(Registered members may comment here

Welcome back, all you Sunday night hamster watchers, to the last Sunday night episode. I can’t believe season seven is almost over. Just three more shows after tonight and we’ll crown the winner of Big Brother 7. Well, if it’s Janelle she can wear her tiara but the other three will probably have to fight her for it. Last Thursday night’s show was the most action packed yet. If you’ve forgotten what happened you can read all about it in Yardgnome’s hilarious recap here.

Fast Forward Fun
Last Thursday night’s episode was called “Fast Forward” because a week’s worth of competitions took place during one show. This shocked the hamsters – I don’t know why, because Big Brother pulls some kind of stunt like this every season. I guess they all suffer from collective amnesia.

Fast Forward # 1: The first event was Danielle’s eviction with a three to zero vote. Will says it shouldn’t have surprised her to be going home and everyone agreed that she was a great competitor. Mike Boogie in particular said she was a class act, which seems to be his new mantra. Maybe he thought she was going to get in his face like Howie – he lied to her face like he lied to Howie, but I guess in the end Danielle didn’t want to look like a spoilsport. As she left she told the hamsters she would base her jury vote on whoever played the game the best. Erika seems to think that’ll give her a shot at Danielle’s vote even though she nominated Danielle and was the reason she was sent packing. I tend to think Danielle wouldn’t vote for Erika because she said she’d vote for the best player.

Fast Forward #2 and 3: Janelle wins the HOH competition. Janelle says all her studying has paid off; Boogie knows she’s sharp and he wonders if she’s coming after chilltown. She doesn’t get an opportunity to breathe, however, as Will comes on strong with his wily charms. Before Janelle knows it she’s been talked into putting up Erika and Chicken George for eviction. All that twirling and princess talk must’ve rattled her brains.

Fast Forward #4: The Power of Veto competition, and Erika wins. Will might have broken his thumb during the competition, which is a testimony as to how much he really wanted it. Maybe Will isn’t as good at competitions as he’d like to think. Erika attributes her win on her Pilates training, but sheer desperation probably played a big part.

Fast Forward #5 and 6: Erika takes herself off the block and Janelle nominates Mike Boogie in her place. And really, whom else could she put up? Not the delicious Dr. Dreamy, that’s for sure, and there’s no one else left. Boogie gulps a little but takes his place beside George. Since Will and Erika were the only ones voting George was a goner from the beginning. Will is glad to have one jury person on his side; he says Chicken George was the only houseguest he didn’t blatantly lie to. Everyone will miss George and his terrible cooking and gas problem. Janelle says he was always positive. Now that Danielle and George are gone it feels like they’ve gotten rid of the parents and the kids are left alone.

Bad Boys
Will and Mike Boogie can’t believe their luck. Janelle had the perfect opportunity to get rid of at least one of the chilltown boys, but that possibility was sidestepped neatly by Will’s strong flirtmance skills. It’s time to put Operation Doubledate into overdrive, and Boogie and Will do another hilarious co-DR session congratulating themselves on still being in the house despite all their machinations. Boogie cackles as rocks back and forth, causing Will to wince as his sore thumb is jostled. You always hurt the ones you love.

Stupid Girls Part 1
Boogie mouths a quick thank you to Erika as she walks by. You are taking me to the final two she scolds, hands on hips. Erika knows that the only person she can win against is Boogie, and she thinks it would be cute to have “the lovebirds” in the final two. Privately Boogie tells the camera that it’s not gonna happen. Flash to several scenes of Erika and Boogie making out, then scenes of Boogie with his season two showmance with Krista. Boogie wasn’t picky this time around - he was willing to get flirty with either Diane or Erika. Too bad Fortunately Erika ended up being the lucky girl. Boogie tells it like it is: The number one rule to showmancing is to not ever get real feelings for the person. Somebody forgot to tell Erika; she thinks they’re a match made in heaven.

Will and Janelle do a little flirting in the DR but they assure each other and the cameras that she has a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, and they’re really not into each other. Will calls their relationship a flirtmance again. Then Will and Boogie get in the hottub together and Will calls it a bromance. I’m really getting sick of all these made up words, but if I had to call these relationships anything I’d call them a doughmance, and I’m about ready for a little nomance.

Do You Love The Cigs Dear?
Erika has taken up smoking again since she’s been in the Big Brother house. She says she doesn’t know why she did since her grandfather died of emphysema, but she guesses it’s just the stress of being in the house. Janelle is on hand to offer her the cigs since no one else in the house smokes. Mike Boogie says he doesn’t know what’s up with her smoking but he doesn’t find it very attractive. They are standing by a sink and she kisses him. He abruptly breaks away and begins rinsing his mouth immediately and tells her to brush her teeth. Later he looks at her outside with a cigarette in hand and says she looks like she’s aged five years. I yell Kick him to the curb girl! but she can’t hear me.

This week’s HOH competition requires everyone to dress like referees. The competition takes place on a simulated football field complete with footballs, end zones and scorecards. Janelle can’t play because she’s the current HOH so she will ask a series of questions about when certain BB household events took place. The competitors will write their answers on a scorecard and will be penalized one yard for each number they are off. The houseguest that gets the least penalty yards will win the competition.

Question 1: What day did the first houseguest get evicted? The answer is day 11, and both Erika and Will are penalized two yards.

Question 2: Which day did the gnomes come to life and throw pies in the houseguest’s faces? The answer is day 47. Erika moves back two yards, Will one yard and Boogie six yards.

Question 3: Which day did Marcellas shave Kaysar’s head in the veto competition? The answer is day 20. Boogie got it right, Erika is penalized three yards and Will one yard.

Question 4: On which day did the houseguests find a sheep in the living Room? All three guessed day 39 correctly.

Question 5: On which day was slop introduced to the houseguests? (Too bad Chicken George isn’t here now, he would’ve been sure to get this answer correct.) The correct answer is day 12. Erika and Mike Boogie are correct; Will is penalized two yards.

Question 6: Which day were the houseguests kept up all night by America’s wake up calls? The correct answer is day 27. Erika moves back two yards, Will one, and Mike Boogie has it right on the money.

Question 7: Which day were the beds replaced by cots? The correct answer is day 34. Both Will and Boogie got it right. Erika is way off, and that means the new HOH is Mike Boogie!

Boogie does a quick dance, but as Will points out in the DR the person who wins POV this week has all the power. Erika sighs that she’ll probably be nominated; she thinks it’s “kinda hot” that Mike is such a bad boy. Ugh. Boogie and Will decide to showmance the heck out of the girls tonight. Hopefully by the time they get through with the women they’ll hate each other so the boys won’t have to do any actual work at all.

Has Everyone Gone Insane?
Mike is up to bat first. He, Janelle and Will are sitting outside and he suggests that Will and Janelle get married. Janelle is fine with a little ring (but at least two carats) and she wouldn’t even mind eloping. Mike has a crazy idea: they should have a wild weekend in Vegas and elope. Will’s eyes widen: why would we do that? “Because you have this little flirtmance going on, you could just pretend…” Mike replies. Janelle wants to get married for real, but Will says he’d just have to get in annulled – so they could get married for real in Minnesota, Janelle’s home. He’s proud of himself for having dodged a bullet with that one.

Having My Baby, What a Lovely Way of Saying How Much You Love Me…
I hate this song passionately – I can think of 99 better ways to tell someone how I’m feeling about them than to present them with a little bundle of joy. Especially someone I’m romancing on an Internet reality show. So when Will, Janelle, Mike and Erika gather in the hot tub and the talk turns to having babies I’m a little aghast at how quickly Erika talks the bait and runs with it. True, they’re all drinking, but when Will tells Erika and Boogie they should have a baby, Erika’s eyes light up. Janelle tries to be the voice of reason with “You can’t just say I’m having a baby!” Will thinks they should name the baby Chilliam and call him Chill for short. Privately Erika smirks and says she’d like to have a baby with Mike. In the DR Mike says he’s willing to do anything to make it to the final two. They get up and abandon the hot tub, presumably to make a baby. Please God don’t make me watch, Big Brother.

Left alone in the hot tub together Will and Janelle have their first spat when Will calls her a psycho. A tipsy Janelle gets mad and leaves him sitting in the tub. He’s the one that looks a little psycho; he worries that she’ll win the POV and kick him out.

He corners her in the storage room and tries to jolly her back into a good mood by assuring her that he’s got her back. Erika picks just that moment to eavesdrop and hears Will telling Janelle the plan is to win the POV and kick Erika out of the house. Mike wanders by and sees Erika listening outside the door. He throws open the door to the storage room over Erika’s protests, then mouths to them that Erika is listening. Erika thinks Mike is just not very good at spying; she says she’ll be in charge of teaching their child how to eavesdrop. Will cements his protestations of loyalty by twirling Janelle around again and uttering those words she’s dying to hear, “Who’s the hottest girl in the storage room?” For future reference, substitute “stupidest” every time one of the guys says “hottest” and you’ll get a clearer picture of what’s really going on.

More Stupid Girl Tricking
In the bedroom, Mike tells Erika that it’s great that they really respect each other and their experience in the house is one that they’ll never forget. Erika thinks it’s real. In the DR Mike says that Erika will be extremely hurt after the show. He says he’s going to hell. Erika will probably help him along after she sees what a fool she’s been.

Later on the four play cards. Erika leaves the room for a minute and the other three have a whispered conference about winning the POV. When Erika returns Janelle leaves for a minute and they have the same whispered conversation. Erika jokes that they probably said the same thing to Janelle. *Awkward laughter* Erika doesn’t want Mike to nominate her for eviction. “He can’t put me up!” Will says. When Erika asks why not, they tell her that it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to look like a homance (too late for that!). Mike is noncommittal; he’ll let them be surprised. Something tells me Will isn’t the one that’s going to be surprised.

Nomination Day
Mike is ready to make his nominations for eviction. Janelle is fully expecting to be one of the two nominees, but Erika is still holding out hope that Boogie won’t nominate the mother of his children. Wow, she’s getting a lot of mileage out of that bad joke. Will doesn’t care if he’s nominated or not. Boogie says he’ll do whatever it takes to be the last man standing, and he’s made that abundantly clear this week.

Mike gives the standard nomination speech. Will is so unworried that he continues to eat yogurt as Mike pulls the only key from the box. Of course it belongs to Will. Mike tells Janelle her nomination is purely strategy; he tells Erika that he wishes it could’ve been her key he pulled from the box, but Will has been with him from day one and he owes him.

So ends another episode of Big brother, and thanks to Mike Boogie’s general ickyness I’m left with a bad, bad taste in my mouth. Erika has never been one of my favorite players, but I wouldn’t wish what’s happening to her on anyone. Can she turn her fortune around by winning the POV? And if not, will she be having Mike’s baby in sequester? Be sure to watch on Tuesday night.

I can just see myself wearing Janelle’s tiara. Dinahann@fansofrealitytv.com