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Welcome back to another edition of the classiest show on TV… Cheaters. No, I’m just kidding! Welcome back to Flavor of Love 2. Last week all of the ladies managed to keep their bodily functions under control, and Flav made connections with some of them, and realized that others are there for the wrong reasons. This, I don’t understand. Why would anyone appear on the show if she didn’t want to make an honest, loving connection with Flav? Surely the only way an appearance on Flavor of Love could further anyone’s career would be if she worked in the adult entertainment industry, and… oh. I get it now. Anyway, Flav came a little closer to finding his lady by saying goodbye to Wire and Spunkeey, (who actually cried, by the way- that woman is one fine actress!), and enjoying special romantic dates with Tiger, Buckwild and Like Dat. What will happen this week? Well, the possibilities are just too endless to even speculate about, so let’s just jump in!

There’s always a reason behind a nickname.
After the Elimination Ceremony, Flav remarks that he’s happy because he now has more time to spend with each of the ladies individually, and decides to start with Krazy. And end with Krazy, because the two of them spend nearly the entire night together, snuggling under a blanket in front of a fire. I’m not sure what one would talk to Flava Flav about for a whole night, but maybe there wasn’t much talking going on, if ya’ know what I mean. Krazy returns to her room around sunrise, and proceeds to gush about her experience to Deelishis. Krazy loves Dee, and considers her a true friend, but Deelishis is not looking for a friend, she’s there for one reason, and that reason is kinda short and has a whole bunch of gold teeth, (and cash).

A side of ass is not on the menu.
Later that morning, the ladies are lounging around the pool when they receive a Flava- Gram. Deelishis reads it aloud and reveals that she, Buckwild, Somethin,’ Krazy, Toastee and Bootz are going with Flav to one of his favorite eating establishments. The women are excited and think they are going to be eating some fine cuisine, but I see the a KFC Drive-thru in their future!

The ladies put on their finest Fredericks of Hollywood wear, and pile into the limo with Flav. They pull up outside M&M Soul Food, and Flav tells them that no, they won’t be enjoying a fine meal with him- they will be running the place! And, the woman who does the best job will get a special date with Flav. Hmm… I would think a cash bonus would be a better incentive, but what do I know. Flav masterminded this task, because he wants his woman to be able to earn her own money, instead of just spending all of his.

The ladies enter the place and meet Patsy, M&M’s manager. We don’t see a lot of Patsy, but I can tell that she is definitely not one to mess with. Patsy assigns Boots and Somethin’ to cooking detail, Krazy and Buckwild to waitressing, Deelishis to prep and Toastee to hostess. Toastee reveals that she’s never worked as a hostess before, is not sure what she’s supposed to do, and doesn’t know what soul food even is. But, she squeezes into a tiiiny tank top, so I think she’ll be fine. With the male clientele, at least.

Buckwild is not worried about her assignment- she waitresses six days a week and knows what she’s doing. She works the tables like a pro, (a food service pro, that is), and even raps for an old lady’s birthday. Her rapping earns heckles from the other customers, but I’m sure they were good natured heckles, although one of them tells her not to quit her day job. Which is waitressing, I think.

Bootz and Somethin’ are stuck with the most horrible, disgusting job- gutting and cutting up gross, whole chickens and huge fish, and then cooking them. Bootz is a real trooper- she does the job with little complaint, but Somethin’ is mostly screwing around and waving chicken bits around while singing silly songs.

Deelishis’s job is to take orders, answer the phone, serve food and take care of take-out orders. She decided to wear a tight, gold lame skirt for the occasion, and we’re treated to a three minute montage of her ass. We see her bending over, walking, standing… and all the while her ass seems like an entity onto itself. Flav drools over his ass from the limo, and all of the male customers watch her appreciatively, and even one of the women remarks that we could all use some of that ass. Dee states that a side of ass is not on the menu, and I am relieved, because I don’t even want to see how Somethin’ would prepare that.

Speaking of Somethin,’ apparently, she can’t read. Well, she’s pretending that she can’t read the waitresses’ handwriting, and is messing up the orders. Patsy fires her for her incompetence, and Somethin’ tells us that she was just playing a game and there’s no point in working if you can’t have fun. I guess Somethin’ doesn’t really know what “work” is. Flav is shocked that she was fired, and then says, “She s*** on my floor, and the bitch got fired.” Well! Dare I hope this means Somethin’s day are numbered?

Finally, the ladies are done with their task, and line up in front of Flav for the verdict. He loved Buckwild’s interactions with the customers, Deelishis’s ass was tremendous on camera, Somethin’ got fired, but Bootz is the clear winner, because she did everything no one else wanted to do. Including work side by side with Somethin.’ Flav and Bootz drive off in a convertible for their “date” atop a hillside. To me, this date seems more like a make-out opportunity, but Bootz describes the evening as wonderful and romantic, so who am I to judge.

So many ladies, so little time.
Back at the mansion, Flav tells us that he has many, many options in the house tonight, and he’d like to keep them all open. There may have been some sort of double entendre in that statement, but I’m trying not to think about it. He makes the rounds, and kisses all of the ladies goodnight. Toastee tells him to meet her later and that she’s in the green room, but Flav is still preoccupied with Deelishis’s ass and asks her to come to his room once she’s “dressed down,” (i.e. naked). Krazy catches him on the stairs, and asks him to meet her in the hot tub later, but Flav tells her that he’s tired, and plans to go to bed. He doesn’t bother to mention that Deelishis will be in his bed, but I’m sure he doesn’t think that detail is important.

Flav’s rejection cuts Krazy to the bone. She is deeply hurt by this, and cries, (yes, cries!) to Tiger about how she’s brokenhearted, because she loves Flav! Tiger doesn’t understand, (and frankly I don’t either), why everyone is so freaked out that Flav is spending time with all of the women. She thinks Flav will pick the best woman for him, and they should all be happy about that. Riiight. Meanwhile, Bootz heard Krazy and Tiger go out to the balcony and thinks some eavesdropping is in order. She deduces from the conversation that Krazy is crazy, (wait, that’s what I deduce), and that Tiger should not even be in the house.

Somethin’ joins the group and drops the bomb that Deelishis is with Flav in his room. This just about sends Krazy off the deep end, and she sobs about how upset she is “’cuz that bitch is f****** her man.” Whaaa? It seems that someone is slightly delusional, and that Flav had some foresight by naming her “Krazy.” Deelishis is enjoying her time with Flav, but knows that since she was the first to spend the night in Flav’s bed, she’ll be the first to be slandered by the other ladies. But, she’s okay with that.

Is Warren G really this much of a slob?
The next morning, the ladies are treated to another Flava-gram. This one begins with “good morning my booty-ful ladies,” and goes on to say that today, Like Dat, Tiger, Beatuful, Buckeey, Nibblz and Payshyntz will be joining Flav for their day o’ fun.

The ladies wear pretty standard clothes- tube tops, hot pants, platform sandals, and probably hope they’ll be doing something exciting, like opening a massage parlor, but when they pull up outside a beautiful mansion, Flav breaks the news that the owner had a huge party the night before, and they have an hour and a half to clean it up for him. Flav tells us that he needs a girl who can keep his house clean. Well, maybe he should hire a maid. Just sayin.’

The ladies enter the home, and it’s horrible, just completely trashed. Payshyntz thinks it looks like a bomb hit this house, and she’s not too far off the mark. My mom used to rehab houses, so I can honestly say that I’ve seen crack houses tidier than this mansion.

With very little complaining, the women get to work. Some of them find t-shirts to put on over their camisoles, and others fashion Hazmat suits out of trash bags. They all work hard, but Nibblz is stuck with the worst room in the house- the bathroom. I don’t know what happened in that bathroom, but it looks like Somethin’ may have made a visit.

Rapper Warren G arrives and it turns out the house is his. Yeah, I wouldn’t admit that so freely, Warren. He joins Flav, and both are impressed at how Nibblz attacks the horrifying bathroom. When the ladies have 18 minutes left, Flav reminds them that they have to clean up the backyard too. I know this is shocking, but the backyard is as bad as the rest of the house, and the women clean it up the best they can.

Flav and Warren G enter the mansion, and Like Dat is super excited that she just cleaned Warren G’s house, but since she worked so hard to clean the nasty bathroom, Nibblz is the winner. Hmmm… I hope she wins a bra. Buckeey’s angry that Flav chose an Internet stripper, but stripper or not, Nibblz cleaned the hell out of that bathroom!

Time for the screaming part of the episode.
Meanwhile, back at Flav’s mansion, the ladies are reading classical literature and debating current events. Actually, some of the ladies are discussing Somethin’s… er, indiscretion at the Elimination Ceremony. Somethin’ thinks they should just drop it already, (kind of like she dropped it on the stairs! Sorry, I couldn’t resist), and she and Bootz begin a screaming match. Buckwild is enjoying the spat- she loves to watch Bootz stir things up. Unfortunately, I’m not really sure what Somethin’ and Bootz are screaming at each other, because most of it is bleeped out, and that rest is so garbled they could be reciting Shakespeare for all I know. I’m guessing they’re not though.

It’s good to be the King.
For his special date with Nibblz, Flav has arranged for a dinner fit for a king and queen. They sit at either end of a really loooong table, and are served by a butler. Fancy! Flav sends the filet mignon back to the kitchen because he thinks it’s undercooked, and he and Nibblz proceed to have a conversation straight out of a Laurel and Hardy routine:

Nibblz: “This table is too long!”
Flav: “What?”
Nibblz: “I can’t hear you.”
Flav: “What?”

… and so on. The butler brings out the filet again, and this time it’s more to Flav’s liking, (overdone), and next the butler presents the biggest lobster I have ever seen. Seriously- this thing is a monster! It’s like a radioactive comic book kind of lobster, and Flav actually has to use a mallet to break off the claw. Nibblz is very happy with the date. She feels that she got to be sexy, not just look sexy, and celebrates by making out with Flav. And possibly the butler.

Can I touch your egg roll?
I’ll bet you didn’t know that you could learn helpful Chinese phrases by watching Flavor of Love! While Flav and Nibblz are having their romantic royal dinner, Bootz and Payshyntz are having a very serious conversation about how Payshyntz needs to “get with a chocolate stick.” I don’t think she’s talking about candy, folks. Payshyntz tells us she’s tired of all the drama and jokes about going home. It’s okay if she doesn’t get Flav- she can always go back to China and be treated like a goddess there.

Nibblz joins the others after her dinner, and asks Payshyntz to teach her how to say “Can I touch your egg roll” in Chinese, and Payshyntz obliges, then says a whole bunch of other stuff that doesn’t make much sense, and I think someone is a little drunk. Wouldn’t you be too, in a house with those women?

You don’t want no drama.
Flav takes a little time for some final one on one dates. Bootz tells him that she doesn’t like Somethin,’ Tiger isn’t really feeling him, and tattles that she and Payshyntz got into a fight.

Flav meets with Payshyntz, hugs her, and then tells her that some women are not there for the right reasons. Payshyntz tells Flav to follow his heart, and then tells us that if Bootz doesn’t get eliminated, she will leave, because she doesn’t want no more drama, no, no, drama, no, no, no, no drama.

There are some things that a person just can’t get over.
Once again, it’s time for the Elimination Ceremony, and once again, Payshyntz tells us that she is tired of all the drama. Dang! We get it already! Inspired by her queenly dinner, Nibblz is wearing a tiara, which brings up the question- did she actually pack a tiara anticipating that it would be appropriate to wear it? That woman is prepared for anything!

Okay, who’s in? Krazy, Beatuful, Like Dat, Toastee, Deelishis, Buckwild, Nibblz, Buckeey and Bootz. Flav reveals that he never got over the incident with Somethin’, and dismisses her. She seems kind of surprised, makes huge bug eyes, yells, “If that’s how you feel,” and then storms out of the mansion.

There’s only one clock remaining, and Tiger and Payshyntz are the only two in the room left clock-less. Flav calls Tiger up to the front, and tenderly tells her that this competition isn’t for her, and she’s there for the wrong reasons and won’t be advancing. Tiger cries, (what is with these women and the crying?), and says that she doesn’t want to leave him. Well, too bad honey, it’s back to the lions and tigers for you!

Payshyntz knows the last clock is for her, and starts crying before she gets to the front of the room. She tells Flav that she had a fight with Bootz, is sick of playing the game, and doesn’t want to stay in the house any more. Flav asks if she’ll accept his clock, and she says no. Flav has no other choice but to send her home, and Bootz comments that Payshyntz is stupid. Yeah. I’m sure Bootz is a member of Mensa.

The number has been narrowed to nine, so tune in next week to see the ladies take the booty competition to another level, and witness a Flava-ful threesome.

I don’t mind drama, and you can reach me at:SueEllenMishke@fansofrealitytv .com