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Welcome to another edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Survivor: Cook Islands! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .
In case anyone was wondering, I am the best player on my team. I am the most needed and I just can’t believe how good I am. I wonder if everyone saw how fast I was swimming in both challenges today? My muscles were flexing and that ocean water does wonders for fluffing my hair. I am also the greatest fisherman to ever walk the earth. I caught nine out of the eleven fish for my tribe. I think the team should really refer to me as god, because that is what I am. Survivor has never seen such a finer player than me and my tribe would just crumble without me. I plan to walk into the final two without any troubles because I am just ruling this tribe and this game. I AM AWESOME!
My playing under the radar game is really working well for me. No one even notices that I am around anymore, even the camera men. I just sit back and do whatever I am told. I don’t really talk to anyone except to agree on voting for the majority. Whoever said that Survivor was a tough game to play was just crazy. This is one of the easiest things I have ever done and I can’t wait to see the look of shock and wonderment on the faces of everyone when I make final two. My greatest pleasure though will be when I slip into the bank and cash my $1 million dollar check and no one can figure out what I did to get it.
Are you kidding me? Voting me off because I’m an effective leader? Because I know how to handle the women? OK, so maybe I’m not so surprised about Brad, but Adam? Dude, seriously! Can you not handle the competition? I didn’t see YOU trying to out-swim Ozzy – yeah, I got my butt handed to me by the little guy, but we all know that my extra muscle weighed me down. Well, my time as king was pretty sweet, after all…with that bevy of chicks in bikinis serving me, it was kinda like Wing Night at Hooters. And on the up side, I can go hang out at Loser Lodge and take all the naps I want – maybe I’ll beat up Billy a few times to keep my upper bod and my sense of superiority in top shape. Adios!
I am WOMAN! Hear me ROAR!! Yeah, I thought I was going to play the stealth game and just blend into the background, but then we lost two straight challenges and J.P. got his macho boss man attitude going on. Yeah, I suppose you could blame me for the losses—come on, at first I thought I was doing the right thing by letting the others make me go under logs through holes in the sand. I thought I was just going to be buried there until the end of the game when I would rise like the phoenix and win a cool million. But then I saw how the boys were acting…all macho and bonding like us women could never live without them. Especially J.P. Not only is he bossy, but he’s lazy. Who does he think he is trying to get the women to do all the work while he just lazes around like the king of the jungle? So I changed my strategy. There’s 5 women on Raro beach, and only 4 guys. When I almost chopped my hand off trying to start a fire in a losing bid at tribal immunity, I figured, what the heck—I’ll change this whole thing up and vote out bossy J.P. It’s not like I was going to let a female just chime in and take the blame for our loss like King J.P. would have liked. Hell no! Us ladies gotta stick together, ya know? And there’s no time like the present. So, all I can say to J.P. is see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!
Becky and I are working better together every day, and the way things are going, she and I will be the last two standing at the end of the game. We’ve built quite a partnership, and it’s definitely got its advantages for me, because I sure didn’t mind picking her up and helping her over that bar today during the challenge. As far as I’m concerned that water-boy Ozzy, or Poseidon, as I like to call him, can keep catching as much fish as he can spear all day long. If anyone needs me, they’ll be able to find me lifting Becky over obstacles, and carrying Candice around on a stretcher. What can I say, I like being around the ladies, and they don’t call me Cool Yul for nothing you know.
You know what I love about this game? Well, besides the fact that I look absolutely stunning without make-up. I can use my feminine wiles and act all innocent everybody thinks that's the real me. Like when I came back from Exhile Island and my tribal members asked me why the Raro tribe sent me to Exhile and they were all like "That meant you were safe at tribal council" and I convinced them I was too busy to even think about it. Ri-ight. I'm on an island all by myself with nothing to do, but I didn't have time to think. *flutters eyelashes* Its good to know that Adam and Parvi have my back even if they're on the other tribe. I would have to say that I'm sitting pretty right about now, in more ways than one.
My spirit guides suggested I lay low this week. I tried to listen, and I channeled my energy into saving the baby bird whose fate was to be knocked out of his nest, through no fault of my boy Cao Boi. I'm sure there was a lesson in there somewhere for the bird, or for us, or for someone. Anyway, it's safe, and I decided my spirit guides wouldn't mind if I needled Candice a bit. I mean, c'mon -- she can't think of any reason why her peeps wouldn't try to cover her ass, even from the other tribe? This is why I hate pretty girls, they try to toss their blonde hair and bat their eyelashes and play innocent. Well, Candice, you're on notice -- being fake is bad karma, and if karma has to work through me to boot you off this island, or even to accidentally fill your pretty hair with squid blood, that's fine by me. I mean, I can't refuse karma.
So I stole a move from Jenny's play book and decided to lay low after that near miss last Tribal Council. What the hell was I thinking, being so obvious and vocal? I knew my alliance with Hunky McBaberson was solid, but that was a close call. My strategy now is to be bendy when my team needs me to be bendy. Take a boot full of sand to the face without a word of complaint. Smile, watch, listen. Becky? Becky who? Exactly. I'm starting to regret bringing that day-glo bikini, though. Although I do look damn great in it if I can say so myself. Meanwhile, I'm just gonna let Cao Boi keep endangering hamless wildlife until his stupidity gets him the boot. Pardon me, I have to go roll around in the mud now...camoflage and all that. If anyone asks, I wasn't here.
Can you believe those guys, sitting around drinking from coconuts while we girls did all the work? I mean, they’re supposed to be looking at my coconuts, if you catch my drift. Hmph. That’s why I didn’t mind voting with the girls to get that J.P. out of here. Well, I wasn’t sure at first, because he is nice to look at and all, but…all of that bossy stuff just doesn’t fly with me! Let King J.P. sit pretty in Loser Lodge and give orders to everyone. *giggle* Besides, I have my Nate here, and I know he has my back. He said so! Too bad I had to jump in the water during that challenge and mess up my hair, I was really trying to look sexy up there on that pole. I have to look good for my snuggle buddy!
Wow, just when you think things are nailed down, a hurricane comes along, huh? I mean that as a metaphor of course. I thought I could trust those - those harridans and they formed an alliance right under my pert little nose! I was strolling on the beach when the women called me over. What could I say? I gulped and agreed. Then I told Adam, so he doesn't get on their bad side. Losing one hunk is enough stress. Another and I might faint! I didn't want to vote my man JP off, but it was him or me. This game isn't called Survivor for nothing!
WOMEN. Can't never figure them out. I thought they liked workin' while we worked on our tans. That's how men do it back home anyway. Sit on the porch while the women-folk work. We were only missin' some chaw (coconut ain't the same - I tried). I mean - no one was stoppin' the girls from gossipin', isn't that what they do? So what were they complainin' about. Raro men got way more muscle than Aitu, we were just waitin' for a chance to use it. Why not let the girls make themself useful, and I don't mean flirtin' with us. That Poverty girl does that all day long. I ain't fallin' for it. Make me look bad in front of my boys, if I get all whipped. Anyway look what-all goes wrong when I step out. I take one boat ride to a sandbar, catch a nap - and the camp goes south, the chicks take control. I hear that Poverty girl got all backtalky with J.P. He was only tryin' to give them girls some focus. An' now look. The girls are sure confused. Votin' him out don't make sense, who they think's gonna carry all their stuff? Or win challenges for 'em if they start votin' out the men? But sometimes you gotta go with the flow. Bein' away a whole night I had no time to change anything. I was sure glad Brad warned me about them girls - we're gonna have to step up our game, that's for sure. Gonna have to mack those girls big-time. I guess Brad's already got a plan: he wants to have a lot more 'conference time' with me out in the forest. Guess he doesn't trust Nate. He says leave him at camp.
I’m feeling great right about now. I’m back undercover, and it was sweet to help engineer JP’s departure from my beach. Yeah, JP’s the king. The King of Wishful Thinking that is. He deserved to get booted just for getting that old Go West song stuck in my head. I wonder how he and Oscar feel about throwing that challenge and booting Billy now? So far, it’s resulted in two more of our original tribe members getting escorted off the island. I tried to tell them it would bring us bad juju. Stupid men. At least Raro is now all about the girl power. I was really worried when Stephannie announced she deserved to go that the men were going to make lame ass decisions for this tribe too. Thankfully, I suggested we show her respect by telling her we were going to take her up on her offer to vote her out. If we hadn’t, the women wouldn’t have been able to seize the day and send the nap king to permanent exile. Now that I sat out that immunity challenge, I’m all rested and ready to tackle Oscar so he can’t swim his tribe to another victory.
Hey Raro- brawn is useless in this game unless you have brains too! I couldn’t just rely on my amazing physique to earn my Academy Award nomination; I had to use my brain too! Winning both Reward and Immunity really gave us the boost we needed to take over this game. Everyone worked perfectly in sync, and it really paid off. Although winning the challenges was incredible, we did have one sad moment on Aitu involving a sweet little newborn bird and its very angry mother. As I held that tiny baby bird in my hands, I just wanted to weep at the pain I saw in its eyes. I was heartbroken. I just wish the Emmys gave an award for Best Dramatic Reaction on a Reality Show, because I would surely win it over those Amazing Race losers.
After the last Tribal Council, I’ve decided to really lay low and not make any waves. Sure, it seemed like I was in a position of power because I was the only one from my former tribe, and didn’t have any alliances, but now I think that being the only one from my former tribe and not having any alliances makes me a target. Best not to give the rest of Aitu any reason to vote me off… or any reason to remember that I’m on the tribe at all. I think I succeeded during the Reward Challenge. During Immunity, my task was to make fire with Cao Boi, and although I didn’t do a thing, I really think I looked like a hero. I certainly looked like a sane person, which is more than I can say for Cao Boi and his weird fire ritual. Yep, from now on you can just call me Aitu Ghost, because I’m going to win this game without doing a darn thing.
Yo, check it. Pavarti is all up on my business. Hey, I’m not gonna sit here and say I’m not loving it. But she’s a damn fool if she thinks a few winks and subtle caressing of my granite-like thighs are going to cloud my dream of a cool million Benjamin’s. I can’t let myself fall under her spell but dayum, she’s a hottie. The boys need some serious karma. We’re down three guys to five girls after JP was booted. This is where my flirting with Pavarti and friendship with my home girl Stephannie will come into play. It’s gonna be tight.
Oh why oh why did I say that! I’m the weakest link? Ugh. I wish I could’ve taken that back. Now, whenever we lose a challenge, the other’s are going to automatically assume it’s me. The only shining light of the last few days is that the girls are aligning together. Right now we have the numbers and as long as that trollop, Pavarti doesn’t sleep her way to the boy’s side, we should be ok.
The ancestors are really with me. I can feel it. I know I can be a big kid sometimes, and not think. But see how the baby bird still survived, and the mother bird didn't attack and claw my eyes out? Spirits. Notice how I twirled and magically made fire? It's all good karma. I never try to hurt anyone, only help. Aitu won Reward and Immunity, it's no accident. The karma that got me through escaping Vietnam at a bad time, will see me through this game too. It's only a game, but isn't all life only a game? It helps to be protected by the spirits of your Ancestors, though, believe me.
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Dinahann, mrdobolina, Brandy, Mariner, Yardgnome, AJane, waywyrd, Lucy, SueEllenMishke, speedbump, suncat7, roseskid and totoro.