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Welcome back to the Sunday night hamster show. Last time on Big Brother the houseguests decked themselves out in the finest retro promwear that Wardrobe had to offer and Marcellas shuffled out the door in his ‘fro wig and platform shoes. Did you miss it? If you need a refresher you can find Yardgnome’s wonderful recap here.
Meanwhile, it’s on with the show. Chen-bot looks nice tonight; she must have splurged on a personal dresser. Someone unplugged her from her the wall just in time for the show, but when she opens her mouth there’s still no inflection as she says “Day. 49. In. The. Big. Brother. House.”
Janelle is feeling a little like a fricken idiot since she promised Marcellas he’d be safe. The houseguests mill about like extras in a brat-packer movie as Marci stiff-arms Howie on the way out. Will looks impossibly handsome in his tuxedo, Janelle lives up to her prom-queen status in a long red gown, Erika looks great as the ho that always loses the star, and Boogie is a dead ringer for Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, except that Damone sort-of had a heart. The only thing that could’ve made it better would have been Marcellas sliding that ridiculous ‘fro wig off his pate as he slunk out the door. Janelle glares at the house at large. Privately she says she was screwed and next time she’ll do what she wants to do instead of listening to everyone else.
Chicken George Decides To Play The Game
Well, not really. He’s absolutely shocked that he won the HOH competition by guessing the household went without hot water for 360 minutes. I would be too. 360 minutes is 6 hours; didn’t the household go without water for days? Some of the others are shocked too. Danielle can’t believe she lost to George. What’s scary about it is that no one knows who his alliance is with or what he’s doing, least of all Georgie.
George had to immediately nominate two people for eviction, and he named Erika and James. James is his true target with Erika put up as pawn. He incoherently tries to tell Erika this; she interprets his rambling as “I’m a pawn?” George is glad she understands.
James is livid. He tells Howie that George only gets to be HOH for two days and then “his ass is mine.” He has a quick meeting with fellow Legion of Doom members Danielle and Boogie and they decide to tell George he needs to backdoor Janelle because that’s what the house wants. James says “tell him James will stay…he’s the last person you want @%# pissed off.” Ohh, you’ve scared me, James. I’m always a little uneasy when someone refers to themselves in third person.
George’s HOH room is decorated in a headache inducing bright yellow and green. He says he likes it – it reminds him of the movie Austin Powers which he loves. He proudly shows off pictures of his family. “Your daughters are hot” gushes Howie. (The girls look like they’re about 12 years old, braces and all. Howie is the kind of guy that would say “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.” and think it’s a compliment.) Georgie doesn’t seem to take offense, thankfully. He has a little meeting with Howie and Janelle, who asks him what he’d like for her to do if she wins POV. He wants her to leave the nominations as is, which Janelle promises to do. George tells them not to worry; if he were coming after them he already would’ve done it. Janelle is puzzled but happy, it’s a free week for her.
Gnomes Get A Bad Rap
Who doesn’t like those squatty little people? (sorry, YG) Well, Will for one. He says the three things he hates most are robot clowns, baby corn and freaky little gnomes. Unfortunately for him, this week’s POV competition is titled “Gnome is where the veto is.” The backyard has been transformed into a forest with little gnomes peeking out through the trees. Playing for the POV are Howie, Erika, Danielle, James, Will and Chicken George. Each player will be chained to a tree stump and must use the implements left by the stumps to get the key to unlock their chain. Easier said than done since their tools are things like hula-hoops, tape, spatulas and plastic flamingos.
Howie thinks he may actually have a chance to win this competition but since his brilliant idea is to tape a golf club to a hula-hoop to try to reach the key, he quickly strikes out. Danielle complains that she was never good at crafts even in “kiddygarden” and it shows. James is also unsuccessful in trying to tape his flamingo to the hula-hoop, but wins when he substitutes the spatula for the flamingo. George sputters “Oh, Dammit!” when James manages to get the key on his second try. I said the same thing at home. Transparent Georgie has made it obvious that he wants James out.
Do What I Want! No, Do What I Want!
After the POV competition everyone every one lines up for the HOH room to let George know what he needs to do. I’m sure that for however many weeks George stays in the BB house he will never ever win anything again.
First up is James. “Obviously I’m here for another week, because my name is James, not Marcellas.” What an ass. He wants to know whom George is considering for a replacement nominee. George silently lets James wind himself down and says “Alright, Jamesy” as he stands to show James out the door. He probably Febreezed ™ and took a scalding hot bath as soon as James walked out.
Next up is Erika, who reminds George that she has been pulling for him from the beginning. She puts in a plug for Howie or Janelle to be nominated in James’ place, and George says that from now on he’ll work with her. In the DR Erika laughs about aligning with “the older guy.” Since she’s the closest one in age to George in the BB house it’s only natural that the two oldsters should get together. They can lend each other their walkers and stuff.
Mike Boogie slithers in next. He names the people in the household (to impress George with his ability to count?) to show George how many people want Howie and Janelle out. George nods affably.
Will lounges in to suggest putting himself up so everyone can vote Erika out. Or vote him out. Will never seems to care one way or another.
Finally, a tired-looking Janelle and her sidekick Howie meet with the Chicken man who has been pulled this way and that. Perhaps George just likes the underdog because he tells Janie he could never do something so underhanded as to backdoor her since she’s worked so hard in the game. He formally asks them if he can join up with them, but they must promise not to vote out Erika. They can’t believe their luck. George says he’s going to do something today to turn this game around. What, he’s going to nominate himself?
Everybody’s got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Chicken
Enter Erika, who wants to know who George is going to nominate in James place. George assures her that he has a plan, and manages to keep it to himself for about five seconds before confessing he's going to put Will up. She begs him to reconsider, knowing she’ll go home if Will is the other person on the block. George doesn’t think so. George is the most naïve 47 year-old I’ve ever seen.
Erika runs to let Mike Boogie know his partner is being nominated for eviction. Danielle is there too, and they can’t believe George doesn’t want to put up Howie or Janelle.
Later, as the hamsters are waiting for James to start the POV ceremony they gather in the red room. Mike can’t let Will get nominated for eviction without finding out why George wants to nominate him. George says he doesn’t think it’s fair to nominate Janelle, who’s worked so hard in the game. Mike says he doesn’t have to nominate Janelle, but there are other players in the game too. Everyone sits up a little straighter when he says this. George figures the good Doctor is the best player of the game. Well, well, well. It looks like George has been paying attention after all.
Mike lets George know that he and Will fought to keep George from being nominated the week before. Mike turns to Janelle for confirmation and she shrugs her shoulders. Danielle and Erika are surprisingly silent and Howie, who should’ve been paying attention, has nothing to say. Of substance, anyway. Mike hints that he has the Coupe de’Etat but George doesn’t tremble in his shoes and run away like a little girl. Everyone but George, Danielle and Erika leave the room and George wants to know if it’s acceptable to nominate Howie instead. OH MY YES, George. Danielle looks like a mental patient in her ratty red robe and Erika can’t believe her good luck.
An Informative Veto Ceremony
James uses the POV on himself because he’s no Marcellas, and George names Howie as the replacement nomination after thanking Mike and Will for saving him last week. He still doesn’t want to go after Janelle, so Howie is the only person left. You promised me TWICE” Howie sputters. George stutters that he didn’t promise, but Howie’s on a roll: You want to listen to the people that tried to sell your ass out last week? Well, they’re impossibly outnumbered. I saved you last week Georgie. Your allies decided to sell you under the bus. The joke is on them.” God, Howie! I’ve heard thrown under the bus a hundred times this season and he can’t even get the terminology right.
Will meets with Janelle and Howie to spank Howie for implying that he has the numbers in the house. Howie mooses on, he just wants to know if he has Will’s vote. Of course Will assures him. Why doesn’t that make me feel better?
Next, Howie campaigns for Mike’s vote in an impromptu stairside meeting. Mike promises his vote - bro’s before ho’s is the way it’s put so delicately, and Howie goes his way reassured. James, Will and Mike actually do seem to be leaning towards getting rid of the ho instead of the bro. James says he’s supposed to be in an alliance with Howie. So is the chilltown duo, but that’s never stopped them from playing dirty before.
Someone’s woken Julie up again. She wants to know if anyone wants to use the Coupe de’Etat. Mike Boogie stares off into space, so she takes it as a no. It’s time for the voting to begin. It goes this way:
Danielle, who’s finally decided to get dressed, votes to evict Howie.
James votes to evict Erika.
Janelle votes to evict Erika.
Will votes to evict Howie.
Mike Boogie votes to evict Howie.
By a vote of 3 to 2 Howie is evicted. He stands and gets big hugs from James, Erika, George, Janelle and Danielle, then removes Mike’s cap, sailing it through the air as he walks past. Mike claps and says “Another class act leaves the Big Brother house”, gesturing to the others in a did you see what he did? kind of way. Howie is angrier than I’ve ever seen him. He turns and stands toe to toe with Mike and it looks like he spits in Mike’s face when he calls him a liar. James gets between the two of them and Howie grudgingly allows himself to be pushed out the door. Dayum. I’d have loved to see Howie and Mike mix it up, or rather Howie mixing it up and Mike laying on the floor and being mixed. And it’s bye-bye to Howie, who didn’t even get taped messages from his friends; just a t-shirt that says I was on Big Brother Seven and all I got was a lousy interview with Julie Chen.
Attack Of the Little People
Now that we’ve had an eviction it’s time for a new HOH competition. Poor George didn’t even get settled in his room what with all the comings and goings, and now he’s going to have to give it up to the new HOH. He’s probably glad he doesn’t have to compete when he sees the setup in the back yard. The competing houseguests crouch behind a painted set and have to stick their heads through holes marked “true” or “false” depending on their answer to a BB question. Little people dressed as gnomes (and really, how degrading is that?) come dancing out from the sidelines. If the houseguests answer wrongly they get a pie in the face courtesy of a gnome.
First question: The gnomes say the POV has been used four times this season. True or false? False. James, Danielle and Erika get runny chocolate pudding thrust in their faces as chubby gnomes high-five each other and Julie crows triumphantly from the sidelines. I’d like to see the gnomes feed Julie a pie or two.
Next question: What is the total number of frames of memorabilia hanging on the walls of the Big Brother house. Is it Nine? Will cringes and doesn’t seem surprised at being eliminated.
Third question: On move-in day, the third key removed was Diane’s, true or false? Janelle gets it in the face with a pie, and that means…Mike Boogie didn’t throw a competition!
Boogie is the new HOH. He screams and Erika jumps him, cheering hysterically. Danielle, whom I have renamed Dances with Gnomes, cavorts with the little people while the gentlemanly Will gently rubs chocolate pudding off Janelle’s face. And so ends another surreal episode of Big Brother. Who will Boogie nominate for eviction, and who will win POV? Tuesday night’s show is at a special time, 9/8 central, so don’t miss it!
I’m gonna miss Howie. You too? Email me at Dinahann@fansofrealitytv.com