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Welcome back to another episode of The Biggest Loser! We’re already 6 weeks in to this little journey and the teams have lost over 550 pounds so far, not counting all of the dead weight of the eliminated players. This week it’s more of the same: Heather whining, lots of sweating…… and me drooling over Bob and his abs.

Before the Red Team can even gloat about winning the weigh in (too much) or the Blue Team can mourn the loss of Amy (yeah, right), it’s time for a little reward challenge. The teams are presented with a calorie quiz board. They will have to guess the number of calories in several meals. The winning team will be able to make two decisions: which two members of the opposing team will have to go without their trainer for 72 hours and which two will be forced to eat nothing but take-out for the same length of time. Bobby tells us that the Blue Team really needs to have Bob this week and they really don’t need to deal with the pressures of eating out. Because they have been counting every calorie they eat, the Blue Team feels foolishly confident about their ability to win this one.

A World Without Bob is a Very Sad Place
Aaaand here’s Foreshadowing to remove the cover from the first meal. It’s a burger and fries. The Red Team is at a loss. They guess that the meal contains 1,300 calories, while the Blue Team goes with a more conservative 780 calories. The real total is 1,421 (why 1421?)

Next up is fried chicken, a biscuit and coleslaw. The Blue Team tries to be smart about their answer, reasoning that they guessed way too low on the first meal. They shoot high, guessing 1,751 calories: the Red Team guesses 1,220 calories. The actual total is 1,000 calories and, just like that, the Red Team is one away from winning another challenge.

Before the final meal is unveiled, the Blue Team is already thinking about who might be going without a trainer this week. The next meal is a full (and I mean full) breakfast of eggs, pancakes, bacon, hash browns and sausage, all of it cooked in either grease or butter…..with an angioplasty on the side. The Blue team guesses 920 calories. The Red Team’s guess of 1,350 calories comes closest to the real total of 1190 calories and, once again, the Harpies win.

It’s time for the Red Team to makes their decisions about which Blue Team members will be going without Bob and which ones will be eating out. As with everything on this show, there are t-shirts involved. The “No Trainer” shirts go to Bobby and Erik, while the “Eating Out” shirts go to Marty and Brian. This is no big deal as far as Marty is concerned: he’s heading to El Pollo Loco! Erik, on the other hand, is trying not to panic over having to work out without Bob. Marty’s more worried about the freak-out Bob will have when he learns that they lost a challenge involving calories. Here comes Bob and instead of freaking out, he’s just puzzled. After realizing that Erik will be working out on his own, the usually positive Bob tells Erik, “Wow. You’re really screwed!” Jeez, Bob. Let me know when your personal motivation tapes come out. Marty and Brian head off to the gym with Bob, who wanders up to the gym muttering all the way.

Biggest Loser at Home Update
This week we’re catching up with Evelyn in Nebraska. She started out at 270 pounds and has lost 20 pounds. Evelyn started out strong, but lost momentum. She tells us that she’s still doing her best: she doesn’t want to be the fat friend with the great personality any more.

Touchy-Feely Time
Kim meets with the Red Team to get the news. They all talk about how many changes they’ve been through in their time at the ranch. Kai admits that she is Anger Girl. Kim urges her to let it go and tells us that he Red Team isn’t open with their emotions….you know, except for Weepy Ken and Screeching Heather. Those two can’t seem to hide their emotions. Pam admits that she puts on a happy face rather than let anyone know how she really feels. Kim advises them that this isn’t just about eating right and exercising – it’s an emotional challenge too.

The two Blue Boys are working out with Bob while Erik and Bobby – also in the gym – are the Invisible Men. Bob is really wailing on Marty and Brian as if to make up for only having two people to boss around in the gym. Marty moans and screams while he’s lifting weights and I’ll admit that I started to get a little turned on. That Marty is turning into a little hottie. Later, Marty and Brian phone in an order to El Pollo Loco as the Red Girls gloat: they’re sure the Blue Team will fail this week.

Human Piñatas
This week’s physical challenge is introduced by Caroline, whose wardrobe person must be out sick: she’s dressed almost normally. The teams assemble on the athletic field and find banners with their names and individual weight loss amounts. These challenges get weirder and weirder, so bear with me here. The gist of the challenge is this: the teams must select one member, who will be put into a harness and then hoisted up onto a kind of scaffolding to affix each of the banners. The other team members will lift the person by using their own body weight. The first team to raise all of the flags wins. The prize? Either a healthy meal at the Bel Age Hotel or an intense workout in the pool at the Bel Age Hotel – it’s the winners’ choice. Wylie will be sitting this challenge out – it seems he sprained his ankle while running with Marty the night before. Caroline consoles Wylie: they can stay on the sidelines together and work on their cheers. Just as long as there are no pompoms and short skirts involved. That’s how people get hurt.

The challenge hasn’t even begun yet and Heather is gloating. She knows that the Red Team is just as strong as the guys on the Blue Team. I want something heavy to fall on her. Brian will be the hoistee for the Blue Team, while Heather will be harnessed (although sadly, not muzzled) for the Red Team. In no time at all, Heather is screeching and, also in no time at all, the Blue Team wins. The guys choose to eat the healthy meal, which means that we will have to see the Red Team in bathing suits. Pam is upset that the Blue Team now has the power to sit out a member of the Red Team from the weigh-in. Not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?

Some Great Rewards
At the Bel Age Hotel, the Blue Boys enjoy a lovely meal poolside. They have shrimp, steak, steamed veggies…..damn, I’m hungry. Marty says that they chose the meal to reward themselves because they’ve been working out really hard this week. I have no idea how the “intense” pool workout went for the Red Team. The only footage we see involves them hanging on the side of the pool and whining over the fact that the Blue Team is getting a great meal.

Back at the ranch, the teams meet with Dr. Huizenga - he gave them complete physicals when they first arrived at the ranch. The doctor tells Kai that her cholesterol has already dropped 113 points and her blood pressure is lower as well. Pam’s cholesterol is down 60 points and Bobby is no longer pre-diabetic. He’s also off his blood pressure and cholesterol medications. None of the contestants now have high blood pressure, but they’re still at risk for heart disease. Out of nowhere, Dr. Huizenga hits us with the Blatant Product Placement of the Week. This time it’s Bayer aspirin. Et tu, doctor?

Dr. Huizenga asks Erik to stick around so they can speak more about his health. Erik tells the doctor that he hasn’t smoked since he arrived at the ranch. He wants his wife to quit when he gets home and he’s looking forward to being active and doing more with his kids. Dr. H tells Erik that, while he did have diabetes when he arrived at the ranch, his blood levels are now normal.

Weights and Balances
Caroline greets everyone as they arrive for the weigh-in. She compliments them, saying they all look fantastic. Heather, whose gut is hanging out over her cycling shorts (for the love of God, pull those up!) says ‘Thank you!” Loudly. I roll my eyes.

The Blue Team tells Caroline that they have chosen Ken to sit out the weigh-in this week. His weight loss will not count toward the Red Team’s total.

Red Team
Ken: 290 (11 lbs/ 68 lbs total)
Pam: 211 (7 lbs / 29 lbs)
Kai: 214 (9 lbs / 48 lbs total)
Wylie: 248 (7 lbs / 52 lbs total)
Heather: 187 (6 lbs / 36 lbs total)

Red Team totals: pounds lost: 29 / percentage of weight lost: 3.26%

Blue Team
In order to win the weigh-in, the Blue Team boys must lose more than 38 pounds. Here’s how they did:
Brian: 246 (9 lbs / 62 lbs total)
Bobby: 260 (13 lbs / 61 lbs total)
Marty: 293 (15 lbs / 72 lbs total)
Erik: 335 (16 lbs / 72 lbs total)

Blue Team totals: pounds lost: 53 / percentage of weight lost: 4.47%

With that, the Blue Team wins. Hurray! (<----Sponge Bob voice) Since Kai was the biggest loser on the Red Team, she has immunity this week.

The next morning, Bob gets the good news. He’s clearly elated. I am happy because Bob is happy. The Red Team doesn’t seem to be too conflicted about the elimination. Well, at least some members of the Red Team aren’t conflicted: Heather tells us that one of the guys is going home no matter what.

You are NOT the Biggest Loser
Good news! Caroline’s wardrobe person is on the mend! Hmmmm….maybe that’s bad news: She’s wearing a coral pleather jacket. As the Red Team files into the elimination room, it’s clear that Caroline’s “fashion sense” is rubbing off on Kai. She’s wearing a satiny pink camisole. Not in public, Dear. Kai confirms with Caroline that she will not be using her free pass tonight and they get right to the votes.

Kai claims to be voting for a person who has a fabulous heart and who has lost tons of weight. Because of that success, that person is a threat: that’s one vote for Ken.
Since this is a game, Ken casts his vote for the person with the lowest numbers: Heather.
Heather is voting for someone who is both a strong player on the team and a threat (she says that’s a compliment). She rolls out the “this is a game” cliché as she casts a second vote for Ken.
Wylie, who is probably just happy that he didn’t get any votes tonight, deals the final blow to Ken, who Wylie says is the biggest threat to everyone on the ranch. Wouldn’t that sound a lot more menacing if you didn’t know this is a weight loss show?

It’s All Good
Ken, who is clearly classier than the rest of the Red Team, takes his ouster in stride. He’s lost 68 at the ranch and will continue working when he goes home. He will be sending his prayers and good thoughts to his (now) former team members. He urges them to kick ass and keep going.

Ken tells us that he has no more fear and there are no more excuses. He now knows his limits and he’s going to push them. He hopes he did Washington proud. I’d say that he definitely did: in the time since Ken left the ranch, Ken has lost an additional 70 pounds for a total weight loss of 138 pounds. His lifestyle has inspired his wife to get fit as well: she’s lost over 50 pounds. Now if Ken would just cut that hair. I mean, that’s another 5 pounds right there.

Next week: Tune in for an episode that’s not about weigh-ins or challenges. This begs the question: what the hell are they going to do for an hour? The partial answer is that two contestants are going home: the Biggest Loser online folks are coming back to the ranch to replace two ranchers. The biggest surprise is that the at home contestants have lost more weight than those on the ranch.