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Welcome back to Flavor of Love 2! We’re really getting down to the wire now- only two women left, and the last we saw, New York’s oh so pleasant mother was marching back in the mansion to seize her daughter and take her home and away from Flav forever. I can’t wait to see what happens, and I’m so glad the show is on tonight… what? This is a clip show? Are you kidding me? Well dang. I guess since we have to wait another week to see Flav’s adventures with Deelishis and New York in Belize, I’ll recap this little clip show. But, since the events have mostly been covered in the previous recaps, I’ll just focus on all the crazy that didn’t make it into the episodes we’ve seen.

Flav says we’re going to rewind all the way back to the beginning, and see some footage we haven’t seen, so I’m momentarily appeased.

Saaphyri… Saapyre… how do you spell that again?
Oooh! Auditions! There’s Tiger, looking very Tiger-like. I think that’s Saaphyri wearing a belt buckle with a gigantic “S” on it. Can I admit something here? I thought her nickname was pronounced like the gemstone “sapphire,” but I learned tonight that it’s pronounced like “safari.” I feel really stupid now. Anyhoo, moving on, and we see that the casting directors really liked Buckeey, especially when she offers to shake her booty for them. Somethin’ declares that she wants a man who knows what he’s doing in bed, Like Dat announces that she only likes to date men over 40, and then there’s Deelishis. I’m not really sure why she thought it would be a good idea to dress like Xena Warrior Princess for her audition tape, but it obviously worked out for her. Conspicuously missing is Wire’s audition tape. I am extremely curious to see why she ended up on the show, and would have loved to see her tape. I’ll bet it was weird and uncomfortable.

Lord forgive me for beating this bitch ass.
Here’s some repeat footage of the ladies greeting Flav, and then of the fight between H-Town and Saahpyri involving a bed, a bouquet of flowers and an $800 weave. I think we’re seeing a little bit more of the fight though, because I don’t remember it being nearly this violent. Maybe I’ve blocked it from my memory. H-Town tells us that she’s just glad she came through the fight with all her teeth intact, and Saaphyri notes that she’s “only human,” and sometimes humans need to beat bitch ass. Yes Saaphyri, I’m only human as well, but I’ve never punched a woman repeatedly on the head while yelling “it’s mines!” Well… there was that one time, but my lawyer has advised me not to talk about it without him present.

Who doesn’t know what TP is?
Remember when six of the ladies had to clean Warren G’s filthy house? Well, back at the mansion, the other six weren’t too happy that they didn’t get to spend time with their man, and decided to TP the other girls’ rooms. Now, for those of you who don’t know what TP is, (I’m looking at you, Deelishis!), it means toilet paper, and to TP someone’s bedroom means to throw toilet paper around and make a huge mess. Thanks for the lesson in delinquency, ladies!

This does not go over well with the other women, especially since they’ve just spent the afternoon cleaning the most disgusting mess ever. According to Buckwild, the women were “hella mad” when they saw their rooms. Buckwild defends the act, but completely backs down when Buckeey gets mad, and even offers to help her clean up. I would be proud of Buckeey for shutting Buckwild down, if only Buckeey had not yelled “Aw hell to the no!” when she first saw the mess. I just can’t excuse that kind of behavior.

That night, Deelishis is the lucky lady invited back to Flav’s suite, where they share a romantic evening of “cuddling.” Niiiice.

It’s all in the Details.
Here’s something I don’t remember seeing before- Flav’s Details photo shoot with the ladies of Flavor of Love 1. I guess he didn’t know they were going to be there, because he is really, really excited to see Pumkin, Goldie, Peaches, Red Oyster… heck, he’s even happy to see Hottie! Flav reminisces about making out with the women, and groping them, and we’re treated to footage of it. Honestly, I probably could have done without that. Flav wishes he could bring all the women back into the competition. Well, all the women except for Hottie. That chick is some kind of crazy, and there’s already enough of that back at the mansion.

HBIC time!
Here we’re down to seven women, and Flav is worried that some of the ladies might be there for the wrong reasons. Really though? What could possibly be the right reason for appearing on Flavor of Love? Flav knows he needs some help, so he brings in the HBIC herself- spit upon New York to assess the ladies and figure out which ones have real feelings for him. I’ve seen most of this footage before, but am pleased when New York announces that all of the other women are “raggedy hag-ass, nasty ass chicks.” Wow. What can I say- the woman really has a way with words.

New York tells the ladies she’s in charge of the elimination, and then spends the night in Flav’s suite, showing him “appreciation.” Flav tells us how wonderful New York is, and how he has a “fiery, burning connection” with her. Hmmm… sounds like something you should talk to your physician about, Flav! We see footage of the door, and hear New York making all sorts of gross noises, and then she says something about dark chocolate melting all over her luscious body and I need to take a little break from the show, or I will never make it another week.

Bowling is extremely hazardous to gold teeth.
Remember when the women got to choose two of their own to go home, and Flav got private dates with Buckeey, Bootz and Deelishis? Not a whole lot to note here, except that while bowling with Buckeey, Flav trips and smashes his gold teeth, and then says “It’s not the teeth that makes Flava Flav, it’s Flava Flav that makes the teeth.” Yeah, okay. During the date with Bootz, after she drops the celibate until marriage bomb, Flav tells us that he guesses he won’t get a “chance to ride Bootz,” and finally while he rides on the camel behind Deelishis, he spends most of the time gazing at her “crystal ball.”

We saw quite a bit of the fight between Krazy and Buckeey, where Buckeey almost pushed Krazy over the balcony, but now we see that New York was actually the voice of reason and broke up the fight. Flav tells us that when he came home, he reviewed the tapes and had to let Buckeey go.

That same night, we see a jam session between Flav on the piano, and Krazy on vocals. Hmmm… what to say about Krazy’s singing. I think New York sums it up well when she says it sounds like a cat being strangled. A very loud, off key cat.

Aw snap, Krazy!
With only four women left, it’s time for the out of town dates. We’re subjected to more of Krazy’s singing, and I am not happy. Flav asks Deelishis if she likes to sing, and she replies that she likes to, but doesn’t do it too often. Flav coaxes her, and she finally stands up to sing, and… wow. That girl has some pipes! And, she knows how to stay in key! The singing is enjoyable, but the real enjoyment comes from seeing the supremely pissed off look on Krazy’s face. Deelishis gets the invite back to the suite for a solo date with Flav, and I really don’t want to talk about what they probably did.

The next day, Flav takes Boots and New York to wine country, and out to dinner. Flav and Bootz discuss their first date in a car on a hill, until New York decides she is no back burner bitch and storms off. Flav goes after her, and then invites her back to his room for a solo date. New York says that she really needed the time with Flav, and that he “took her in ways no other man has ever taken her.” Yucky.

Time to get out the painkillers.
And this brings us up to last week’s episode. We’re down to three women, and now it’s time to meet the parents. Here’s some stuff we didn’t see last week- Deelishis’s Dad asking Flav if he has a pension, New York’s Dad hanging out with Krazy’s crazy Mom and Grandma, and New York calling Krazy’s Grandma the biggest whore she’s ever seen. When I saw the episode last week, I really thought that New York’s mom was unreasonable, and really, really mean, and my opinion has not changed, but if I was trying to sleep and someone was playing Krazy’s crappy song… well, I wouldn’t be too nice either. The Krazys are all drinking, and Krazy Mom and Krazy Grandma share a lingering kiss on the lips. I’m not kidding. They explain that it’s the way they are, and the way they’ve always been. Yikes. We see more footage of the screaming match between the Krazys and the New York and Mama New York, and I utilize my fast forward button, because I just can’t take any more of their screeching.

Flav and the Deelishis Family arrive back at the mansion, and Mama New York immediately finds him and cries about how horrible the Krazys are. Krazy gets into the conversation, and is joined by her Mom and Grandma. Grandma Krazy tells Mama New York that she’s just trying to invite her into her life, and Mama New York replies that she’s just trying to be nice. Yeah, nice and delusional. Flav quickly tires of the drama and slips off to his suite with Deelishis. Presumably to have sex with her. While her parents are in the house. Again, niiiice.

Finally, New York and Mama New York make fun of the Krazy family and New York refers to Grandma Krazy as “Krazy’s slutbag grandmother.” There’s really nothing I can add.

Next week New York, Deelishis and Flav are all jetting off to Belize, where Flav will make his decision, and hopefully no one will end up in a Belizean prison.