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This week on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL the girls bone up on their acting skills. Yay, just what Hollywood needs, more out of work actresses! Would you say we’ve been in L.A. too long? No te préoccupé, mis cariños, because we are about to leave…for our fabulous foreign fashion destination! As for where that is, and what the girls will do there, let’s leave that a “Secret” for now (not like you’ve seen this show or read the title yet or anything).


On the limo ride home, Eugena and Jaeda talk smack about how “naïve” Anchal was. What, she doesn’t get the usual I-Can’t-Believe-She’s-Gone-I’m-Gonna-Miss-Her-So-Much speech like everyone else? Beetches! Looks like poor Anchal was right about not having friends in the house after all.

Amanda is a touch freaked that her twin was in the bottom two, and admits she was really nervous that her sister was going to be the one to go home. Michelle says she’s “still confused”—is this about her sexuality again? Actually no, Michelle is saying she’s told her sister that she’s not sure she really wants to model; at this point she just wants to be with her sister.

Back at home, TyraMail warns, “If you think I act a fool, wait ‘til you meet my girl!” Meanwhile, Jaeda is a fool for love, writing her boyfriend a letter covered with hearts and lipstick kisses; she says being apart from her boyfriend is the hardest part of this competition—even harder than having her hair cut? Wow, she must love him a lot, because the way she goes on about her hair is drastic. Melrose is no fool; she says she knows the girls think she’s “bitchy” and speaks her mind too much, but quite frankly, my dear ANTManiacs, she doesn’t give a damn.

CariDee and the twins unwind in the hot tub; Michelle says that she wants to model but doesn’t know “how to make it [her] dream.” CariDee tells her “Just because you’re model, doesn’t mean it has to be your dream.” CariDee sings a different tune in her confessional, however; she seems to resent the fact that for the twins, this competition is just an “experience” whereas for her it’s a dream. “I really want this. I’d hate for me to go home and have someone that doesn’t want this stay.”

Suicide Blonde

The next day, the girls head to the stage at the Los Angeles Repertory Company to meet shrill-voiced actress/acting coach Tasha Smith, whom you might recall from such great productions as…[thinks]…um, I dunno…I have no idea who this bitch is, I haven’t seen her anywhere but this show. All I know is that although she might teach acting, she is certainly not a vocal coach, because from the way her voice sounds, her vocal chords sound like she is being strangled violently. Apparently this is the thespian guru who taught Tyra all she knows; although after the montage of Tyra’s scenery munching that wouldn’t pass muster at a high school production of Little Shop of Horrors I’m thinking this is something you might not want on your resume.

Tasha (who is pretty though, love her blush!) says that as a model photographers will always be calling different emotions for them to portray, and they have to be able to deliver them on cue. Tasha tells CariDee, “You look like a loud mouth,” and calls her up for their first activity, the “Silly Dilly” exercise, the purpose of which is to break through “all physical barriers and boundaries.” Like gravity? Changing your molecular structure so that you can turn yourself into a plant-person? Well, she did say all

Tasha gets CariDee to walk silly and hop like a frog, yelling that she can get sillier than that. Eugena is the surprise success in the Silly Department, throwing herself on the floor and pretending to swim; “Now that’s a girl that ain’t afraid to be ugly,” Tasha commends. Tasha also loves Amanda’s version of “silly-ugly.” Melrose comes across as fake even when she’s trying to be goofy; Tasha keeps yelling “Face not ugly enough!” Ah, she is pretty on the surface, but if only you could see her insides, she is fug incarnate! Michelle seems to have trouble letting go, and Tasha thinks she’s not “taking it serious enough.” Jaeda contorts her body and instead of falling head over heels, falls butt over head.

“This next exercise is called ‘Dump,’” Tasha says, leaving me terrified for a split second that she is going to ask the girls to deliver a Cleveland Steamer on the stage. Instead, it entails “dumping out everything you’re feeling” in a no-holds barred, emotionally candid, run-on-sentence-filled sob-fest. In short, it’s the kind of exercise that exploitative reality TV producers’ dreams are made of.

A surprisingly vulnerable Eugena begins by admitting she feels “out of place” and that “no matter what I do here, it never adds up and it seems like it’s so much easier for everyone else.” Tasha yells, “More, scream it at the top of your lungs!” Amanda screams, “I like you guys, but you guys piss me off!” She also says she’s tired of this competition, but still wants to be there and take good photos.

Michelle lets out her aggression over Tyra’s constant criticism, “All Tyra says, ‘Oh you don’t want this’…I don’t know what I [bleeping] want, that’s the point! I’m tired of not knowing, I have no idea what I want, and I’m done with it.” Poor possibly bisexual, ambivalent-over-modeling Michelle. You’d hate to be behind her in line at a Hometown Buffet: “I’ll have the chicken…No, the fish! I mean the chicken. Or, well, maybe the fish after all. Wait, is the pork loin good? Gah, I’m tired of not knowing, I have no idea what I want!”

Melrose also manages to make her angry confessional seem fake and contrived. “How dare anybody tell me that my picture is worse than yours!” Um, I don’t recall anyone ever telling her this, is she just making this up? “I’m working my ass off to be here, and you say I take worse picture, and then just choose a better picture. No, I’m working harder than you; I take the criticism and I work on myself. Because I am not empty, because I want to be better, and I want to [bleeping] win!” Listen to her crazy rant carefully, she’s not actually expressing any real emotion, this is like a pitch to the judges on why she’s better than everyone else. Eugena suspects Melrose is bipolar, and if by bipolar she means a crazy faking faker who fakes, then I would agree. “I’m just gonna say she’s wrong,” Eugena concludes, who I’m gonna say is right in this case.

Jaeda cries, yet again, about her frickin’-frackin’ hair being chopped off. She acts like they cut off a limb, the way she sobs. She says “no one understands” and that even her boyfriend tells her, “Oh just get over it.” You know what I have to say? Jaeda, JUST GET OVER IT! For the love of cheese and rice, you look great, I think even better, with the short hair. I can understand crying the first or second day from shock, but it’s been weeks now, please. I would only expect this level of emotion if Tyra had stolen one of your kidneys and left you in a tub of ice.

Last but not least, CariDee. She talks about how tired she is of people’s misperceptions of modeling being glamorous and fun when it’s really hard. The wear and tear of the competition is apparent in her statement that she’s “seen people break down in front of panel.” Finally, she reveals, “I want this so bad, I’ve been through so much [bleep], I even tried killing myself.” Hey ho, whoah there wait a minute, CariDee…I mean you think you’ve been through shizzle, but what about JAEDA’S HAIR?!!! Just kidding, I mean this is serious, and it really puts everyone else’s problems in perspective.

Tasha looks concerned, and all the girls are shocked at such a personal revelation. CariDee goes on to say, “I know what it’s like to want to die and not live any more, and for the first time in my life I feel like I’m doing something right.” Tasha is proud of her, and acknowledges that what CariDee just did was not easy, with a supportive hug. CariDee goes to recollect herself in privacy backstage, while the other girls are left stunned and tearstained in the theater.

Enjoy the Silence

After a little time on her own to recover, Michelle and Tasha go back to check on CariDee. A few supportive hugs later, and she is back, saying that expressing herself is maybe what she needed. After rejoining the group, Tasha announces that being able to express yourself will help in their challenge for today, which is to shoot your own silent film. The person who does the best today will earn herself a guest starring role in…”Veronica Mars”? D’oh! Not this time, instead, it’s CW’s “One Tree Hill.”

The girls put on frumpy get-ups and are instructed to follow all directions Tasha will give them as they maneuver around the little, old-fashioned looking set, like looking out a window, grabbing a lemon, looking sad, and, oddly, drinking prune juice “like it’s the best tasting prune juice in the world” (I do not want to be anywhere near the mansion bathrooms after this challenge).

“Oh God, even in a silent movie you suck,” Tasha says to (it looks like) Amanda. Many of the girls struggle with their assignment, especially when it comes to things like eating a lemon and pretending it’s yum-o. Tasha seems a little more abusive to some girls than others, like when she gives Jaeda directions like, “I’m a broke, down-and-out model that looks like a boy now because I don’t have my hair.” Still, Jaeda gives the challenge her best by being the only girl to really it the whole lemon. Michelle throws up a little after drinking her prune juice.

That’s it for the day, so the girls return home to unwind. CariDee, dressed like Aunt Jemima on a beach vacation, tells her boyfriend that she revealed her biggest secret although she “didn’t mean to.” D’oh! This is why I personally am never going to go on reality TV. If you all knew how I was wanted in several states for misdemeanor assault and disorderly…Aw crap, I’ve said too much. But CariDee ultimately seems to think that her admission, however inadvertent, was liberating. Now she has nothing to hold her back. “Nothing is going to stop me,” she says.

TyraMail arrives with a visual aid. The girls learn they must pop in the DVD to find out who won the silent film challenge. TyraMail adds, “The winner won’t be the only one surprised.” They watch a film called “Desperate Daisy” and see the starring credit goes to CariDee. In Olde-Timey black ‘n’ white, she acts out the story of a poor, starving, lemon-eating, prune juice-swilling woman who waits for her lover only to receive word via telegram that “Cowboy Cal” is in love with his horse. And “P.S. Horses rule!” Ah, ANTM, again skirting the boundaries of German porn.

“Desperate Daisy” gets a surprise phone call, from Señorita Tyrita Bankita, who tries to console Daisy by saying, “Cuando te sientas triste, toma un viaje.” For those unfamiliar with this foreign language, Tyra translates it as, “PACK YOUR BAGS, GIRLS…You’re all going to SPAAAAAIIIIIN!” Tyra’s announcement is made all the more thrilling when she actually pops in to the house live to scream this in their ears. As the girls scream and jump for joy, Tyra flutters her fan and dances some some surprisingly decent Flamenco with a professional male dancer who swoops in from nowhere. Olé!

Spanish Fly

CariDee has an early call time for “One Tree Hill” in which she guest stars as a model (there’s a stretch!) “who comes to town and stirs things up a little bit.” She appears to be coming on to Alfred E. Neumann lookalike, actor Lee Norris. I don’t watch “One Tree Hill” so I have no idea what is going on, but I will say CariDee’s role looks way more substantial than when Naima got blown up on that bus in “Veronica Mars.” But then, Paris Hilton’s role in House of Wax was way more substantial than when Naima got blown up on that bus in “Veronica Mars.”

Meanwhile, everyone else has been packing and preparing for their flight to España. This Spanish Flight marks the return of the Model Bobblehead graphics (or Mobbleheads, if you will) as the animated plane flight makes its way from the good ol’ U.S. of A. to the other side of the map. “It’s muy bueno to be in Spain!” CariDee cheers. Eugena remarks that when they get off the plane, there’s “all this Spanish” everywhere and they can’t read anything. Gracias, Capitán Obvio! Maybe it’s cuz you’re in SPAIN! (And just in case you didn’t know, my dear American tourist, that’s in Europe, and not, as popularly believed, a part of Mexico.)

Their first foreign TyraMail welcomes them to Barcelona and teasingly mentions, “This competition has been too easy, so I’m adding some local models to the mix to see who truly has what it takes.” Melrose exclaims, “Oh God, Spanish women are so beautiful, I don’t want to compete with them.” The girls ride a bus into the city and marvel at the architecture of beautiful Barcelona. Michelle wonders how Spanish tourists feel when they visit America; she imagines, “They must be like, ‘What the hell?’”

On the way they encounter a guy in glasses with floppy hair, who’s cute in a geek chic sort of way. He’s holding an armful of flowers and a big sign that says “Top Model Tours.” I’m guessing he’s with the show, otherwise that would be some coincidence! He boards the bus, and we learn he is Christian, a “male model from Barcelona” who gives thems all roses, which represent “the passion of Spain.” Awww!

Most of the girls are relieved that the “local models” are turning out to be male ones, especially CariDee, who is excited to get a little injection of testosterone into the estrogen-fest that is ANTM. She says that she actually finds being around a lot of females “irritating” and “mentally I’m more like a man.” If that was the case, CariDee, you’d be obsessed with football, fishing, and Laetitia Casta’s breasts.

As they tour the city, the bus picks up more male models (Daniel, Victor, Lucas, Nacho and Andrew), each one more guapo than the next. The girls soon discover that Christian, the first model they picked up, is the one who probably speaks the most English. He tries to keep the conversation going by asking if the girls have tried any Spanish food ever. When CariDee says “beans and rice,” I cringe a little. No wonder people in other countries think our minds our stuck in a strip mall somewhere. “That’s not Spanish,” Christian points out.

The guys and gals head to a beautiful, castle-like location where they will be served a love “pure, traditional, Catalan dinner” that looks muy sabroso. Also arriving on a silver platter is a pure, traditional TyraMail that says “Tomorrow you shoot a commercial in the native tongue.” They are given scripts to memorize. It also warns, “Get ready for an onscreen kiss debut with your new boo.”

One of the twins (sorry, can’t tell which!) expresses panic because all night they’ve had “the hardest time understanding these boys, and now we have to speak what they’re saying.” Christian gamely tries to teach the girls to roll their R’s. Jaeda tells Nacho, who is apparently her partner, that they need to practice; he not so politely tells her, “No, I in this moment only eating. No practice, okay?” Oh yeah, he’s a prince.

Jaeda, still trying to the best of this situation, coquettishly leans in to Nacho and asks if that’s how he’d like her act, and he bluntly says, “No I don’t like you to. I’m sorry.” Jaeda looks at him incredulously, so he clarifies: “Do you think “Oh make out…That okay?” he says, mocking her, “And I say ‘I don’t like.’” Even in his broken English, it’s clear: he is one rude ijo de puta.

Eugena then says, “Nacho tells Jaeda that he doesn’t like black girls. She’s like, ‘Are you serious?’” We then see Nacho sitting there with a surly look on his face. They curiously don’t have the actual video of this exchange anywhere, at least not that they show us, but I’ll take the girls’ word for it, since everyone seems able to corroborate on the extreme asshole-ishness of Nacho’s behavior. CariDee says sympathetically, “No one should be treated like that. I would hate if I had that guy. I’d make out with Amanda before I made out with him.” Come on now, Michelle’s the bisexual, why not give her some love?

Jaeda is justifiably upset. She’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. “I’m worried about tomorrow’s shoot, because I have to make out with this guy, who’s an idiot and a jerk, and he says he doesn’t like black girls.” She left out, an idiot and a jerk with a stupid ponytail on the back of his big, racist head. Dinner ends with an awkwardness even more horrible than that of the first, post-election meeting between President W. and Nancy Pelosi.

In happier news, the girls are brought to their new digs, a “really nice, very authentic Spanish apartment.” Challenge winner CariDee gets first choice of the beds, and she not too surprisingly picks the biggest bed in the big room with all the closet space, as Melrose so bitterly points out. Like she wouldn’t have done the same!

Once You Go Catalan, You Never Go Back-alan

Morning breaks, and the girls get ready for their big day. Melrose mentions, in her best nanny-nanny-boo-boo voice, that she stayed up an extra two hours memorizing the lines to the commercial, and she has them down pat. CariDee explains that Catalan is a native language that is a mixture of Spanish and other dialects. Unfortunately, CariDee says she can’t roll her R’s, and sounds like “a dying car” when she tries, an incredibly accurate analogy.

“I don’t kiss a lot of guys,” Michelle informs us. Nah, we couldn’t figure that one out on our own! She says the last time she ever kissed the male species was when she was ten, “behind a shed.” I’m not sure what the significance of the shed is, but it reminds me of an old Sundays song, “Here’s Where the Story Ends.” But you young whippersnappers probably haven’t even heard of that [SFG chucks you tenderly under the chin].

Jaeda is still buggin’ and expresses the wish that they won’t have to make out after all. Melrose, who looks like she’s having a Monk-like scrubbing fit in the kitchen says they most certainly are, and “We’re having a serious make-out sesh.” Way to comfort poor Jaeda, who is not only uncomfortable with this because she has a boyfriend at home, but because her partner is a rude, racist pendejo. Melrose tries to “cheer” Jaeda in a way that indicates that she is secretly reveling that her competitor is at a definite disadvantage.

Everyone heads to a gorgeous, majestic park somewhere in Spain (drives me nuts they don’t caption these locations), where Tyra, looking bright and fresh as a bougainvillea, welcomes them to Spain, home of designer Custo Barcelona, Balenciaga, and my lookalike (I keed!) model Esther Cañadas. Tyra asks if the girls are ready for today’s big smoochfest, and when she sees Jaeda’s response, she asks, “You don’t like yours?” They tell him what Nacho said about not liking black girls, and Tyra responds by putting her hands on her hips and ordering Jaeda to “Give him a kiss to make him love some black girls, because you know what they say? Once you go black…” Yeah, yeah, you never go back.

Now I’m starting wonder if this whole situation was contrived, because I think if this wasn’t scripted, I feel the real Tyra would be like [neck rolls] Aw hell no, what’d he say about black girls? and fired his ass on the spot. You know, that girl from Inglewood would come out, okay? [snaps fingers] So I have my suspicions that Nacho PeeBrain might have been paid off, or maybe I would just rather believe that than accept that someone could be so blatantly racist in this day and age.

Jay Manuel comes out to explain today’s assignment. They’re shooting a commercial for Secret™, in which they will celebrate the strength of the women of Barcelona by hawking armpit deodorant in Catalan. Gee, thanks! CariDee says memorizing the script, in a language she’s never heard of before, is the hardest thing she’s ever done. Michelle too is worried about the language, even more so than the kiss.

They meet their director, Denis Rovira, and are given their scenario: they will walk through all these sexy men, telling a bunch of little secrets. Then revealing one big secret at the end. Wow, what could that be? I tried to commit suicide? I’m wanted in several states for wanted in several states for misdemeanor assault and disorderly conduct?

Michelle is first, and despite having phonetic cue cards, getting the words out is a major struggle. Jay says that the part he was most worried about actually turned out all right, and by that he means the kiss. Eugena has a chat with the director, who tells her that it doesn’t matter so much that she get every word correct. Eugena focuses on looking good, and actually turns in a good performance, despite the fact that the end kiss was “the worst kiss I’ve ever had in my life, it was like trying to kiss my closed fist.” Jay likes how “personable” she came across. Amanda says she has trouble reading cue cards, even in English, so her experience with the speaking part of the commercial was “awful.” She looks lovely though. Jay says “Amanda and Michelle were boring, but in different ways; not passionate, not sexy.”

Jaeda is bristling at the thought of having to kiss that “jerk” Nacho. She doesn’t want to talk to him, much less lip-lock with his bigoted ass. Jaeda bumbles through her first take; Jay warns her that if she feels “defeated,” it comes through on film. She gives it another go, but by the time she approaches smooch time, Jaeda breaks down crying. “You can’t cry because we don’t have time to fix your make-up,” Jay scolds her. There is no crying in fashion! Jaeda apologizes, but says she can’t do this. She eventually does kiss Nacho, but is so obviously reluctant; it’s horrifying to witness, like stumbling upon kiddie porn in some dark basement.

Melrose believes it’s more important for her to get her character down than to deliver her lines perfectly. It pays off. She looks relaxed and vivacious in her commercial, right down to the kiss and the last line. I wish someone would fix girlfriend’s roots though; she is giving you Kunta Kinte. Jay tells Melrose that hers was probably the best read of all so far today.

CariDee is last, and as the winner of the acting challenge, I imagine there are high hopes for her performance. She looks divine before the start of the shoot, and tells the crew that if she “screw[s] up, they can yell at [her].” Alas, her commercial is disastrous. She has a strange way of screwing up her eyes when she’s thinking that makes her look utterly insane. Also, with every fumble, CariDee loses her cool, often letting out profane exclamations of frustration.

Jay says CariDee’s Catalan sounded like “Swedish/Cantonese, it was so painful to watch.” I thought, in combination with the rolling eyes, that CariDee was speaking in tongues and was under some kind of possession in need of exorcism (ironic she made a sign of the cross before rolling began). The only part of the commercial she can manage is the kiss, but then she kind of overdoes it. She and her boy seem to go at it like crazed weasels in heat for just a little longer than really is necessary for the shot (I guess she doesn’t have the same qualms about betraying her boyfriend that Jaeda does).

“I don’t know what to say, I speak English!” CariDee screams in frustration afterwards. This is the first time she ever really “bombed” and she’s worried what they’ll make of it in judging.


Tyra, in a severe black leather corset (that I love!) welcomes the girls to their first judging in Spain with a hearty “Hola chicas bonitas!” She also inexplicably growls at them and makes claw marks in the air. Either Tyra’s on LSD and imagining she’s a tiger, or I’m on LSD imagining Tyra imagine that she’s a tiger, or you’re on LSD imagining I’m writing a recap in which I imagine Tyra is a tiger—like, whoa, brain aneurysm! Tyra congratulates them all for being the six to make it across the ocean, then introduces the judges in Spanglish: Don Nigel, Señorita J., Doña Twiggy, and their commercial director from the other day, guest judge Denis Rovira.

Before individual evaluations begin, Tyra shows everyone the finished Secret™ commercial, cleverly sliced from the best moments of all the girls’ commercials. Wow, editing does make a hug difference, in reality TV as well as commercials, because they manage to make this baby look halfway decent, even though it’s a bunch of nonsense about listening to cool music and dating some guy because of his baby pictures. I mean, what in the hell are they babbly about? (They’ll show another version of this commercial later in English, and I still won’t understand.) The final advert is heavy on the Eugena and Melrose, most likely because they did the best. It is conspicuously lacking CariDee.

Michelle is first to face the judges; they take a look at her reel, and Tyra remarks, “The kiss was good until you came up. Have you ever kissed a boy before?” Michelle says not since she was 10. Tyra says she enjoyed watching, but not listening, to Michelle. Nigel criticizes her for not relating to the other models in the commercial.

Eugena’s is the best the panel has seen so far, even if Miss J. busts her for ad libbing some words. She made them up, but she made them work. Tyra says she’s impressed with Eugena, and for the first time Eugena is starting to look like a serious contender.

CariDee’s commercial makes the judges literally cringe. Before she kisses her guy in this take, she breaks character and says “Sorry” before attacking the guy’s face like a reuben sandwich. Denis is very generous when he comments, “The weirdest Catalan I have ever heard…but she looked beautiful.” Nigel remarks, “You almost look drunk in that…it was like a train wreck.” Miss J. said she was speaking “Slappinese…and you were lost in translation.” Tyra calls CariDee’s commercial “amateur” and says the girl who won the challenge and has been doing so well in the competition wasn’t here today. Tyra says this commercial was so bad, it “cancelled” out her challenge win.

Before Jaeda’s version is even played, she tells the judges she “blew this.” “I think you were right to warn us,” Twiggy says, “It was like watching a car crash.” Oh yeah, it was just abysmal. Other comments include Miss J. calling it a “big, old, open sore” and Nigel deeming it “appalling.” Jaeda says that she cried on-set, and admitted it was because she was angry at herself over not being able to get it together. Tyra mentions to the rest of the panel that Nacho is the model that the girls revealed “didn’t like black girls.” Miss J. thinks that should not have stopped her from doing her job. Tyra is the only one to express some sympathy, and she points out that there were moments in her commercial when the light caught her face and made her look “radiant.”

Everyone watches Melrose’s best take. She’s one of the only girls who kept her composure, and yeah she looks good and does great with her fake little laugh. Again, why can’t she just be nicer? Denis says while it’s not perfect Catalan, he felt able to direct her. Twiggy said even though she can’t speak Catalan, she could still understand from Melrose’s delivery just what she was trying to convey. Melrose then feel compelled to mention how she “stayed up an extra two hours” to practice, while all the other girls seethe in the background. Overall, the judges seem to like how Melrose related to the other people in the commercial, and little actorly touches like leaning into her guy as a girl in love would.

Amanda is last, and her commercial arouses laughter. Tyra does a re-enactment on Nigel of Amanda’s stiff kiss that looks like a chicken pecking at grain. Nigel and Twiggy think the camera loves Amanda, but the second she spoke, she lost the plot.

The girls are dismissed. While the judges deliberate, the girls attack Melrose for what seemed like an insidious power play in judging tonight. Amanda asks why Melrose would mention she was up an extra two hours, “How do you know how long we were up?” Melrose acts all shocked, but Eugena lays it out for her straight, “It’s like you go out of your way to make everyone else look bad…And you are very fake.” Melrose denies it all. It ends with everyone mutually saying they were sick of Melrose’s fakeness, and Melrose saying she was sick of them all.

The judge’s deliberation is comparatively pleasant. They find Eugena’s performance this week a “pleasant surprise.” Tyra thinks Melrose turned in “one of the best commercials ever on Top Model” and Miss J. thinks the extra two hours studying really helped; she still looks “too old” for Nigel. Jaeda’s bone structure is great, but is it enough to make up for her commercial failure? The panel is split on both the twins. Nigel nominates CariDee’s commercial as the “worst ever on Top Model history.” The best and the worst in one show? What are the chances? I think the judges are just prone to hyperbole.

The girls return, and Tyra hands photos back to Melrose, Eugena, Amanda and Michelle. This leaves Jaeda and CariDee sweating it in the bottom two. They hold hands as they approach the panel and Tyra gives her “Which girl?” speech. Tyra chastises CariDee, reminding her that this competition is not just about delivering great pictures, it’s also about becoming a CoverGirl spokesperson. Her performance this week does not bode well for future CoverGirl commercials. Tyra says Jaeda has had “nine lives” in this competition, and while some of the panel questions her commitment, others see so much potential in her bone structure and strong face.

When Tyra calls CariDee to the front, no one looks particularly surprised. CariDee goes up to accept her picture gratefully, and Jaeda looks sad but strangely relieved. Jaeda says while it was not a great way to leave, she will try to take this as a positive and remember that the panel does see something in her. Maybe she won’t let her insecurities affect her in the future. “Things are gonna work out,” she says simply. Good luck, Jaeda, now you can go home and return to being the “pretty girl”!

What’s my Secret™? This recap is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Email your Secrets to snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com