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I love me some reality TV, but there are few things better about it than the dread eliminations, especially when there’s an entire show devoted to it. Some eliminations are more exciting than others, and some are long overdue. Tonight we finally get to see someone leave the Supernova stage that shouldn’t have been around long enough for us to remember their name, let alone make it to the final seven. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I get down to the meat of this, I want to take a moment to thank MotherSister for covering this show in my stead last week. Let’s all give her a round of applause, shall we? OK, that’s enough! You don’t want to make me jealous… there’s a bad case of Bitch going around, and I didn’t get my immunizations this year. Consider yourself warned.
Chopper Has Left the Building
Can I just say that Brooke Burke is such a poser? She kicks off the festivities clad in an black leatherette vest over a denim mini, with an oversized sparkly black wrist cuff. Perhaps it’s an effort to fit in with the rockers. Or perhaps it is her secret weapon used to defend herself from unwanted sexual overtures made by Dave and Tommy during the commercial breaks. Interestingly, Brooke introduces Dave as her “wing man” which conjures up an image of them out in the bars scamming for hot chicks. Or is it dudes? Chicks? No, I think definitely dudes. The two of them must single-handedly keep Sephora and Agent Provocateur in business.
Also joining Dave on the VIP stage is Tommy, Jason, Gilby… and not Chopper. I thought he was a guest judge? Perhaps he heard about the Bitchfluenza outbreak and decided to stay home to be safe. I hope he comes back, because even though Gilby’s car-mechanic aesthetic has grown on me, he looked a damn site cuter with a puppy on his lap.
This week marks the second opportunity for us to see Supernova onstage, with a guest frontperson. I guess that’s cool, right?! Right? I don’t know, I’m a tough customer and if a song doesn’t grab me the first time I hear it, it’s probably not going to make it onto my iPod. And last week’s performance with Dilana, although visually interesting, left me a bit cold. Who will they choose this week to join them onstage for the extra-fancy light show? But first, let’s take a look at what transpired in the McRockmansion after the performances.
No, Tell Us How You Really Feel
Seemingly out of nowhere, Dilana is telling Ryan that he “would’ve been nothing without that house band.” She tries to couch it as a compliment, but it’s clear she’s taking a jab at him. Ryan wonders privately why she just can’t let him have this one moment and bask in it, and he has a point. Except he’s had a few moments already, so I don’t feel too badly for him. Wah-wah. But wait, that’s even the beginning of Dilana’s rampage - next we see her joining Ryan and Magni by the pool as she’s busy informing Ryan that the reason she is getting more votes than him is because she has been giving it her all since week one. Magni jabs back on Ryan’s’ behalf, pointing out that that must mean they are getting better every week while she is doing the same thing over and over again. Oh, snap!
The next morning, the rockers got a chance to review some fan sites on the internet. Upon seeing a comment from a fan that their dream would be that Dilana and Ryan win and co-front Supernova, Dilana declares that her worst nightmare and says she would let that happen over her dead body.
Q & A with the Bitch
Noticeably irritated by what has been revealed in the clips, Dilana is questioned about her comments by Dave. She does a bit of spin control but insists that she is not feeling threatened by anyone in the competition. Ryan gets a chance to share what he thinks about Dilana’s comments and he shows his passive-aggressive side by saying that Dilana just showed more grace with her retraction than she has showed yet in the house. He also thinks that for her own good, she should show more respect to those who are trailing behind her in the competition. The focus is turned back to the main stage for the time being, but don’t think you’ve seen the last of the drama tonight.
Don’t Forget to Buy Your Supernova Tour Tix NOW
The time has come for Supernova to grace the stage with another (non-Dilana) lead singer. Earlier in the week, the rockers spent some time getting familiar with a new Supernova track: Be Yourself (and 5 Other Clichés) Jason reveals that they have chosen “The Thunder from Down Under” Toby Rand to front them tonight. And, hey: this one is pretty catchy with it’s little hey hey hey, ho ho ho riff! Toby sounds solid, but several times I caught myself thinking that he was Charlie from Lost. Between that and the fear that T. Lee might fall off of his drum stool at any moment from a massive coronary, the whole thing went by pretty quick for me. It’s a good sign that I catch myself humming it 10 minutes later, no?
Meanwhile, Back at the Rock Cave…
If you’ve ever watched a season of America’s Next Top Model you would be well prepared for the mini-challenge the rockers were faced with earlier in the week. They went through a series of one-on-one interviews and were observed to see how they could handle themselves and the pressure. Apparently, what’s good for Kathy Griffin is not good for reality contestants, as they are expected to never ever say anything bad about anyone else. Yes, even though they are wannabe rock stars. Dilana apparently didn’t get the memo (or else her sudden BitchFever has affected her short-term memory) because she didn’t even let herself get trapped with a tricky question. She offered up criticism on her own: she thinks Lukas has multiple personalities and wants to “punch his lights out” or strangle him at least once a day. The one I expected to get nasty was Lukas, but when cornered on his statement that he thinks there are people in the competition for the wrong reasons, he simply said he didn’t want to bag on anybody. And I don’t think he even saw that Jason was spying on him from across the room! Dilana is more than happy to offer up a list of names of people who are there “for the ride”: Toby and Magni.
Lukas gets a giggle from the audience when we see him being informed by one of the interviewers that Dilana said she wants to “save” him from his dark moods, as he replies “Well you should just tell her to mind her own business.” (It is at that exact moment that I realize he sounds exactly like Derek Zoolander.)
Dave Navarro is Rendered Speechless. Well, Kinda.
Back from the clips, Dave promptly asks Dilana what in the hell she is thinking. He claims that he has no words, but still manages to get in an anecdote about having been there and done that himself. (Pot meet kettle.) Again, Dilana spins her story and offers an apology. Maybe the antibiotics are kicking in. Lukas is asked for his reaction, and he says he’s not surprised and that “I’m bigger than that, man. Evs.” Uh huh, he said “evs.”
Having found his tongue again, Dave offers up some decent advice: these people need to realize that they are joining a band where at least one of the members is a walking target (I’m looking at you T. Lee) and that whoever wins this is going to be a freakin’ reality show contestant so they better be prepared for some hate to be slung their way.
Ugh. Is the Drama Over Yet?!
Yup, we’re back to the garden variety drama of who is in the bottom three this week. Early results showed that Patrice, Storm and Toby were receiving the least votes, so they are invited to stand. Over the course of the voting period, Magni also hit the bottom three. Brooke calls out the name of the first rocker that needs to perform to save themselves: Magni. A chorus of boos and then applause as Magni takes center stage and announces he will be playing “Fire” by Jimmy Hendrix. Ambitious choice, but at least he didn’t declare it yet another anthem of his generation. Magni tears it up, even strapped down to his guitar the whole time. He was energetic and musical and had everyone on their feet. This is not the week for Magni to go home, no siree bob. Tommy declares his performance “ridiculous! Yeah, dude!”
No stranger to the bottom three, Patrice is up next. She has chosen “Middle of the Road” by the Pretenders, specially arranged for Supernova. I’m totally cold to Patrice, I got nothing really to say other than she’s got a nasty cold sore that I hadn’t noticed until now. But as she wraps it up and joins Magni at stage right, he points out she has something on her lip and sweetly offers his shirtsleeve to her for clean up. What the heck was that?! It looked like a crushed blueberry or something. Whatever it was, it came off of the microphone (as I determined after repeated rewinds on my Tivo.) You got be careful when mouthing the mic, Patrice. You can catch hepatitis that way.
Following a commercial break (and I presume a microphone swap as well) Toby is called to the stage, leaving Storm safe for another week. Tommy says he is getting a complex because everyone he performs with ends up in the bottom three. Toby is going to sing the mega hit “Plush” by Stone Temple Pilots. He hauls off with a roar and pulls out a good show. I don’t care for his vibrato (I learneded that from watching American Idol) but if I had to make a call between the tattooed wonders that are Patrice and Toby, I’d choose Toby any day. Speaking of tattoos – does that ink on his right arm say “WYSIWYG”??
As we break for commercials, Supernova goes into a huddle for their final decision. Gilby gives opening comments and says that it is getting harder to ignore the fact that Patrice is consistently in the bottom three – 4 weeks in a row now. Magni is reminded that this is his second week in the bottom three, but that he did a killer job with “Fire.” As far as Toby, he thinks it’s insane that he is in the bottom three, and sends him back to the couch of safety. The Tomahawk doesn’t mince words, but dramatically flops his face into the coffee table while telling Patrice that it is time for her to go.
So there you have it. Patrice is out, and I’m not sorry to see her go. Not that she’s bad or detestable or anything that would excite me in any way. She’s just blah. So good bye and good luck, Patrice. Maybe I’ll see you on the soccer field? Then maybe you can tell me how you got your teeth so perfectly white and straight!
Last season, final thoughts were always done by Soggy Suzie. This season, we’ve traded tears for ego. Magni says every one will miss Patrice, but that his performance was so good he deserves an encore. Toby is just stoked to get the chance to perform twice in one night. Evs.