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Welcome to another edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Survivor: Cook Islands! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .
My tribe is a bunch of warriors and the local villagers knew that and greeted us accordingly. I am so glad that I rule and the rest of my team is able to follow my lead and give it their all. We smoked the other tribe during the reward and immunity challenge. It was so fun to hang out with the local villagers and participate in their culture. The only thing I regret is not participating in the “sandwich” that Yul had. I did make up for it though because after we won the reward challenge I grabbed everyone and kissed the girls and somehow ended up kissing Yul. His cheek was soft and kind, just like his eyes. I could tell he was feeling it by the way he was staring longingly at my fluffy hair. Anyway, I am a tough man and I love the ladies!
Oh, I see you over there, Adam, conspiring with your floozy. You think I don’t notice you from my hiding place in this barrel, but I’m paying attention. Do you really think I’m stupid enough to just duck inside the barrel and not peek out and pay attention to what everyone else is planning? Try to think again, buddy. The second Candice stepped off that mat I knew it was so she could be with her showmance. You two think you’re going to be all Amber and Rob out here. Well, guess what? It won’t happen, Adam. You aren’t smart enough or charming enough to pull something like that off. Plus Candice will be broken after a few more trips to Exile Island. Then what’ll you have? A place on the jury, that’s what. I just wish I had a chance to out you guys and your plan to the rest of the tribe. What more could I have done, though? Another pair of hands could have helped me dig that hole deeper and given me a better place to hide. These palm fronds could have made a cover over my hiding barrel. This buff…this buff could have hidden my face during the second vote and helped everyone remember Jonathan’s slithery-ness. Gosh darnit, just give me a chance to save myself. *sigh*
Woo hoo! The Reward challenge today was fab-u-lous, and I loved getting my Freak On with some of the natives of the female persuasion, particularly one curvy, portly woman who literally reduced me into a pile of giggling mass on the sand. Whee! My tribe mates normally think of me as a restrained complicated, man, but today I gave them just a tiny peek of my zany, passionate inner hip-hop gangsta self. I'm full of surprises, heheh, and they've only just begun to find out. Freak, freak, y’all!
Oh my freaking god, enough with the Exile Island already! I no sooner get back than I get sent AGAIN! Every minute away from Adam is torture – yesterday he was kissing my fingers and everything, even though I needed a manicure and my hands were really dirty. That’s what true love is – when you kiss someone and you don’t mind if they’re all dirty or hairy with a beard and they smell like fish... I wonder if Adam could shave with a sharp stick? My former tribe members are just jealous because they know they’ll never experience true love like I have with Adam. And that Jenny, thinking she could get Adam to concentrate on his alliance with her. Buh-bye Jenny! Soon it’ll just be me and Adam, and then…we will get a sit-com, or a reality show spin-off or something out of this. Adam’s the strong, silent type, so it’ll be up to me to carry the show. I can see it now – The Candice and adam Show.
IWe’ll make you forget all about Rob and Amber!
Productivity?!? Productivity?!? Who exactly are Adam and Jenny to say I wasn’t productive. That petulant ass spent all his timing pining for Candice while she was on Aitu and then pouted around camp every time Aitu sent her skinny little butt off to Exile Island. At least Jenny didn’t last ten minutes more than me. I bet she’s going to enjoy it when I dump a glass of wine over her bitter ass head the second she walks into Loser Lodge. Nate, Parvati, Adam, and Jenny and I had a good thing going and could have gone to the end together but then they start worrying about productivity. Geesh, it wasn’t like I was losing those challenges single-handedly. In fact, despite being geographically-challenged, I managed to acquit myself well during the immunity challenge. You’d think the tribe would have been more interested in getting rid of the mutineers. Lord knows I didn’t annoy anyone by jabbering away in camp. Hell, I managed to go 72 straight hours without speaking.
Whew, I am wupped. It ain’t easy being the number one cat in this tribe and it’s taking its toll on me. I’m usually a shark in the water. I’m like Jaws- on the attack and always on the offensive. I was dog tired at the immunity challenge. My sculpted body felt like butter when I was trying to swim. Ugh! More importantly, though, is the “Jonathan Effect”. I can’t believe I’m the only one besides Jenny who voted for Jonathan! That really ticks me off and I need to figure out a way to get rid of Candace and Jonny-boy. Time to snuggle up against Pavarti tonight and get her on my side again. Hehehehe.
Oh, that was so not cool. Not cool at all. I thought there would be something good in that little bottle! Like a prize for most consecutive Tribal Councils, maybe. That seems to be the only thing this tribe will ever win. Or how about instructions on how to make coconut soap, since some of these people are getting pretty ripe around here. Talk about your bad winds. Phew! I'm starting to have a bad feeling about this Candice-Adam thing, too...I heard him doing that weird grunting thing over in the bushes, and I don't think he was alone, if you catch my drift. Eww. I might need to take Nate back into the woods and *ahem* convince him that we need to do something about those two...
22 fish in the last two days- that’s 11 fish a day! I am indispensable on this tribe- they can’t get rid of me now… how will they eat? I’m starting to rethink my mutiny plan. It seems that the way I just deserted my old tribe without a second tribe makes my new tribe question my sense of loyalty. I’m an outsider… an orphan. I haven’t felt this way since middle school gym class, when none of the captains picked me for dodge ball, and I had to be the teacher’s helper instead. I really thought that Candice and I had a nice alliance going on, but she seems more interested in locking lips with Adam than talking strategy with me. I have to admit I was surprised I was not one of the two sent packing, and I’m not going to fool myself any longer by pretending my time isn’t coming quickly.
It’s a little harder for me to stick to my plan of flying below everyone’s radar while on a tribe of only four people, but I think I’m doing pretty well. Our tribe has this amazing synergy, and we are unstoppable. The reward was incredible, mostly because we got to drink, and Yul was the very funny filling in a dancing “sandwich.” I’m a little worried about a possible merge- I’m not ready welcome new people into our Aitu family, even if it means I would be reunited with my BFF Rebecca. Hmmm… I wonder how she’s doing on Raro. Great, I’m sure.
Adam love Woman Candice. She pick bugs out Adam’s hair. Hold Adam hand. (This make baby.) Candice, Adam, look in woods. See small blue box. Maybe Cao Boi return Island, shrink Adam Candice. Then we live small blue house. Candice say she happy. Then Aitu send Candice small cold sand. She tell me she eat grody something. Adam no like Aitu. Aitu bad! Adam make Aitu eat grody something! Oogh Aaggh! Adam have fun dig sand with Candice. We look sand crab, no find. Grey beard man keep yelling: North! South! What...North? What...South? Adam smile Candice. Me no care we no find sand crab! Raro Tribe eat much. Old grey beard talk talk man - he find fish, coconuts, nuts. Me Raro King. Me no work!! Make Grey Beard build big hut. Then Adam Woman no must shrink. Can live big hut. Then - Adam Woman hatch many eggs. Eggs hatch like Sea Monkeys. We live big Island Joy many night. Oog oog arrghh. Candice hold Adam hand!!
Surpriiiise! Betcha didn’t expect to see me back. You did? Well, I didn’t. I was relaxing in the hot tub in my room with a Tartini when the doorbell rang. I was expecting room service, or perhaps my return ticket to the States. But nooo! “Brad, you’re staying to serve on a jury” they said. What? I always get out of jury duty back home, only to come to an Island Paradise and serve? Puh-lease! It was interesting, watching Raro Tribal Council without saying a word. Waxed or not, my raised eyebrows said it all. Who doesn’t love eavesdropping on some gossip? And honeys, I just can’t wait to have my say. All in due time. And how dare these - these - producers delay my L.A. trip! Who’s going to design better jeans? Who’s going to feed my dog Paris Hilton? I never watched Survivor, I had no idea I had to do this civil servant gig as well. Can’t wait to vote and take all this out on somebody. Later, dears!
White horizontal stripe, three red vertical lines, red star, blue, white dot! That's right babies, that's how you spell Becky in nautical speak. You need to remember that, because I am so going to close this deal. We were made the underdogs in this game, and (no small thanks to me and my Yul) we are taking it by storm against all odds. The icing on the cake is having monkey-boy on the tribe with us. With our brains, Sundra's looks and Ozzy's hunting and gathering, we're the Dream Team. I can just see the folks who are watching us on their TV's, cheering us on. I feel the love, babies! The only way I could be any happier right now is if I didn't have that burning image of the two tribal women surrounding my Yul in a sticky hot sandwich of passion. He says he didn't like it, but I still can't help but wonder if he is going to run off in the night to get some more of that warrior welcome...
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Dinahann, mrdobolina, Brandy, Mariner, Yardgnome, AJane, waywyrd, Lucy, SueEllenMishke, speedbump, suncat7, roseskid and totoro.