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Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the Cho brothers are just too darned nice for their own good? I mean, I understand that they want to help their fellow six-packers to the end, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a bad idea to have a few friends along to help if needed, and Edwin and Godwin have proven themselves to be awfully nice guys. But there comes a point when awfully nice turns into mind-numbingly dumb, as evidenced by tonight’s show. More on that later. For now, I’m still rejoicing over Peter and Sarah’s Philimination last week. I’m sure that by now Sarah has gotten her leaky knee fixed, found a normal human being to date, and Peter is in AA - Asshats Anonymous. I can hope, can’t I?
We’re Going Where?
Lucky Team Kentucky (hey, I made a rhyme!) are the first to leave this time, and rip open their clue to find the next task: fly over 4,600 miles to the island of Mauritius, where they will find their next clue inside a marked car. David and Mary look as confused as I am, having never heard of the little island. Phil clues us in, telling us that it’s a tiny island in the Indian Ocean, off the coast of Africa. Who says you can’t learn anything from reality tv? Anyhow, Mary tells us that she’d gladly sacrifice herself for the others in their renamed “six-pack” alliance - so named because she thought “backpackers” was too negative. David just stands there, not saying a thing. He’s probably thinking he wants that million bucks more than he wants a few new friends, but he wisely keeps it to himself. Off they go to “booketing,” as David puts it, to get plane tickets. Seems that the only way to get there is to go about a zillion miles out of the way to London (okay, I exaggerate a bit), then turn around and head back in the same direction from which they came. Make sense? I thought not. I’m guessing that there isn’t a whole lot of traffic to Mauritius, so they take what they can get.
Dustin and Kandice leave next, and have a few snarky things to say about alliances and how you’ve got to run the race for yourself. They get to the ticket counter, but have trouble believing that they must fly to London first. One of them even asks which country London is in. I hope she was kidding. Or that she thought there was another London the clerk was referring to. Either way, the blondes aren’t happy with the prospect and haul tail to another agency to get tickets, after Dustin makes a comment about the clerks not being too bright. Rob and Kim pass David and Mary in the airport, and Rob asks if they got their tickets. David pretty much ignores him, and a peeved Rob stomps upstairs, exclaiming that the Kentucky team is “lame!” Pot, meet kettle. David and Mary laugh it off. Lyn and Karlyn, the Cho brothers, and Tyler and James all end up at the airport eventually. Nobody has heard of this island, and they all have trouble believing they must go to London first. That's going to be one long flight.
Dustin and Kandice have found another ticket agency, and get the same plane tickets the other guy tried to give them. The ‘Bama moms are behind them in line, and in walks Tyler and James. Kandice asks to get tickets for the guys, too, and that sets off team ‘Bama. Boy, does it ever. The blondes admit that helping the guys was of no use to them, but they pretty much did it just to piss Lyn and Karlyn off since they don’t get along. The moms try to tell the agent that they were next, yelling at Kandice that “you can’t do that!” They bicker back and forth, the poor ticket guy gets yelled at, and Tyler and James even get into it with Lyn and Karlyn. James imitates Lyn and her head-bobbing and hand gestures - it was actually funny, once you got past the stupidity of it all. Dustin and Kandice tell us that they don’t care about pissing them off, since there was no friendship there to begin with. Ouch. I’m sure everyone in the airport laughed at the stupid Americans later on. Way to represent, guys! And anyway, all of that ignorance was for nothing: the teams all got on the same flight.
Finally, they reach the island of Mauritius - it looks quite nice, by the way. The teams all get into their cute little Nissans to find a model of a boat that has a placard saying “swim to me.” They must find the Grand Baie (it’s at the opposite end of the island) and swim out to the boat to get their next clue. David and Mary aren’t thrilled at the prospect: Mary is afraid of fish (hee!) and David was thrown into a lake when he was five. Mary blows off his fear of deep water, saying that it’s a rite of passage where she’s from to throw your kids into the lake and make them swim. I’m glad I’m not part of that family.
Dazed and Confused
Even though it’s a tiny island, Tyler and James get lost. Go figure. The other, less directionally-challenged teams make it to the shore where they proceed to change into their bathing suits in the parking lot. No time for modesty when there’s a million bucks on the line, I suppose. Into the water they go, and the blondes make it to the boat first, followed by Rob and Kim (who can swim circles around Rob, apparently). The Cho bros are next, with the Lyns and David and Mary still floundering about in the water. Mary seems to prefer to wear her lifejacket over her head, for some reason. Either that or it wouldn’t fit over her boobs. The blondes and Rob and Kim make it back and leave, while Edwin and Godwin sit in the parking lot and wait for their alliance members to get the heck out of the water, wasting precious time. Here’s some of that dumb I was talking about earlier. These guys could have been well on their way, but they sat there so long waiting on the others that even perpetually lost Tyler and James showed up. I like the Chos, but I really want to give them a swift kick in the ass when they do this stuff. It's not the way to win.
Kandice and Dustin open their envelope to find the next task: teams must drive 49 miles to Case Noyale and find the Post Office for their next clue. Rob and Kim try to tail the blondes, but they manage to lose the couple in traffic by taking an alternate route. Guess who gets lost again? Yep, Tyler and James. They argue with each other about it, but they don’t hold a candle to the reigning bitchers this season: Rob and Kim. Looks like their car won’t get into gear, and traffic starts backing up behind them as Rob gets more and more upset. Kim tries to tell him not to give up, but he just loses it and stomps away from the car: “I’m done!” Somebody needs his meds. When he’s done throwing his hissy fit, a few guys help him push the car off the road and they wait for a replacement. As per the rules, they get no credit for the time lost. Tough luck.
Meanwhile, Dustin and Kandice are zipping along the road, pleased with themselves for being first and losing their tailgaters. Until they slam into the bus in front of them, that is. I don’t know what, if anything, happens to a team when they trash their car, but they’ve managed to smash it up pretty well. Fortunately for them, it’s still useable. The local cops take their info and they’re on their way again. The other teams pass by Rob and Kim, still stewing on the side of the road. The blondes reach the post office first, opening their clue to find:
- Detour: Salt or Sea. In Salt, teams must drive two miles to a salt pan and search through three huge piles of salt to find a salt shaker containing their next clue. In Sea, teams must walk to a nearby dock, choose a boat captain, and travel less than a mile to a small island. There, they must use a treasure map to locate their boat’s mast and sail, carry it to the boat and attach it to receive their next clue.
Rubbing Salt In Their Wounds
Dustin and Kandice choose Sea, and run off to pick a boat. The six-packers all arrive together, and decide on Salt - Mary wanted to do Sea, but she was overridden. They should have listened to her. These are some BIG piles of salt. Tyler and James have chosen to dig in the salt piles, too, and they wonder if the salt will pickle their fingers. Like all those drugs have already pickled their brains, apparently. The teams soon discover that there are empty salt shakers along with pepper shakers in the piles, and one by one they get discouraged and leave to do the other task. Nobody ever found the clue in the salt pile. Rob and Kimberly are the last to arrive at the post office, and Kim is so flustered that she can’t read the clue. Rob smarmily tells her to “chill out” (like he does?!) as she runs off to the car, and he promptly trips and falls flat on his ass trying to run after her. Another fine moment for these two. They catch up to the other teams at the salt pan and quickly decide to do the other task, too. David and Mary are the only ones left - David hates to quit, so they continue digging. And Mary continues her fussing, telling him that they’re going to be “the stupid couple that stays out here all night long and gets eliminated!”
Over on the island, Dustin and Kandice have found the masts and sails - and the trap right in front of them. One of them goes tumbling into the camouflaged pit and exclaims that she feels like Indiana Jones. Alas, there are no snakes in this pit. They pick a yellow sail (to color-coordinate, I guess) and head back to get the next clue: find the Chateau Bel Ombre, a sprawling mansion that is the next Pit Stop. On the ride back, Dustin and Kandice wave at the Cho brothers, who ignore them. The also wave at Lyn and Karlyn, who do the same. “There’s not a friendly bone in her. She needs to take her happy pills in the morning!” the blondes laugh. David and Mary do wave back and them, and the blondes tell us that the Kentuckians are one of their favorite teams. As usual, the six-packers are behind the others, still wandering the island in search of the sails. We go into the typical hyper-drive mode for the last few minutes, and the teams finish as follows:
1st - Dustin and Kandice
2nd - Tyler and James
3rd - Rob and Kimberly
4th - Edwin and Godwin
5th - Lyn and Karlyn
6th - David and Mary
But wait! This is yet another non-elimination leg, and David and Mary get another chance. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it, either. I like these two and all, but how many chances should they get? Anyhow, it’s the same rules as before: come in first next time or get a 30 minute penalty. Can they do it again? Who knows. Phil tells leaders Dustin and Kandice that they have won motor scooters, and they hop up and down in celebration. He says that they’re good for putting around town and they can even take a date out on one of them, which Dustin promptly follows with “Can I take you, Phil?” He responds with a confused “Ummmm...” as the girls laugh. Bet his wife isn’t laughing.
Join us next week for suncat’s awesome recap, as the teams encounter a new twist in the game: an Intersection. See you then!
Have you taken your happy pills? firstname.lastname@example.org