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I just painted my fingernails, laced up a pair of leather pants, swirled my purple feather boa around my shoulder and gave my mirror two thumbs up. No, I’m not heading to Daffy’s House of Pain and Torture. I’m traipsing to my couch to watch Rock Star in my favorite Dave Navarro outfit. Yeesh, the things us fans do…
It’s results night, folks, and the twelve drummers drumming will soon be eleven pipers piping. That’s not a bad thing, mind you. Tommy Lee pretty much has the speak softly but carry a big drumstick thing covered.
In case you didn’t catch last night’s show, Brooke takes us on a whirlwind jaunt through the highs and lows of last night’s performances. Lukas was being Lukas (which in this case is a good Lukas) and Toby curled the upper lip for some Billy Idol. Ryan livened up a Live cover and Dilana seduced us once again with a smoky rendition of Time After Time. I want to dislike her so much but I can’t. She’s unique. She’s captivating. She’s the Segway of rock-n-roll.
Oh poor Phil. How many lives does this kid have? Zayra took a little spill and landed in some latex in an attempt to hide her horrendous Blondie imitation. Call You I won’t. After last night, it’s becoming more clear who has the street cred versus those who are being kept in order to stretch this show out for the summer.
Back to the live show, Tommy throws some mad props to Storm for her stage diving. Patrice assures Dave that she’s striving for consistency. I’m guessing that’s code for not wanting to take a risk. Gilby wants to know when Zayra’s bubblegum pop show stops and when the rock begins. After realizing that she has no clue how to answer that question, Zayra promises to bring the rock next week. Now that’s a clever way to keep you around for another week.
Phil brings up a good point about song selection and not to veer too far off topic, he’s right about that. Tainted Love is great if you’re still wearing that little off-the-shoulder pastel number hanging in your closet since 1982. Blind Melon was catchy in the 90’s, too. But c’mon, this is about being a rock star. Let’s get some Foghat and .38 Special thrown into the mix.
They Love Me, They Love Me Not
I’m beginning to think there’s a love/ hate relationship going on with Supernova and Jill Gioia. They must love watching Jill put her dainty foot in her mouth but hate the fact that there are suckier contestants that must be voted out first.
If you missed it, Jill had a chance to sing alongside Gilby last night. Imitating a scene from the classic movie Showgirls, she did a little humpty-hump on Gilbey’s bumpty-bump. Gilby urged her to use her talent, not her body, to shine on stage. Back at the mansion after the show, Jill dismissed the comment saying Gilby was used to being on stage with Axel Rose.
Gilby wants to know if this is how the future with Supernova will be: always arguing back and forth. Jill wants to know why she can’t use her sexuality to which Gilby let’s her in on a little secret. He played with Heart and never had Ann Wilson grind on his leg. He thinks it’s gimmicky and likens it to a bad act at the Holiday Inn.
Jill digs herself deeper into a hole when she knowingly proclaims that “everything in rock-n-roll has been done already” to which a chorus of boos erupts from the audience. Even Tommy Lee wakes up from his drunken stupor and makes a buzzer sound before lowering his hat and dozing off again.
Stormin’ The Stage
Now that the little tête-à-tête is over, it’s time to get back to the music with tonight’s encore performance. Yeah…I got a feeling that Magni won’t be doing this one. No, tonight the stage is reserved for Storm Large.
What an encore it was. Full of energy and mojo, Storm sang to the crowd and to the lone guy that weaseled his way up front. Lucky bastard. It was Any Thing, Any Thing but boring and she did the Dramarama cover justice.
Following the rousing performance Brooke delivers the buzz kill with the list of everyone who was in the bottom three at some point during the voting.
Jill, Josh and Zarya we the three who were in the bottom three after the first few minutes of voting when the show ended. Phil and Patrice found themselves in the bottom three at some point last night as well.
You‘re Not An Addict…But Can You Sing?
Patrice finds herself the first person who finished in the final bottom three. Looking back to last night’s performance of Remedy, It’s pretty clear why Patrice is singing for her life. If that wasn’t bad enough, she had the guts to get snarky with Navarro.
And just when you think you can’t top that, Patrice goes for broke with Radiohead’s My Iron Lung. Somewhere Thom Yorke is stabbing his eyes out with environmentally friendly pencils. It’s not horrible; in fact, it’s probably the best of the bottom three performances. It’s just not Radiohead. It’s safe to say that this’ll get her through to next week.
Zayra is the next singer who landed in the final bottom three. Gilbey did not dig last night’s song. Dave cautioned her to get started on a solo career “right now!”
Dressed in the latest Mylar balloon fashion wear, Zayra strips down Not An Addict by K’s Choice. Just the roller coaster pitchiness of her voice and a guitar. It was the emotion she exuded that gave her performance glimpses of greatness and she connected with everybody in the room. It was if she knew she was going home, complete with tears and all. Buck up little camper. Phil’s in the bottom three. There’s hope for you yet.
As if there was any surprise that Phil rounded out the bottom three? This poor guy is barely hanging on. After butchering The Wallflowers last night, Tommy Lee wonders if an audience could handle that kind of music for an hour and a half. The head bobble isn’t working for Jason. It worries him. It worries me too. Do we need the stage hand to keep duct tape on standby?
Put This Flame Out
Phil decides to shake things up with a little ditty titled Smoking Umbrellas by an obscure band called Failure. Jason hopes that isn’t an omen. I’m hoping it’s a blessing. Now, I’m all for obscurity (Lick The Tins, anyone?) but give us something we can at least tap our foot to. Phil fails to deliver the performance we can remember and I inch forward to the edge of my couch in anticipation of what I hope is about to come.
With Patrice, Zayra and Phil back on stage, it’s time to get down to business. Who will Tommy drop the hatchet on tonight?
Patrice: her voice is what’s keeping her in this show. Gilby is worried that she brings nothing new to the table but that changed with tonight’s performance. She’s good to go for another week.
Zayra: she’s original but the band is having a hard time imagining that she’s right for the them.
Phil: that was his best performance to date but Gilby doesn’t believe that he wants it bad enough.
Tommy “The Hatchet Man” Lee delivers the final blow. It’s about commitment and because of that, Supernova questions Phil’s commitment. It’s time for him to go. With one fell swoop, it’s over. It’s safe to sigh now.
And that my friends, wraps up another great week of Rock Star. Let’s keep our fingers crossed in hopes of hearing some Bachman Turner Overdive.