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After two whole hours of So You Think You Can Dance last night, you’d think that was enough. You’d think. No deal. Now we have an hour-long results show….all for our host Cat Deeley to say, “Okay, you and you are out of here.” As you know from waywyrd’s fab recap, nine couples performed this week. Tonight, two more dancers will go home. Who’s out of here? Let’s find out!

Stuff You Already Know
What’s a cheesy talent show without a group number? This week, the dancers get down to James Brown’s "Get Up Offa That Thing" in a very hip-hoppy, semi-street dancing number. It’s probably nice for some dancers to get to dance with other partners *coughDmitrycough* even if it’s only for one little number. The audience, of course, eats it up and Cat Deeley tells us that the number was choreographed by Dan Karaty. He smiles from the audience like the Cheshire Cat.

And that’s the end of the original portion of the show for the next little while. It’s now time for lots of recapping (and not by me) and rehashing…..and more than a dash of cliché. It’s a master class in filler.

Cat tells us that millions voted last night and America has made its decision. Now the judges have a tough job ahead of them. First, each dancer in the bottom three couples will perform a solo. Then, the judges will be choosing one guy and one girl to go home tonight. Nigel tells us that this is tough because no matter who gets cut, fans will be disappointed.

This next part seemed to drag on forever. Basically, we get a Reader’s Digest version of last night’s show, with a little extra footage thrown in so that the really stupid people won’t notice that 99.9% of this is what we saw last night. New footage shows us what some of the dancers look like before they hit the makeup chair and gives us some insight into the dynamic between Joy and Dmitry. We learn that Joy doesn’t like to practice and Dmitry is just annoyed with her. In an interview done right before last night’s performance, Joy tells us that her performing secret is to just smile. So much for working on technique or skill.

Some More Stuff You Already Know
Let’s get down to it and announce the bottom three! All of the couples line up to hear Cat give the news. The couples come to center stage three at a time. The first three: Jennifer and Jaymz *rolls eyes* (seriously, what’s with the Y-M-Z?), Ben and Ashley and Joy and Dmitry. To increase the drama, the lights are dimmed. Oooooooo! American Idol-style, Cat gives each couple a reminder of what the judges thought of their performance last night. The verdict: Joy and Dmitry are in the bottom three, while the other two couples are safe. I blame Joy.

The next three couples: Martha and Travis, Donyelle and Benji and Natalie and Musa. After a rehashing of the judges’ opinions last night, Cat reveals that all three couples are safe this week. I, for one, am relieved. I couldn’t imagine which couple of these three would have been in the bottom three. In my opinion, they were among the strongest last night.

Now we’re down to the final three pairs, two of which will be going into the bottom three tonight: Aleksandra and Jason, Heidi and Ryan and Allison and Ivan. Again we hear the judges’ opinions and Cat quickly breaks the news that only Allison and Ivan are safe this week.

The Studly Art of Diplomacy
The bottom three couples come to center stage and Cat has a little talk with the judges. Last night, Shane was all about Heidi and Ryan, saying that they were the couple to beat. Does he feel that way tonight? Yeah, not so much. It seems that Shane had a chance to watch the tape of last night’s performances and he’s revised his opinion. While Heidi and Ryan were good, they weren’t quite at the level of the other pairs. Mia adds that the challenge of having to act a part while dancing may have raised the level of difficulty for Heidi and Ryan. Dmitry is asked if the little spat he and Joy had before last night’s performance affected the performance. Rather than taking that opportunity to slam Joy, Dmitry diplomatically says that all dancers go through stress when taken out of their comfort zones. I love him.

Dance! Dance, You Fools!
Now it’s time for each of the dancers to perform a 30 second solo in a kind of “Dance for Your Life” kind of thing.

Joy is up first. Wearing a bikini top and what looks like a beach sarong, Joy performs a kind of a lyrical contemporary thing. As they will do with the other dancers, the audience counts down the seconds and then the music stops. Apparently, Joy was very nervous last week. Cat asks her about her nerves this week. Joy, who really annoys me now, says that a friend told her to savor this great experience and that she shouldn’t be nervous. Was she still nervous this week? Yes. Great advice, Joy’s friend.

Dmitry takes the stage next and I feel certain he’s happy to dance without an inferior partner dragging him down. He’s a fashion forward kind of guy, our Dmitry. Tonight, he’s wearing sort of a sword master/bullfighter ensemble. He’s a great dancer and he could do anything and get through to the next round. I mean, we all know why he’s in the bottom three right now. BUT – I’m not really all that impressed with the routine. Ah well, what do I know? Dmitry gets another chance to practice his diplomatic skills as Cat asks him another question about Joy. Does Dmitry feel like Joy let him down last night? My crush on Dmitry deepens when he says that no, she didn’t let him down. She did great and much better than she did in rehearsal. She didn’t let him down: the way they each approach their partnership is what let them down.

Heidi, wearing a stereotypical professional ballroom dancer outfit and doing a little Latin flavored thing, is a completely different dancer from last night. You can tell she’s in her element. When she finishes, I’m amazed the top of her costume made it through the whole number in place. Cat asks her about performing solo when, as a ballroom dancer, she normally dances with a partner. Heidi, hands shaking, calls the solo an “awesome opportunity” because she can connect with the audience and the camera without worrying about a partner.

Performing a lyrical routine, Ryan shows his superior technique. I mean, I love Musa, but Ryan has the technique. He just has beautiful feet and great extension. Cat asks Ryan if he feels like he deserves to be in the bottom three. Ryan goes all touchy feely, saying that everything happens for a reason. He thought his solo tonight was a little shaky, but he’s still happy with what he did.

Aleksandra’s up next in black boy shorts and a black button down. She performs a contemporary number that feels very much like she’s making it up as she goes along. Cat asks Aleks how she feels it went. Aleks admits that she was very nervous and that the solo wasn’t the best. Was it good to be able to dance in her own style after having to dance hip hop last night? Aleks squeaks out a “yes,” but really, she seems too nervous to say much else.

The final solo tonight comes from Jason, who performs a kind of hip-hoppy, jazz dance. He’s good, but it feels kind of scattered and uncohesive, like he can’t decide which style to dance in. Cat asks Jason if he made his entrance up. Jason says something about wanting it to be BIG. Is he feeling confident about staying tonight? More rambling about how there’s no way to tell what the show brings. Really, he lost me there.

You ARE the Weakest Link! Goodbye
All the dancers have performed and now it’s up to the judges. Cat sends Nigel, Mia and Shane backstage to make their decisions. This means that, unlike me they did not have to sit through a performance by Rihanna, performing her “hit” entitled “SOS.” I have no idea who this girl is but, really, if you’re going to sample a song as classic as Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love,” you’d better kick ass. Rihanna did not kick ass. I muted it after about 30 seconds. She shouldn’t even bother trying to dance on this show. It’s just embarrassing. Also embarrassing: the weird little red gloves. It’s very 1987.

It’s time for yet another protracted segment before we actually get any real information. The girls are up first. Heidi, Joy and Aleks step forward and we watch tape of their solos …just in case we forgot them from twenty minutes ago. Nigel will announce the judges’ decision.

Heidi: Nigel says that she is fantastic in ballroom dance. Last night, she gave fake a performance, but she made up for it tonight. She’ll do well if she can bring that quality to other styles. This is the first time it was obvious that she’s related to Benji. Heidi is safe this week.

Joy: Nigel reminds Joy that the judges have spoken about her for the last few weeks. Mia has always felt that Joy was incomplete as a dancer. Nigel says that she is good at a number of styles, but not great at any of them. She needs to get out and learn more.

Aleksandra: Nigel says that Aleksandra’s performance tonight was pitiful, angst-ridden and had no substance. He mentions the fact that, when Cat asked how nervous she was, Aleks couldn’t articulate an answer. Her solo was the same way. The judges were disappointed with her performance tonight, but Aleks is staying.

Joy is out. Dmitry suppresses his elation. Now we get to watch the Film of Loserdom, highlighting Joy’s journey on the show. Whatever. Next!

Now it’s time for the guys. Of course, again we watch footage of the solos they just did. Nigel gives the judges’ decisions.

Dmitry: Nigel compliments Dmitry on his answer to Cat’s question about whether he was disappointed in Joy. He should become a politician if the dancing thing doesn’t work out. The judges thought Dmitry was superb last night and tonight was well. In fact, Mia likens him to Greek god (and I agree). To his credit, Dmitry has the sense to look slightly embarrassed at all the flattery. As if you had any doubt, he’s through to next week.

Ryan: Nigel says that there seems to be a wall between Ryan and the audience. He is a superb dancer and technician, but he’s somehow not touching them when he dances. None of the judges put Ryan in their bottom three: America did that.

Jason: Last week, Mary Murphy said Jason was a floodlight from Heaven, but Nigel says that light wasn’t on tonight. He says that Jason lost his personality tonight. While Jason is a good mover, the judges had to compare all three of the guys and that wasn’t an easy job. Jason will be going home tonight.

Again with the journey video and blah blah blah. Buh bye.

Because Aleksandra and Dmitry lost their partners this week, they will be pairing up for next week’s show. Aleks doesn’t look all that pleased with this news. Dmitry seems happy. Of course, anything would be an improvement from Joy.

I'm off to my krumping class...Critical@fansofrealitytv.com