Who’s Your Daddy?

Joe Millionaire
The Aftermath – Recap

Evan has made his choice, Zora has accepted his “promise ring”, and it seemed that this show had finally come to an end, with an exceptionally surprising happy ending.

But NO! By gosh there is still some milking left to do before FOX tearfully bids this project adieu, and a milking we will go.

This week, Joe Millionaire: The Aftermath. The primary lure of this hour was to be the first big meeting in person between Zora and Evan, though I fully expected to be bombarded with the same footage we have seen repeatedly for the past three weeks. However, while not a riveting show by any means, I was relieved to see new material being covered.

As always I, your intrepid re-capper, wanted answers to some key questions:

Would MoJo and Heidi find a way to get on camera?
What did the ladies previously eliminated think of Evan’s choice?
Will Zora just walk out and smack the crap out of Evan after watching his ‘activities’ with Melissa and Sarah?
What ever happened to Alex the host?
Does Paul think he is someone’s daddy?

Read on my friends, and four out of five of those questions will be answered.

Back in Front of the Fireplace

We join Paul, in front of the fire, sipping brandy, or something, as in his case anything is possible.

Paul assures us that Evan and Zora haven’t seen each other since their return from France. I personally feel that they haven’t seen each other on camera, but probably have on the side. In either case, there is no such claim that they haven’t talked.

I can’t imagine what conversations between those two on the phone would be like…

EVAN: I bought a bulldozer, I drive it everyday.
ZORA: That’s nice dear. I hired Melissa to go to a third world country and help the children. Can we borrow your bulldozer to load two tons of Mr. Bubble?
EVAN: I like to eat McNuggets while driving my bulldozer…

Regardless, we will get to see their big meeting after we join up with a posse of eliminated ladies who were assembled to watch the final episode on camera.

Slumber Party

MoJo, Erica, Dayana, Dana, Amanda, Alison, Melissa, Katie and Katy all watched the final episode from a private room at an LA bar.

I was skeptical of this approach, but have to admit now that it was entertaining to watch their reactions to the key points of the final episode. The consensus seemed to be that they were all happy that Zora was the final choice and that as long as she was happy, they were happy for Zora.

A few comments on the assembled ladies themselves:

MoJo – I am glad she decided against a hat, but what the hell was that blouse? I think she ought to send that thing down to the Amazon. The Jaburu tribe needs some help catching fish, and a net like the one she was wearing could rope in a big one.

Katy – Looks better and better in every follow appearance she makes. I wish that Evan had seen her this way, as I personally would have enjoyed watching the show to the end if Katy had been around longer.

Alison – Get over it already. He chose Zora, not you. Alison appeared disappointed at the time he made his selection, though it should not have been a surprise at all. Now she just seems bitter. If she hates him that much for the big lie, then she should be happy she didn’t face the same decision Zora was stuck with.

As to what the ladies had to say, not surprisingly there was quite a bit of it. Katie (the doctor) feels that Zora could do a lot better. Emphasize “a lot” better. It seems clear that Katie lost what little respect she had for Evan right about the time she found out he wasn’t rich.

During the point in the episode where Evan reveals his big lie, the ladies laughed at Zora’s reaction. Well, everyone but Alison, who while mocking Evan, advised Zora to drop him “like a bad habit.” However, as noted before, the ladies really did seem to respect Zora and wanted the best for her.

What about Sarah? She wasn’t interviewed for this show, so we get the impression she is still a little unhappy, but what did her fellow competitors think?

Unfortunately Sarah didn’t command the same level of respect as Zora. For example, MoJo of all people commented that in her view, Sarah was very money motivated.

After Evan reveals his financial status to Sarah in the one-on-one meeting, she asks Evan if he thought that would have mattered to her. Katy shouts out, “Yes!”

In the end, the ladies were satisfied with the big money award, though Amanda didn’t want Evan to get a cut. Katy meanwhile summed it up pretty well, “It was nice. I thought it might be terrible, but it was nice.”

Ladies of the Night

In another interesting twist, the producers sent Melissa, Alison, and MoJo out on the street to talk to the fans of the show, and get their reactions to various deep intellectual questions.

Clearly Heidi is on to their little tricks. She didn’t volunteer for this expedition, and I don’t doubt it had something to do with last week’s scenes where they tricked her into pole dancing. Can anyone doubt that they would have got one of those Cops undercover vice camera shots of her on a street corner?

Knowing how competitive Heidi is, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got in a turf fight as she tried to control two corners while she decides which one she wanted… “this is my corner! Back off!”

The general public’s opinions shown are pretty much in-line with expectations.

Well, make that the general public that is wandering the streets drunk while these interviews occur. You never need any further example of why the rest of the world laughs at America, then to look at some of the folks who make the cut in these people-on-the-street interviews. I know why they do it, they are looking for the most entertaining personalities. Meanwhile though, we as a country look like a bunch of idiots.

Enough ranting though, what did they say you ask?

“Sarah is a gold digger” A comment that upset Melissa, who still says that Sarah is her close friend. She does her best to defend Sarah, but in the end, it looked like a losing battle.

“Zora looks like a superhero” Wow, interesting concept. If Zora was a superhero, who would she be? I am guessing Goodness Girl or Super Wholesome Gal!

We cut back to Paul, and he is preparing us for the next segment, where we will get some insight as to the Joe Millionaire selection process. Just how did they come to find the perfect Joe?

Searching Low and Lower

One of the producers of the show, and I didn’t write down his name, tells us that they had three criteria to go by in their search for “Joe”. He had to be good looking, charming, and completely broke.

We are treated to several audition tapes of the rejected applicants. The producer says that they had no trouble finding many good looking guys, but that charm was a problem. They also had no problem finding poor males in the greater Los Angeles area, but that they might be lacking in other qualities.

They had their butler, their host, and the 20 ladies, but apparently they still didn’t have the right Joe. It was as late as October of last year that Evan was brought in for the job. They felt like he met all of the criteria they were searching for, and he was quickly shuffled off to France.

I have long been skeptical of all of this charming talk. Evan just didn’t seem all that charming to me, but I have been wrong before. As if to emphasize that, a long string of video clips showing the ladies commenting on his remarkable charm are shown. I caution that those comments were made prior to the ladies knowing that he didn’t have sufficient funds to support such a high charm rating, so who can say what those opinions might be now.

Apparently Rocket Science labs were so happy with Evan’s performance, and the breakout ratings of the show, that they sent him on a nice Hawaiian vacation as a little token of thanks. I am not so sure… I think they probably just wanted to get him out of sight before he had a chance to hit on every female television personality in the free world.

The Butler Did It

Paul is ready to tell his side of the story. I was surprised to learn that there was a “side” to his story, but so be it. We see clips of Paul on the Regis and Kelly show.

Paul gets the ultimate Regis compliment when the great one says, “you are the man of my dreams.” Man of his dreams? I really need an interpretation on that one… but maybe this is where some of those rumors got started.

The ladies appear to have loved Paul, and we watch many clips of him interacting with the women. My favorite was Paul showing up in a room full of ladies and shouting out, “Who’s Your Daddy?” Classic!

We learn more about Paul. He got the job on Joe Millionaire at the last minute, after “recently terminated overseas”, which I think is Paul speak for, “I got canned for partying way too much.” I am happy for Paul though, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were to parlay this into other roles in the future. I think he would be perfect for the Weakest Link.

All was not fun and frolic back at the chateau though, and some of the ladies were quite bossy to poor Paul. We watch several clips of Heidi and others barking orders to their beleaguered butler.

Paul mocks them while speaking in a girly voice, “Oh my God, my bag’s not here. Where is my contact lens solution and birth control pills!”

Further fueling Paul’s contempt is the lack of appreciation for the fine French cuisine that was served daily. We find out that the chef on site at the chateau was quite good, at least in Paul’s opinion.

The Chef himself is not pleased either, and in a clip he says, “they like nothing! These Americans!”

In the following video clips though, it is clear that many of the ladies just didn’t like the way this guy cooked. Typical French… the food sucked, but hey, those damn Americans just don’t appreciate it! Any country that finds Jerry Lewis to be a genius really shouldn’t be throwing stones at anyone else’s culture.

What about Paul and Evan’s relationship?

Evan clearly appreciated Paul’s support during the show, and he says, “Paul is a good guy, reminds me of my Dad. He is a man’s man.”

Paul enjoyed working with Evan, and says, “He made the right choice.”

Evan’s Future Career Opportunities

Next, we are going to be treated to interviews with Evan and Zora, but first a commercial break in which a promo runs for Evan’s upcoming appearance on Cedric.

I am hopeful that his foray into acting goes a little better than Trista’s in Less Than Perfect. I doubt it though. While I don’t begrudge these folks their shot at stardom, I have to believe that some of these shows are desperate for plot ideas if they are mixing in reality contestants.

What’s next? Evan doing Hamlet?

Let’s Sit Down With Evan

Back to the show, we run into Mark Walberg, substitute host for Alex, who probably froze at the thought of having to say more than one sentence per hour.

Evan walks in wearing what might best be described as the special of the day from Goodwill.

Mark comments on Evan’s remarkable celebrity status. Apparently he has been on the Regis and Kelly show five times alone.

It was especially distressing to watch Evan putting the moves on a very pregnant Kelly Ripa. More troubling though is Kelly Ripa herself. When isn’t she pregnant? Their house must be a rabbit pen.

We watch Mom and Dad cutting out many Evan related articles. He says that his Mom is his biggest fan, but that Dad is just absorbing it all. Translation: Dad is appalled and Mom has accepted her fate, but at least she knows that the photo album will have no shortage of material.

Evan says that he didn’t find out about the big lie until a couple of days before he left for France.

What about the horse incident? Evan confesses that he was quite upset. He felt that he had probably blown his one chance to make a strong impression on the ladies. What isn’t discussed is the fate of that poor horse. No doubt she too is a pariah amongst her fellow horses who aren’t impressed at all with her TV appearance.

More questions. Who was the biggest whiner? That’s easy, Flo from The Amazing Race whined enough for multiple shows, so I am voting for her, but Evan disagrees. He wants to stick with Heidi.

They revisit Evan’s time with MoJo, and, as Evan put it, “The damn hats.” Evan confesses that he still has scars from a couple of those hats. Mark wonders if he is still scarred from the poem MoJo wrote. Evan reiterates that the poem was too serious, too soon for his taste.

Returning to the topic of Sarah, they comment on the obvious, that being an sexual chemistry existing between her and Evan.

What about that night in the forest though, Mark wants to know what went on. A smiling Evan isn’t willing to say, though he does note that he didn’t remember the “gulp” occurring. I suppose that’s all we needed to know really…

Finally, his current thoughts on Zora? “She has more class in her pinky than most people...”

In her pinky Evan? Hmmm. I wonder if Zora’s driver’s license says that she is class donor on her death? The knowledge that class transplants could be performed would hold great hope for many people… Heidi comes to mind first.

All joking aside, I agree with Evan’s assessment of Zora, that being that she is sincere and honest.

Are the Bunnies Still Happy?

Next, Mark sits down with Zora to get her thoughts before the big reunion.

Zora comments that she has had a great deal of support from her friends and family, and that she is surprised by the attention she is getting thanks to the show.

Some of that attention isn’t welcome though, as she has had some friendly neighborhood stalkers show up at her door. She claims that her home address was posted on an internet message board, and that has led to complications.

Now, I know the address wasn’t posted here at the FORT, but based upon what we learned last week, how hard would it be to find her? Just drive to Lambertville and look for the apartment that is burning down thanks to using a gas stove for heat. You should be able to see that smoke for miles.

What about that kiss with Evan in the pool? Zora says it was “amazing”. Zora confirms that she still intends to help her relatives, and thanks to the money, that will be easier.

The dress event from the first episode is brought up, and Zora says that she wasn’t going to worry about it. She knew that they would have to get her a dress for the ball, so she wasn’t going to “stress on it.”

Who was playing the game the hardest? Sarah was, so says Zora.

Zora’s opinion of Sarah wasn’t swayed by the now infamous bondage videos, though she does says that Sarah was probably upset to learn that Zora earned half a million dollars in her win.

Returning to the topic of Evan, she says that he is a big goofball, and she means that in a good way.

In terms of the big lie and her reaction, Zora says that she was actually relieved. The money was a big weight to her, and a turnoff, but that weight was lifted when she learned that Evan was really broke. She knows that might sound a bit strange, but that is how she really felt.

Queue the Disney Music

It is time for the big reunion.

The editors work extra hard here for a full effect. Sweet music… slow motion action… smiles all around. But when you break it down, basically Evan walked in, and Zora gave him a hug.

That’s not a good sign for the future. A worse sign is Zora’s next comment, “it’s weird to see you!” Uh oh…

They get down to business, and Mark is still full of questions.

They share a good laugh at the tabloid article, complete with pictures, that showed them getting married in France. Zora says that they forget to invite their loved ones, but that she liked her picture.

When did Evan know he wanted Zora? He says that he knew early on that she would make the final two. He says that he kept telling her to unpack, but that she never did.

What about the question that many in America have been asking? What does she see in him? Zora says that Evan is his own person, moves to the beat of his own drummer, and that being a non-conformist is sexy. I guess he is her version of the bad boy.

Zora says that she has had to point out to people that Evan is actually very deep. Sure he kept ladies around because “she is hot”, but she knows that there is more to Evan than meets the eye.

Their favorite time in France was their horseback riding. No surprise there, but the scandalous story that can now finally be told is that they took turns urinating in the beautiful French countryside. No word yet as to if the Disney music was playing during this part of the date.

They continue on, and Evan makes a comment that Joe Millionaire was, “the most wonderful show on TV.” Really? Most wonderful? Well, this is FOX, so I suppose that might well be true, at least until Combat Missions returns someday.

As the happy couple is getting ready to walk away together, we jump back to slow motion mode, and get some cut-ins from the other ladies.

Dana says, “He is a lucky man.”

Katie adds, “Zora was a good choice.”

Not to be outdone, Alison adds, “Zora is a fantastic choice.”

Paul Gets the Last Word

Back to Paul in front of the fire. He reminds us yet again that the premise of the show was would love or money win out. He thinks that love has won, no matter what happens between Evan and Zora in the future. Because of that win, they were richly rewarded.

I will not quibble with you Paul, as you were my favorite character on the show, so I only ask you to sum it all up for us!

Paul says, “I hope they remember to tip their butler!”

Your comments are welcome. E-mail bill@fansofrealitytv.com