Fear Factor 02-24-03

It’s time once again for everyone’s favorite game show! Let’s meet the latest victims:

Kelly Newton – Model/Fitness Trainer from Orlando, Florida. Wow, I wish this show was in 3-D.

Robinson Moore – Substitute Teacher from Gainesville, Florida. He knows he’s not competing against superheroes. That’s good because they don’t exist. He has 2 last names.

Olivia Jones – Bartender from Bequest, Barbados. She’s going to kick ass, and if she means that literally, we’ll probably see butt crack.

Garrett Goll – Student from Charlotte, North Carolina. He has that “serial killer” look, I’d be afraid.

Cary Williams – Boxing Trainer from Sacramento, California. Uh, Foxy Boxing maybe, she still has all of her teeth. She definitely does justice to the term “knockout”.

Ray Dibartolomeo – Chiropractic Student/Body builder from Santa Barbara, California. Ok, his last name makes me nervous. Even though I don’t own a horse, I’m not saying anything.

The gang walks down a path next to a lake and meets up with the host Joe Rogan. He fills them in on the rules and introduces their first stunt:

Everybody was surfin’
A speed boat tows an inner tube-like raft. A helicopter flies overhead with a knotted rope hanging from one of the legs. Contestants must ride the raft, grab and climb the rope, while removing flags along the way up. After releasing the top flag, they must drop down into the cold water 20 feet below. There are 6 flags total. The 2 men and 2 women with the most flags, will advance.
**As an added bonus, contestants that release all of the flags will receive a thousand dollars.**

Robinson is up first, and tells Joe that he grew up water skiing. Uh oh, this could be bad. As he gets ready, he removes his shirt and we get to see a bunch of ugly tattoos, including a giant eagle and shield thingy covering his back. Rob takes off and the boat quickly approaches the helicopter, he grabs the rope and begins to climb. He goes straight up the rope, gets all the flags, and hits the water in 52 seconds. I guess I was wrong, he made it look easy. + $1000.00

Ray is up next, and flexes his “guns” for all of you ladies playing at home. The others think he’s too big. Hmmm, how would they know? Anyway, he grabs the rope and heads on up. He manages to get 5, and then lets go. Apparently, he didn’t see the flag at the very top, maybe the muscles got in the way. He is very excited and proud of his attempt, until he gets back to land and Joe breaks the bad news to him. Oops.
Garret closes out the men, and takes off up the rope. He gets the 6th and final flag, and hits the water in a blazing 34 seconds. Damn, that was fast, a quick $1000.00 for Garret. With all due respect, we must send Ray home.

Cary is first for the ladies, and is wearing a lovely pink and white flowered 2 piece. She grabs the rope and starts up, moving in a slow but steady pace. She manages to grab 4 before falling into the lake.

Olivia is up next, but we do not get a shot of her swimming attire. She makes her way up and is able to get all 6. It’s not until she’s back with the others that we get a look at her beautiful black 2 piece. + $1000.00

Kelly closes this out, and boy does she ever. We are treated to a Baywatch-esque slow motion shot of her in a wonderful magenta 2 piece. Olivia talks a little trash. She struggles to get 4 before plummeting to the water. She ties Cary, so all 3 girls move on.

The group makes their way into a warehouse where Joe is standing in front of their next stunt:

That’s a bunch of bull
Contestants will ride a mechanical bull. If the stay on for less than 8 seconds they will have to eat 1 piece of bull spleen, 1 piece of bull spinal cord, and 1 piece of bull snout. If they stay on for more than 8 seconds they will get their choice of 2 of the items.

Kelly is first, and while wearing a little pink tube top, hops up on the machine. I wouldn’t mind seeing her stay on for 10 minutes, this is better than a trampoline. DAMN! She only lasts about 2 seconds. It’s even lousy in slow motion. Let’s give her another turn.

Robinson is next, and he too is sent flying right off in about the same amount of time.

Cary is next and manages to hang on for 6 seconds, but that’s still not quite good enough.

Garret’s turn, and he goes flying immediately.

And finally Olivia…and there goes Olivia. It took me longer to type this, these folks would make crappy cowboys/girls. They will all have to chow down and are each given 6 minutes to clean their plates.

Kelly digs in to her meal, and is having a tough time right away. Her eyes start to water and she covers her mouth to try and keep everything down. She fights to the end, but runs out of time with half a plate left. And with that, they…er…uh...I mean she is sent packing.

Rob begins to devour and doesn’t seem to have much trouble. Like a machine, he keeps chewing and swallowing and is able to clear his plate in plenty of time. I’m impressed.

Cary’s turn, but she is moving much too slowly. By taking her time to enjoy her food, it costs her a shot at 50Gs. Another one sent home.

Garrett gets right to it, almost like he’s angry. Like the others, he too runs out of time and quits with about 7 seconds and most of the spinal cord and spleen left.

Olivia tries to back up the trash talk, but she looks worried already. She’s getting emotional before she even starts. She goes right to it though, like she hasn’t eaten in weeks. The madwoman finishes every last bit with 30 seconds to spare.

It’s on to the finals for Rob and Olivia, and they arrive at the foot of a building for the last stunt:

Capture the flag
A platform is suspended off the side of a building 12 stories high. It will drop from floor to floor in approximately 5 second intervals. There are 3 flags on each floor (1 at both ends and 1 in the middle), and the contestant that grabs the most before reaching the bottom or falling off will win.

Rob wins the coin toss and surprisingly decides to go first. That may come back to haunt him. He gets hooked up and gets into position. 3-2-1-GO! He starts off pretty solid, grabbing 2 right away. The contraption drops, causing him to lose his balance a little and miss a flag. He manages to catch himself, and grab 3 more to finish with 5 before falling.

Olivia must now walk the walk. She has a good strategy, she’s going to grab 1 from the middle, move to one side, and grab them all the way down that side for a winning total of 6. Rob now ponders his decision to go first. She gets the countdown and takes off, grabbing the first flag and moving to the side. She plays her strategy all the way to 5, and then slides back to the middle to grab #6 before falling backwards off the platform.

Maybe you should’ve thought about things a little more Rob, because Olivia is your Fear Factor champion.

Next week: A “SUPERSIZED” 90 minute, 4 stunt episode!

To contact the author, send mail to jr@fansofrealitytv.com