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It’s late days in the search for the lead singer of Supernova and it’s time to narrow the field to the final five. It stands to reason that at this stage in any competition that only the best of the best would remain standing, but it’s my opinion that there are still some stinkers in this bunch. Who will get the hatchet treatment tonight? Dilana, the drama queen du jour who hasn’t shown much versatility lately? Storm, the current holder of the Most Times in the Bottom Three award? Lukas, the mumbling angst rocker with mommy issues and an unexplainable fan base? Only one thing is for certain, and it’s that Toby pulled out a phenomenal original. How do I quantify that statement you ask? Simple - I woke up this morning and found myself humming ‘Throw It Away.’ Oh OH oh OH-OH-OH! And on that note, welcome to my fantastical, egotistical world as I guide you through the latest elimination episode of Rockstar: Supernova.
Meet Your Host – Heidi Klum?
Per usual, Brooke kicks off the show and we get our first glimpse at her rarely flattering, always amusing wardrobe choices. Tonight, she’s back to basics with a Robert Palmer-esque black mini skirt and tank, complete with the now de-rigueur leather wristlet. RAWR! She’s hardcore! Actually, I feel a little bad about ranking on Brookie lately, as she seems like a lovely girl and is probably at the mercy of a misguided stylist. Plus, I want to pet her pretty, pretty hair. Dave offers her congratulations on her second pregnancy, and it is suddenly obvious she’s sporting a wee baby bump. Damn, now I feel especially bad, and hereby promise to no longer mock her AND swear to offer her my seat if I should ever encounter her on public transportation. If she lets me touch her hair. Purrr.
Mumble Mumble EVS
Dave does a brief Q&A with the wannabes, wherein Toby reveals that his philosophy of “EVS” has helped him make progress in the competition, and Lukas revealed…something about usually playing for empty beer bottle and ashtrays. But enough with the chit-chat – who’s turn is it to play front(wo)man to Supernova? Tonight, Magni will lend a helping hand with another new track – “It’s All Love.”
Actually, Supernova should consider a name change for that track. May I suggest “It’s All Zzzzzzzzz” perhaps? I’m gonna go out on a limb and strongly suggest that this is not their first single. Or maybe that they should destroy all evidence that this song ever existed? I’m just saying it SUCKS, that’s all. Poor Magni didn’t get much to work with there. But I will turn the cheek and forget this travesty ever happened and focus on the imminent elimination decision. Who is in the bottom three? And who will get the encore?
Get Out of My Dreams (Get into My Shiny New 2007 Honda Element SC)
And that, my friends is all the product placement I’m allowing into this recap. Suffice it to say that the lucky recipient of the encore request will get the key to a spiffy new car. And that lucky bloke is going to be Toby, who reprises “Throw It Away” with much energy, but not before dedicating the performance to Steve Irwin. *sniff* I like this Toby guy the more I watch and listen to him. He seems like a cool bloke. I just wonder if he is going to have to pay to ship his new car to Australia. That would bite the big wallaby.
As much drama as Brooke tries to stir up for the revealing of the bottom three, I’m totally underwhelmed to learn that at some point in the voting period ALL FIVE were in the bottom three position. Instead of boring you with details, I’ll take this opportunity to tell you that Supernova will be joined by The House Band AND The Panic Channel on their mini-tour. Buy your tickets now, dangit!
Pulled Muscle, Schmulled Muscle
The first really-truly-in-the-bottom-three person is… Storm. Surprising, since her original song was so well received, but then again, not so surprising because there’s not a big pool to choose from. She announces she will be performing Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” which was a song that served Marty Casey quite well last season. And she does alright, I suppose. It’s not my favorite cover of the song ever, but there was certainly an emotional response. Most notably rocked was Jason Newstead, who seemed shaken and teary while listening. Was that a reaction to Storm’s performance? I have a feeling it was more of a personal memory attached to the song, but he was not the only one crying in the house. Dave seemed uncomfortable while glancing over at Jason, who ended up with his face in his hands by the end of the performance. Storm dedicates the song to her mom, and then takes her place at stage right with a tissue to mop up her own tears.
The next person announced is Dilana, who hobbles over on her gussied-up crutches and declares that she hasn’t done anything punk rock yet, so she’s going to bring us…. “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick. What the? I’m no music genre specialist, but if Cheap Trick is punk rock then I’m a monkey’s uncle. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I’ll be hearing from any of you. Now I have had this ongoing Love/Fear relationship with Miss Dilana, but I’m not afraid to say that there is just something plain fishy about having a pulled calf muscle and yet managing a super-high kick with the same leg. Don’t you think that if you can’t put your weight on it you shouldn’t be flinging it up over your head? Honestly now. Oh, and by the way: punk rock or pop schlock, Dilana destroyed that song. And not in a good, rock-n-roll kind of way.
Last but not least, Lukas makes his debut into the bottom three. How has this not happened before?! It’s unclear whether he just wasn’t prepared for the bottom three command performance, or if he thinks his original tune “Headspin” is better than it actually is, but that’s what he’s going to perform to save himself tonight. Normally when I am writing a recap I refrain from the fast-forward button, but I’m not gonna lie. I zoomed right past this segment but I just couldn’t sit through it again. I resumed normal play mode just in time to see Supernova come out of their huddle, expecting to see Storm or Dilana be sent back to safety for the night, but no. Lukas is safe. Dilana appears to be absolutely mortified that she is actually facing elimination, and Storm is serene.
Tommy decides he cannot and will not be the hatchet man because he loves the two of them too much, so he passes the buck to Jason. Jason doles out some lovely compliments and gently lets Storm know that she is going home to her own bed. Hence the title I’ve selected for this recap: What the, what the HELL?! Sure, it’s a toss up between Storm and Dilana, but Lukas should have been standing there, and he should have gone home! I’ve had a soft spot for Storm since the beginning, and I look forward to seeing her in the future, as she’s destined for success after this exposure.
Final Thoughts, by Jack Handy
But hear me now and listen to me later: If Lukas wins this I will never ever ever listen to a single Supernova track let alone buy their album or a concert ticket. Not gonna do it. I’d rather jump into the mouth of a landshark. Cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger!