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Welcome back, Race fans! We have a special show for you tonight, as one of the most vile creatures I've ever seen on reality tv gets the boot. We'll get to that later, though. For now, the teams are still in India, and a nervous David and Mary have narrowly beaten elimination by a new twist: they get to keep their money and things, but if they aren't the first to make it to the Pit Stop, they will incur a 30 minute penalty. And the way these teams have been bunched up, that could spell doom for Team Kentucky. Let's get started...

Check Your Ego At The Door, Please
First to leave are Peter and Sarah, who open their clue to find a video phone with a message from Phil: they must travel 2400 miles to Kuwait City, then find and drive to the mystery landmark shown on the phone (the Kuwait Towers). Peter, in his typical full-of-himself fashion, tells us that even on their worst day, he and Sarah are better than some of the other teams. Right behind that asshat are Dustin and Kandice, who aren't much better: they think that some people are jealous of them, and don't want to be "beaten by a couple of blonde girls." Save that "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" crap for the pageant circuit, ladies. They all grab taxis and head to the travel agency to buy the plane tickets to Kuwait (they're not allowed to buy them at the airport, apparently).

Once again, I'm sad to report that Peter is trying to use Sarah's disability to get ahead. I throw up in my mouth a little every time he does that. Seriously. Peter tells the people at the counter that it's a "medical emergency" and they must get to Kuwait quickly, as he grabs Sarah's leaky leg and holds it up to show them. They give him a blank stare along with the plane tickets. Meanwhile, Dustin and Kandice are trying another approach, telling the travel agents that they're Miss New York and Miss California (were they expecting applause?), and they've just got to get to Kuwait as fast as possible. They get the same flight as Sarah and the Jerk. Dustin (or is that Kandice?) tries to get a high-five from the clerk but he leaves her hanging. I just love how they all think they're being so clever, but none of them are really getting anything better than the other teams. Peter does have the sense to get on the Internet and find out what the landmark is - the Kuwait Towers. He gets them to print out directions and they head out.

Okay, where are all the teams I actually like? No sign of them yet, as Rob and Kimberly are the third team to depart. They open their clue and look for a taxi as Rob hollers "English?" in the street. He tells us that he's a dramatic person (read: drama queen) and his habit of "speaking freely" gets him in trouble at times. I don't think it's speaking freely, it's speaking rudely, Rob. They find a cab and rush off. The Cho brothers and Lyn and Karlyn leave next, followed by James and Tyler. Edwin and Godwin admit that they're in a tight alliance with the 'Bama moms and Team Kentucky, and that they all want to make it to the final three. Bringing up the rear are David and Mary, and Mary is worried about the impending 30 minute penalty that they will incur if they don't come in first this time. The remaining teams flag down taxis and fight the congested streets to find a travel agency. They all end up on the same flight to Kuwait, much to the dismay of Tyler and James, who thought they had some kind of lead on the others. Ha.

Things That Make You Go Hmm...
The plane lands, and the Backpackers (David and Mary, Edwin and Godwin, and Lyn and Karlyn) stick together and get someone to guide them to the Towers while Tyler and James and Dustin and Kandice rush to their cars. Tyler comments that there must be a lot of oil in Kuwait (duh!) and that gas must be really cheap. Dustin and Kandice are in the lead, having gotten directions to the Towers from the pilot of the plane. How they managed that and how they got in the cockpit in the first place, I don't want to know. But they both had big grins on their faces as they talked about it. I'm just sayin'. Their directions must not have been so great, because they had to stop and ask for help anyway. Ha on them, too.

Rob and Kimberly pass by Tyler and James on the road, and both teams arrive at the Towers and run upstairs to grab a number. Dustin and Kandice race Sarah and the Jerk upstairs, and are peeved when Peter jumps in front of them to grab the number three. "It's so annoying," complain the beauty queens. How quickly they have forgotten that they did the same thing to Lyn and Karlyn on the boats in Vietnam. Must be a blonde thing. The Backpackers finally make it to the Towers, getting the last three numbers. The doors open at 11, and the teams file inside to get their envelope:
  • Fast Forward and a Roadblock. In the Fast Forward, teams must drive 18 miles to an oilfield where they will put on protective gear and retrieve the award from a box next to a simulated oil well fire and temperatures of over 1000 degrees. In the Roadblock, one team member must climb the ladder that curves around the outside of one of the Kuwait Towers, 610 feet in the air. They must then retrieve a satchel containing puzzle pieces at the top, bring it to the ground where the remaining puzzle pieces are, and solve the puzzle to reveal the name of the street where they must go next.

Rob and Kimberly and Tyler and James both dismiss the Fast Forward, saying they're in good position and don't need it. Dustin and Kandice consider using it but decide not to, and the Cho brothers let David and Mary go for it, knowing their alliance members are in danger of going home if they don't come in first this leg. Edwin and Godwin go downstairs with David and Mary to fool the others into thinking they were going for the Fast Forward also, but they hug Mary and wish them good luck, then return upstairs to tackle the Roadblock. It was both a nice gesture, and a dangerous one. They haven't exactly been running at the front of the pack, and have put themselves in possible danger by giving up the Fast Forward.

Especially since Edwin and Godwin are both are terrified of heights, and this challenge is all about high places. Kimberly completes the ladder climb with ease, as does Tyler, who shows off by taking his hands away from the ladder. I'd have a death grip on that thing, myself. They nab the satchels and begin to put the puzzles together. Oh, and would you look at this - Peter has gallantly told let Sarah perform yet another climbing task. The others whisper and shake their heads that it's just not right as the Jerk kicks back on the grass below and watches Sarah struggle up the ladder. Once again, I have to resist the urge to throw things at my tv. Seriously, I'd love to smack him upside his smug, Neanderthal head with a shoe. Or a brick. Sarah makes it through, as does Kandice, followed by Lyn and Edwin, who was sweating buckets at the thought of climbing the Tower. Poor guy. They all make it down and begin the puzzle, which seems to be more difficult than it looks.

Fire Down Below
Over at the oil field, David and Mary have arrived to complete the Fast Forward. They don the heavy protective gear and Mary cracks that maybe Steven Seagal will see her and want her to be in one of his movies. David is excited as they approach the blazing fire, telling us that he's always wanted to be a firefighter and is living a childhood dream. Aww. They hide behind a huge shield to get to the clue box near the fire, and open the envelope to find the location of the Pit Stop: the Al-Sadiq Water Towers. They hop in their car and off they go.

Back at the Kuwait Towers, Tyler and James have finished their puzzle - but they have no clue what it says! They pick up the entire thing and carry it to a nearby vendor, who tells them what it means. They write down the directions to the street, and go to find the bead shop where the next clue awaits. Peter and Sarah finish next, and he actually carries the puzzle to the vendor to find out what it means. I thought he'd make Sarah do that, too. Rob and Kimberly are next, and Kimberly has trouble pronouncing the word "mosque." She keeps saying "mask" and Rob snipes at her for the mistake. They seem to have toned down the fighting a bit. Either that, or the editors wanted to show some other teams fighting: Dustin and Kandice and Lyn and Karlyn are at it again. The Alabama moms have gotten some help from a passerby, but when Dustin and Kandice approach the same guy for help, the moms shoo him away and tell him not to help the blondes. They hound the poor guy anyway until he agrees to take them to the correct street. Lyn and Karlyn say it's not fair, and the blondes should run their own race, while the blondes say that the "sistas" are being big pigs and hogging all the help. They're all being so silly, I have to laugh. Edwin and Godwin somehow manage to get a police escort to the street, making up precious time. Tyler and James find the bead shop first, opening their clue to find:
  • Detour. Teams must choose either Manual or Automatic. In Manual, teams must drive to Suk Sulaibiya and find a feed lot, where they have to fill ten 110-pound bags with camel feed to a marked line, move the bags 100 yards and stack them on a pallet. In Automatic, teams must drive to the Kuwait Camel Racing Club, where they will attach a robotic jockey to a camel and use a voice-activated remote control to make the camel run to the end of the 140 yard track.

Whip It. Whip It Good.
While Tyler and James decide to choose manual, a happy David and Mary have finally made it to the Pit Stop. Phil greets them and tells them that they've won a nice trip to Jamaica, and they tell him that they made it because of the Cho brothers. Meanwhile, Rob and Kimberly have found the bead shop and sneakily hide the clue from the lost Dustin and Kandice. Sarah and the Jerk find the shop, and Peter lies to Edwin and Godwin as he runs by: "I have to move my car!" The Cho brothers know he's full of it, though. The blondes finally find the shop, as do Lyn and Karlyn.

Rob and Kimberly and Dustin and Kandice have chosen the Manual task, and begin filling the feed bags with camel chow. Edwin and Godwin arrive at the feed lot soon after. The blondes think they have finished and ask for their clue, but are told that they haven't filled their bags up to the line and they have to redo them. Rob and Kimberly beat them, and head off to the Pit Stop. Everyone is drenched with sweat as they fill the bags in the blazing desert heat. Dustin and Kandice manage to finish ahead of the Cho brothers as they all race to find Phil at the water towers.

Over at the Camel Racing Club, Lyn and Karlyn are not too keen on dealing with the snarling camels. Sarah and Peter are hopelessly lost, and Peter yells at Sarah for not reading the map correctly. He spies a yellow and red arrow, thinking it's a sign for them to follow. He's quite proud of himself, until they realize that it was a sign - to the Fast Forward, which has been taken already. Wiped that smug smile right off his face, that did. Lyn and Karlyn have gotten their little robotic jockey on the camel and finished the task. Tyler and James finally find the Race Club after being lost for a while, and Sarah and the Jerk are still wandering the streets of Kuwait. After the usual hectic editing of the last ten minutes (how do they expect us to follow this stuff?!), the teams end up finishing as follows:

1st David and Mary
2nd Dustin and Kandice
3rd Rob and Kimberly
4th Lyn and Karlyn
5th Edwin and Godwin
6th Tyler and James
Eliminated Peter and Sarah

Oh, yeah. That just made my whole night. Phil tells them that they're the last couple, and they've been eliminated. They don't look upset at all. Relieved, actually. Phil asks them what the status of their relationship is, and Peter says they're just good friends - they're both hard-headed and that's not a good combo. Sarah says that Peter isn't a very nurturing, kind individual (no kidding!), and he's not the guy for her. Good for you, Sarah. Flush that turd.

Join us next week as the girls fight with the moms again, and somebody *cough*DustinandKandice*cough* has a little fender-bender. See you then!

Now who am I going to make fun of? waywyrd@fansofrealitytv.com