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Welcome back to Flavor of Love! Tonight Flav’s invited over a group of friends to test the ladies, and hopefully one or more of them will be revealed as former porn actresses, er… nude models.

You gotta fight… for your right…
The ladies have been in Flav’s mansion for about a week and a half, (really? That’s all? It seems like they’ve been there for months!), and tensions are running high. The ladies are sick of each other, and pretty snippy. Like Dat, (who sleeps with a hood over her head- it must be cold in that mansion), confronts Buckwild and asks her if her persona is real or just an act for the cameras. Buckwild swears that she’s real, but Like Dat doesn’t believe it when “white girls be all stone cold black.” Me too, Like Dat!

Speaking of Like Dat, Buckeey thinks that she’s different, lotsa woman, and kind of gross, and this is proved with footage of Like Dat guzzling Vitamin D milk from the gallon jug and then burping loudly. Lovely.

The ladies receive a Flava-Gram and learn that Flav has invited some friends over to party with them. A delivery truck will be arriving shortly, and the ladies all need to help set up the party and get prepared. The truck arrives; the doors open and the ladies see that they’re having a pool party, which for some reason excites Like Dat enormously. The women unpack the truck, but wonder who they’ll be spending the afternoon with. We see footage of last season’s trip to the nursing home, and it’s obvious the women are afraid the same fate awaits them. Bootz doesn’t care who is coming over though- she’s just tired of being stuck with these bitches.

Most of the woman work hard, carrying cases of beer, setting up the bar and shooting each other with water guns filled with tequila, but Deelishis and Bootz sneak away to the bathroom to fix their hair. The other woman get angry, but Bootz dismisses them, calling them spoiled and bitchy. Like Dat Big Fat Ass, (not my nickname for her) and Bootz argue about how Bootz did not help the rest of the ladies, and Bootz mutters to the camera meanly about the size of Like Dat’s butt. People in glass houses, sweetie… people in glass houses.

It’s hard out there for a pimp.
Flav appears in his silky dollar bill dressing gown and asks the women to show his guests a good time. What does he mean by that? Is he pimping the women out to his buddies?? He also promises that they’ll love the guests. The women still don’t know who the guests are. Buckwild hopes that it’s Snoop Dogg, and Bootz thinks it’s probably some crack heads. Most of the women are expecting the worst.

Boy are they all surprised when the guests show up. Flav’s right hand man announces the guests and the women’s excited shrieking gets progressively louder with each one. First up: G Unit, then DJ Quik, the Ying Yang Twins, Bishop Don “Magic” Juan, (I’m glad Flav invited a holy man… what? He’s not? Oh, sorry), Warren G and Three 6 Mafia.

The women are so excited about the guests! Buckwild calls the Ying Yang Twins “some fine ass twins,” and Like Dat rushes over to Warren G for a hug- reminding him that she helped clean his disgustingly filthy house. Nibblz loves the Bishop’s clothes, and gives him a little ass-shake to show it. Then Buckwild sums up the mood around the pool, (and mine at home as I’m watching) to say that she’s hella excited.

Remember how Flav told the women to give his guests a good time? Well, they listened, and they are definitely doing their best to make sure the guests are happy. All of the women dance around the pool, but Bootz takes the cake with her famous booty dance. The guests like Bootz’s dancing so much that one of the Ying Yang Twins, (it was either Ying or Yang. I’m not sure), first tells her how incredible she is, and then asks her to be in one of their videos. Bootz is a smart girl, and although she’d like to be in the video, she knows that won’t look good to Flav, and graciously turns the guy down. Good thing too, because Flav is watching everything through a pair of binoculars on his balcony.

Like Dat is sick of all the attention these skinny little whores are getting from the rappers, and unzips her jacket to show her colorful bra, then does a dance around the pool that ends with her jumping in the pool and shouting “That’s the way it is!” Um, okay. That’s the way it is then!

I thought it was Nibblz, not “Nipples.”
Nibblz knows she has to put it out there and show Flav’s guests a good time. She noticed that the rappers are getting most of the attention, so decides to focus on the entourages. She picks one portly gentleman in particular, and honors him with a slightly cleaned up lap dance. Her ass is right in this guy’s face, but he is not complaining. Bootz notices the spectacle, and tells us that Nibblz is willing to have sex with anybody. Well that seems true, Bootz, but couldn’t the same really be said for any of the women here?

The men seem to think Nibblz’s name is “Nipples,” and ask her to show them why she’s called that. She slips out of her shirt, reveling a bikini top underneath, and then flashes a nipple! Wow, I guess I gave her more credit than she deserved, because I thought she would keep herself under control, and her nipples under her bikini top. Flav is still watching the festivities from his balcony and tells us that he told her to be friendly, but not that friendly. Guess he should have been more explicit.

Meanwhile, Nibblz is having a good time, showing her breasts to the party guests, and then all the sudden things get really, really bad, and Nibblz ends up with her head in the toilet, throwing up the copious amounts of alcohol she drank before and during the party. I’m glad to see Like Dat is in the bathroom with her, holding back her hair and helping her clean up. I think Bootz would have shoved her face into the toilet, so Nibblz got lucky.

Bring out the stripper pole!
The women are still dancing around the pool, shaking their booties, and in Krazy’s case even doing gymnastics (!) when Flav makes his grand entrance. He kisses all the women and proceeds to get his mix on and dish about the ladies.

Three 6 Mafia take the opportunity to humiliate Krazy by asking her why she’s interested in Flav. When she answers that she thinks Flav is nice and a cool person, they answer that there’s no way she can get to know the real Flav in just eight days. Then they ask her if she knows any of Flav’s music. Here Krazy makes a bigger mistake than that skirt she’s wearing and answers yes. Of course they tell her to sing some of his stuff, and of course she doesn’t really know any of his songs, and of course Deelishis won’t help her out and she looks like an idiot.

Krazy yells at Deelishis for not having her back, and then tries to tell the guys of Three 6 Mafia that you can look into someone’s eyes and tell that he’s a good person. By this time, Flav has joined the group and knows all about Krazy’s stupidity, and when one of the Three 6 guys tells Krazy she should have Googled Flav before coming on the show, they all start to do a rap about Google. I’ll bet that’s the first time that sentence has ever been written.

Sometimes rappers are huge gossips.
Flav takes all of the men into the mansion to get their opinions on who is there for Flav, and who is there for… well, for whatever reason a woman would go on this show. The men conclude that Krazy isn’t there for Flav because she didn’t know any of his music, Deelishis has a fine booty, Beatuful, (is she still on this show? Really?) has a great future in the adult entertainment business, (I don’t know if that’s really what the guys meant- my notes are not complete, so I am just going to make an assumption here), Nibblz drank too much, but made an entourage member’s blood rise, Buckwild is too rehearsed, and not a rapper, Like Dat is a gangsta’, and would kick someone’s ass for Flav, Bootz has a booty, booty, booty, booty! And… I don’t know what they said about Buckeey. Something about a church I think, although that doesn’t sound right.

The men give Flav a lot to think about, but I don’t know if they help make his decision on whom to eliminate any clearer.

Like Dat vs. Buckwild- it’s the fight of the century!
Like Dat loves Buckwild. Seriously! She just wants to know what she’s all about. She straight up asks Buckwild what’s going on with her, and Buckwild tells her that the way she speaks always changes based on who she’s talking to. Meaning, if she talks to someone from the South, she adopts a Southern accent, for someone from England, she speaks with a pseudo British accent. When she speaks to a Harvard scholar, she recites Shakespeare. Doesn’t everyone do that?

I have to agree with Like Dat when she says Buckwild “don’t got no sense.” Like Dat thinks Buckwild is trying to imitate a black person, and she doesn’t appreciate it. Apparently this discussion escalates, and we didn’t get to see the footage, because all the sudden, Buckwild is packing her suitcase and crying, saying that she’s afraid of Like Dat.

She cries that Like Dat is making people hate on her, and she doesn’t want people to hate her or think she’s a racist. Like Dat basically tells her to calm down and stop being such a little baby, and unpack her damn bags already. Buckwild is too scared to cross her and complies. Then the two have an awkward, and very intimate, cuddle session on Buckwild’s bed, while Bootz watches from across the room.

I will never look at apples the same way again.
Today, Flav needs to spend time with all of the women, so that he can make a good decision, and send the right woman home. He nabs Buckeey, and takes her into his suite, where I’m sure they do various and assorted gross things that I’m glad we didn’t have to see. What we saw was bad enough, and was mostly Flav groping Buckeey’s butt, while thanking God for her “big ole apple.” Yikes. Buckeey’s glad she got the time with Flav, because she was able to make the connection she wanted to make. Whether this is a physical or mental connection, I’m not sure. And I don’t want to know.

Krazy is… still crazy.
Bootz is sick and tired of Krazy, and she’s going to let her know. She asks Krazy why she’s there, and Krazy spouts out some drivel about how Flav is a beautiful, honest, wonderful guy. This statement pushes Bootz over the age, and she yells that Flav ain’t Krazy’s business, especially since she was so busy bending over for all his friends at the party. Hmmm… I guess that Bootz’s bending over to show the men her booty dance was a tasteful display, and not slutty like Krazy. The women begin yelling at each other and it’s hard to understand them, but I’m able to pick out occasional words like “slut” and “whore.”

The commotion attracts Flav, and he takes a seat on the stairs to watch the battle. Each woman tries to make her case to Flav, but he can’t understand them either, and so cuddles with the other women instead. The ridiculousness of the fight comes to a head when Bootz yells that Krazy doesn’t even know what Flav’s mom calls him! Boy, that was a low blow! I don’t know how Krazy’s going to recover from that one… and she doesn’t.

Flav finally stops the fight by saying that the mean things they’re yelling at each other are not going to change the way he feels about either one of them, and then he asks Bootz to go swimming with him, which is just an excuse to ogle her breasts in a tiny bikini. Then when they’re in the pool together, Flav announces that he’s like to “slip through the molecules of her wetness like a slippery eel through seaweed.” I almost couldn’t type that, and yes, I am blushing.

Is big girl lingerie really any different from regular lingerie?
Like Dat is mad that she hasn’t been an honored guest in Flav’s suite, and decides it’s high time she takes matters into her own hands. Wearing an apron for some reason, she bursts into Flav’s suite where the two of them rap together for a few minutes. Like Dat wastes no time in getting down to business, and tells Flav that word on the street is that he’s scared of having a slumber party with the big girl because of the rollover potential, but she wants to show him something that will put his mind at ease. She leaves the suite, then returns with a whole bunch of negligees, and puts them all out on the bed for Flav to admire. I don’t know that he admires them- his voice over keeps repeating that this is big girl lingerie. Like Dat kisses and hugs Flav, and tells the camera that although she wanted to jump him, she kept herself in check. As soon as he leaves, Flav rolls on the floor laughing, then scolds himself because Like Dat is a nice woman. Flav then raps about big girls, securing his place in hell.

It’s so hard to say goodbye… no it’s not.
Like Dat is looking for Chapter 2 in her relationship with Flav, Krazy knows she messed up, Nibblz knows that she may have messed up with her sexy stunt and drunken behavior, and Bootz is ready to see one of these bitches go home.

Who’s in? Bootz, Krazy, Buckeey, Buckwild and Deelishis. When it comes down to Nibblz, Like Dat and Beatuful, Beatuful is confident that Flav is not going to pick one of those hos before her. Well look at that- she’s right, because she gets the next clock.

Now it’s down to Nibblz and Like Dat, and the suspense is killing me! Flav calls Like Dat up to the front, and tells her that she’s one of his homies, and he would never want to lead her on. Like Dat is out, and most of the other women are sad that she’s leaving. Like Dat takes the news like a trooper, but asks “why does a big sister always have to be a homegirl? Why can’t she be a lover too?” Like Dat leaves, and Flav calls Beatuful up to get her clock, and then makes out with her. For a very long time. And I think I’m going to throw up.

Flav pours out the champagne for Like Dat, and then puts all of the women in a line. Ooh! He’s got a surprise for them! I hope it’s a delousing! Even better… it’s New York, (the contestant from last year, not the state).

Wow, I’m sure the house is going to be in turmoil, so tune in next week to see exactly why New York did not win Flavor of Love 1.