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Welcome back, dear readers! If you watched last week's results show, you know about the semi-surprising boot of Stanislav and Erin. Lots of people figured Ivan was sure to go, but it wasn't to be. This week? Who knows. It's up to the voters and this week's judges: Nigel, Shane, and Mia. Yep, no Mary. My ears are grateful. This week's show starts out like always - a big group dance, introducing the remaining contestants, and a totally unnecessary recap of some of the judge's most memorable auditions. Once again, we get to see barf girl, the gender-confused guy, and the goofball who wanted to go by the stage name "Sex." Not even close, honey. You're about as sexy as a wet sock. Out comes Cat, clad in a little bohemian dress with a scary-looking swan on the front. Cute dress, strange fabric. She introduces Hawk, who is hopefully working on that work permit so he can do this the right way next time. Hawk and his Sickstep Crew give a quick performance to get the show started, and I thankfully forget about puking girls and get in the mood to see some dancing.
Release Your Inner Primate
Up first are Martha and Travis, and they open their envelope to find out their dance du jour – it’s the Krump. Or is that Crump? Either way, it’s the first time for this particular style to be done on this show, and the dancing duo seems excited to try it out. The routine is very high-energy and “animalistic” according to Martha, while Travis says it’s very King Kong, and his inner monkey has been released. Calm down there, Travis. They perform to “Clap Back” by Ja Rule, and while it’s not my favorite style to watch, they get the jerky, jumpy choreography down pretty well.
Shane – I loved Travis. Martha, not so much.
Mia – Dirty, raw, and ugly – absolutely perfect!
Nigel – It was good. (Here’s where he gets up and does a quick version of how he interprets the Krump. It’s not a pretty sight, trust me.)
Jessica and Jaymz are next, and they get the American Foxtrot. Having been in the bottom three last week, they don’t seem overly thrilled with this pick but put their all into practicing it. Well, I’m assuming they do, since Artem has made an appearance to help Mary teach, and I totally lose track of what’s going on with the routine. *ahem* But Artem is only on for about five milliseconds, and it’s back to business. Mary tells us that Jaymz has a "Mr. Cool" persona, and Jessica says she is getting better at shaking her booty. Jess and Jaymz (I really hate spelling it like that) perform to “Why Don’t You Do Right” in some really snazzy outfits, and while the dance isn’t terribly exciting, I think they look gorgeous on the floor.
Shane – It was perfect! Nothing negative to say.
Mia – Really mature and slick. You had fantastic lines.
Nigel – You make a beautiful couple. Not sure if this was the routine to get you out of the bottom three, however.
Ivan and Allison, another bottom three couple from last week, are up next with a hip-hop routine done by Olisa and Cicely. There's lots of talk about "flava" and style, and how Allison has none. Poor girl - the choreographers seem less than impressed with her at first. Ivan naturally picked up on it, but contemporary jazz dancer Allison took a while to get the hang of it. Ivan says they came in as a couple of goofy white kids, but they've got it now. Ivan, I still think you're a goofy white kid. Dancing to “Touch It” by Busta Rhymes, it was an okay performance in my eyes.
Shane – It was good. Ya'll got the perfect choreographers - they brought it out of both of you.
Mia – I'm going to disagree. You needed more fireworks!
Nigel – Ivan is a natural. It was a really good job.
The next couple is Dmitri and Joy with the Samba, which is right up Dmitri’s alley. Unfortunately, Joy is new to this style and it shows. She flounders in practice while Dmitri floats around the floor, and their performance to “Mas Que Nada” follows suit. Joy looks nervous the entire time, but maybe that’s because of her tiny yellow dress – it barely covers a thing! Dmitri nails it, looking hot in a tight black suit.
Shane – Joy, your nervous smile killed it for me. Dmitri – you smashed it!
Mia – Good thing you’re beautiful, Joy, because that was dreadful. I don’t think you’re ready for this competition. Dmitri, you’re fabulous.
Nigel – I agree with Mia. Dmitri, I don’t know if you’ve been helping Joy as well as you could.
Couple number five is crowd favorite Natalie and Musa, who open their envelope to find that they will be doing a contemporary dance. Natalie is a natural at this, but Musa has had no formal training and has to work hard to get the form down. It doesn’t help that he keeps dropping his partner, either. Better not let Ryan see that, Musa. They perform to “Closer” and it seems a little odd to me, sort of disconnected. Maybe it's just this style of dance. The judges didn’t agree with me, however. Oh, and they were barefoot once again. (Don’t these people like shoes?)
Shane – It was a wonderful routine. Musa, you were a little shaky at times, but you did your thing.
Mia – Your chemistry is amazing! Musa, you embraced and achieved it. Loved it.
Nigel – Your feel for the music and each other is beautiful.
Heidi and Ryan are next, and they get stuck with a pop dance. I (and the dancers) have no idea what a pop dance is supposed to be, but they explain that it’s sort of like music video dancing. Oh, goody. Lame Britney Spears videos come to mind as we watch Ryan apologize for dissing Heidi last week, when he was pouting that he wanted Natalie as a partner instead. Perhaps not by accident, Heidi pops him in the face during practice. Yeah, I’m sure she didn’t feel too badly about that. They perform to “Walk Away” and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I’m not thrilled with it, but they had some good moves at the end. Heidi’s non-stop goofy grin still distracts me, though. So did the bad 80's pageant-girl hair.
Shane – To me, ya’ll just became the group to beat. Hot! (Was he watching the same thing I was?)
Mia – It was…cute. Heidi, you’re not grounded. You need more strength. Ryan, you’re like a stallion!
Nigel – Mia’s right. I didn't believe in you. Neither of you looked right.
Mop-headed Ben and Ashlee are next, and we get another 2-second shot of Artem! Woo! Oh, and Mary, too. Anyway, this pair have drawn the American Jive as their dance, a fast style with lots of kicking and high-energy moves. Ben and Ashlee are nervous because they're not familiar with this dance, and Mary wonders if they have the stamina for this one. During practice, Ben whacks the family jewels as he tries a jump over Ashlee’s head. Ouch. Ironically, they perform to “Great Balls of Fire” (ha!) and while they started out pretty well, I felt like they ran out of steam at the end. There were some cute moves, but I still feel the need to give Ben a haircut whenever I see him. The Beatles thing was over years ago, dude.
Shane – I didn’t like this dance style. It felt like I was watching two five year-olds.
Mia – Ashlee, you did a good job for having no training. Ben, you were great too.
Nigel – It’s not your fault you pulled this dance – but you have improved as a couple.
Couple number eight tonight is Jason and Aleksandra. They pull a hip-hop routine choreographed by the two women from earlier. Maybe it’s just me, but those two are getting on my nerves a bit. Supposedly Alex knows some “new school” hip-hop, but knows nothing of the “old school.” Don’t ask me what the difference is. After watching their performance to “Wrath of Kane,” I’m thinking she needs to go back to any school, new or old. Alex tries her best, but she’s out of her element and really isn’t good at this style. Okay, she sucks. Jason is a natural, though.
Shane – You dance like a white girl. Jason, you were great.
Mia – Jason, I got what I expected out of you. Alex – you must have prayed to the funk god. You got it! (I’m really confused at this point, and wonder if I’m watching the same show.)
Nigel – Jason, you were great. Alex, if it’s about flavor, it’s like tofu.
Ending the show with a bang tonight is oddball couple Benji and Donyelle, who pick the cha-cha. This will give Benji all the opportunity he wants to make silly faces, and he spends much of the practice time clowning around and trying to ease Donyelle’s worries about learning the moves. They perform to “Cuchi-Cuchi,” and Donyelle looks gorgeous in a flowing lavender dress. They seem to have a blast with the energetic routine and the crowd cheers wildly, taking a minute to quiet down so we can hear the judges.
Shane – That’s what’s up! Best performance of the night!
Mia – You are probably the most unlikely couple ever, but it was amazing.
Nigel – You just beat Martha and Travis. (Here’s where Nigel asks Donyelle about her weight issues, and I cringe – but he was positive about it, telling her she is an inspiration to other girls. *whew* I was afraid that would get ugly. Honestly, I don't think she's big at all.)
And we're through for tonight! Cat implores everyone to call in and vote, or she might pop someone with those gigantic rings on her hand. Not really, but those suckers look like they could really do some damage. So - who will be on the chopping block? Who will get gonged and be sent home? Will someone finally give Natalie and Musa some shoes? Tune in next time to find out....
Getting a petition together to replace Mary with Artem....email@example.com