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Welcome, hamster watchers! Tonight we’ll see the aftermath of the nominations from the premiere episode, and it won’t be pretty. Claws are being sharpened, phony alliances made, plotting and scheming all around – typical Big Brother fare. If you caught the premiere show (and I know you did), then you know that one of the “twists” this year is dual Heads of Household: Janelle and Jase won the coveted spots, and promptly put Alison and Danielle up for eviction.
Misery Loves Company
We start the show off with Danielle and Alison commiserating about being nominated. A shocked Danielle tells us over and over and over that she has never been nominated (how dare they?!), and she isn’t happy about the situation but will let Alison and her big mouth sink herself. Alison snarls that she will inflict pure misery on Janelle for putting her up. Woman, living with you is probably more than enough misery. Wanting to know exactly why they were nominated, the duo marches up to Jase and Janelle to ask. Janelle explains that they were originally going to put Chicken George up, but after so many people came back to her with news of their scheming, they decided to nominate the two of them instead. Of course, they both deny it. As soon as Alison leaves, Danielle tells them that she’s not with Ali, she just threw an idea out there and Ali is the one that ran with it. Alison soon comes running when Dani leaves and wails that she’s been set up, she did Dani’s dirty work for her, and she's not going to lie this year. *snort* Neither Janelle nor Jase are buying their stories, as Jase sits on the bed with a skeptical smirk on his face. They’re not stupid.
Dumb and Dumber
Our comedy relief this season looks to be from Will and Howie. These two have some kind of love/hate thing going on, with non-stop snarking and plentiful one-liners. Will exclaims that he and Howie have one thing in common – “We’re both in love with me!” It seems that Howie has become Will’s in-house stalker, constantly making comments on his Caspar-like appearance and trying to touch him in disturbing ways. Too bad Will can’t get an in-house restraining order. But doctor Will has a plan, as always: he’s being chummy with Howie in hopes of drawing him to his side, or at least to gain some information. I’m sure Will has ways to make to make Howie talk. *ahem* Will tells Howie that "This is an enlightening relationship for me, too. I've never had a retarded friend." Howie looks confused. I laugh. I'm really hoping that he's just playing dumb, or his alliance is doomed. Then again, I remember last year....
Howie has some competition in the doofus department, though, as Chicken George gets called to the diary room and drags his butt up the stairs in no particular hurry. I’d hate to see this guy during a fire alarm. The others watch in amusement as George opens doors upstairs in vain, looking for the right room. James stops laughing long enough to show the poor guy where the diary room really is. Maybe if ol’ George got some more sleep he could find his way around, but Will tells us that George snores like a 400 lb. baby hippo, keeping half the house awake at night. Not that I know what a baby hippo snores like, but George is pretty damn loud. At least a 5.0 on the Richter scale, if the shaking of my speakers while watching live feeds is any indication.
Fun and frivolity rule the day, as the bored hamsters make a slip n’ slide in the back yard out of trash bags. Howie says it has to be special, since it’s an All-Stars slip n’ slide, so they slime it up with everything they can get their hands on: cooking oil, shaving cream, and dish soap. On goes the water, and down go the guys. Looks like the women have smartly sat this one out. Howie shows up in a silly trash bag/space suit outfit (now there’s a surprise), and they take turns sliding down the bags. Kaysar slams into the fence, and then someone gets the bright idea to make a Howie/George sandwich and fling them down the slide. Trust me, it was a disturbing sight. So much so that a disgusted-looking Marcellas exclaimed “The very idea of George mounting Howie almost made me straight!”
Is That a Veto In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
It’s back to business as the veto competition begins. A little Wheel of Fortune is set up with the houseguest’s names on it, and Alison and Danielle must spin it to randomly choose two people to play for the veto. Alison gets Kaysar’s name, and Danielle lands on George. George is not pleased. Mike Boogie (I hate that nickname) is chosen to be the host, and the games get underway. Janelle and Jase announce that it will be a diving competition, and Danielle pouts “I’m not Greg Louganis!” Ah, but it’s not water they’ll be diving in: it’s trash. Yep, Big Brother has dumped six season’s worth of leftover garbage in the backyard, and the competitors must find six veto symbols hidden in the junk. The first to place their six symbols on their tray wins the veto. The stench is overwhelming, as Jase snarks that there’s more garbage out there than there is in Nakomis’ back yard, and more rats than Diane’s trailer. Ouch. Now there’s the old Jase we remember.
The competition begins, but not before the players get prepared: each person gets a trashcan full of mud, fish chum, iced clam sundaes, nasty drain water, and PB&J sandwiches dumped on them. Yummy. Danielle looks ready to throw up, but George seems to enjoy it. I wonder about George sometimes. They start digging in the muck, and Danielle finds the first symbol. Kaysar finds two, then Janelle gets one. Will takes it upon himself to narrate, calling Janelle a “hottie cocktail” while she’s in a huge cup, and telling George he’s just playing dirt hockey as he flaps around, stirring up piles of dust. Eventually, Janelle finds her six veto symbols and wins the game, much to Alison’s chagrin. If looks could kill. Jase says he “let” Janelle win so the heat will be on her. If you say so, Jase. For somebody who wore little white leave-nothing-to-the-imagination shorts during the comp, you sure don’t seem too worried about drawing attention.
Going, Going, Gone
Dejected by her loss in the veto competition, Alison tells Danielle that she’s a goner for sure. Janelle tells Jase that she knows that Alison is pissed, and is a little afraid of her. I'd keep one eye open as I slept if I were Janelle. Ali looked madder than a wet cat after the veto competition. Howie and Will wander into the room, and Will tries to stir the pot as he loves to do, attempting to cast doubt on James. Worried, Janelle and Jase talk to James, and Janelle seems to trust the guy. Jase, I think he knows better. Don’t these people ever learn? James suggests that they take Danielle off and put Will in her place to ensure Alison’s boot, and Janelle seriously considers the idea. Alison is very capable of winning HOH if she stays (spelling doom for Janelle) but Danielle could possibly be turned into an ally if she stays. The veto ceremony is held, and the two nominees give the usual speeches: Alison respects whatever decision Janelle makes (yeah, right), and Danielle would like another chance. Well, duh. Janelle decides not to use the veto, and the ceremony is adjourned. So much for that.
So - will Alison's plan work, and will she get her revenge on Janelle? Will Howie ever get a clue? And will we have to put out an Amber Alert for Erika, Diane, and Nakomis? Are they even in the house? Tune in Thursday to find out. See you then!
Thank you, Jase. Thank you.....email@example.com