Poor Adam’s always been a few fries short of a Happy Meal, anyway. Jeff passes out the new buffs and asks the new tribe where they will live. Apparently the consensus is that there are more coconuts and fewer rats (at least of the four-legged variety) on Raro’s beach, so that will be everyone’s new home.

With the merge comes a feast, and the newly renamed Aitutonga tribe hightails it out to the waiting boat to chow down on their goodies. Of course, there’s beer and wine to wash it all down, and it doesn’t take long for the kiddies to overindulge. In between Nate’s pleas for barbeque sauce and Adam’s drunken barfing over the side of the boat, Yul waxes eloquent about the chance to get to know the new people. The grown folks look on and shake their heads in dismay as the young’uns continue to get plastered. Yeah, just what you want to do before a challenge. Not too smart. Jonathan blue-eyes can’t believe how stupid the “kids” are acting, wondering how they expect to compete with hangovers. “I’m here to win a million dollars. That’s a one with six zeros!” says Jonathan. Now, Jonathan. You know the members of Raro can't count that high.

Overconfident Much?
Back on the beach after the feast, Nate is confident that the old Raro has it in the bag, since they have the numbers. He approaches Ozzy and throws out the idea of an alliance, and Ozzy doesn’t totally dismiss the idea, even though he wants to remain loyal to his Aitu tribemates. For some reason, we cut away from the plotting and planning (which was getting pretty interesting) to find Parvati and Adam in the shelter. Seems Adam has “partaked” (his words) too much beer and has his hand planted firmly on Parvati’s butt. “Don’t you start with me, Adam. I can tell what’s on your mind!” she says. “What about Candice?” asks Parvati. “You can both appreciate me,” replies the barf-breathed Adam. Parvati laughs at him, and I feel my Thanksgiving leftovers coming back up at the thought of anyone making out with that knucklehead. Enough of these two. I can almost feel my brain cells dying as I listen to them blather on.

Yul and Becky discuss letting the others know about the Idol, and who would be the best person to try and flip to their side. They both agree that Jonathan is the best choice, mainly because he’s the only one with a working brain. It’s agreed, then - Yul goes to find Jonathan and talk. They sit on the beach and Yul asks him if it makes sense for them to work together again. Not really, replies Jonathan - he doesn’t believe his old tribemates would ever trust him after his mutiny to Raro. They discuss numbers and alliances and trust, and Yul hints that he may have the idol. Nothing is decided yet, but the gears are turning in Jonathan’s head. It’s so refreshing to hear two intelligent players talk game. Unlike, say, listening to Adam, who probably has trouble just tying his shoelaces.

Yul pulls Sundra aside and spills the beans: he has the Immunity Idol. She’s happy and gives him a hug as Yul explains that he might be able to get Jonathan back over to their side with this information. Yul then shares his secret with the others in his tribe, who are excited over the prospect of gaining Jonathan (and thus gaining numbers over the old Raro tribe).

The Wizard Of Oz(zy)
Cut to Parvati and Candice, who are engaging in some plotting of their own. Or what passes for plotting with these two. These women run about as deep as my cat’s water dish. Anyhow, they both agree that Yul is too smart to keep around and should go first if Ozzy wins immunity, because they get all nervous when Yul and Jonathan talk. Probably because they use words with more than one syllable. Candice tries to fish some information out of Jonathan about what he and Yul have talked about, but she gets nowhere. She lets it slip that they want Yul gone, and Jonathan flips out. “That’s stupid!” he says, knowing that he’ll go home if they go after Yul and Yul has the Immunity Idol.

It’s time for the individual Immunity Challenge, and it’s a simple one: each person must hang on a vertical pole until there is only one person left hanging. They may not use the top of the pole to support themselves. There are circles of rope placed around the poles to help support their weight, but Adam isn’t bright enough to use them and falls off after only a few minutes. Jonathan struggles to keep his “big feet” on the rope and Yul gives a quick lesson in physics about surface area and mass. “It’s kinda like why elephants can’t run up trees,” says Yul as everyone laughs. Jonathan falls off next, then Nate. Sundra loses her footing and jumps off, Yul falls off next, and then Parvati. Becky falls on her butt, leaving the monkey-like Ozzy and Candice on the poles. She does a good job, but Candice can’t hang with Ozzy and she falls off at 2 hours and 15 minutes. Ozzy never budges, and he wins the individual Immunity necklace. The guy is amazing.

The Clock Is Ticking, Homey
Everyone congratulates Ozzy on his win back at camp, and Adam and Parvati now turn their beady little eyes on Yul as their choice to vote out. “He’s brilliant. He’s like Mr. Harvard-Yale-Stanford guy,” says Parvati. Knowing that he has to get someone else on their side quickly, Yul finally goes to Jonathan and shows him the idol. Jonathan is basically told to join them (the old Aitu) or he’ll be voted out. Yul admits that he wants to take Jonathan to the final two, since he would have a better shot of winning against him than he would Sundra or Becky, who have made no enemies. Jonathan tells Yul that he’ll think about it.

Jonathan then goes back to the old Raro members and tries to have an intelligent conversation with them, hinting strongly that Yul has the idol. No way, says Adam. Parvati agrees, saying that Yul was only exiled once, so there’s no way he found it. Good Lord. An exasperated Jonathan can’t believe that the others won’t even entertain the idea that Yul has the idol. He tries to talk some sense into the halfwits, but to no avail. Nate is upset that Jonathan refuses to vote for Yul, saying that Yul has to go: “Yul is intelligent. I do not want that boy thinking anymore. You don’t want that clock tickin’ there, homey,” he tells Adam. Adam, for his part, can’t understand why Nate is acting so weird lately. He blames the fact that Nate’s been hanging out with Ozzy, and that Nate is “thinking too much.” Adam tells Candice that this game is “bananas” and they proceed to make out again. Maybe she was turned on by the fact that he formed a complete sentence for a change.

How Not To Leave With Class
Tribal Council is looming, and Jonathan is still struggling with the decision to jump back to Aitu, feeling some loyalty to Adam and Candice for keeping him safe before. He doesn’t want to be the guy that screwed everybody over, but he’s going to piss off someone no matter what he does. And he knows it. Jonathan then throws Nate’s name out to the Aitu members as a possible boot because he knows and trusts Nate the least. They think about it, but Yul worries that Jonathan is playing them to save his ass, and doesn’t want to use his immunity idol just yet.

The tribe gathers for the vote, and the jury members filter in: Brad, Rebecca, and a pissed-off looking Jenny. Jeff asks his usual questions, Parvati snarks on Candice and Adam’s *gag* romance, and Nate admits that the two tribes are still playing separately. They cast their votes, and by a vote of 5-4, Nate is voted out. Jonathan flipped back to Aitu! Even the Raro dingbats figure this fact out quickly, giving evil looks and squinty-eyed stares after Nate’s torch is snuffed. Nate doesn’t leave nicely, giving a silly, nasty little speech that I just have to translate in its entirety for you:

“It hurts to leave this early in the game. Jonathan, you can kiss my ass. You’re a dirty, stanky, whack fruitcake, who sold me out and sold out our tribe when we brought you in, you traiting (yes, he said “traiting”) bastard, so kiss my ass, Jonathan. Other than that, everyone, I love, but that’s how it’s got to be in this world.”

So, with that, I leave you, dear readers. Join us next week as Jonathan endures the fallout for his decision, and Candice gets snippy because nobody wants to bring her lazy ass any food. See you then!

Is Raro the dumbest tribe ever? Let me know what you think...waywyrd@fansofrealitytv.com