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Welcome back dedicated fans. This show gets more and more exciting each week and I actually look forward to the crazy whorish antics of the women each week. Last week we were treated to an insider view of the ladies workiní for a liviní. No, VH1 did not switch to some late night show on Cinemax. Instead we saw the ladies running a restaurant and cleaning the house of Flavís friends Warren G. Flav wants a woman that can work hard for her man but I really think it comes down to the one who can actually stomach looking at him. This week we have a dance competition in store for us and we say goodbye to one of the lovely whorish ladies.

The Walk of Shame
Itís the morning after the last elimination and Toastee and Nibblz decided to join Flav in bed the night before. The women enjoyed being with him for the night but Flav really loved it. I am not shocked. Toastee did not like that she had to share her man with that other girl. Flav loved that they both gave him so much attention. I know this show is getting off on the right foot tonight. We are 5 minutes in and we are already talking threesomes.

The ladies leave Flav and go to the breakfast table to sit with everyone and await their plans for the day. Big Rick comes in and hands the ladies their next Flavogram. Rick speaks to the ladies and I am hypnotized by his rich baritone voice. He has one of those really cool voices that could do some excellent voice over work. The Flavogram states that Flav loves a woman that feels the beat. The ladies will be split into groups of three and have a dance competition to win private dates.

The women meet up with Flav in the hallway were he is standing with two normal looking people and one of the scariest clowns I have ever seen. If that clown ever approached me I would run crying, never looking back. I hate clowns! These people turn out to be the choreographers that will help the ladies with their dancing. I didnít realize that strippers needed additional dance lessons.

The choreographers are Trisha Miranda who has traveled with Beyonceť. Tommy the Clown who is the king of crunk dancing. I think he may have made an appearance on ANTM a couple of seasons ago. The last person is Asia 1 who is the number 1 beat box artist in the world. I donít understand what beat boxing has to do with dancing. She shows her stuff and I guess that beat boxing is code for break dancing.

The women are split into three teams. The first team that will be working with Tommy are Buckey, Beautuful, and Toastee. The second team is Krazy, Deelishis, and Nibblz who will be working with Trisha. The last team of Like Dat, Buckwild, and Bootz are with Asia 1. I think we are going to be treated to some really hot dancing tonight. When I say hot, I mean remove all children under the age of 18 from the room.

Iím Your Private Dancer. Dancer for MoneyÖ

Each group practices with their respective teacher and thoroughly embarrasses themselves with their slutty dance moves and uncoordinated movements. Itís time for Flav to see what they can offer and Tommyís group is up first. The women come out and shake it and get crunk with it. I have no idea what that means. Toastee goes into a splits move and then proceeds to hump the floor. I am so mad at her right now for stealing my signature dance contest move. Flav really liked their moves and puts them in first place.

Trishís group is up next and the ladies all come out in underwear, fishnets, and tiny t-shirts. I am once again mad at these ladies for wearing my signature dance contest outfit. One of the ladies has a hole in her fishnets right in the butt region. I am going to make no guesses on how that happened. The group ends their dance on Flavís lap and I am shocked that VH1 was able to air that on TV. Flav really liked this group and ties them with Tommyís group.

The last group to go is Asiaís group. Her ladies come out in much more normal outfits of wife beaters and shorts with lots of gold bling. The group dances around and Buckwild is not a good dancer. Like Dat takes her solo next which consists of her slapping her ass for a good minute straight it seems like. As she is doing her move I am so worried she is going to make her pants split that I have my finger hovering over the fast forward button in case itís needed. Flav thought their performance was the funniest of the three. Personally I donít think they were slutty enough for his taste.

Mad, Angry, Dance Off Yo!
The dancing is done and which team is going to come out of this victorious? Itís a tie between Tommy and Trishís groups. They are going to have a stand off. That means they will each battle a woman from the other team. This is were things are going to get interesting.

Deelishis and Toastee are up first. The women start getting in each otherís faces and then they fall to the ground and start doing some weird contortion moves. I turn my head because I am so scared of what may happen next. Things could have ended well but I was averting my eyes so I will never know.

Krazy and Beautuful take to the stage next. They each do some slow random moves at each other. It was much tamer than what I just witnessed and I think someone just answered my prayers.

Buckey and Nibblz are the last to go. Buckey gets all up in Nibblz face and dances around her. Nibblz is having none of that and goes over to Flav to give him a lap dance. I can barely watch because I am just so embarrassed for these girls right now. What happens next I can barely write about because this is a PG13 site. What I will tell you is that Nibblz climbed on Flavís lap and grinded her bootyÖin his face. Flav did not appreciate the move although he seemed pretty happy at the time.

After that little spectacle I needed to take a 5-minute break and recover from what I was just subjected to. Itís time to find the winners and I really just donít care. I want this whole thing over so I can go to the doctor to get something to erase my memory. Flav stands in the middle of the two groups and closes his eyes and spins around. The winning team is Trishaís team, or the girlís dresses like whores. Sorry about that vague description. Nibblz will meet Flav in the morning for breakfast. Deelishis will go out with Flav the next afternoon while Krazy gets to have dinner with him later that night.

Loviní that Deep Fried Chicken
Itís date time and Flav meets up with Krazy to take her out for dinner. They exit the mansion as all the other ladies stare with jealousy that this woman gets to go out with their man. They ride in the limo to their dinner locale and when they pull up I think that Flav might be playing a prank on our friend Krazy. No, they are really having dinner at KFC. Flav had the restaurant shut down so they could have some privacy. This gets to Krazyís heart. I think she is one lucky girlÖor not.

Flav wants to know if she is physically attracted to his troll self. She tells him that she does and she can definitely see herself with him in the future. He needs her to show him that she feels that way about him. I think the fact that she is eating KFC and holding it down a sign that she is into him. He feels a connection with her and asks her to dance. Slow music plays and they dance in the middle of KFC. I wonder why I have never had a guy do that for me? I guess I have not played my cards right.

After KFC they go back to the mansion and Flav invites her back to his room. They share a hot tub together and Flav tells her that he wants them to get closer. He then removes his swim trucks and I gouge my own eyes out. I did not need to see that. I may be sick..

Meanwhile in the house the ladies have been talking about what happened the night before in bed with Flav, Toastee, and Nibblz. Toastee tells the ladies that she thinks Nibblz pleasured him. The women think she is starting a rumor and is lying. I hope my mom does not read this. I canít believe I have to write about this.

Hot Cakes & Sausage
Nibblz wakes up early to get ready for her breakfast date with Flav. She puts on her most sensible cat suit and meets him at the door. As soon as they show her we are treated to the fact she is not wearing a bra. The lovely little fuzzies are back covering the evidence and I am already writing a thank you note to the VH1 censors. Flav likes what he sees under the fuzzies and Nibblz jumps in bed with him. He kisses her and then asks her to join him on the balcony for breakfast.

On the balcony Flav tells her that he loves her dancing. She revels some news that is not shocking. She tells Flav that she has a pole in her living room so that she can dance whenever she wants. She also tells Flav that she has done some nude modeling. Flav loves her honesty and enjoys his time with her. After the date is over Nibblz thinks she made a good impression for her openness, realness, and stripper skills.

Plucking the Forbidden Fruit
When Nibblz gets back from her date she is confronted by Bootz. Bootz wants to know if she really pleasured Flav the night before. I donít know why anyone would want to know that. Nibblz is shocked and appalled that Toastee said that about her. She tells Bootz that she did nothing with Flav but sleep in his bed. I think she is lying.

The last date of the day is with Deelishis. Her and Flav have dressed in almost matching outfits, both choosing bright red for their dates. Flav thinks that Deelishis is the most bootious woman in the house. As they are in the limo driving Deelishis shows Flav her scars and lets him touch them so he understands. I donít get it.

The limo finally arrives at their date spot, they are going strawberry picking. They walk down the aisles picking berries and Flav can not keeps is hands off her ass. He finds a large berry that is heart shaped and picks it for her to eat. Once they are done picking strawberries they go back to the farm for dinner. I hope she gets something classy like Taco Bell. Instead they will be eating spaghetti and meatballs with champagne. I really donít know how that fits into a strawberry farm. Flav tells her that he has connected with her and Krazy equally. He really likes her and wants her to stick around.

Dabbling in Porn
Back at the mansion Nibblz confronts Toastee about the night they slept in Flavís bed. Toastee tells her she heard her pleasuring Flav. Nibblz tells her there are no sounds that are associated with that and she is lying. Toastee tells her she is not and thinks that Nibblz did the dead. I just in general may be sick from having to listen to this.

Nibblz is so made at Toastee that decides to spill her secrets to Flav. Flav is in his bedroom working on his music when Nibblz comes into the room. Nibblz tells Flav that Toastee told her she has done porn and is an adult model. Flav seems shocked by the news while I am notÖat all! He gives her a hug and tells her he is going to look into it.

Flav goes in search of Toastee and finds her and asks her point blank if she has done porn. She tells him she does not do porn, only nude photos. He goes back to his room and calls in Nibblz. Nibblz tells her that she did tell her and that her porn name is Natalia and has stared in something call Barely Legal. That last bit is highly disturbing. Toastee comes into the room and tells Flav that she is not lying. Flav tells the ladies he is going to do an Internet search and whoever is lying will be going home tonight.

Flav gets to searching the Internet for porn when Toastee comes back to the room. She tells Flav that she is going to quit. She starts fake crying and telling him that she is there for him. Flav tells her that if she quits she is admitting she is in porn. She agrees to stay and Flav goes back to his Internet porn ďresearch.Ē

Getting Toasted

Itís elimination time and the women are gathered and I canít wait to find out if Toastee is a porn star. She looks like one, but then again half the women do. Flav pulls out the clocks and women that are staying are Krazy, Deelishis, Buckeey, Beautuful, Bootz, Buckwild, and Like Dat. It is now down to Toastee and Nibblz. Flav asks Toastee again if she has ever done porn and she says no. Flav tells her she has and pulls a picture out of his cape that is all blurred. Toastee is eliminated and Nibblz is staying.

Flav tells her he does not mind that she has done porn but she that she lied about it. He keeps flashing around this very raunchy (I can only assume) photo the whole time he is talking. Toastee leaves and Flav pours all the women some champagne. The show is finally over and I can immediately register for that experimental mind-erasing program I see in the movies.

Next Week
Make sure to tune into an all-new episode Sunday night and see lots of rappers come to the house of Flav. Krazy gets called out by the ladies for fronting in front of the rappers. I will be using the Urban dictionary to look that up because I have no idea what they are talking about.

If you were NOT shocked to learn one of the ladies was in porn, email me at
Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.